General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by Sexual Harassment Panda
Yes, I may be worrying too much. First and only kid. What can I say.

But mostly I was wondering - any suggestions how to transition LP to daycare?

My oldest was in daycare starting at 3 months. Even though he'd known his providers for almost his entire life to that point, separation anxiety began displaying itself at the ordinary time anyway. We got through it. BTW, Fringey is completely right that reappearance can restart the clock on crying --- because daycare was on my wife's worksite, if she so much as walked by the playground fence he'd start bawling.

The best you can do is not be overly possessive of the kid --- let em play and be held by people other than Mom and Dad as regularly as possible. Em may inevitably have separation anxiety, but there are things you can to do avert stranger anxiety, which is different. If the kid whinges when being held by someone else when Mom is in the room, you've got two problems to face instead of one.

Also, a kid at 15 months has only limited ways of expressing emotion, and you're hard-wired to think of crying as indicating a problem that needs to be solved because that's the way it works in infancy (sometimes). Now you need to think of crying as the way LP is solving em's own problem. Which doesn't mean you don't comfort, but it also doesn't mean you necessarily need to change the environment in which the crying started to stop the crying, as you did before.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
BTW, Fringey is completely right

What do I win?

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
What do I win?

A kid! Whoo-hoo!

The Not Bobette is on her way to you as we speak. With a note pinned to her sweater telling you her favorite foods, etc. She's past the whining and crying stage. Mostly.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Not Bob
A kid! Whoo-hoo!

The Not Bobette is on her way to you as we speak. With a note pinned to her sweater telling you her favorite foods, etc. She's past the whining and crying stage. Mostly.

Whoo hoo! Dinner! I will make a stew that incorporates her favorite foods. Because that's what she'd want, right?

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Whoo hoo! Dinner! I will make a stew that incorporates her favorite foods. Because that's what she'd want, right?

Damn. If you react this way to offers of a kid who is already toilet trained (and has pretty good taste in music), I pity the man who tries to give you a baby.

Substantive advice to SHP (because this isn't the FB, Not Bob!) -- we had kind of the same problem when our daughter started day care. The first few times were hard, but she eventually learned to associate the place with fun, and so didn't cry when we left. And like someone else pointed out, she only cried when we were actually present, and started to have fun after about 5 to 10 minutes of wailing.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Remember, I'm anti-bedshitting.

Alls I know is you're not so afraid of it to take your snazzy wifi-accessing, multimedia-serving powerbook into the can with you. You may fear the reaper, but not the crapper.

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Originally posted by Not Bob
Damn. If you react this way to offers of a kid who is already toilet trained (and has pretty good taste in music), I pity the man who tries to give you a baby.

Substantive advice to SHP (because this isn't the FB, Not Bob!) -- we had kind of the same problem when our daughter started day care. The first few times were hard, but she eventually learned to associate the place with fun, and so didn't cry when we left. And like someone else pointed out, she only cried when we were actually present, and started to have fun after about 5 to 10 minutes of wailing.

That's a relief. The idea of five to ten minutes of wailing is fine with me. It's the thought of her sitting crying for hours that's wigging us out.

Hmmm...maybe the problem isn't her, but her parents? Nah....

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Sexual Harassment Panda
That's a relief. The idea of five to ten minutes of wailing is fine with me. It's the thought of her sitting crying for hours that's wigging us out.

Hmmm...maybe the problem isn't her, but her parents? Nah....

They rarely cry for hours just because of separation. They may, at day care/with a sitter, occasionally do the inexplicable crying for hours that happens at home too, or be crying for hours because they are sick and overtired or whatever and something sets them off but the sick/tired is what keeps them going, but the separation thing is short. They make do with what they have. Quite philisophical of the little shits.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Remember, I'm anti-bedshitting,

Right. The same way Kerry was anti-terrorism. Flip flopper.

[Trepidation_Mom]

Someone sent me this for Mother's Day - enjoy.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...050701002.html

Call for Disaster Relief

Sunday, May 8, 2005; Page D02

Here is something special that everyone can do for mothers -- all mothers:

Stop telling them disaster stories.

