A Friendly Correction for those Man-Haters who Delve to be Single

[Icky Thump]

Siri where is the nearest Chick-fil-A? Oh shit I forgot Chick-fil-A is NOT open on Sunday. Dammit.

[Sidd Finch]

Originally Posted by SlaveNoMore

I agree with TM on every point here. Wow. We should mark this date down.

Me too. It's almost frightening.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

waiters, not lawyers

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally Posted by SlaveNoMore

It's an East Coast thing. Seriously.

I know well of which you speak - yet, I've never seen it out here.

That explains why I didn't even know this was a thing.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

[QUOTE=ThurgreedMarshall;488805]

Don't know why anyone would. Don't care if they do. It's a fucking bathroom. If you're gonna spit, I'd rather it be in the urinal than the fucking sink.

This is a choice like, I'd rather you pick your nose aggressively in the bathroom than the cafeteria. How about neither?

What is inexcusable is standing so far back that there is no chance that the last bit of your stream will end up in the actual urinal. No one wants to navigate the disgusting pools of piss people leave behind because they need to stand a clear foot back from the urinal.

...And this is often the guy who's unbuckled all the way. Once he's taken all that time to pull out the fire hose, he's got to run it at full pressure.

Ridiculous. This is what the bathroom is for. If I gotta let one rip, it's gonna rip. There is no other place in the world where it actually makes sense to do this. Live with it.

Standing next to someone at the urinal and letting one rip is like walking into their office and doing so. If you did that in my office, I'd ask you to leave.

The only time I do this is when I have buttonfly jeans on. And then, it's necessary.

I'm sorry about the accident, and your loss of thumbs.

Also don't give a shit. The point of the mirror is so that you can see what you're doing and whether the results of your efforts are what they should be. I could care less (although it would be extremely difficult) if people see what I'm doing.

The point of a zipper or button fly is to allow for you to take a leak without going through all of that. Why have either on pants if you're just going to open them up the whole way? Call me nut, but I like the idea that modern technology has allowed me to drain the snake without undoing my belt, popping a top button on my trousers, and then holding everything up with my hands like some befuddled old man who's just soiled himself and can't find a nurse.

If we ran with the logic that it's always acceptable to unbutton fully, then a good argument could be made for styling the front of mens' pants like the backs of long johns - with a huge flap opening on both sides. It's hard enough for most guys to get laid given the aesthetics of the corporate casual look ("They're 'muted khaki.' And this shirt? 'Double sky blue.' Go together great, don't they?"). This sort of style trend would be unduly cruel and probably result in a massive, rapid decrease in population.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield

This is a choice like, I'd rather you pick your nose aggressively in the bathroom than the cafeteria. How about neither?

Yes. How about neither. But since that's not going to happen, I'd rather it happen in the bathroom at the toilet or urinal.

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield

Standing next to someone at the urinal and letting one rip is like walking into their office and doing so. If you did that in my office, I'd ask you to leave.

This is a terrible fucking analogy. Offices are not for farting (at least those with multiple people in them aren't). Bathrooms are. In fact, that's one of the main reasons why we have bathrooms.

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield

I'm sorry about the accident, and your loss of thumbs.

The point of a zipper or button fly is to allow for you to take a leak without going through all of that. Why have either on pants if you're just going to open them up the whole way? Call me nut, but I like the idea that modern technology has allowed me to drain the snake without undoing my belt, popping a top button on my trousers, and then holding everything up with my hands like some befuddled old man who's just soiled himself and can't find a nurse.

I have the use of my thumbs, but almost every pair of buttonfly jeans I have are designed so that trying to undo the 2nd through 4th buttons without the top button being undone is close to impossible. If it were easy (or even more convenient than undoing my belt and the top couple of buttons), would we even be discussing it? Do you think people enjoy undoing their belts and the top few buttons? Have you ever seen anyone undo their belt when they have a zipper?

And I don't know what kind of jeans you buy, but I've never had to hold everything up with my hands. They're fucking jeans. And even though I'm completely against tight jeans, my jeans--through the magical properties of everyday friction--tend to stay up by themselves when I undo the top 2 or 3 buttons. Do you have no ass whatsoever? Please to explain.

TM

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield

...shit....

Look, just head to the bathroom on the vacant floor, ok?

[ThurgreedMarshall]

http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...postcount=2673

http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...postcount=2674

http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...postcount=2675

http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...postcount=2676

TM

[Adder]

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall

Offices are not for farting

I'm expecting strong objections from Hank.

buttonfly jeans

I think I found your problem.

