General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[bill killer]

Ketchup (sorry for long silence; having an infant cuts into my keyboard time more than expected):

tmdiva: congrats & good luck!

TexLex: ditto! Man, you grow them big. I'm impressed you find the time to post with two.

Epi vs natural: I went in with an open mind figuring I'd go natural. (I've been told by at least two actual doctors that I have a high pain threshold.) After a few hours of vomiting with every contraction, they needed to IV me (this was at 4 or 5 cm), at which point I told them that as long as they were breaking out the needles, break 'em all out. Great decision, and I'm very happy with it. I was able to relax and just have a baby, instead of battling my insides.

I now believe that different people must have different levels of pain in labor; there's no way what I was feeling could be described as "cramps", and yet you read about women giving birth when they thought they just had menstrual cramps. I've run a marathon (Big Sur, no less - very hilly) and done triathlons and all other kinds of painful endurance sporty things, and there's just no comparison; this was completely different.

BTW, I had the same concerns that someone (RP?) voiced re epi lowering blood pressure, causing cascading complications, etc. I warned them that I already have low BP all the time (90/60, including while in labor - what can I say? I'm a chill gal) and they pumped enough fluids into me that it wasn't a problem. Baby was born 8 hrs later (would've been 6, but they were very busy and asked me to hold off pushing while they delivered a couple others ahead of me).

Post-baby boobs: Mine have vaulted from their usual A-minus status (yep, I was always an A student) to the C-D range. I don't know how you really endowed ladies do it; they're really in the way! We are enjoying the honored guests while they are here, but I can't say I will miss the gapping shirts. Hopefully they will retain some perk; small is bad enough, but small and droopy would just be pathetic.

Back to lurk-when-possible baby care mode ...

Originally posted by bill killer
BTW, I had the same concerns that someone (RP?) voiced re epi lowering blood pressure, causing cascading complications, etc. I warned them that I already have low BP all the time (90/60, including while in labor - what can I say? I'm a chill gal) and they pumped enough fluids into me that it wasn't a problem.

Thanks. I had low BP problems during c-s last time (normally ~100/70). Not nice and not fun for Mr. Lex to watch either, though who really cares about him? This time I warned them ahead of time and they handled it well and the c-s was relatively pleasant. Unfortunately (and I had no idea this was possible, but...), about 7-8 days later it shot up to a crazy 170/100 which was the start of my fun hospital marathon. The Drs would have loved to Dx me with postpartum preeclampsia (again, no idea this existed), but the HBP was the only symptom so they couldn't.

[Trepidation_Mom]

Originally posted by TexLex
Thanks. I had low BP problems during c-s last time (normally ~100/70). Not nice and not fun for Mr. Lex to watch either, though who really cares about him? This time I warned them ahead of time and they handled it well and the c-s was relatively pleasant. Unfortunately (and I had no idea this was possible, but...), about 7-8 days later it shot up to a crazy 170/100 which was the start of my fun hospital marathon. The Drs would have loved to Dx me with postpartum preeclampsia (again, no idea this existed), but the HBP was the only symptom so they couldn't.

Heh. I had some low blood pressure, too. Normally I'm 110 over 60 or so, but at one point it dropped to something like 50 over 35. I'm not sure George Washington's blood pressure is that low, and he's been dead for 200 years. Alarms went off and stuff, but I didn't pass out or even feel particularly lightheaded, and all was fine. Go figure.

I got an epi, but they took it out after 5 hours, saying I wasn't progressing fast enough, despite being fully dilated and having contractions every 2 minutes like clockwork. So away went the epi and in came the pitocin. 13 hours of unmedicated active labor later, there was trepidation kid. I half considered suing the shit out of all of them - on the recommendation of a couple of obgyns, actually, who were horrified. Epis rock.

Breastfeeding sucks, however. Once you toughen up it's fine, even nice, but the first 6 weeks or so - oh, damn that fucking sucks. The fucking lactation nazis with their "oooh, its natural" shite don't tell you that. I think the only reason I didn't quit was that I was too tired and hormonal to think of it at the time, but overall, even having worked it out eventually, I think quitting would have been the wiser move given how much everyone involved suffered for a couple of months. I now have 0 tolerance for anyone who speaks of formula feeding with even a hint of disparagement.

