Must See TV
 

Got similar stories from a friend who worked in a proctologist's office. Best was an extremely large zucchini stuck inside a guy who, my friend claimed, was employed by the Del Monte Fruit Company.


The book Choke by Chuck Palahniuk (sp? The guy who wrote Fight Club) has a great riff about sex addicts, including the line that they are the reason why ERs have diamond-tipped drills to break through the bottom of champagne bottles to release the pressure.

Ultimate
 

Now that's really not fair.



Just because he can't get it up to fuck a blimp, doesn't mean he couldn't get it up for someone worth fucking. Pair him up with one of the FB's finest, and see how he does.

Ultimate
 

Try Paigow's Mom, she's got it going on.

(typo editted)

FB Music Club
 

Its never been about Mick. Its always been about Keith's riffs and the flawless rhythm section. Anybody can sing for the Stones - the vocals are largely disposable. That said, nobody compliments the dirty groove of Keith like Mick trying to pretend he's a black bluesman from the Delta. Like Muddy waters said after he first heard the Stones cover "I Just Want to Make Love to You," the Stones rock.

No one is hunting bambi
 

sorry if this was already posted, but the whole bambi thing...not real

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/bambi.asp

FB Music Club
 

Mick would likely disagree.

Otherwise, though, the voice does complement the music. Would I want to hear him singing Neil Diamond covers on AI? No. Have I bought an AI-product album? No. (In contrast to my multiple Stones albums). Celine Dion and Whitney Houston both have great voices. (Even the Hanson boys do) Doesn't make their music tolerable.

You are what you drink
 

Someone sent this to me so I have no link to shorten the post. Funny? Sorta amusing. Accurate? You tell me.

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get
totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay

FB Music Club
 

Do people like when people ask questions and then answer them and pass it off as conversation? No. Do people do it anyway? Yes. Does anyone know why? No.

Not Only Bob Hope
 

PHONE RECORDING VOICE DIES

"Please press 1."


July 28, 2003 -- Jane Barbe, whose voice was familiar to millions of telephone users across the country who ever dialed a wrong number or had to "Please listen to the following options" in a voice-mail system, died July 18 in Roswell, Ga., of complications from cancer. She was 74.

Barbe was the queen of telephone recordings, whose voice was heard an estimated 40 million times a day in the 1980s and early 1990s on everything from automated time and weather messages to hotel wake-up calls.

She was heard on 90 percent of "intercept messages" - the recording played when something is wrong with a phone number - and 60 percent of automated time and temperature calling programs.

During her unusual 40-year career she articulated immortal lines, including, "I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service" and "Please press 1 for more options."

Barbe is survived by her husband, John, a daughter, Susan Stubin of Passaic, N.J.; a son, David, of Athens, Ga.; and seven grandchildren.

Not Only Bob Hope
 

Anyone want to bankroll my Sherman Act case against her estate?

A(loved her early work; thought her post-1968 recordings were a little derivative)G

You are what you drink
 

I cannot think of a more reliable indicator that someone is Not Gay. I think they send a repo man after your toaster if you order a white zin.

You are what you drink
 

No, no, no. White Zin is what they drink before they get the toaster. You know, before someone gives you the Manual.

House Hunting
 

This house is fucking cool !!

You are what you drink
 

I'm sorry, but NO gay man drinks White Zinfandel. Trust me on that.

Edited to say: Sorry Atticus. I should read before posting.

And One Last Shocking News Item
 

27 July 2003. Citing lackluster results in its aggressive Subpoena-the-Family campaign, The Recording Industry Assocation of America, or RIAA, announced today it was escalating the war against music file sharing even higher by opening its massive detention facility in the high desert of Movaje, CA. The facility, designed to indefinitely detain up to three million people suspected of illegally or even legally sharing music files on the Internet, consumes 4,000 acres of the desert region some 70 miles north of Los Angeles.

"Our goal is to eliminate the threat these thieves represent to our industry," said RIAA President Cary Sherman. "We don't care if the person is eight, eighteen, or eighty or unaware of the law. If we catch 'em sharing files, we're sending them to jail. Not just any jail. Our jail. We don't even care if they're legally sharing their own personal music files with a family member. We don't care if they're simply transferring their own peronal music from their desktop machine to their iPod. If we catch 'em doing it, we'll be there to take them away. But let me be perfectly clear: even if we don't catch 'em doing it, we'll be there to take them away if we so much as suspect they're sharing files, or might like to one day."

Human rights advocates and the ACLU are criticizing both the RIAA for opening the facilily and the Justice Department for not stepping in to stop the RIAA from proceeding. "What the RIAA is doing is patently unconstitutional," said Anthony Romero, ACLU's Executive Director. "We will not stop until these people are freed and this facility is shut down forever."

"Try anything and we'll lock you up as well," countered Sherman, when asked about the threats of lawsuits from the ACLU. "We mean business. Anyone trying to free our detainees will be considered criminals as well, and will be sent to the facility with no plans for release."

Asked how the RIAA was able to afford to provide food, clothing, and medical care for up to three million detainees, he told reporters: "We can't. But hey, they knew the risks. We assume these criminals bring their own food, clothing, and medicine with them. They're on their own."

Children, parents, and the elderly are not the only ones being rounded up for incarceration at the facility. Several well-known industry figures are already being detained as well, including Ann Winblad, co-founder of a venture capital firm which invested heavily in Napster; Larry Lessig, a Stanford Law professor who was captured by RIAA stormtroopers right in the middle of a speech he was giving at a recent O'Reilly technology conference; and Michael Robertson, founder of MP3.com, who is not even active in the digital music world anymore, having gone off to launch a Linux software company. "Robertson we nailed just on general principles," said Sherman.

Ellen Murray, head of Mothers Against the RIAA (MARIAA), was herself captured and brought to the facility. "Murray was a target of opportunity," Sherman said. "Go up against us, go to jail."

Residents of Mojave and the surrounding area are also outraged, citing claims from the RIAA that opening of the facility would mean more jobs and economic activity for the area. So far, that hasn't happened, town officials argue. "We were sold a bill of goods, and the RIAA has let us down," said one official who refused to be identified for fear of being sent to the facility for criticizing the RIAA.

Asked about the legality, indeed the morality, of this new detention facility and the mass capture of music enthusiasts now underway, Sherman was unapologetic. "These are not nice people," he said. "Several have publicly stated here their intent to copy a music file before they leave Mojave. We will not give them that satisfaction."