Originally Posted by dtb (Post 409164)

So far, I have just said things that are true without spilling everything (which I don't plan to do). I have said stuff like, "I think maybe your mother isn't ready to tell you the real reason, but someday she probably will" and things of that nature. I don't feel right covering for her mother, but I realize that doesn't mean I need to make full disclosure -- though my SD asks a lot of questions, which will only get more pointed as time goes on.

She will find out eventually, and I don't want her to think I was in on the lie. The dynamic had always been to pretend nothing was wrong with a woman walking out on her kids and her life, and that there was nothing unusual about that. But of course my SD knows and feels that it isn't normal and I think she's relieved to have someone to talk about it with. Her parents just change the subject. My view is when she's ready to hear the answer, she will ask a direct question.

Originally Posted by Atticus Grinch (Post 409245)

According to post Bram Stoker vampire mythology, yes, but the folk belief in vampires probably varies enough to make them similar enough to zombies that the distinction is a minor one. A plausible explanation of how a belief in vampires came about, at least under Eastern Mediterranean burial practices. I don't know whether Scandinavian or British or French burial practices made similar discoveries of "alive" dead people less likely so there wasn't as much of a mythos there. Maybe mass graves were less common, or shrouding was déclassé. It sure as hell wasn't because British oral hygiene was best-in-class.

Originally Posted by barely_legal (Post 409168)

Well, since you fucked up and let an unreliable cheating douchebag convince you have a kid you didn't want maybe now you need to stop focusing on what YOU want and focus on what's best for your daughter. And do you think that growing up watching her mother hate-fuck a douchebag who habitually cheats and stalks her mom is going to help make her a happy and rational adult capable of making better decisions than you did?

I'm sorry this sounds mean, but jesus christ. I don't have kids but I feel perfectly justified in judging you right now because I MADE A CHOICE not to have kids until I had a partner who also wanted children because I, too, would prefer not to be a single mother. Own up to your mistakes and start putting your daughter first because she's the only victim here.

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower (Post 409286)

I didn't mean to be chastising anyone for giving life advice. I think ABBA may be looking for some life advice, although I don't know if she likes the advice she is getting, which is a different issue. I see nothing wrong with non-counselors giving life advice. I'm just personally uncomfortable saying "dump him" or "take him back" when I don't know the full story. But, we know a fair amount of the story and, again, based solely on what has been posted, a restraining order may be something to look into. The situation worries me.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 409270)

umm, she had the baby and she loves her, so this line is moot. it's like me Pm'ing RT that leagl should never have made Ty a mod.

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy (Post 409294)

Some people work out these things by posting on a chat board. Sometimes it's easier to talk about anonymously.

Some people don't.

YMMV.

Originally Posted by Fugee (Post 409296)

It wasn't a complete thought -- in context of the rest of my posts on the topic it would be more like RT having made Ty a mod because he said he'd be a good mod, revoking his mod-dom after he abused his power then being angry that Ty talked her into making him a mod in the first place but considering making him a mod again. And then you PM-ing her and reminding her that she made one bad decision, so accept her mistake and don't do it again.

Or something like that.

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield (Post 409297)

Brilliant. I've yet to see anyone capture the apparent so vividly.

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield (Post 409298)

Except that Ty wouldn't cyber-stalk. He'd get her into a debate about the merits of her decision which would run on for weeks until she conceded and gave him back his Mod-dom.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 409279)

as is often the case, flower's words ring true with me. I now realize that many of us should perhaps not be so quick to provide life advice. Consider, most of the socks here are trained in the law, not counseling, and I must admit that I wouldn't trust many socks here even with a legal matter.

Originally Posted by evenodds (Post 409289)

One of the more interesting changes in the movie adaptations of Richard Matheson's I Am Legend was the switch of the "other" from vampire to zombie. In the book and the original adaptation The Last Man on Earth, they were clearly vampiric. By the time we got to the Will Smith movie, they were more zombie than vampire, less thinking and societal.

Vampires essentially create a community living within and upon a larger society, while zombies signal the end of community and society.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 409299)

some people bear their problems on their own backs, and never admit them at all, suffering through the internal pain as best they can- without troubling others or admitting weakness.

so I drink too much, and flower closes the door the moment he gets to his office and masturbates the day away hallucinating that he is actually receiving fellatio.

who is to say which is the best approach?

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy (Post 409302)

No, no, no. Vampires are lonely individuals who continually long for society from which they are isolated but on which they must feed. They are heart-wrenchingly sad and tragic figures, constantly longing for the unobtainable. That's while Herzog has such long steady pans and slow zooms all through his Nosferatu. There is no community of vampires.

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy (Post 409302)

No, no, no. Vampires are lonely individuals who continually long for society from which they are isolated but on which they must feed. They are heart-wrenchingly sad and tragic figures, constantly longing for the unobtainable. That's while Herzog has such long steady pans and slow zooms all through his Nosferatu. There is no community of vampires.

Originally Posted by 1436 (Post 409265)

I disagree. Even when someone tells you why they did something you still don't know why they did it. All you know is what they told you. The real reasons are often least understood by the actor.

"I don't know why, but I've been told what happened." That seems to be the most honest response.

Originally Posted by evenodds (Post 409305)

In I Am Legend, they are vampires creating a new society, which is far more terrifying than the post-apocalyptic ravaging of mindless zombies.

