In Other News
 

Apprentice announces candidates:

boston.com article here

No Red Pens
 

how many pieces did you typically wear? were you an overachiever?

Olympic hoops
 

It was a rhetorical question based on the fact that both Kwame and 2004 Magic are excruciating to watch.

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I think that's the only prototypically weird dream I've ever repeatedly had. I'd guess at something like "my life careening down the road totally out of my control", but that's way too simple. It probably really means I want to learn Armenian dance.

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When I was about 8, I had a series of vivid and bone-chilling nightmares involving an Evil Plant. Many plants are Bad or Wrong (hi, PLF!), but this plant was Evil. It could kill people who had touched it long after they had gotten home and gone to sleep, etc. And no one knew about its villainy but me. I bore the sad and lonely duty of guarding the Evil Plant to keep away the endless parade of clueless gawkers, many of whom died despite my precautions. They called me mad!

What was weird about this dream was that it wasn't recurring --- it was serial. It was cinematic. Nay, it had a grandeur that was lacking in 1970s cinema. It was operatic.

It culminated after several months in me convincing the President (who may or may not have been Carter, but was definitely a kindly old gentleman who took some pursuading of the danger --- FWIW) to let me take the redwood slat half-barrel in which Evil Plant made its home out on a battleship to drop it into some trench in the Pacific. Still it lurks there.

What was also weird is that my 8-year-old brain came up with this story before ever having seen "Little Shop of Horrors" or having read "Rappaccini's Daughter." I mean, at the end of the day it was just a fucking plant and could be dropped off a battleship without putting up much of a fight. Fuckin' punk-ass pussy plant. Boo-yah!

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That isn't underwear, and Coltrane wants a raise.

In Other News
 

Two things:

(a) Jesus H. Christ. Donald is drooling over the prospect of firing her. Talk about good news/bad news -- "sweetie, your name guarantees that you'll get on the show. Unfortunately, it also means that you won't win."

(2) What does "an investor" mean? I'm picturing a slighty guilty trust-fund kid.

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You're too young for a walker, Greedy. Although diapers would probably come in handy for Century Club....

kinder, gentler Hank
 

And here I was asking, "Who the heck carries a purse to a naked protest?" I should have guessed it was you. . .

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I say this because I love you: get help. Quickly.

Olympic Stuff and Oliver Stone SPOILER WARNING
 

Well then send some Pacers, or more Nets*, but don't tell me Kobe and Shaq are world beaters- they lost 5 games in the NBA finals. I don't think Shaq adds much to the team that was there, Kobe can maybe hit some open 3s, but do you think he fits into a team concept?

*2 Pistons were asked and turned them down, of course Rip was like the 4th or 5th shooting guard asked and Ben Wallace was asked late too. And the Pistons were a pretty good team, objectively.

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Two or three small ones. Me, over acheiver? You're funny.

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I get that one every now and then. Of course as soon as I notice, everyone else clues in, and I go through some sit-com bit and run from tree to bush to tree (surprisingly, there aren't ever any jog bra issues in these dreams) trying to avoid being noticed.

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And I'm always driving stick shift. No automatic for me.

Usually my feet are caught. Or the controls just don't work. But I'm in the front seat (either driver's side or passenger). I have this one so frequently that I think it's really happened. The make of the car is not important.

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I'm pretty challant when I'm walking around in your underwear, too.

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I had one when I was youn, after the car rolling incident (6 or 7) but before I was old enough to drive (13), where I was behind the wheel and had to get somewhere fast but I had no idea how to make it go. I think it may have been my grandfather's yellow Caddilac. It was a very scary dream.

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Do you remember that place in Zorro where Antonio Banderas slices off Catherine Zeta Jone's straps?

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Didn't you read the rest of the post? He kicked some major plant ass. Way to go, Atticus!

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Not so long ago, I had a dream that I disrobed entirely while in a moving car. I was not the driver of said car. It is important to note that in the dream I removed my jeans before removing my boots.

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Hi!

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Are you suggesting that you want to try out using a sword on me?

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Not a dream, but my early driving episode occurred when my dad decided that 8 was about old enough to teach me how to use a riding mower. He put me on the mower and told me how it worked and set me off around the yard. Next thing I knew, I was heading straight for a (small, fairly recently planted) tree. I froze up and forgot about the brake concept. Tried to steer around it, but that just wasn't happening, so instead I drove right into (and halfway over)it. My dad flipped out (and as a result, I ran away from home for an afternoon or so), but I never had to mow the lawn again. My older sister was pissed to be stuck with that job for the remaider of her teen years.