I've yet to figure the problem that leads Sebby to be so concerned about what people do in the bathroom.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally Posted by Adder

I think I found your problem.

I don't consider them to be a problem.

TM

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Tyrone Slothrop

waiters, not lawyers

[Shape Shifter]

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower

In the song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," wouldn't it be more realistic if the devil did not give Johnny the golden fiddle, even though he lost the fiddling contest? I mean, he is the devil, right? Is he really worried about getting a reputation for being dishonorable? He should have kept the golden fiddle and taken Johnny's soul, even though he lost. That's how I would have played it if I were the devil.

Plagiarism is STILL the new black?

Thirty-Nine Questions for Charlie Daniels Upon Hearing “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” for the First Time in 25 Years.
BY JOHN MOE
- - - -

1. The Devil won that fiddling contest, right?

2. Because isn’t that totally amazing fiddle feedback thing the Devil plays (which sounds like Hendrix gone bluegrass) a hundred times better than that high-school-band piece-of-crap tune Johnny plays?

3. I mean, come on, right?

4. And since the Devil is so clearly better, why does he lay the golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny’s feet?

5. What kind of one-sided bet was that anyway, your eternal soul for a fiddle?

6. Shouldn’t it have been something like Johnny’s soul or the eradication of Evil?

7. Or maybe a golden fiddle against some object Johnny placed great value upon?

8. If the Devil went down to Georgia ’cause he was looking for a soul to steal, why does he arrange what appears to be an honest competition?

9. Was there actually some hidden theft or scam going on here on the part of the Devil?

10. Then why not explain that, Mr. Daniels?

11. And who was judging that contest?

12. Was it an honor-system kind of thing?

13. With the Devil?

14. Honor system with the Devil. How did Johnny get sucked into that one?

15. Does Johnny suffer from some—I’m trying to be delicate here—cognitive disabilities?

16. Was there some sort of arbitration board in place in the event that the outcome was not obvious?

17. If so, who served on this board?

18. It wasn’t the demons, was it?

19. ‘Cause even though they’re the only characters in the song, they’re kind of biased since they’re in the Devil’s band and they’re demons, right?

20. So why—why—does the Devil take the dive and throw the contest?!

21. I mean, the Devil can’t be hurting for cash. How much is it going to cost him to buy a new golden fiddle?

22. I’m thinking maybe $18,000. Does that sound right to you?

23. If you’re Johnny, what do you even want with a golden fiddle?

24. Doesn’t the metallic surface of a golden fiddle create an unpalatably tinny sound as opposed to the nice resonant sound on a wooden instrument?

25. Does he think he’s going to display it in his home and tell people the story of how he beat the Devil?

26. Who’s going to believe that?

27. Or does he try to sell the fiddle?

28. If so, how does he go about getting something like that appraised?

29. Or does he just melt it all down for the gold?

30. That sounds awfully hard, don’t you think?

31. And is Johnny haunted by the question of why the Devil let him win like that?

32. Was there some catch in the contest that Johnny wasn’t aware of where the Devil really does get his soul anyway and Johnny didn’t notice it because he’s not all that smart?

33. And even if he didn’t get Johnny’s soul, what is Johnny going to say to God in heaven when he has to explain that he bet his soul, the essence of life, God’s one true gift, on a fiddle contest?

34. Johnny knows deep down that he’s not really the best that’s ever been and that’s the source of his insecure boasting, right?

35. Was it really necessary or wise to invite the Devil to come on back if he ever wants to try again?

36. ’Cause what does Johnny need, a second golden fiddle?

37. Or maybe a golden viola the next time?

38. Why would the Devil need an invitation?

39. Are you implying, Mr. Daniels, that Johnny actually wants to get hustled?

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/t...me-in-25-years

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by Shape Shifter

Plagiarism is STILL the new black?



http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/t...me-in-25-years

Arguing with the hallucinations again, are we?

[Icky Thump]

I am sitting a deposition and the questioner is so bad, and the deposition is such torture, that I start really thinking about ways to kill myself with a pen.

In the eye socket?

Temple?

Jugular?

Would any of these work to cause a swift end or would they just be really painful?

[Hank Chinaski]

[QUOTE=sebastian_dangerfield;488819


Standing next to someone at the urinal and letting one rip is like walking into their office and doing so. [/QUOTE]

I'd almost forgotten you're the guy who doesn't like horns.

Guy is peeing next to you anyway it isn't any worse to let fly too. Your way there'd be a hell a lot of guys walking around pained and every empty hallway would be a potential stink assault. No thank you. I can still hold my breath for the time it takes me to pee, even at my age.