Flinty times 3
 

The service takes a message; if it's not an emergency, it may well take until the end of the day to get a return call from the pediatrician. Welcome to Manhattan, my firm's health plan, and a shortage of local pediatricians.

Are you sure you don't want to move here from your bucolic locale?

breastfeeding
 

if you/newborn have trouble La Leche League helped my wife out
with uncooperative doctor/MIL advice.
If you get involved in LLL, the next time the Fashion Board gets into the "its sick to nurse after 1 year" argument, you will probably have a strong opinion- it is a rather strident organization- but if you want to breastfeed, and are having any trouble, it is basically an orginization ran by women who didn't have the easiest time nursing and had to work through challenges.

Flinty times 3
 

Squicky, yes, but if the alternative was struggling with latching for several days ....

All fits into the general category of be careful what help your refuse. For example, if your wife choose childbrith without meds, make sure she gets to revisit that choice just before the meds become impossible -- nothing worse than discovering that meds are no longer an option 20 hours into labor!

And I had one sister in law whose kid had latching problems, turned down the idea of a "tutor", came back to it 72 hours later after enormous frustration and angst.

More advice...
 

prior posters speak the truth. As to relatives staying over- if you find that mildly stressful now, don't do it then. Gramma turtle puttered around in my house for days, doing things like weeding the garden and washing the windows and generally making me feel inadequate while taking care of things so far off my list of priorities I didn't recognize them. Love her, but she didn't stay over for number two (nobody did). New grandparents want to feel useful but don't usually know how, so more often than not the overnight visit is not a net gain.

I will never forget bringing turtle number one to her first post-hospital checkup and wanting to boast to the pediatrician that I'd kept her alive all by myself for a week. That's the way it feels at first-be ready for it and don't be ashamed of it.

Many dads feel kind of left out for the first 6-9 months. Its normal, and you will look back on that period a year later and not even know how you could have felt that way.

NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING BABY (somebody said that, but I thought it should be capitalized. they'll eat eventually, and their sleep is precious to you).

Good luck and congrats!

More advice...
 

Yeah, I'm overwhelmed with information and sudden fear. But I guess that's to be expected. I am doing my best to do my best, and I thank all of you for the opinions, guidance and well wishes!

Ah, parenting . . .
 

oops

Ah, parenting . . .
 

Well, the oops are just part of parenting. As long as no one is hurt, we should just move along.

Good to see you, Bilmore, even if in a somewhat abbreviated post!

Predicting baby size
 

For more anecdotal evidence, I measured 44 cm (fundus height) on my due date--normal is 40. It was predicted that Magnus would be a 10-pounder. He was born 3 days later and weighed 8 1/2 lbs.

dtb is the first case I have ever heard of doctors overestimating a baby's weight. It's much more common for women to be induced or have C-sections because "this baby's huge" and then it turns out to weigh 6.5-7.5 lbs.

I say don't worry--unless the baby's all head, you'll be fine. Magnus' head has always been >95%, and I wouldn't have torn at all if he hadn't had his arm around his neck and caught me with his elbow on the way out.

tm

Edited to say yeah, I meant underestimate. Even timmies make mistakes.

Hulk Baby
 

I'm glad to hear that. I also have a family history of big babies - gramps was 14lbs and no one else has been smaller than 9lb (usually more), so as much as I would like to stop the trend, it isn't looking that way. He's got to get out somehow, however, so we'll just grin and bear it. OK, maybe no grinning.

I am also really huge right now due to polyhydramnios - way too much fluid - so fundus counts for nothing at this point. Like I said - nine u/s and they have all measured really big, so he may not be a linebacker, but this baby isn't petite either.

Hopefully I will get more info tomorrow on how and when.

-T(waddle waddle waddle)L

further anecdotal evidence
 

On our last babe, they were about 1 lb. over with the prediction. The experience has been that predications have been consistently higher than actual birth weight, though by varying amounts.

Predicting baby size
 

True dat. Grinchlet #1 was only 7 lbs. 4 oz. but came out with his right arm tucked behind his head like he was laying out in the sun after a picnic meal. Thus, his elbow was among the leading edges, much like in Magnus's case. What I saw I'd rather not ever see again. It was the only moment in which pacing in the waiting room seemed like a better idea.

Funny, I know probably four kids with >90% head size, but none below 50%. Maybe '50s sci-fi was right and we're evolving toward huge bulbous heads and telepathic powers.

Predicting baby size
 

a) If his head is anything like his daddy's, I'm doomed. ;)
b) I don't think the Mr. will be making it through the delivery - he descibed the birth film we just saw as "fucking revolting." I have no desire to force him to be there for the grand finale if that's what he's going to be thinking.

