Mother's Day
 

Yes. That columnist was a joyless bastard.

;)

Mother's Day
 

That's one of Dave Berry's Twenty Five Things I've Learned in 50 Years.

My ex- forgot my birthday one year. I can't say that I was happy about it. I can't say he was happy about my reaction to his forgetting my birthday.

Edited to put a better link in.

Mother's Day
 

I don't know, but I agree with him. At least as to concept if not as to age. I'd put it at about 16 or 18.

Edited to say that is a great list.

What was your reaction to his forgetting your birthday? Making him your ex?

Mother's Day
 

Isn't that one of the fucked up things about life? As soon as you hit an age when you need some extra fucking money or a new pair of pants or something everyone suddenly decides that you are too old to get presents anymore. What a load of shit -- it is precisely when a person is in his early twenties that he needs that extra 20 bucks grandma used to slip into a b-day card but now the old bag thinks he is too mature for birthday presents. Thanks bitch, now I can't afford to go out and celebrate my birthday. I have never been big into my birthday anyway, but sheesh that is some twisted shit.

ThrashersFan

Mother's Day
 

He called me at one in the morning, totally ignorant of the fact that it was my birthday. He couldn't understand why I was a bit pissed off. I asked him to look at the calendar, and he still had no clue what I was talking about. It was a particularly bad year to forget, because I had recently moved to a city where I knew no one, so even token celebrations were at a minimum. I wouldn't have made him my ex- over something like that, but even in the years after he became my ex-, he still calls me on my birthday to prove that he remembers.


It looks like most Americans think that 26 is the age where we're grown up:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...fe_adults_dc_1

Are We Grown Up Yet? U.S. Study Says Not 'Till 26
Thu May 8, 6:37 PM ET Add Science - Reuters to My Yahoo!

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Most Americans believe someone isn't grown up until age 26, probably with a completed education, a full-time job, a family to support and financial independence, a survey said on Thursday.

But they also believe that becoming an official grown-up is a process that takes five years from about the age of 20, concluded the report from the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center.

The findings were based on a representative sample of 1,398 people over age 18 surveyed in person in 2002. It had an error margin of plus or minus 3 percent.

Birthdays
 

Who made up that stupid rule about no-presents-or-parties-for-adults? It's fun to give them if it's for someone you like rather'n an obligation; it's always fun to get them; and it gives everyone an excuse to eat cake and ice cream and drink mimosas. How can anyone possibly object?

Birthdays
 

And maybe get a new purse?? Or show one off?

Birthdays
 

WTF do mimosas have to do with birthdays?

Birthdays
 

I like them with brunch, which is always a lovely time to have a birthday party.

Drink Bud if you want; I just think it's gross with Belgian waffles. :)

Birthdays
 

If we can go back to overrated foods for a minute, I would put mimosas in that category. It's a 1+1=1 problem. Champagne? Good. OJ? Good. Together? Not so much. Of course, the problem is compounded by the fact that most places use crappy "Champagne" (that really shouldn't be called even sparkling wine) and crappy OJ. Me? I'd rather get a nice glass of fresh-squeezed OJ and then either a glass of decent Champagne or a bloody Mary.

Shocking News!
 

A great improvement over some of the other stuff I've writ. . . . . . I mean seen.

See, e.g., "Fertile Imagination" at http://www.infirmation.com/bboard/cl...?msg_id=000RmB
[spree: A "Lesslink"]

Birthdays
 

There's this Tiki bar on the Jersey Shore that sells a 20oz freshly squeezed OJ with your choice of 4oz of Bacardi or 4oz of Absolut - I think it's 8 bucks. Absolutely delicious and goes down like water.

Sitting in the sun, after drinking about three of these awesome things, it's very easy to ...well...forget you're at the JERSEY shore.

not7y(happy hour yet?)S

NEW POLL
 

That is an excellent list. I decided to make it a poll.

ADD to the following list. You can confine your additions to things you have learned about this board and its posters or general things (like in the list).

25 things I have learned in 50 years (by Dave Barry)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

6. A penny saved is worthless.

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.

14. Nobody is normal.

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:

* The universe is even bigger than they thought!
* There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
* Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:
* If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.
* If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
* If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
* If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

24. Your friends love you anyway.

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

-- Dave Barry

Thurgreed's addendum (Greedy boards specific):

1. People are greedy.

2. Fluff/sex, politics and money are the only topics people really want to discuss.

3. Being able to curse freely is more important than one would think.

4. People want to be heard.

5. K racing is stupid.

6. Paigow is nuts.

7. People don't work as hard as it seems they do when they're bitching about their jobs.

8. Some GPs are NOT so bad.

9. People know more about you than you think.

10. There are very few people in any danger of losing their job if they get outed.


Thurgreed's addendum (general):

1. The ratio of funny male comics to funny female comics is like 10:1.

2. Rich people are generally the cheapest people around.

3. It is almost impossible to be in a bad mood if you have an ice cream cone.

4. Although most people are generally stupid, the collective intelligence of a room with a significant amount of people when it comes to trivia is almost always impressive.

5. Lawyers are no more slimy than politicians, brokers (Wall Street and Real Estate), journalists and executives of large public companies.

6. If you have no idea, say, "I'll look into that" or "I'll get back to you" or "Interesting."

7. If you have no idea, do not say, "Uhhhhhhh."

8. Debt is bad.

9. There is almost no reality in "reality tv."

10. If someone has done something other people enjoy, they want credit no matter what they say or how humble they act.

11. Paigow is nuts.

TM

Monkey writing
 

My writing style has been likened to the monkeys.

