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Old 07-23-2014, 09:37 AM   #2056
sebastian_dangerfield
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Re: Pet Peeve

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Originally Posted by Not Bob View Post
How about "taking a leak"? It conveys a certain devil-may-care insouciance, consistent with the whole "Sebby, swinging free and easy in his Hickey" meme, yet doesn't run the risk of being needlessly crude.

Carry on.
I think I was properly crude there - sufficiently vulgar and off-putting, but not too distasteful, and yet still crass and lowbrow.
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:43 AM   #2057
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Re: Pet Peeve

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Originally Posted by bold_n_brazen View Post
I hate "take a piss" more than I hate just "piss". I don't mind "pissed off".

I likewise hate "whizz".
Unless you're expelling spray cheese, whizz is never appropriate.*

I like the British use of pissed to indicate extreme intoxication. Sadly, it's understood here about as well as the British use of c**t. You're welcome to so use them, but caveat emptor -- serious fucking caveat emptor on the latter.

_______
* Given the Bible Belt's diet, something akin to this may be observed in the South. Though it's probably more similar to corn syrup and melted butter.
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Last edited by sebastian_dangerfield; 07-23-2014 at 09:46 AM..
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:47 AM   #2058
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Re: Acute Redneckism

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Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy View Post
All of this crap is why I had a private restroom built... I'm sorry you have to use the public facilities.
I'm sorry you have such an overactive colon. Maybe time to lay off the probiotics, Jamie Lee?
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Old 07-23-2014, 10:39 AM   #2059
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Re: Acute Redneckism

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Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield View Post
The courtesy flush is mandatory. It is, however, understandable if he starts it late.

Also banned:

1. Unbuckling pants the entire way to drain the snake. Unless you're hung like a thimble, you can manage to pull it out far enough to avoid wetting those snazzy taupe slacks.

2. Standing in the mirror and tucking your shirt back in after you've unnecessarily unbuckled yourself to take a leak. I don't need to see your martini glass boxers or tidy whiteys. That's between you and your wife, and the therapist who's confirmed her inability to have an orgasm with you isn't physical.

And here's the Thee Oh Sees: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wwi9-WVdiI
It's hard for a young buck like Coltrane to unwrap his trouser anaconda from around his leg without the full unbuckle.

Right back at ya with King Kahn:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDmxHDx0SBQ
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Old 07-23-2014, 06:33 PM   #2060
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Re: Pet Peeve

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Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower View Post
"Drain the snake"?
"See a man about a horse?"


Hang on.

Why do so many guys feel the need to spit in the urinal before or while [seeing a man about a horse]?

Ah, never mind.
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Old 07-23-2014, 07:28 PM   #2061
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Re: Acute Redneckism

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I'm sorry you have such an overactive colon. Maybe time to lay off the probiotics, Jamie Lee?

Is the shit storm here over? Safe to return?
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Old 07-23-2014, 07:28 PM   #2062
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Re: A Friendly Correction for those Man-Haters who Delve to be Single

http://us.cnn.com/2014/07/23/world/a...html?hpt=hp_t2
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Old 07-24-2014, 01:54 AM   #2063
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Re: Acute Redneckism

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Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield View Post
That's a discipline/fitness issue. I'm sure they have some form of Kegel exercise for men that can cure it. Start a regimen, grandpa.
Well then where can I fart?
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Old 07-24-2014, 11:13 AM   #2064
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Pie

Last night we ran into a former partner of mine -- he made partner the same year I did, then left the firm, and more-or-less the practice of law, within a couple of years of that.

My wife asked why, especially since it seems strange to go thru the process and not take advantage of the reward. I've never fully understood his reasons, so I told her that one of my imaginary internet friends says that "making partner is like winning a pie-eating contest, where the prize is more pie."

She mulled that over for a bit, then looked at me and said "but you really like pie. That's why you entered the contest."