Fortunately, having started off in the A crowd chestwise, and never, at my biggest, getting past what might be generously called a C, the return-trip shrinkage didn't really cause much saggage. Though it did cause some. They actually lie rather more naturally now, come to think of it. Now, my sister started off as a C and sounds like she had the dtb experience without the fortunate end result. I've heard hilarious stories of how each of her boobs was larger than the baby and she looked like she had elephantitis, she couldn't get the baby to latch on because it was scared of the huge, veiny things, she was pumping an extra 10-12 ounces every time she fed the baby (before her milk actually came in), stories of nearly drowning the baby (who would get hosed down when he decided he was finished). And now, of course, they're hangin' 'round her knees. She and her husband are saving up to have them hauled back up to her ribcage.

[tmdiva]

Water broke at 8, contractions started at 10, went to the hospital at 11:30. Walked some, sat on the birthing ball some (while listening to a hypnobirthing relaxation CD--I actually fell asleep once between contractions), soaked in the tub some. Had a record-fast transition--the nurse checked me in the tub at 4:30 and I was only 5-6 cm. I got out of the tub and the baby was born at 4:47. He was 8 lbs 4 oz, 22 in and is a towheaded Viking-looking fella. Now we're home and have lots of family to help. Phew!

I highly recommend the hypnobirthing route--if 5 days of practice helped me as much as I feel like it did, I can't imagine how awesome it would have been if I'd started sooner and done it more seriously (taken classes, hired a trained doula, etc. like my sil did--she got to the hospital 1/2 hour before she delivered and had a really great experience over all).

tm

[robustpuppy]

Congratulations, and welcome to the world, little viking!

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Congratulations, and welcome to the world, little viking!

He's got a website already (and his own e-mail address!). PM me if you want the URL.

tm

Congratulations!!!

[robustpuppy]

Are there any books you'd recommend for the home stretch? I've read most of the labor & childbirth sections of my pregnancy books - What to Expect, the Unofficial Guide, etc.; and I've also gotten through a lot of What to Expect the First Year.

I've had experience caring for infants and I'm pretty comfortable with them and I think I'm fairly well-informed about labor, but I don't have lots of babies and new moms in my circle to share their wisdom (yet), so I just thought I'd ask if anyone had a favorite reference guide.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Are there any books you'd recommend for the home stretch? I've read most of the labor & childbirth sections of my pregnancy books - What to Expect, the Unofficial Guide, etc.; and I've also gotten through a lot of What to Expect the First Year.

I've had experience caring for infants and I'm pretty comfortable with them and I think I'm fairly well-informed about labor, but I don't have lots of babies and new moms in my circle to share their wisdom (yet), so I just thought I'd ask if anyone had a favorite reference guide.

Frankly, I'd ignore all the childcare books and What To Expect crap. And don't read the internet either. It's your baby, you're the parent, you're responsible enough to figure out what works and doesn't work for you. The only book I'd really recommend to you is Baby Bargains, which gives some helpful tips on gear and crap and what you need, what you don't and where to get it cheap.

Then again, I ain't the primary care giver, so I'm probably full of bs. I just seem to remember that the books didn't help so much as make the missus start to freak out about a ton of things she never heard of or thought of before reading the books.

[nononono]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Are there any books you'd recommend for the home stretch? I've read most of the labor & childbirth sections of my pregnancy books - What to Expect, the Unofficial Guide, etc.; and I've also gotten through a lot of What to Expect the First Year.

I've had experience caring for infants and I'm pretty comfortable with them and I think I'm fairly well-informed about labor, but I don't have lots of babies and new moms in my circle to share their wisdom (yet), so I just thought I'd ask if anyone had a favorite reference guide.

Flinty makes a good point. So much is learning on the job, and each of the little rats, er, darlings, is unique (for example, some swear by putting the baby to sleep in the boppy, and, for that matter, using the boppy, period. For me, boppy was useless, and my first wanted zero to do with it for sleeping, either. I grew tired of people talking about how what a miracle it is.)

