Disco Stu never lies
 

Was that your typo or your source's? Because it's unintentionally funny in context, NTTAWWT.

Disco Stu never lies
 

Who the hell is Ramon? And is he drinking champagne as well?

Poster Boys
 

I'm going to go ahead and say what I'm sure has been posted already: He must not have been that brilliant, then.

TM

Out of the Closet Redux
 

The fact that he goes down on Ramon should have given it away.

Disco Stu never lies
 

Could they please get the number of hyphens in the phrase right, please? One. No more, no less.

And, I'll never eat Ramon noodles again without thinking NTTAWWT.

Disco Stu never lies
 

He likes to eat Ramon? Are you sure the "girl" part isn't referencing something else?

(Edited to add: shit, beat out by three others. Slipping . . .)

Disco Stu never lies
 

Is that in the ethnic foods aisle? Next to the salsa and menudo?

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

Of course. I come in late, and I can just say "sorry, my wife . . . " and shrug, and everyone nods understandingly. If you walk in and and try it with "my husband", they're all just going to think you're late because you got laid.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

Really? In my office, everyone rolls in late like some hungover college student except me. It's a goddamned curse being an early riser. You don't get face-time credit for the 2 early morning work hours no one else observed, so you either work 2 hours longer to match the face-time of the latecomers and waste your own life, or leave on time and get screwed at work for 'not being there'.

I leave.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

This brought to mind a conversation I was having with some colleagues the other day. We were talking about our sundry children's reactions to Lord of the Ring. My son is crazy about it and keeps pestering me to buy him a gold ring.

One guy said how his daughter asked him if his wedding ring was from Lord of the Rings, because it looked like it, which caused yet another guy to say, "Well, mine may as well be from LOTR, as it has the same effect on me. My one ring certainly rules them all." (He said it in a funnier way -- and I now realize that this isn't very funny in the retelling, but now that I've typed it all out, I'm sending it anyway. I'm sure Atticus or Shape Shifter can re-work it so it's funny again...)

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

Unless you are lying to us.

HOW TO LAY WELL?
 

This reminds, I thought there were two points to yesterday's poll -- wasn't it not just the most inappropriate things a professor did to you, but also the most inappropriate thing a BOSS has done to you?

Anyone?

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

my guess is that their reply of "namaste" factors in that the goodness in you has been decreased in connection with your current lie.

Disco Stu never lies
 

I first heard the phrase in 1991 in episode #302 of Kids in the Hall. http://barbkith.net/episode.htm I just thought I'd work Dave's corner for a while.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

Bullshit. The partners all get in at the crack of dawn and leave early to kiss their kids goodnight. It's you "early riser" (read: kiss-ass) associates like you who give us normal 9:40am folks a bad rep.

If you cannot sleep later, go to the gym and run errands before work.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

You clearly haven't mastered the art of the 6 am email.

Disco Stu never lies
 

Bitch, please. I first used this phrase to insult someone on this board ages ago.

And Kids in the Hall is where I first heard it, too.

NFH of the day
 

Funny, yes -- but COWS ARE FEMALE -- ALWAYS!!!!!!

Why does it take a CITY PERSON to point this out?!?!

GEEZ! (My impression of Mad Lawyer.)

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

In my world, populated only by me, the 9:40 people are the ass-kissers.

I'm a lifelong 10:15er. But tomorrow, 9:30, I swear. New year, new leaf.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

After people started calling me at home with questions at 9pm, I mastered the art of the 7 am phone call instead. Home's a lot more peaceful now.

Changed signature
 

What makes you think I give a fuck what your fucking sig line says? You fucking moron.

(Sorry I had to be good all morning. I really need a drink.)

Changed signature
 

So how'd your testimony go?

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

Nothing fun is open or happening at that hour (and I count the gym as "a necessary thing to postpone death", not "fun"). Might as well work, and have time to play in the evening.

Disco Stu never lies
 

So PJ needs a hyphen? Or is there one less hyphen in boy-drink than in girl-drink?

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

Remember the words of Costanza: It's not a lie, if YOU believe it.

I am a world-class liar. But it comes from practice. Practice and a fundamental mistrustfulness of other people make for a good liar. If you don't trust people and are constantly breaking down what they say in your head and trying to catch them in lies, you will be a good liar.

The key is to formulate your lie in advance. Then, question yourself like you would question someone else posing the lie to you. Once you come up with answers to all your questions, the lie is a good one.

Also, it's good to introduce props and third parties if the lie is going to be a big one. It's like a sting. You plant things in the person's mind before you tell the lie so the lie is an extension of a truth they have already witnessed with their own two eyes or ears.

Example: You want to meet up with an old girlfriend (not to cheat, but it will look bad no matter) and you know your girlie wouldn't like it. What do you do?

