Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower
Would you fucking stop talking about tending your own garden. As if it putting some Voltairian gloss on your nakedly self-absorbed sociopathic assholery elevates it to some sort of noble philosophy. Can anyone imagine being friends with someone like that?
[The scene: A soulless McMansion in the Philadelphia suburbs]
Sebastian: Good to see you, my man. But is that a spread collar you're wearing?
Suburban Douchebag 1: Yes, I've been a bit down on my luck. Any chance I could trouble you for a shirt with a less out-dated collar?
Sebastian: Sorry, dude, I'd like to help, but actually, I wouldn't like to help. I'm tending my own garden these days.
Suburban Douchebag 2: That's what she said!
Suburban Douchebag 1 [disappointed]: Ah, o.k., I understand . . . Candide.
Suburban Douchebag 2: Buck up, bro-dawg, the non-duty of empathy is a two-way street!
All [raising their Michelob Ultras into the air]: No duty of empathy!!
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Hipster Bro: Good to see you, Flo. Are those mens' yoga pants?
PLF: Can you see through them?
HB: You're hung like a thimble.
PLF: Duuuude...
HB: Shhhhh. I'm responding to someone who said he thinks the anti-Trump rally last week was a waste of time.
PLF: We wore matching vests for that! I made a sign!
HB: He called us slacktivists!
PLF: I carried seven lattes on my bike to that rally! I curated a Facebook page about it... Two hundred likes! Fuck him!
HB: Troglodyte. He also hates Melt Banana.
PLF: I'm raging, dude. When I get back home, I am so going to write a really extended post on FB shaming him for not being as aware and incensed as we all need to be. I'm going to link it on Twitter, and I'm totally telling my distribution list, and IG feed.
HB: Do you Snap?
PLF: I don't send dick pics.
HB: That's wise of you.
PLF: Fuck you.
HB: This guy says it's all "hot air" except for what we do on voting day.
PLF: What about awareness!
HB: Exactly. All the people in this feed who all agree would never be able to agree together if we didn't all keep each other aware of just how much we agree.
PLF: Vigilance, bro.
HB: Indeed. Carpal tunnel syndrome is a small price to pay for progress. Fifty likes already!
