Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
All sorts of stuff
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I have been to many places, including San Francisco. I have been to San Francisco many times. I am uncertain what that has to do with anything.
I do not doubt your word that you have seen or been asked out by women who are aggressive and unafraid to make their intentions known, regardless of being certain of someone's sexuality. I have no problem believing this is more common in certain parts of the country. It is much less risky to ask a person out in San Francisco, if they aren't gay, they still aren't likely to be offended.
However, most of the country is not San Francisco, and most people are not quite so confident, even in San Francisco. You know how a lot of people are too shy to ask someone of the opposite sex out? Gay people are shy of asking each other out for the same reasons. They are even more concerned about mistakenly asking out a straight person.
Sometimes straight people can react very very strongly. By strongly I mean they can get offended. They can yell. They can hit you. They can get their boyfriends to try to rape you. They can shoot you. Common? Well offense is common, at least around here, so is yelling. The rest, not so much, but it is a real risk you have to keep in the back of your mind.
Of course, if you are closeted (which was the issue on the L Word as it would happen,) you don't dare ask anything that will suggest that you are gay. The ramifications of being outed for some people are much too great. Say for example you are in the military. It would be incredibly stupid to ask some random woman out or to hint that you are gay to her.
As far as my friend, it is actually pretty straight forward (pardon the pun.) She is afraid if she just asks her friend if she is gay or if she just asks her out, that the friend will turn out not to be gay and will be upset at being asked if she is. She is afraid this will cause an awkwardness to develop between them, costing her her friend. She doesn't want to lose her friend. So she wants to be sure she is gay first.
I wish it was as simple as you suggest. But your experience, dare I say, is limited, and it is not coloured from a lesbian's point of view. A point of view that is much more aware of the risks of asking the wrong person the wrong question. Some of this is paranoia that comes from years of internal and external homophobia. Some is painful realism.