-TL

Predicting baby size
 

Just have him stand by your head and hold your hand, and he should be fine. And my experience has been that it's different when it's your own kid. My bil was very worried about passing out, etc., but turned out to be fine.

tm

Head size and squeamish daddies
 

The docs overestimated both of my babies by a pound- its either abundance of caution, or calculations being skewed by long limbs.
Unless you yourself are teeny tiny, the large head is less of a problem than you might think. My second's head was off the charts from birth until age 3, and we had no problems (though being the second helped).

For about a year, I wasn't sure my husband would get over the birth of number one. His tales got gorier and gorier, and he still turned a little green telling them, but he stuck it through the second time and seemed to do ok. And really, compared to what Mom is doing at the time, a little gross-out factor is nothing.

Predicting baby size
 

Trepidation Dad has this concern, too. He says he's felt this way ever since seeing the infamous childbirth film in health class in high school, but since blabbing the joyous news to his sports team buddies (to many cries of "3 months? I saw your wife about 3 months ago yukk yukk yukk"), he's also talked to a number of the dads on the team about it. He said a surprisingly large proportion of them told him of their distress at having been in the birthing room, having found the whole thing unforgettably disgusting, and then not even being able to talk to their wives about it because they are supposed to be happy about having shared such a magical moment.

One said it was so bad he often can't get it up with his wife anymore because sex with her makes him think about it (which seems an unacceptable outcome to even risk). One said his relationship deteriorated greatly after telling his partner that he didn't want to be present for the birth of his second child after having been pretty traumatized by the first. Besides the gross-out factor, there was one guy who said he hasn't been able to feel comfortable around his wife for several years since she (reportedly) grabbed his nuts while she was in labor and squeezed screaming "you bastard, this is all your fault!!!"

Maybe I should get him a log-in here. Of the dad-friends he's discussed this with, he said that even those who didn't think it was actually a mistake to be present merely said it wasn't that bad (and called the complainers "little girly-men" - it's a team). No one recommended it as an experience.

Perhaps I should clarify that Trepidation Dad's sports team is disproportionately Scottish, Finnish and South American.

(Hope I'm living up to my moniker.)

Predicting baby size
 

It is the most beautiful moment in the world.

I barely even noticed when a tube got pulled off the needle in my wife's arm and she bled all over me.

And I am usually sensitive to such things.

But it is a moment not to be missed. Tell these Dads that you know men are wimps, but try to cowboy up for a couple hours.

Predicting baby size
 

His teammates are full of shit. This is a magical confluence of real fear and pain, squeamishness about female genitalia, and a love of top-this gross-out stories in the male subculture (see, for example, my prior post).

Anyone who claims to have permanently lost desire for their spouse b/c of witnessing childbirth either had yoni or spouse issues going into the childbirth enterprise.*

*I would love to see some kind of scientific comparison of lost libido resulting from childbirth versus witnessing some other kind of non-genital spousal physical trauma, like a compound fracture in an accident. It's not a fun thing to be reminded that the object of your sexual desire is basically a very vulnerable leather bag filled with meat and bone, and that's got nothing to do with the yoni.

Predicting baby size
 

The outcome of dad's gross-out (impaired relationships with mom, guilt, etc) seems to me more about how the couple deals with it than about how gross it is. I think its terrifying on a different level for dads. Mom doesn't see herself bleeding, and has her own body to tell her whether to be alarmed or not. Dad's just looking at what seems to be a life-threatening situation for the woman he loves (even if he knows that's not true, sometimes there's a lot of blood), and freaks out a little. If you're able to talk about that afterward, and understand that its not about how much he loves the baby, I don't think you'd face those same issues.

Plus, Trepidation Dad is listening to men talking to men. Mr. Turtle's stories to other men were awful, but there was no mistaking his expression when he held the bloody mess for the first time. And he came back for more.

In preparation for our first, I've been watching "Maternity Ward" on TLC, usually with the encouragement of Mrs. Panda. I have the feeling that a lot of what goes on is left on the cutting room floor. Anyone seen this show? How close is it, and what don't they tell you about?

Honey, is that you?

MW shows a lot of high risk births and births with lots of unkown factors (they seem to have a lot of mothers with no prenatal care or with various addictions, etc.), so in that respect, I think it is more dramatic than your run-o-the mill baby hatching. The part that they obviously can't show - that mom has been in labor for 20+hrs - is a whole other level of unpleaseantness that they don't convey. They do not typically show delivery of the placenta, which is pretty gross, but not traumatic to mom. Other than that, they seem to show pretty much everything - blood and goo and all - except the actual baby emerging, which may be the problem for a lot of dads. Mr. Lex has watched the show - he is really freaked by the c-sections and how they always pull baby out by the head and then wave her around like a rag doll.