Originally Posted by Fugee (Post 409304)

That's so old school vampire. Don't you watch True Blood?**

**I haven't watched it yet -- got season 1 on Black Friday -- but have read all the books on which the series is based.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 409299)

some people bear their problems on their own backs, and never admit them at all, suffering through the internal pain as best they can- without troubling others or admitting weakness.

so I drink too much, and flower closes the door the moment he gets to his office and masturbates the day away hallucinating that he is actually receiving fellatio.

who is to say which is the best approach?

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy (Post 409307)

Thank you. I will not see that. That is silly.

Originally Posted by cheval de frise (Post 409249)

You need a hobby out in the cold, clear light of day. One that doesn't involve an internet connection.

Originally Posted by dtb (Post 409268)

Ha - that's almost exactly what I said to her one time. Something like, "I'm sure it was a very difficult decision for her to move away -- and she probably doesn't even know all the reasons. I'm sure it was hardest for her to leave you."

I also told her (the stepdaughter) that she should ask her mom about it one day. But nobody talks to her about it. They change the subject or mumble some platitude. It's so weird. Poor thing sees and feels that her mother is gone, and everyone around her acts like it's the most normal thing in the world, and my SD knows and feels that it isn't. Honestly, I think she appreciates the reality check from me (the tempered reality). That I acknowledge that it's a difficult and strange thing that her mother did (walking out with no explanation -- the differing reasons for "why" don't change that cold fact) at least affirms for her what she's already feeling, instead of pretending that everything is normal. It isn't.

Originally Posted by Fugee (Post 409311)

Legend was OK, not my favorite movie. Will Smith had to carry nearly all the movie by himself with just a dog and random rampaging zombie attacks.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 409270)

umm, she had the baby and she loves her, so this line is moot. it's like me Pm'ing RT that leagl should never have made Ty a mod.

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower (Post 409286)

The situation worries me.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 409299)

some people bear their problems on their own backs, and never admit them at all, suffering through the internal pain as best they can- without troubling others or admitting weakness.

so I drink too much, and flower closes the door the moment he gets to his office and masturbates the day away hallucinating that he is actually receiving fellatio.

who is to say which is the best approach?

Originally Posted by Fugee (Post 409311)

Legend was OK, not my favorite movie. Will Smith had to carry nearly all the movie by himself with just a dog and random rampaging zombie attacks.

Originally Posted by robustpuppy (Post 409318)

I thought that Legend movie with Will Smith was about golf. But that does not make sense. Random rampaging zombie attacks and golf don't go together.

Originally Posted by robustpuppy (Post 409318)

Random rampaging zombie attacks and golf don't go together.

Originally Posted by cheval de frise (Post 409317)

Based solely on your respective posts, Flower's approach is clearly superior.

CDF

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy (Post 409307)

Thank you. I will not see that. That is silly.

Originally Posted by robustpuppy (Post 409318)

I thought that Legend movie with Will Smith was about golf. But that does not make sense. Random rampaging zombie attacks and golf don't go together.

Originally Posted by Fugee (Post 409325)

I see the confusion -- he was in two movies with "Legend" in the title.

"The Legend of Bagger Vance" is about golf.

"I Am Legend" is about the sole survivor in NYC of a plague that killed most people and turned the rest into monsters (zombies).

Originally Posted by robustpuppy (Post 409318)

I thought that Legend movie with Will Smith was about golf. But that does not make sense. Random rampaging zombie attacks and golf don't go together.

Originally Posted by Adder (Post 409327)

Careful, you will rival Hank for "most helpful."

Originally Posted by evenodds (Post 409324)

My tortured point is that we can see in the shift over 50 years in the presentation of one novel in three movies, and I would argue throughout our society, that our perception of what constitutes a monster has been shifting. Zombies have become our monsters of choice. (Excluding the romantic allure of Twilight and True Blood, which are not "monster" movies/shows.)

We are focused, it appears, on what happens when society falls apart, rather than on an outsider society operating within our own and feeding upon us, Nosferatu aside.

Originally Posted by bold_n_brazen (Post 409117)

Some people might say that you're a really terrible mother.

I'll just say 2.

Originally Posted by ironweed (Post 409139)

Yes, and the kids will have great material for their first books.

I've always blamed my inability to write the great American novel on my parents' long and happy marriage. Do you know how hard it is to have to go out and collect all of your own traumas? By the time you're done, you don't even feel like writing about it anymore because you're old and busted like Thurgreed.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 409323)

ahh-haaa, cheval likes flower's posts. Ha, that's on you flower. Hey cheval, what're the last 5 books you read, and 5 favorite movies.

this is so fucking cool.

Originally Posted by ABBAKiss (Post 409144)

I honestly don't know what to do. We are not together, but he is making my life living hell. Unfortunately, I do still hate-fuck him pretty regularly.

Anyway, I find it interesting that I am being told both that "people change" and that my douchebag ex won't.

Honestly, I don't think he is capable of a relationship. I think his character is fatally flawed and he may even be a sociopath, because no one in their right mind would cheat on me and tell me they were leaving me when I was pregnant at their request for a 21-year-old who lives with her parents and cannot hold a candle to me in any aspect of life whatsoever. And this is not merely my biased opinion.

That said, I cannot simply get him out of my life because he is my daughter's father. So I feel very trapped.