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Old 05-15-2015, 10:21 AM   #91
ThurgreedMarshall
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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Originally Posted by Tyrone Slothrop View Post
I haven't read the report either and don't plan to do so. Here's what I think happened. I think the Patriots staff knew that Brady liked balls at the legal minimum, and did their best to deliver balls to that standard. I think the ref measured them, or most of them, and thought that they met the minimum requirements. I think the guy then took a leak before he brought the balls to the field. When the balls were measured at halftime, they were measured with another gauge that gave lower readings, so that balls that were intentionally deflated to the minimum level on a first gauge were seen to be underinflated. With the exception of that one ball, everything fits.

But that doesn't explain why one ball was significantly less inflated, and I'm not sure what the answer is. I don't think the staffer went into the bathroom and deflated only one ball. On balance, I think it's most likely that the ref did a half-assed job before the game and didn't actually check all the balls, that he missed one that he should have caught. I have to imagine that checking the inflation of footballs is not something most refs enjoy and that maybe they do a half-assed job once in a while. I think it's possible, but less likely, that a Colts staffer, having heard something around the club about the team's issues with the Pats, tried to help their cause by letting a little more air out of a ball that seemed (to him) low to start with. I think it's least likely that the Patriots had a walking conspiracy to illegally deflate balls after they checked by the refs, but could only manage to let a noticeable amount of air out of one of a dozen footballs.

I also think that most people heard the initial, erroneous story that all of the balls were underinflated -- a story that we now know came from the Colts, and formed their views that the Patriots were cheating, big-time, and that -- even if they actually heard this was wrong -- stuck with the narrative and conclusion ("the Patriots cheated!") they had already formed. So, bravo to the Colts.

To my mind, the really weird fact is that only one ball was significantly deflated. If you like conspiracies, then it should be easy to do something with the fact that the only flat ball was the only ball the Colts handled. I generally think that people are more incompetent than evil. But for that one ball, I think the Pats staff was trying to give the refs balls at the legal minimum because that's what Brady liked, that the ref checked them, and that one or both did their job poorly and ended up with footballs that were just below the minimum.
I think you're drunk.

Here are the two theories:

Yours:
  • Indianapolis, out of nowhere, accuses the Patriots of deflating balls before the game.
  • The ref who measures the balls uses the gauge that measures the Patriots' balls at the lowest possible psi under the regulation.
  • The Patriots attendant takes the balls after they have been approved with him into the bathroom before bringing them to the field.
  • Indianapolis intercepts a ball, lets the air out, and then brings it to the ref to complain hoping that the NFL penalizes Indianapolis based on one ball being underinflated out of a dozen.
  • The refs check the balls at halftime. Every single ball the Patriots are using (except, possibly one, depending on which ref's measurements you go by) are underinflated by at least 1 psi (which you think is insignificant for whatever reason and makes me think you've never held a football).
  • The NFL conducts an investigation and Brady refuses to cooperate.
  • The NFL uncovers texts from Patriots equipment attendants (including the one in charge of the game balls) where they refer to the guy being accused of deflating balls as, "The Deflator" but that's just a nickname because he's fat.
  • The texts say things like, "Brady is pissed off with the pressure of the balls" and "If you deflate the balls, you will get free sneakers." These are just text messages and should carry no significance in the investigation.

Everyone else in the world outside of the Patriot circle-jerk:
  • Brady likes soft balls.
  • Brady tells his guys he wants his balls to be softer than regulation.
  • Guys make sure balls are softer than regulation.
  • Other teams know Brady's balls are soft. Indianapolis accuses them of it and then confirms it when they intercept a pass.
  • Refs confirm all of the Patriots balls are soft.
  • Patriots and Brady lie their asses off.

You think the first scenario is more likely than the second, going so far as to say the second is a conspiracy theory, while, out of the other side of your mouth, hinting that Indianapolis accused the Patriots of deflating balls and then actually deflated one of their balls.

I don't think so.

In any case, I think it's ridiculous that Goodell is going to decide this after setting the punishment. What the fuck is he going to say? "Yeah. You're right. I was a bit harsh and the evidence I* based my decision on is a little murky, so I'll knock the punishment down to 2 games and one draft pick."

The NFL is a joke under Goodell. He needs to go.

TM

*Meaning my flunky, who I instructed to do exactly as he did.

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Old 05-15-2015, 10:23 AM   #92
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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In the spirit of Thugreed's concession, if it turns out that an independent investigatory team made up entirely of drunk Jets fans determines not only that Brady is innocent of any wrongdoing, but also is a national hero and kind of sexy, and that the guy took the footballs in the bathroom and lied about it because he liked to rub his dick on properly-inflated footballs, and actually is nicknamed the deflator because of the astounding speed with which his dick becomes flaccid after rubbing said dick against said properly-inflated footballs until he has achieved satisfaction, I too will admit that Thurgreed was wrong.
I think it's pretty big of us.

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Old 05-15-2015, 10:27 AM   #93
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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That seems unfair to the ducks, who are beautiful, peace-loving creatures.
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But not Canadian geese. Those fuckers are the worst. Are they still protected? Assholes. Who shit everywhere. And they fucking bite. I've never hunted in my life but I would have no problem taking out a Canadian goose.
What about pelicans? Those murderous fuckers.