-TL

hmm.
 

You all make it sound so wonderful. It was much better than Cats, I'm going to see it again and again.

hmm.
 

You know you want to see it. Monday nights - 8 or 9:00 (I forget which) on TLC. If it's too much (wuss), you can tape "A Baby Story" on TLC at 8 and 8:30 a.m. - much tamer visually. -TL

I recently got to watch Soupette#2 emerge from my wife's abdomen. As I was standing near my wife's head, seeing the baby emerge just a bit north of where it's supposed to come out didn't seem visually odd.

But the really wild part is when they took my wife's uterus out (I suppose, since they got her all opended up anyway, the docs take the opportunity to check her uterus and ovaries for any malignancies), flipped it around a few times, pointed her ovaries out to me, dried it off, and then stuffed it back in. Good times.

Look for some Australian to bring "Puppetry of the Uterus" to some off-off-Broadway venue near you.

Holy shit. Now I don't even want to be in the room.

That'll be one spinal block and a side of morphine drip, please. Wake me when the hairdresser comes.

Maybe. What did we have for dinner last night??

Thanks. I think I'll be able to handle the majority of it, but I want to know going in what's the worst thing I could see (excluding stuff that I don't want to think about, like any danger to Mrs. Panda or to the little Panda.)

I hope you kept the camcorder running through the whole thing.

Predicting baby size
 

Amen.

(I'll forego the graphic details. They come with the territory, and I didn't find them disconcerting. So what if real life is a little bit messy? :))

Bad Dad
 

OK, my 10 year old daughter was offered a modeling contract (unsolicited, out of the blue, nothing she'd ever even thought about doing before). Daddy said no. She expressed mild disappointment and moved on, no big deal. But I keep worrying about whether I did the right thing. Any thoughts?

Bad Dad
 

Yes, you did. She can start with the restricted eating, bulimia, chain-smoking, unrealistically negative body image, and sexual exploitation by older men when she hits 18.

Bad Dad
 

Aren't these just scams 90% of the time? Like, "here's a modeling contract", now come in and we'll put together a portfolio of photos for $1000. And we'll call agents for another $500 and so on.

Bad Dad
 

Yes, they usually are, but this one was not. We were approached by the actual company that wanted her in the ads. They sicked their ad agency on us, which is a reputable ad agency, or at least an ad agency that is as reputable as they come, not a modeling agency. So there would have been a check coming to us from this, not the other way around. But it is exactly PJ's point that led us to say no.

Bad Dad
 

big time modeling seems scary, there's that documentary made by one of the 70's teen models with Brooke Shields and all the others. But I know one girl who did local department store newspaper type stuff, not high glamour-you've gained a pound stuff, and she was okay.

BTW, how did I create a whole new thread over here -- I didn't mean to do that?

Bad Dad
 

Oh well, I thought there was an easier way out than anorexia. To wit, "honey, that's just a scam artist."

Bad Dad
 

Hmmm. Maybe I can work it in. Thanks.

Bad Dad
 

Yeah, that'll help her self esteem. And when boys start calling, you can also tell her, "honey, they don't really like you, they just want sex."

Bad Dad
 

Hey, if G3 wants his daughter to slut around, he can take your approach. I'm just proposing he introduce her quickly to how guys are.

"But of course you're beautiful--that's why he figured the scam would work."

Not exactly related, but...
 

Yesterday was kind of chilly here in TCOTU, so on the way out the door, I told my son to put on his warm coat, as it was cold outside. His warm coat is "puffy" (I don't think it's down, but you know what I mean -- like a down coat -- whatever.)

Anyway, he puts it on, and to my absolute horror, has this saddish look on his face and says, "I don't want to wear this -- I look fat in it...." :eek:

He's only FIVE!!!!

And (not that this really matters, I don't think), if anything, he's a little underweight (not malnourished or anything, but probably below the 50th percentile for his height.)

I have no idea where he got this, and has NEVER said anything about being fat, or thin, or anything like it. I suppose when I was pregnant, I would complain about being fat, but I haven't said anything like that in about a year.

We talk about nutrition when explaining why (for example) he can't have french fries every day -- I never say it's because "he'll get fat" nor do I EVER bring up the subject of weight with him. It never occurred to me that he would even be thinking about it.

I am distressed.

Scary sometimes
 

It's scary how quickly societal attitudes get imposed on kids. We have a toddler who was trying to recite the differences between men and women the other day, and included, "waiters talk to men and bring them the bill..." It is very hard to escape the biases out there.

We, of course, explained that waiters are behaving like sexist pigs ...