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[pretermitted_child]

It's The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator!

Just look at how easily it parses and digests serious-looking text into a form that any 12-year-old can understand!

I translated item #13 of this site's TOS:

Leagl Sounding All Serious and Grown-Up:

13. TERMINATION

You agree that the Site may, under certain circumstances and without prior notice, immediately terminate your Site account, any associated email and private mail address, and access to the Service. Cause for such termination shall include, but not be limited to, (a) breaches or violations of the TOS or other incorporated agreements or guidelines, (b) requests by law enforcement or other government agencies, (c) a request by you (self-initiated account deletions), (d) discontinuance or material modification to the Service (or any part thereof), (e) unexpected technical issues or problems, and (f) extended periods of inactivity. Termination of your Site account includes (a) removal of access to all offerings within the Service, (b) deletion of your password and all related information, files and content associated with or inside your account (or any part thereof), and (c) barring further use of the Service. Further, you agree that all terminations for cause shall be made in the Site's sole discretion and that the Site shall not be liable to you or any third-party for any termination of your account, any associated email or private mail address, or access to the Service.


Translated into 12-Year-Old-AOLese:

13!!!!!!1! OMG WTF TERMINATION

U AGRE TAHT TEH SIET MAY UND3R C3RTANE CIRCUMSTANCES AND WITHOUT PRIOR NOTIEC IMADIAETLY T3RMINAET UR SIET ACOUNT ANY ASOCIAETD AMALE AND PRIVAET MALE ADR3S AND ACES 2 DA SERVIEC11!1! WTF LOL CAUSA FOR SUCH T3RMINATION SHAL INCLUDA BUT NOT B LIMIETD 2 (A) BR3ACH3S OR VIOLATIONS OF TEH 2S OR OTHAR INCORPORAETD AGREMANTS OR GUIEDLIENS (B) REQUESTS BY LAW 3NFORCEM3NT OR OTHER GOV3RNMENT AEGNCEIS (C) A R3QU3ST BY U (SELF-INITIAETD ACOUNT D3L3TIONS) (D) DISCONTINUANCE OR M8RIAL MODIFICATION 2 DA SERVIEC (OR ANY PART THEIR (A) UNEXPECT3D TECHNICAL ISUAS OR PROBLAMS AND (F) 3XTENDED PERIODS OF INACTIVITY!1!!!!!1 OMG WTF LOL TERMINATION OF UR SIET ACOUNT INCLUDES (A) REMOVAL OF ACAS 2 AL OFERNGS WITHIN DA SERVIEC (B) D3LATION OF UR PASWORD AND AL RELAETD INFORMATION FIELS AND CONT3NT ASOCIAETD WIT OR INSIED UR ACOUNT (OR ANY PART THEIR AND (C) BARNG FURTH3R US3 OF TEH S3RVIEC1!!1!! FURTHER U AGRE TAHT AL TERMINATIONS FOR CAUSA SHAL B MAED IN DA SIETS SOLE DISCRATION AND TAHT TEH SIET SHAL NOT B LIABLA 2 U OR ANY THIRD-PARTY FOR ANY TARMINATION OF UR ACOUNT ANY ASOCIAETD 3MALE OR PRIVAET MALE ADRAS OR ACES 2 TEH SERVIEC!!!1!!11 WTF