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Old 08-27-2015, 01:45 PM   #841
Tyrone Slothrop
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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People seem to go out of their way to feel betrayed by their partners.
Speaking of people exerting themselves to feel aggrieved, has anyone been following the fight over the Hugo Awards? It's pathological and warped, and I keep following it even though I rarely read those genres.
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Old 08-27-2015, 02:49 PM   #842
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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Speaking of people exerting themselves to feel aggrieved, has anyone been following the fight over the Hugo Awards? It's pathological and warped, and I keep following it even though I rarely read those genres.
I rarely say or write "genres."
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:02 PM   #843
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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I rarely say or write "genres."
Me too. Like you, I suspect, I have only used the word once today.
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:46 PM   #844
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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Originally Posted by Tyrone Slothrop View Post
Speaking of people exerting themselves to feel aggrieved, has anyone been following the fight over the Hugo Awards? It's pathological and warped, and I keep following it even though I rarely read those genres.
I followed it for a little while, until I realized that there was a cross pollination of the sad puppies and the gamer gate people. After that I chose to ignore.

I read at least two Hugo nominated books a year (not necessarily in the years they're nominated), so I certainly pay attention to the award. Generally, I've liked the stuff that gets nominations.
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:46 PM   #845
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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He bought the woman jewelry and she ended up stalking the wife on social media. Ridiculous that this would bother her, right?
Couples have to work out their relationship boundaries and it sounds like he at least retroactively consents to hers, but yeah, "emotional long-distance affair" on its own doesn't sound like a breach of a boundary I'd find reasonable. I don't think it's reasonable (or realistic) to ask a partner not to have emotionally engaging relationships with others and that "emotional affair" gets applied to "friendship" by insecure people.

But it sounds like I may have gotten hung up on BS terminology and this dude just had an affair that was unconsummated due to distance.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:03 PM   #846
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Wait a minute, mister, I didn't even kiss her.

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People seem to go out of their way to feel betrayed by their partners.
Well, sometimes when people say "emotional affair" they are talking about a non-disclosed or inadequately disclosed close but platonic friendship between someone who is married and a person of the sex that the married person is attracted to.

And sometimes they are talking about a non-disclosed romantic relationship between someone who is married and a person of the sex that the married person is attracted to with all of the bells and whistles of a typical romantic relationship minus physical intimacy.*

If my wife was secretly receiving jewelry, flowers, going for long walks on the beach, talking about The Meaning Of Life with someone else, I don't think I'd be "going out of my way to feel betrayed" - if I felt, well, betrayed. But that's just me.

*Used to avoid Clintonesque debates over what "sex" is or is not. Let's just say that our hypothetical married person didn't even hold the other person's hand. The analysis is the same.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:11 PM   #847
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Re: Wait a minute, mister, I didn't even kiss her.

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Well, sometimes when people say "emotional affair" they are talking about a non-disclosed or inadequately disclosed close but platonic friendship between someone who is married and a person of the sex that the married person is attracted to.

And sometimes they are talking about a non-disclosed romantic relationship between someone who is married and a person of the sex that the married person is attracted to with all of the bells and whistles of a typical romantic relationship minus physical intimacy.*

If my wife was secretly receiving jewelry, flowers, going for long walks on the beach, talking about The Meaning Of Life with someone else, I don't think I'd be "going out of my way to feel betrayed" - if I felt, well, betrayed. But that's just me.

*Used to avoid Clintonesque debates over what "sex" is or is not. Let's just say that our hypothetical married person didn't even hold the other person's hand. The analysis is the same.
Doesn't a lot have to do with if em is honest with one's spouse about the existence of the friendship from the start. sounds like ncs's friend found out about hubby's emotional friend some time after the friendship had been going on.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:23 PM   #848
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Re: Wait a minute, mister, I didn't even kiss her.

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Doesn't a lot have to do with if em is honest with one's spouse about the existence of the friendship from the start. sounds like ncs's friend found out about hubby's emotional friend some time after the friendship had been going on.
I think that's certainly part of it - the non-disclosed or inadequately disclosed relationship.

I think it's almost a combined subjective and objective standard. John's spouse may feel betrayed because he didn't tell her about his close friendship with Sue and how they bonded over discussions of Austen novels in the break room, but a "reasonable person" outsider might not consider that to be an "emotional affair." Doesn't mean John's wife isn't rightfully upset; maybe it's a major breach of their specific relationship even if it's a minor breach of the typical one.

If, however, we have the same facts and add that John takes Sue out for fancy dinners, gives her diamonds for her birthday, and has roses delivered to her desk on Valentines Day, that same reasonable outsider would likely say "yup, that's cheating" even without physical intimacy.

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Old 08-27-2015, 04:35 PM   #849
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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Originally Posted by Tyrone Slothrop View Post
Speaking of people exerting themselves to feel aggrieved, has anyone been following the fight over the Hugo Awards? It's pathological and warped, and I keep following it even though I rarely read those genres.
I was on trial for 6 weeks and followed almost nothing. I rarely read any news or even looked at the internet for pleasure (beyond stalking potential jurors) during that time. That might have been the only nice part about the trial, although I still haven't really dived back into current events/news. I may never.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:51 PM   #850
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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I still haven't really dived back into current events/news. I may never.
Donald Trump is fixing to be president. since I can prove I was born here, I think my crooked teeth are finally going to get fixed. prolly having to say good bye to gwncy tho....{sad face}
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:53 PM   #851
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:58 PM   #852
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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Originally Posted by Adder View Post


People seem to go out of their way to feel betrayed by their partners.
I'm afraid I don't know what this means. Are you pulling out that "as long as there's no touching, it's not cheating" crap?

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Old 08-27-2015, 05:00 PM   #853
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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But it sounds like I may have gotten hung up on BS terminology and this dude just had an affair that was [as yet] unconsummated...
Isn't that every single emotional affair?

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Old 08-27-2015, 05:00 PM   #854
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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Originally Posted by Did you just call me Coltrane? View Post
I was on trial for 6 weeks and followed almost nothing. I rarely read any news or even looked at the internet for pleasure (beyond stalking potential jurors) during that time. That might have been the only nice part about the trial, although I still haven't really dived back into current events/news. I may never.
just reread, you were "on trial?" for the kid porn stuff?
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Old 08-27-2015, 05:23 PM   #855
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Re: Oh, Ashley Madison, you faker.

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just reread, you were "on trial?" for the kid porn stuff?
How to phrase it was actually a topic of discussion when turning "Out of Office" on, which I rarely do. There really wasn't a consensus as to how it should be stated.
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