Lamest k race win ever - Page 164

Adder · 03-16-2011, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barely_legal

And he obviously knew that she was interested in an exclusive relationship with him.

Well, I knew she was interested in one eventually. Keep in mind that she told me she had dates lined up with three other guys.

Quote:

Adder, just out of curiousity, if, after you had sex with her, you found out that Woman A went on a date with another guy she met online and really liked him and was going to keep dating him and possibly start sleeping with him while she was also sleeping with you, would you have cared?

Probably. But that's not where we are here. I went on a date and said that I would like to be able to say that woman B was terrible but she wasn't. And that I would have to think about whether I wanted to go out with her again.

As has been said, I was screwed the moment I told A about the date with B. Because she was going to ask, and I wasn't going to lie to her.

And I'm still fine with her going on the dates she said she had scheduled until we agree to be exclusive. But if we haven't, then I going to ask B out again.

barely_legal · 03-16-2011, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adder

Second.

So, as I know everyone wants to be kept abreast, and because I want to do as much as possible to lower Thurgreed's opinion of me as much as possible, we are back on to get together tonight and discuss the situation.

Oh dear. If you are not prepared to tell her that you are ready to date her exclusively, or at least not sleep with anybody else, then I would not get together with her. How do you think this is going to go? Do you think you'll be all adult and say "I like you and I want to see where this goes, but in the meantime I want to date other people as well" and she's going to say "well, ok, as long as you explained it, that's cool"? This is not going to go well.

Adder · 03-16-2011, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barely_legal

DAnd if she told him about her future dates after the sex, then she was probably playing games to make him jealous and trying to get him to ask her to cancel the dates.

She initially told me about them pre-sex, but brought up one of them again yesterday, probably with the motives you suggest.

That really doesn't work on me as I don't really do jealousy.

Atticus Grinch · 03-16-2011, 03:01 PM

Grant Hill's response to the Fab Five in today' NYT actually made me feel a tiny little bit good about Duke and the quality of people it produces. I wonder how long this . . . wait . . . okay, never mind, that's more like it.

Adder · 03-16-2011, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barely_legal

Oh dear. If you are not prepared to tell her that you are ready to date her exclusively, or at least not sleep with anybody else, then I would not get together with her.

Yes, being prepared to say that was a pre-condition to the conversation. I'm okay with that.

barely_legal · 03-16-2011, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adder

She initially told me about them pre-sex, but brought up one of them again yesterday, probably with the motives you suggest.

That really doesn't work on me as I don't really do jealousy.

Then why are you getting together with her tonight? She's going to make you feel guilty, and she will succeed because you are a nice guy. And you might agree to be exclusive with her out of guilt (and bc you want to have sex tonight). Seriously, what are you hoping to accomplish by meeting up with her tonight?

ETA: If you really are going to agree tonight to be exclusive with Woman A, then I think I have to stop giving you advice now. Except to say that this is a bad idea and she is going to fuck with your head something awful before the relationship ends in a serious shitstorm that I look forward to reading about on the board in 6-8 weeks.

Atticus Grinch · 03-16-2011, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

whooooa, the guy is screwed up enough as it is- he didn't do anything wrong. you're going to make him ever more cautious than he is.

He went out with A once, and told her that he had a date scheduled with B (Adder answer my question- is B the woman from DC). then, before the date with B, A scheduled another date and they had sex.

Adder did what wrong?

he wasn't so starry eyed as to lie to himself or A that he didn't like B? I get that a may have been hoping that the sex would cause Adder to cancel the date with B, or to not really give B a chance, but that didn't happen. That was A's gamble wasn't it? If she felt that strongly she should have told adder she didn't want him to go on the date. But all Adder did is what he told her was going to do-

I agree with Hank. I propose that Adder commit to three months of letting Hank run his life -- kind of like The Opposite, with a little bit of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" Lifeline thrown in.

Adder · 03-16-2011, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barely_legal

ETA: If you really are going to agree tonight to be exclusive with Woman A, then I think I have to stop giving you advice now. Except to say that this is a bad idea and she is going to fuck with your head something awful before the relationship ends in a serious shitstorm that I look forward to reading about on the board in 6-8 weeks.

You are probably right.

ETA: Also, I should have said thank you. I appreciate the advice even if I'm not smart enough to take it.

Atticus Grinch · 03-16-2011, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall

You are the perfect lady-man. Once you've been with someone for a day, you're completely exclusive and wouldn't mind if your gf told her deepest secrets, thoughts, desires to some other dude who wants to fuck her, as long as she doesn't let him. I gotta admit, I don't understand where you're coming from 80% of the time.

At the moment I'm shooting the same FG% with my clients. Consistency is my hallmark.

greatwhitenorthchick · 03-16-2011, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barely_legal

Then why are you getting together with her tonight? She's going to make you feel guilty, and she will succeed because you are a nice guy. And you might agree to be exclusive with her out of guilt (and bc you want to have sex tonight). Seriously, what are you hoping to accomplish by meeting up with her tonight?

ETA: If you really are going to agree tonight to be exclusive with Woman A, then I think I have to stop giving you advice now. Except to say that this is a bad idea and she is going to fuck with your head something awful before the relationship ends in a serious shitstorm that I look forward to reading about on the board in 6-8 weeks.

I, too, look forward to the shitstorm. We are due for a shitstorm.

Cletus Miller · 03-16-2011, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atticus Grinch

Grant Hill's response to the Fab Five in today' NYT actually made me feel a tiny little bit good about Duke and the quality of people it produces. I wonder how long this . . . wait . . . okay, never mind, that's more like it.

I don't know if it's fair to tar Duke with Tucker; after all he only went there for LS, after becoming an almost fully-formed sociopath at the University of Chicago.

Cletus Miller · 03-16-2011, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greatwhitenorthchick

I, too, look forward to the shitstorm. We are due for a shitstorm.

After that one, is there any chance of getting Adder and Paigow to hook up?

Adder · 03-16-2011, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cletus Miller

After that one, is there any chance of getting Adder and Paigow to hook up?

No.

LessinSF · 03-16-2011, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greatwhitenorthchick

I, too, look forward to the shitstorm. We are due for a shitstorm.

True, ABBA and Sunny have gone soft.

ThurgreedMarshall · 03-16-2011, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barely_legal

Which means he needs to get comfortable talking about expectations of exclusivity before having sex. It's annoying and unsexy, but it's how online dating works.

I don't think this is right. It is no longer a common assumption that if you have sex with someone after a week, that you are exclusive from that point on. If you (woman or man) have that expectation, you need to make it clear before (or right after) having sex with them. You can't just walk around with that expectation, fuck guys and then be all hurt when you find out they might be seeing someone else. This is why Hank made a point of saying Adder did nothing wrong.

If Adder truly wants to be exclusive, he'll say so at the point when he feels that way. If the women he's seeing feel that way before him, it's incumbent on them to say something when they feel that way. They can't just assume that once they give it up it's understood.

TM