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Old 05-15-2015, 10:42 AM   #94
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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In any case, I think it's ridiculous that Goodell is going to decide this after setting the punishment. What the fuck is he going to say? "Yeah. You're right. I was a bit harsh and the evidence I* based my decision on is a little murky, so I'll knock the punishment down to 2 games and one draft pick."

The NFL is a joke under Goodell. He needs to go.

TM

*Meaning my flunky, who I instructed to do exactly as he did.
On that, we can certainly agree. Didn't his flunky even say he consulted with the Commissioner?

Anyway, I think it almost guarantees that whatever suspension Brady serves it won't be for the first games of the year. The NFLPA will sue in court for an independent arbitrator, which will take a while, and then that decision will be made.
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:46 AM   #95
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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I am looking at the totality of the circumstances. I don't have much detail on what the ref said (or the underlying circumstances) other than what's argued in the article. But if you can look at everything in the report and say they didn't cheat, like I said, knock yourself out.
I suppose there's not much more to say. If the investigation is about whether there are deflated balls, and one set of data says any deflation below the limits is what would be expected by environmental factors, then you don't have deflated balls in the first place.
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:49 AM   #96
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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But not Canadian geese. Those fuckers are the worst. Are they still protected? Assholes. Who shit everywhere. And they fucking bite. I've never hunted in my life but I would have no problem taking out a Canadian goose.
I ask you to reconsider your opinion of the majestic Canada Goose. Sure, they have developed behaviors that allow them to adapt extremely well in human habitats, and some of those behaviors are necessarily confrontational to humans. But who has not marveled at the soaring aerodynamic V's of migratory geese marking the changing of the seasons. Did you know that Canada Geese have been reported flying at 29,000 feet? 29-fucking-thousand feet! That's Everest. Also, they can apparently be quite delicious:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/ar...a-goose/64450/
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:50 AM   #97
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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What about pelicans? Those murderous fuckers.



TM
I don't think that's a pelican.

This is a pelican:



I guess they both can be pelicans.

In any event, I've been around plenty of pelicans in Florida, and they aren't assholes and they usually shit in the water and not where I'm walking.
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:52 AM   #98
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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I don't think that's a pelican.
You think it's a pigeon-eating hobo in a pelican suit?
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:53 AM   #99
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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I ask you to reconsider your opinion of the majestic Canada Goose. Sure, they have developed behaviors that allow them to adapt extremely well in human habitats, and some of those behaviors are necessarily confrontational to humans. But who has not marveled at the soaring aerodynamic V's of migratory geese marking the changing of the seasons. Did you know that Canada Geese have been reported flying at 29,000 feet? 29-fucking-thousand feet! That's Everest. Also, they can apparently be quite delicious:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/ar...a-goose/64450/
Oh we should definitely kill them and eat them.
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:54 AM   #100
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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You think it's a pigeon-eating hobo in a pelican suit?
I am rethinking this. It looks too tall and its beak looks too long but after a little research it appears that it may indeed be a pelican-like animal.
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:57 AM   #101
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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You mean like assault and bank theft are both crimes, and thus also the same type of conduct?
No, I mean like robbing a bank by tunneling under ground is the same type of conduct as robbing a bank by breaking in through the roof.

But hey, if your view is that the coach and team who were caught cheating before are no more likely than anyone else to have been cheating this time around, okay. We can just agree to disagree.
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Old 05-15-2015, 11:00 AM   #102
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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The text messages between Patriots staffers refer to the guy who has been accused of deflating footballs illegally as "the deflator." Those same text messages talk about the reward he'll get for deflating footballs.
I heard the Pats agent (I think that's who he was) on the radio, arguing that he would invite ANYONE to show him their texts and he could pull something embarrassing out of context.

Apparently, in his mind, a game in which balls were deflated is an inappropriate context to consider texts from a guy calling himself "the deflator".

The more I see people flailing to defend this, the worse it looks. This board included. And I actually like Brady and the Pats, so it's kind of sad for me.
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Old 05-15-2015, 11:02 AM   #103
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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You think it's a pigeon-eating hobo in a pelican suit?
Whatever it is feel free to feed it all of the pigeons and geese it desires.
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Old 05-15-2015, 11:02 AM   #104
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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But I disagree on corners. I think those are some of the most exciting points in every game.
I bet your daughter hates them. I was a goalie (I sucked), my brother was a goalie (amazingly good, a European coach tried to recruit him for their 18-19 year old farm team, even though he was under 6 feet tall), goalies all hate corners. Too fucking stressful, too little you can really control.
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Old 05-15-2015, 11:04 AM   #105
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Re: No Faith in the Moral Standards of the Players as a Group

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If this is all true, why didn't Brady cooperate with the investigation? Turn over his cell phone and email records when asked?

To me, that's the gravest misconduct here. The league asks you to cooperate with an investigation? You cooperate. You don't? You get suspended if they find stuff that walks like a duck and talks like a duck.
Total coincidence. Didn't want to support an OBVIOUS witchhunt. Too busy fucking his wife. Pick your favorite lame-ass excuse.
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