First, tell a good friend your plans. Then have said friend call you and make sure your girlie answers the phone. Have him chat a bit and then, if he's good, he'll say something like, "Do you guys have anything planned for Friday night?" That's it. That's all he needs to say.

You get on the phone, shoot the shit, etc. Get off and wait for her to ask you what your friend has planned for Friday. You say, "Oh. He wants to go out to such and such, but I don't think I want to go. I'm kind of tired."

Then, on Friday, a few hours in advance, you call her and say that you changed your mind and are going to meet him. Go, have your fun with your ex and when you come home, she'll ask how it was first. You'll say it was okay, even though you didn't go where he originally wanted to go and he was into some girl the whole time.

This is important because she or one of her friends may have seen you at another place and may also have seen you with her. But now you're good. Because if she goes all in at this point, there's no problem. "Why was I talking to some girl? I just told you he was into some girl. Your friend probably saw me with her when he went to the bathroom or something. What the fuck?"

Easy street. Guilt and shame shifted to her shoulders. And you're already onto asking what's in the fridge.

PM me your potential lie and I will perfect it for you.

TM

Changed signature
 

I had to turn signatures back on momentarily to see pony's sig line earlier and I was reminded of how much I enjoy spookyfish's rageaholic. thanks for bringing him back, fishy. and fuck off.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

the Russian mob after-hours bars are still open, frequented by off-duty strippers.

then again, that may not be your scene.

HOW TO LAY WELL?
 

A certain partner at my firm has a habit of viewing very hard core porn on his office computer, and leaving the images on his screen while people come in and out of his office to conduct business. I am not really offended by it, but I imagine that not everyone would feel the same way.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

I can use this too. But if I say it, it really is. I add an eye roll for effect.

I can also walk in in a huff and say women! And everyone just nods.


I'm not much of a liar. I'm too literal for the most part.


In answer to the question, how did it go. I think it went well. I was on the stand for quite a while, but for the most part I was walking them through a video tape I had made.

I have encountered the defense counsel 3 times now and he is always pretty cautious and respectful with me. He's never really attacked me. I think it would be difficult to do so really. Joking aside I'm a pretty good witness. And of course, as an attorney, I am not likely to get up on the stand and risk my license by lying over getting some morons convicted for a very minor offense.

My weakness as a witness is definitely the fact that I am very literal, as I noted above.

So, Ms. Eaze, did you observe the defendants obstruct traffic, both foot and automobile?

Well, I would say that I saw them obstruct foot traffic, but I do not recall any specific instances of obstruction of automobile traffic. This is not to say they did not disrupt it. I just did not observe it.

I'm surpised he didn't kill me.

Works both ways though. Makes it hard for defense to shake or confuse me.

It also makes it easy to believe me.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

How do I explain that she was giving me a hummer at the bar?

It is also important to remember that constructed fact pattern for a very long time.

HOW TO LAY WELL?
 

What? Where do you sit? Let's meet at the soda machine.

Poster Boys
 

Beaten to it. Nevermind.

TM

The Mole
 

More disturbing is the thought of what he is doing in his office while he is looking at the porn.

Your avatar reminds me that I watched Celebrity Mole last night. Rodman is not going to make it because he is not paying attention to the clues (or much of anything for that matter) but I think they'll keep him around for ratings since I don't think many people are tuning in to see Keisha Knight Pulliam.

They'll keep hot chick on too, since has proven that she freely removes her clothing.

Groundhog Day
 

I have this overwhelming feeling of Deja Vu

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

sheesh. this is an old one.

You lost your contact lens. You think it fell into your lap. You of course, couldn't see, so she was helping you find it.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

CYA letters are for chickenshits. If I'm going down for something I did wrong, you'll have a devil of a time proving it from the lack of docs, and if you can prove it, you deserve a nice fat check from my malpractice carrier.

PSA: Time for a New Thread
 

Just noticed that we blew past 5k posts a while back...

From the looks of it ABBA has the honor of starting the new thread.

Carry on.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

I know I don't wear contacts, Usually, dear, but I had gotten some to try. It really is hard to keep them in, you know.

And I know I don't wear glasses, but I wanted the contacts that change your eye color, you know, so I'd have sparkling blue eyes like yours.

Um, yes, I know you don't like blue eyes in men.

HOW TO LIE WELL?
 

You miss the point. CYA letters and "memos to file" are for when someone ELSE tells you to do something wrong and you want backup to show that your partner is the actual idiot.

Disco Stu never lies
 

It's all in the details. Have you heard the story about 2 college kids who went out the night before their (insert name of class) final, hooked up with some subile spinning hippy chicks and other recreational substances etc. etc. and missed the final.

They went to the Prof with a story about getting a flat tire in East Podunkville and being stuck for hours. This was before the days of cell phones.

The Prof allows them to retake the final. When they show up for the test, he puts them in seperate classrooms. There is one question on the test. "Which tire?"