I would suggest maybe a book on nursing, if you plan to do it (I have a good one - I can check the title at home). Sometimes good to have reminders if things aren't going perfectly smoothly.
:-O

Another book I enjoyed having around was one that went through the first year week-by-week (is that the What to Expect One? Photos of babies on the cover?). It's sort of meaningless to read beforehand, but very fun periodically during that first year.

And a decent medical-type one. Dr. Spock is okay, though he's a bit controversial.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
Frankly, I'd ignore all the childcare books and What To Expect crap. And don't read the internet either. It's your baby, you're the parent, you're responsible enough to figure out what works and doesn't work for you. The only book I'd really recommend to you is Baby Bargains, which gives some helpful tips on gear and crap and what you need, what you don't and where to get it cheap.

Then again, I ain't the primary care giver, so I'm probably full of bs. I just seem to remember that the books didn't help so much as make the missus start to freak out about a ton of things she never heard of or thought of before reading the books.

Baby Bargains is the only book I've really used a lot. Early in my pregnancy I found the pg books totally nauseating. Now I realize it wasn't so much the hormones but the condescension. I just wondered whether anyone's found a very matter-of-fact book that's almost scientific in its approach, as if it's written for someone who's not a doctor, but also not a dimwit or in need of emotional affirmation of her choice to have a child and her ability to raise it.

I guess I should just look on the internet for studies about the issues I'm curious about, rather than books full of soft-focus pictures or cutesy illustrations and the overuse of the word "mommy."

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Baby Bargains is the only book I've really used a lot. Early in my pregnancy I found them totally nauseating. Now I realize it wasn't so much the hormones but the condescension. I just wondered whether anyone's found a very matter-of-fact book that's almost scientific in its approach, as if it's written for someone who's not a doctor, but also not a dimwit or in need of emotional affirmation of her choice to have a child and her ability to raise it.

I guess I should just look on the internet for studies about the issues I'm curious about, rather than books full of soft-focus pictures or cutesy illustrations and the overuse of the word "mommy."

I'm pretty sure that Baby Bargains didn't think you were stupid. Although it did tell me that I'd make a lousy parent and my girls would grow up to be sluts. But I just think that's the whiskey talking and I don't take it personally.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
I'm pretty sure that Baby Bargains didn't think you were stupid. Although it did tell me that I'd make a lousy parent and my girls would grow up to be sluts. But I just think that's the whiskey talking and I don't take it personally.

Actually, Baby Bargains did make me feel stupid, because I picked up some Dreft before reading their rant that the Dreft hype is a vast right-wing conspiracy and that my child is doomed to suffer from eczema if I use it rather than some beeswax soap, which I think my high-efficiency washer would dislike.

Ah, whiskey. I miss it.

[baltassoc]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
Frankly, I'd ignore all the childcare books and What To Expect crap.

I thought the What to Expect books were pretty unhelpful. The book the AMA publishes (I forget the name, but your ped will probably give you a copy) is pretty handy, though. Not a whole lot of practical advice, but lets you know what to look for medically, and can help you chill out when the munchkin is already six months old and still hasn't learned to crawl, let alone walk.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Are there any books you'd recommend for the home stretch? I've read most of the labor & childbirth sections of my pregnancy books - What to Expect, the Unofficial Guide, etc.; and I've also gotten through a lot of What to Expect the First Year.

I've had experience caring for infants and I'm pretty comfortable with them and I think I'm fairly well-informed about labor, but I don't have lots of babies and new moms in my circle to share their wisdom (yet), so I just thought I'd ask if anyone had a favorite reference guide.

I only recommend one book to people who ask this question... it's called Healty Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Dr. Marc Weisbluth. This book was the only baby book I read that gave me advice I couldn't think up on my own that actually improved my life.

And not that you asked, but the only other piece of advice I ever give is this. If you've decided to try nursing, commit to not making any decisions about it for the first 4-6 weeks. It'd be easy to quit in those first couple of weeks because it really fucking sucks (no pun intended), but then the two of you sort of figure it out and it actually gets easier, although for some people it never gets easy enough to make it worth it. And that's okay too.