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Pretty sneaky, sis!

Baby steps.
 

Next up: the mineral kingdom. Any pointers?

ETA: Thanks for giving me the courage to be me. You're an inspiration.

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It was just an image that suddenly came to mind.

Just on your straps!

Baby steps.
 

Not so fast there, Rocky. Let's see you take on a fern or two first. You don't want to rush it.

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My only runaway attempt in memory was thwarted by the "the amount of trouble you'd be in if you cross (four major streets surrounding my neighborhood) without a grown-up is larger than a spanking, a grounding from everything you love and hold dear, and a diet of vienna sausages, liver, and brussels sprouts for the rest of your life" threat. I probably spent an hour looking at one of those streets trying to psych myself up into crossing it. Ultimately, I figured that the threat would still kick into place even if I managed to never, ever see them again, like I shouted when I left the house. My mother wasn't as overjoyed by my forgiving her and agreeing to stay in the family as I thought she'd be.

I don't remember why I was running away.

Baby steps.
 

I have a whole front yard of grass that I'm looking to kill, if Atticus is looking to rescue more people from evil plants.

Movies All Ya'll Forgut
 

Best sci-fi movie poll:

1. Terminator
2. Aliens
3. The Empire Strikes Back
4. The Matrix
5. Howard the Duck

Dreams
 

I was an idiot again last night and then "slept" fitfully. I woke up with the knowledge that I had a HUGE hickey on my neck from someone other than my husband. I didn't really look in the mirror much this morning, just showered and got dressed, carefully selecting a turtleneck. It was only later that I realized that the hickey was acquired in my dream. Made me feel (slightly) better.

My real bad dream
 

Did anyone ever have the dream where you forgot to put the porno movie away and you went to work and the wife and kids will be home first?

Well I just had that "dream" and luckily stopped back to go to the bathroom.

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My youthful attempt at running away was thwarted by the fact that I packed a backpack full of all my books and had trouble lugging the damn thing very far. A neighbor picked me up in his tractor and brought me home.

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When I was 6 or 7, I got real upset for some reason, packed a bag of toys and a peanut butter sandwich, and left home in search of freedom from the tyranny of my parents. I found this freedom in the park near my house, and marvelled at my emancipation all day long. Then it got dark, my sandwich was long gone, and I decided to be the bigger person and forgive my parents, and made it home in time for dinner. From that point on, they knew who was boss.

My real bad dream
 

I have only left them out for the cleaning people. Not a dream.

My real bad dream
 

You've come up with a rather unorthodox reason not to go twosies at the office, but a valid one nonetheless. Regards!

Movies All Ya'll Forgut
 

Sigh. I love Lea Thompson.

Another of my attempts to bring arts and culture to the FB
 

"If I could travel to just one American museum show this summer, this would be it." --New York Times review of Inverted Utopias: Avante Garde in Latin America at the Museum of Fine Arts Houston

I can't stop going to this exhibit. I went to one of the openings, and it just blew me away. It's fun and serious at the same time, and there's stuff there that just is amazing. If any of you find yourselves in Houston between now and September 12, come check it out.

My real bad dream
 

Nothing personal, but this combined with your avatar? Ew.

Movies All Ya'll Forgut
 

I don't get it. My old roommate loved her too. I just don't get it.

I got the beads, good vibes good vibes
 

Hey gang!

So it looks like its on tonight. I took the recommendations, went to goodvibes.com and got some anal beads and plenty of lube. The BF gets in at 7 and is meeting me at the Fairmont, a pitcher of chocotinis, a little room service, some Vueve….maybe the Grande Dame, and then I plan to lead him into the double sized shower in the suite, tease him in there just enough but not too much. I will get out first and when he walks out SURPRISE! The backdoor is open.

My office fantasy today has been that after the beads set the stage, then at that point he bends me over the couch and pounds me from the back, at first slow and gentle, but then I am picturing hard and fast. A ravaging. I love it when he wraps his long strong fingers around my neck and gives it a little squeeze or pulls on my hair, yes, that’s even better. I kinda like the rough and tumble stuff.

Which makes me think, late afternoon poll, hard and fast or slow and gentle?

Wish me luck~!

Mandy