How it came to be believed that Things Gone Hideously Wrong is the favorite genre of mothers, Miss Manners cannot say. But any lady who is so much as eligible for motherhood will find herself treated to this form of entertainment.

Potential mothers, a category no longer considered to be limited to married ladies, are a new target. Any lady without children is considered a suitable audience for stories about those who "waited too long" and underwent dreadful procedures.

In some of these tales, the lady never succeeds in becoming pregnant and, after using up all her money, energy and hope, faces a bitter and lonely old age. In others, she produces an abnormal child and uses up all her money, energy and hope in the unsuccessful effort to give that child a happy life. A third version has her producing a litter of so many children that she uses up . . . and so on.

Those who are already pregnant also get to hear deformed-child stories. But there is a new twist, in that the deformity becomes the result of ordinary behavior on the part of the mother, which is newly thought to be harmful. Other topics considered of interest to expectant mothers are horrific labor, stillbirths, weight that never comes off and fathers who go off.

"Your life will never be the same again" is the usual refrain.

True enough, but why is it said in a doleful, rather than congratulatory, tone?

When the baby is born, the mother is thought ready to hear stories about sudden infant death syndrome and common household arrangements that have taken on the ability to snuff out young lives. That serious birth defects may be imperceptible at this time is another favorite theme.

As the child develops, the mother will be asked if he or she has reached this or that stage of development -- here comes the ominous word -- "yet." It seems that everyone keeps a calendar of achievement.

Later, the focus of disaster stories moves to the outside world. Preschools are said to put vulnerable children through a selection process that leaves them and their parents psychological wrecks. Failure means that the child will never have enough skills to earn a living. Success means that his family will no longer have enough to live on. Using public schools means that between the drugs and the guns, he may not live anyway.

It gets even more exciting for the mothers of teenagers, who are told about car fatalities and sexually transmitted diseases and the impossibility of getting into college without already having a Nobel Prize and an Olympic trophy.

Miss Manners realizes that people say these things to mothers because they don't know what else to say. She recommends dropping the category of potential mother, saying "Congratulations" to expectant mothers, "How adorable!" to new mothers and, to the rest, "So -- how are the kids?"

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by Trepidation_Mom
Here is something special that everyone can do for mothers -- all mothers:

Stop telling them disaster stories.

Miss Manners realizes that people say these things to mothers because they don't know what else to say. She recommends dropping the category of potential mother, saying "Congratulations" to expectant mothers, "How adorable!" to new mothers and, to the rest, "So -- how are the kids?"

A certain poster who shall remain nameless, insists on asking me if the kids are still alive every time we PM. It's a little insulting, really. I mean, you forget one baby at the landromat, and suddenly you're an unfit dad. Jeez.

[OscarCrease]

(1) How many kids?
(2) Ages?
(3) How many times a week/month/year do you go out sans kids?
(4) How many times a week/month/year do you have sex?

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
A certain poster who shall remain nameless, insists on asking me if the kids are still alive every time we PM. It's a little insulting, really. I mean, you forget one baby at the landromat, and suddenly you're an unfit dad. Jeez.

Wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't left him in the dryer, but then, in that case you probably wouldn't have forgotten him either.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by Sexual Harassment Panda
Wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't left him in the dryer, but then, in that case you probably wouldn't have forgotten him either.

At least we got to skip the bath that night.

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by OscarCrease
(1) How many kids?
(2) Ages?
(3) How many times a week/month/year do you go out sans kids?
(4) How many times a week/month/year do you have sex?

One kid, age 4.5. One prospective kid, age -3 months.

We go out on a "date" (usually dinner for a birthday or anniversary) only a few times a year, plus a few more for grownups-only parties (which reminds me, I need to get a babysitter for a week from Saturday--thanks). If we had more kids, or a kid who was more of a hassle (ours plays nicely by himself, doesn't break things or whine, and goes to bed early), we'd probably go more often.

Frequency of sex has varied widely over the last year or two. Lots when we were trying to conceive on our own, very little during the whole IVF process, not much during morning sickness, then quite a bit more during the now-apparently-and-unfortunately-ended sex dreams phase (Thurgreed fondling my breasts was the least of it). Ask me again next year.

tm