Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

[true story] People get really worked up over this issue. I remember some years back I was out at a bar in the Chi, with an old college friend of my first wife and some friends of the friend (a newly married midwestern couple in their early 30s). The first wife wasn't there. At that point, to, quote the Luniz, we had been together "too long". Anyhoo, the 4 of us got into a conceptual discussion of monogamy and cheating yada yada yada. So, much like some of my socks on the PB I staked out the outlier position and said sex is sex, its no big deal and I really don't care if the first wife is nailing someone else as long as its not Hank. The newlyweds, at least the wife, was super offended (and oozing insecurities) by this. We argued about for about 3 hours. By this time everyone was fairly buzzed, i.e. drunk as hell, and it was 2 in the AM, which made it seem like a good time to go to some late night place (the Catacombs in Lincoln Park I think it was called).

When we got there we kept arguing and I said I think I will pick up someone up and you can report it back to the wife if you want. Did I mention I was wearing a kilt? So I propositioned some drunken college girl who was arguing with her friends over whether I was truly "Scottish Style", which out of a sense of honour I did righteously prove and which such forthrighteousness endeared me to the coed and got me an invite back to her bachelorette pad. This whole exchange inflamed the newlywed wife who jumped into the fray and cockblocked me. All in all I didn't care as I wasn't going to go back to her place anyway, but it gave me more ability to stoke her fires on the monogamy/cheating issue. So we end up at the bar, she's drunk and livid about my behaviour and tries to order a drink and the bartender cuts her off. She turns around and starts to walk away from the bar, then whips around runs at the bar, hurdles it and takes out the bartender with a drunken haymaker.

End result, she ends up in jail and I end up not getting laid. All in the name of monogamy and anti-cheating. [/true story]

ymmv

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

Actually, it just came out in paperback.

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

Actually, the reason I know is because the boyfriend told me. (Admission against interest!)

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

Well, since you fucked up and let an unreliable cheating douchebag convince you have a kid you didn't want maybe now you need to stop focusing on what YOU want and focus on what's best for your daughter. And do you think that growing up watching her mother hate-fuck a douchebag who habitually cheats and stalks her mom is going to help make her a happy and rational adult capable of making better decisions than you did?

I'm sorry this sounds mean, but jesus christ. I don't have kids but I feel perfectly justified in judging you right now because I MADE A CHOICE not to have kids until I had a partner who also wanted children because I, too, would prefer not to be a single mother. Own up to your mistakes and start putting your daughter first because she's the only victim here.

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

I think, "I don't know" is a good answer to most questions about the reasons for someone else's behavior. It's usually not a lie, though one can of course speculate.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

I can't believe this is even debated. The guy's treatment of her during pregnancy proves him what she called him - a fucking sociopath. The solution here is to suck it up, deal with being a single parent and limit the kid's involvement with the asshole to as little time as possible. All other options are wishful delusions.

Some people are just shit. This guy fits the bill. Take out life insurance on him. He sounds like the sort of idiot who'll fall off the wagon and wreck some high powered automobile or jet ski three sheets to the wind. Load up on a pile of insurance so the kid gets a nice nest egg for college. That's about the only value you'll get from what sounds like an utter piece of trash.

Direct enough?

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

Man, I'm so glad I'm a devout Christian.

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

tugging on her underwear gets her mind on something else.

Willow -- the director's cut
 

What, no unicorns?

CDF

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

Go back and read Thurgreed's posts about changing. He didn't change until he wanted to change. So far nothing you posted has indicated McDouche wants to change -- he just wants you back. Those are not the same thing. And why should he change when he's got you all torn up not wanting to be a single mom and still fucking him? He's got you right where he wants you -- just like he always has.

Unless and until he changes, you would still be a single mom if you got back together with him -- the only difference would be that one of your "kids" is technically an adult.

Yeah it sucks to be a single mom when you didn't even want to have kids at all. But you've got a really cute little girl who depends on you and as someone else said, the only way out of that is to give full custody to McDouche which sounds like a bad bad idea. If you limit your relationship with him to being your daughter's father, maybe you can meet someone nice and get a healthy relationship.

Unfortunately I think Lester called this. But just stop and think about the previous times the board has resoundingly told you what you wanted to do was a very bad idea and consider what might have happened if you had listened.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

here's the thing- I always give great advice and every bim here knows that BUT when semi-retards like Sidd and you and 3457 "2" me then Abba has to question the wisdom of what I told her. You're a net negative when you do this. think. about. it.

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

[true story] I read the entire story thinking that Penske was for sure going to end the night having the sex with the cockblocking angry newlywed wife. I was very disappointed. [/true story]

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

Being a single parent is terrifying. And hard. Really hard. Especially if you're working full-time, and your child(ren) is very young.

But please believe me on this one. You must perform douchebag extraction before you can find someone who will give you what you want. It's imperative. Do not hate fuck him, do not give him the time of day other than what you must in order to fulfill your court-ordered obligations.