We're hitting our 19th-year wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks, and I still really like her.
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Old 07-24-2014, 02:45 PM   #2065
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Re: Pie

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Originally Posted by Sidd Finch View Post
Last night we ran into a former partner of mine -- he made partner the same year I did, then left the firm, and more-or-less the practice of law, within a couple of years of that.

My wife asked why, especially since it seems strange to go thru the process and not take advantage of the reward. I've never fully understood his reasons, so I told her that one of my imaginary internet friends says that "making partner is like winning a pie-eating contest, where the prize is more pie."

She mulled that over for a bit, then looked at me and said "but you really like pie. That's why you entered the contest."

We're hitting our 19th-year wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks, and I still really like her.
She knows what pays dem billz.
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Old 07-24-2014, 03:39 PM   #2066
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Re: Pie

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Originally Posted by Flinty_McFlint View Post
She knows what pays dem billz.
Shit. I thought she was going to bake me a pie.
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Old 07-25-2014, 04:38 PM   #2068
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Re: Acute Redneckism

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Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield View Post
"...unless you've a tobacco dip or a chew in your mouth, or you're having a phelgm coughing fit, don't spit. It isn't necessary. Piss, wash your hands, leave. Keep your fucking saliva to yourself.
Don't know why anyone would. Don't care if they do. It's a fucking bathroom. If you're gonna spit, I'd rather it be in the urinal than the fucking sink.

What is inexcusable is standing so far back that there is no chance that the last bit of your stream will end up in the actual urinal. No one wants to navigate the disgusting pools of piss people leave behind because they need to stand a clear foot back from the urinal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield View Post
While I'm at it, that we're both standing at urinals located in a men's room does not give you license to "let one rip."
Ridiculous. This is what the bathroom is for. If I gotta let one rip, it's gonna rip. There is no other place in the world where it actually makes sense to do this. Live with it.

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Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield View Post
Also banned:

1. Unbuckling pants the entire way to drain the snake. Unless you're hung like a thimble, you can manage to pull it out far enough to avoid wetting those snazzy taupe slacks.
The only time I do this is when I have buttonfly jeans on. And then, it's necessary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield View Post
2. Standing in the mirror and tucking your shirt back in after you've unnecessarily unbuckled yourself to take a leak.
Also don't give a shit. The point of the mirror is so that you can see what you're doing and whether the results of your efforts are what they should be. I could care less (although it would be extremely difficult) if people see what I'm doing.

TM
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Old 07-27-2014, 04:18 AM   #2069
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Re: Pet Peeve

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Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield View Post
Since we're airing grievances...

Why do so many guys feel the need to spit in the urinal before or while pissing? Seriously, what the fuck is that?
It's an East Coast thing. Seriously.

I know well of which you speak - yet, I've never seen it out here.

S(go figure)nM
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Old 07-27-2014, 04:27 AM   #2070
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Re: Acute Redneckism

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Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall View Post
1) Don't know why anyone would. Don't care if they do. It's a fucking bathroom. If you're gonna spit, I'd rather it be in the urinal than the fucking sink.

2) What is inexcusable is standing so far back that there is no chance that the last bit of your stream will end up in the actual urinal. No one wants to navigate the disgusting pools of piss people leave behind because they need to stand a clear foot back from the urinal.

3) Ridiculous. This is what the bathroom is for. If I gotta let one rip, it's gonna rip. There is no other place in the world where it actually makes sense to do this. Live with it.

4) The only time I do this is when I have buttonfly jeans on. And then, it's necessary.

5) Also don't give a shit. The point of the mirror is so that you can see what you're doing and whether the results of your efforts are what they should be. I could care less (although it would be extremely difficult) if people see what I'm doing.

TM
I agree with TM on every point here. Wow. We should mark this date down.

And re: point 5) - it's a fucking mirror. This is exactly why it's there - so we can fix our clothes after sitting at a desk for 11 hours.

SlaveNo(hell, I want a mirror in my office)More
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