Quote:
Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
I know someone. He has maintained at least for as long as I've known him that he does not desire any children. I have known him a long time.
His wife knew that he had no deisre for children when she married him 10 years ago. About 2 years ago, she approached him and said that she wanted to have a baby and if he wouldn't comply, she'd leave him. He asked her to give him 3 months to think about it.
She got pregnant during those 3 months. And had a baby.
Their marriage is over.
It is fair to change your mind. It is not fair to impose your will on people you love, or to saddle a child with the future fucked-up-ness of having a father who neither wanted nor wants you.
This is one of the saddest stories I have heard.
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Based on what you've related (and no idea if it's true with them, but this post is about the general, not the specific), this sounds to me like this woman thought she could change her fiance/husband. This is a long-standing trope in western culture, and women are successful at it often enough to reinforce it. I think it's repugnant, and leads to a lot of women making bad choices. Maybe it's part of a rationalization process that the brain undertakes in order to (a) assauge the primal fear of ending up alone; and (b) deny/conceal from themself that the reason they're going to marry someone wrong for them is (a).
By the time intelligent people hit marriage age (25?), they should (and deep down, they do) know whether they want children or not, or they at least know that they haven't made up their mind. I think that it's ok to change one's mind on this around age 14-20, but by 25 you should be ready to commit to breed or not breed, or at least know that you're not certain. And you should pair up accordingly.
The whole "when i got married, I knew I didn't want children, and now I know the opposite" thing is, in a word, bullshit. Adults don't pull 180 degree turns about their most fundamental beliefs of who they are. At least, not without major life-altering experiences.