Trust me also that there are loads of men who would appreciate you, worship you! and treat you as you want to be treated. Lots of men would love to have a ready-made family. It sounds implausible (especially among the male participants on this board), but it's true.

But the first step is getting rid of the douchebags in your life. I speak from experience.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

Actually, I think someone else said "adopt her to someone" which does not necessarily mean McDouche, assuming he would consent.

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

But in this case, its a lie and puts dtb in the future role of the lying stepmother.

The more I think about it, quasi-socratic would be the way I'd probably go--I like the "I don't believe it either" because it's a non-answer that doesn't make one sound clueless (as I think "I don't know" does).

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

You're a liar.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

translation: Tucker Max has begun selling his factory seconds.

Breaking tiger prenup news!
 

Elin offered $5MM now, $55M in two years, staggering up to $80MM.

Re: Breaking tiger prenup news!
 

abba, toss him this story and ask him what he can do to match?

Re: Breaking tiger prenup news!
 

This is absurd.

Re: Breaking tiger prenup news!
 

How does that compare to Katie Holmes deal with Tom Cruise?

Re: Breaking tiger prenup news!
 

well, one difference is that Katie doesn't have to put up with Tom fucking women, even her.

Harvard lab rats
 

"Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky--try to take over the world!"*

CDF

*(Confidential to Hank: you're not supposed to play both parts. Particularly if you insist on cc'ing the board.)

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

We'll always have Hawaii. And the cairn marking his manhood.

CDF

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

At least I don't live in frickin' Jersey.

TM

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

In fairness, I give you credit for sticking with your wife despite her thing with me, and your forced celibacy and having to suppourt my biological kids yada yada yada.

Ybff,

P

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

Are you fucking crazy? That is your husband's responsibility. All questions should be referred directly to him. You answer with a modified lie or the truth and she won't want to look at you at all when she finds out you lied or hears the truth. Tell your husband to grow some and handle it.

TM

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

What a heartbreaker. Your position is so incredibly fraught. This girl really needs you and yet your relationship is, naturally, the most tenuous. Have you and your husband gotten any professional advice on this? Obviously you need to build trust so that when she is old enough to face the extremely painful fact that she can't completely trust her own mother (good god), she knows that it is not the norm, and that it's not because of her. But I wouldn't know for sure how to do that, first, because the situation is so hard for me to understand (having always had total faith in my mother), and second, because I'm not up on all the details of the emotional development of 2nd grade girls.



And ABBA, if you think this story is sad, think about your own daughter's story. What do you want it to be? What do you want yours to be?

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

Why am I wasting advice on you? You're stone-cold crazy.

TM

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

[this my true confession] In order to maintain credulity amongst the h8ers here, I left out the ending part where the newlywed husband and I tagged team my first wife's college friend, if that makes mitigates your disappointednessment. Also, first wife's college friend is a TV personality now. [this is my true confession]

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

Because you still dream of cheating with her someday?

Re: Breaking tiger prenup news!
 

Who says romance is dead?

CDF

(p.s. is there a clause about resumption of marital relations? If not, what's the over/under on the next time Tiger gets laid? (by anyone))

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

(Here I go again.) You are trapped. That said, you clearly love your daughter. So, stop fucking the guy, find a new guy who treats you right and make the best of your situation. Hate-fucking your douchebag contributes to him act as crazy as he does. You are sending mixed messages and you're digging yourself a huge hole and wasting your own time.

TM

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

You did the MFM with Oprah?

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

[tears in my eyes] I sometimes wonder where those rocks are now.......[/tears in my eyes]

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

[expression of relief follows] I am quite relieved. Now I don't feel so bad about accidently knocking over manhood cairn. The herbal remedies in Hawaii are quite stong and disorienting. [expression of relief has now ended]

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

I had a dream once of a FMF with Oprah and Gayle, does that count?

Re: Willow -- the director's cut
 

The experiences have a certain similarity, so, why not!

A title for Penske's autobiography
 

The Mindless Erection writes, and having writ, moves on.

CDF

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

It is heartbreaking. I hate her mother for doing that to her. What a skank. The poor girl is so confused and questioning. Everyone lies to her, and I don't want to.

The professional's advice is to tell her the truth, within reason. I don't need to say, "Well, your mother was fucking everyone in town, and then she hooked up with some guy and left you, because fucking that guy was more important to her than staying her and acting like a parent."

So I won't be saying that (and it's not my husband who even knew about how much she was running around on him -- I know more than he does. This is a very small town.)

But I can't bring myself to lie to her. I think she feels relieved that there's someone who won't BS her. It's not that her father can't "grow some" -- he just doesn't want to hurt her. She's been through so much, he doesn't want to cause her further trauma. He doesn't get that the lies are probably worse than the truth.