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[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/simmons/040123.html

Excerpts on topics recently discussed on the FB:'



I turned on Isiah during his prime, when his frozen smile disguised a cheapshot artist and poor sport, not to mention he was the ringleader of those physical Pistons teams that almost ruined basketball. He was nearly exposed after blaspheming the Basketball Jesus ("If Bird were black ... "), but it was only when he and his loser teammates stormed off against MJ's Bulls that we saw the real Isiah. And you wonder why they left him off the Dream Team. Since then he's burned bridges in Detroit and Toronto, struggled famously as a talking head, destroyed the CBA and stumbled comically as Indiana's coach. Now we get to watch him screw up the Knicks, which obviously isn't a bad thing. I just want to know why he keeps getting chances. Shouldn't you have to display some degree of competence to land six high-profile jobs in less than a decade? When he's running for president in 2008, don't say I didn't warn you.


Then there's [Pete] Rose: hypocrite, serial liar, degenerate gambler. He finally admitted betting on baseball, but only to hawk his book and weasel his way into Cooperstown. Yes, I was lying for the past 14 years, but I feel sorry now, and oh, by the way, can I be in the Hall? How can we let him profit off this crap? Shouldn't the Son of Sam laws apply here? If it were up to me, I'd put him in the Hall -- in the basement, next to the furnace, with a plaque that lists all the indefensible things he did. What a slime.

But the ultimate con man is Clemens. He's now skipped town three times: once for money, once for a ring and once because he fell in love with Andy Pettitte. Sox fans were outraged after Clemens said he'd play only in Boston or Texas, then signed in Canada for a few extra bucks, muttering a few stilted words of thanks on his way out. Toronto fans were outraged when Clemens' agents brokered an iffy trade to Gotham. And Yankee fans were outraged because they'd resisted Clemens for years, finally accepting him after he fondled Babe Ruth's statue enough times. God, what a phony. As soon as they bought into his "I want to retire as a Yankee" rhetoric, he reamed them. Instead of a farewell tour, they got "Farewell, suckers!"