Towards A Virtual Williamsburg!

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

You guys complain about not having women on the board, but I bring you a possibly interesting discussion point and you've killed it for me. I said in the first post we went out on two dates. It's not some big romance. Oh, yucky sex, right. I'm such a prude. Enjoy your sausage-fest.

do not feed the trolls. Put them on ignore.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

I need gwinky (no offence). I have great girlfriends, but I'm pretty lacking in (non-gay) guy friends, especially in my hood. This guy is new to my neighborhood and looking for more friends. We haven't even kissed (he gave me a kiss on the cheek first date, second date was a day date and we didn't kiss), so it's felt pretty friend vibe from the get-go. So, yes, it might be worth it to me as long as I think we are compatible friends. I don't really know if that is the case, because there are a few ways in which he is WAY too suburban for me. Things that make me unlikely to want to pursue something more, but he could be a fun guy to watch football with on Sundays or play poker with. Do things that my girlfriends don't really do. I don't know... Crazy?

but when you say "you just aren't feeling it" I read that you thought at first you might- thus, you went into it thinking it could turn into romanticality. which means he might have too. which means a very frank convo, which then just leads to weirdness, or rudeness from em. I'd dodge the calls.

P.S. you live in one of my fave suburbs, and I get that the word "suburban" can mean different things, but what does it mean as you use it?

[Adder]

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

I'm back in the singles game after letting Mr Patience go last month. I've never really done much of the casually dating thing and I find myself with some questions. So I'll ask a bunch of married/coupled lawyer types (hey, are there any singletons out there? or better yet über smug divorcees??)...

What do/would you people do if you went out on a couple of dates with someone and you just weren't feeling the romantic thing but you were open to being friends? Would you tell the person that you are feeling friend vibe (assume they've asked you out again but no firm plans) or would you just not go out with them and leave it at that? Why am I so bad at this? Is there any point to trying to convert this barely-dated into a friend? No, right? So why is it hard for me to just blow someone off? Ugh.

You have answered your own questions and are correct.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

Mr. Leviathan (my HS nickname)

You were nasty, brutish, and short?

[Adder]

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

I need gwinky (no offence). I have great girlfriends, but I'm pretty lacking in (non-gay) guy friends, especially in my hood. This guy is new to my neighborhood and looking for more friends. We haven't even kissed (he gave me a kiss on the cheek first date, second date was a day date and we didn't kiss), so it's felt pretty friend vibe from the get-go. So, yes, it might be worth it to me as long as I think we are compatible friends. I don't really know if that is the case, because there are a few ways in which he is WAY too suburban for me. Things that make me unlikely to want to pursue something more, but he could be a fun guy to watch football with on Sundays or play poker with. Do things that my girlfriends don't really do. I don't know... Crazy?

Not crazy, but if he has romantic aspirations, perhaps a bit unintentionally cruel.

It really all depends on his expectations. If he really came in open to friend with possibility of more, maybe it's possible to tell him it's only friends. But that seems unlikely.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Adder

Not crazy, but if he has romantic aspirations, perhaps a bit unintentionally cruel.

It really all depends on his expectations. If he really came in open to friend with possibility of more, maybe it's possible to tell him it's only friends. But that seems unlikely.

You were that guy, weren't you? Why not open up and tell her what someone like you feels under these circumstances? She wouldn't date someone like you, no matter, but your honest perspective would have been more valuable than a c- version of what i told her.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)

You were nasty, brutish, and short?

at Rosemary Hall? I was hardly nasty or brutish or short compared to the norm. I did, however, have an aspect that was larger than normal for my specie.

[taxwonk]

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

I need gwinky (no offence). I have great girlfriends, but I'm pretty lacking in (non-gay) guy friends, especially in my hood. This guy is new to my neighborhood and looking for more friends. We haven't even kissed (he gave me a kiss on the cheek first date, second date was a day date and we didn't kiss), so it's felt pretty friend vibe from the get-go. So, yes, it might be worth it to me as long as I think we are compatible friends. I don't really know if that is the case, because there are a few ways in which he is WAY too suburban for me. Things that make me unlikely to want to pursue something more, but he could be a fun guy to watch football with on Sundays or play poker with. Do things that my girlfriends don't really do. I don't know... Crazy?

I see what you're saying. It sounds like you never actually got too heavy with this guy. I guess as long as you keep your boundaries, it may work out just fine.

[Jack Manfred]

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

it might be worth it to me as long as I think we are compatible friends. I don't really know if that is the case, because there are a few ways in which he is WAY too suburban for me.

Hey, we went to sushi, didn't we? And polo shirts just GO with pleated khakis. I say it's a sharp look.

Seriously, I think you may be overthinking this. As a fellow singleton, might I suggest being honest with him. It's always useful to have some platonic, opposite-sex friends. As you mentioned, suburban guys are handy when you need one more at the poker table.

Since it's been so long since I've seen anyone on this board in person I might have you confused, but I do think we met at ACL or Coachella or somewhere outside, right? If you're who I think you are, you will need to have that talk about him falling into the friend zone because you are hot, and a (suburban) guy who has been on a couple lackluster dates with a hot girl oftentimes thinks he can fix the chemistry problem. Sadly, this is rarely the case.

Jack (it's been like a decade on these boards, right?) Manfred

[Sparklehorse]

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

at Rosemary Hall? I was hardly nasty or brutish or short compared to the norm. I did, however, have an aspect that was larger than normal for my specie.

Are you going to say that I am whiffing if I point out that Rosemary Hall was the girls school that merged with Choate?

[Sparklehorse]

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

I'm back in the singles game after letting Mr Patience go last month. I've never really done much of the casually dating thing and I find myself with some questions. So I'll ask a bunch of married/coupled lawyer types (hey, are there any singletons out there? or better yet über smug divorcees??)...

What do/would you people do if you went out on a couple of dates with someone and you just weren't feeling the romantic thing but you were open to being friends? Would you tell the person that you are feeling friend vibe (assume they've asked you out again but no firm plans) or would you just not go out with them and leave it at that? Why am I so bad at this? Is there any point to trying to convert this barely-dated into a friend? No, right? So why is it hard for me to just blow someone off? Ugh.

Just be honest and kind about it and tell him at an opportune moment (like when he calls you to ask you out for a candlelit dinner) that you aren't feeling romantic chemistry with him but enjoy hanging out with him as friends. Leave it up to him whether to pursue a friendship with you and be as gracious and kind as you can be. The longer you wait, the worse it gets and the more likely you are to offend him.

I've never had a few dates with romantic intentions turn into a friendship (only friends with longer relationship exes after some break) but I've been on both ends of your scenario. Respectful honesty is the best way to handle it.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally Posted by Jack Manfred

Hey, we went to sushi, didn't we? And polo shirts just GO with pleated khakis. I say it's a sharp look.

Seriously, I think you may be overthinking this. As a fellow singleton, might I suggest being honest with him. It's always useful to have some platonic, opposite-sex friends. As you mentioned, suburban guys are handy when you need one more at the poker table.

Since it's been so long since I've seen anyone on this board in person I might have you confused, but I do think we met at ACL or Coachella or somewhere outside, right? If you're who I think you are, you will need to have that talk about him falling into the friend zone because you are hot, and a (suburban) guy who has been on a couple lackluster dates with a hot girl oftentimes thinks he can fix the chemistry problem. Sadly, this is rarely the case.

Jack (it's been like a decade on these boards, right?) Manfred

Yes, ACL a hundred years ago. Thanks for using your 999th post on me.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

but when you say "you just aren't feeling it" I read that you thought at first you might- thus, you went into it thinking it could turn into romanticality. which means he might have too. which means a very frank convo, which then just leads to weirdness, or rudeness from em. I'd dodge the calls.

P.S. you live in one of my fave suburbs, and I get that the word "suburban" can mean different things, but what does it mean as you use it?

Actually where I live is neither technically nor practically a suburb. I live in all the glory of the city of LA, with all the excellent services and benefits that come along with that. It is called "Venice" but it was reclaimed into LA many years ago. And we have the tiny lots, overcrowding, giant homeless population, lack of funds for improvements and crappy schools to prove it. LA is a weird example for what is and what is not suburban, but he just moved down here from the far north suburbs. Basically from a suburb of Thousand Oaks (which is itself a suburb). The kind of place that has groomed public greenways and ordinances about signage in strip malls blending with the feel of the community, etc.

In other news, I went out on a first date last night that was more promising. Although he didnt kiss me at the end. LA men sort of suck at taking charge and being the guy I think (and so does Patty Stenger, fwiw). But then he friend-requested me on Facebook when I got home. I don't really get the dating and social media thing, but that's way too soon, right?

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by ltl/fb

Need a go-to red. Go-to white is conundrum. Nothing super-expensive but price relatively unimportant. People like Conumdrum and tend to ask for name.

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

In other news, I went out on a first date last night that was more promising. Although he didnt kiss me at the end. LA men sort of suck at taking charge and being the guy I think (and so does Patty Stenger, fwiw). But then he friend-requested me on Facebook when I got home. I don't really get the dating and social media thing, but that's way too soon, right?

Probably a bit soon as it complicates if you decide to see someone else too. But you, like most of us here, have an unusual name so a simple search on FB would immediately flag you. I would be more concerned if he had stalked through 500 Mary Smiths to find you.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally Posted by notcasesensitive

But then he friend-requested me on Facebook when I got home. I don't really get the dating and social media thing, but that's way too soon, right?

Don't you now find out you've been broken up with when they change their status back to "single"?