See Bilmore's keen [FN1] observation and suggestion

FN1: "Keen" here is used in the non-Normal Mailer vernacular.

Birthdays
 

In Reims/Champagne region of France, a large group of 20-somethings threw in some OJ after champagne had been served to us...to the horror of our servers. They were appalled. It was awesome.

Give us a break - it was 10:30 AM and we were ALL hungover...

Birthdays
 

In the fruity alcoholic breakfast drink category, I'd much prefer a belini to a mimosa. La Strada used to have bottomless pitchers of belinis on Sunday, before it burned down.

That place was INSANE for Sunday brunch. People doing coke on the bar, both women and men stripping, jello shots and belinis consumed in mass quantities, all sorts of sex in the bathroom. All before noon on Sunday. The last time I was there was for the last Westheimer Street festival, and some stripper was celebrating her new boob job and showing everyone. The cop manning the door pretty much decided that as long as no one inside was complaining, she wasn't going to do anything about it. I remember being very hung over the next day, looking at the receipt with my drunken scrawl on the bottom, and being shocked. Apparently I bought shots for about 60 people. The same guy who burned down Zimms, Sierra and that greek restaruant hit La Strada a few years back, and there hasn't really been a good replacement, though I hear that the new Berryhill Tamale next to the Chinese consulate is becoming rather insane.

opinions sought please
 

Ok - I am going to a wedding and making a dress for it b/c I got this great red silk fabric and it will look lovely. I was thinking of making a dress like this:

http://bluefly.speedera.net/zs.bluef.../prodImage.ms?

but was told recently (by a woman in the fashion industry) that my collarbones are too bony for dresses like that. I disagree but what do I know. So, although it is not really me, I am now thinking of making this kind of dress:

http://bluefly.speedera.net/zs.bluef.../prodImage.ms?

So I need an opinion. Is the second one more wedding appropriate? Is the first one really inappropriate for someone with allegedly bony collar bones? (I would have a wrap or something so not totally exposed all the time). I'm kind of torn. the second one just doesn't feel like me.

And this is my first attempt at posting a picture, so I apologize if I fuck up.

Fixing pictures, er, maybe not. In general URLs of images should have the extensions .gif, .jpg, or .bmp at the end. I tried to go back to the source URL to find the picture, but I got a 404 error.--RT

I'm just inept
 

Ok - I clearly don't have a clue when it comes to posting pictures. yikes that was bad.

Oh Cabin Boy, the Captain seeks comfort
 

Less,

I met you a year or so ago, and you sat across the table over the course of a few hours (first in a bar and then in a restaurant). We chatted, drank, and ate. We chatted and drank some more. You did not exhibit the time-honed (and time-honored) spittle-wielding trait that Paigow continually describes.

Of course, you did not offer to buy me a Tang, I am a male, and I am not a mongoloid, so perhaps I did not trigger this Skinnerian or Pavlovian trait.

That being said, Less, whenever I see your moniker, I visualize this wild-eyed, crazed, spittle-frothing person that, in turn, leads me to think you should consider finding an avatar from SNL's Queen Mary, replete with a drool bucket and a cabin boy. Paigow -- while wrong -- certainly has painted (smeared?) a great caricature.

Happy Friday.

Monkey writing
 

Ah, the classic Hideki "money v. a life" argument.

Three (!?!) years ago.

Memories . . .

Oh Cabin Boy, the Captain seeks comfort
 

Being completed disassociated from reality herself, Paigow has mad skillz in certain, um, creative arenas. The irony is that, I think she is the one sputtering uncontrolably when she gets upset and types her mad responses, complete with miscapitalizations, typos, and cut off sentences.

Truisms in life:

A woman marries a man expecing he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does.

Paigow is nuts.

The chase is better than the catch.

Paigow is nuts.

The longer the opinion, the more the court is justifying a decision it knows is wrong.

Paigow is nuts.

The law of unintended consequences is real. See, e.g. - http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/articl...7/MN178297.DTL (animal lover's cats are helping make sea otters extinct).

Paigow is nuts.

I'm just inept
 

You did the basic coding right, but the links themselves are no good.

In order to work it is going to need to end with a .jpg or .gif or something like that as the person who edited your post noted.

NEW POLL
 

I like your list TM.

Let me see if I can add some.

The last person who should lead is the one who seeks the job.

Money may not be the route to happiness, but it is easier to be happy when you have it.

People are rarely truly selfless.

No one is always nice.

The people who "seem" the most normal are the nuttiest.

Oh, and most important, TM is a sarcastic bastard.

Decisions have consequences
 

I have one addendum to TM's excellent list: decisions have consequences.

To wit:

Last night I was already at my car when I realized I had left my cell phone on my desk. Should I go back and get it? I was in a bit of a hurry, so I figured I'd get it tomorrow.

Fast forward to this morning, me on my way to hit some golf balls before work at Griffith Park. Stopped in traffic, some assjack slams into me quite hard from behind. We pull off of Los Feliz Blvd. onto a side street. Neither of us have our phone with us, so I go across the street to phone in the accident. While using a good samaritan's phone, I see the assjack climb back into his car and take off. So "Arturo," in your grey sedan, with license plate 4KIW323, if you're reading this, go fuck yourself. I hope you die.

str8outaCedarSinai.

Oh Cabin Boy, the Captain seeks comfort
 

Ancient Mesopotamians discovered that the parasite killing otters, Toxoplasma gondii, actually originated in what now is called India. Under a microscope, it looks very cute, perhaps Indearing itself to researchers.

Edited because I can't speel.

I'm just inept
 

If you go to the site, the pictures have additional coding after the "?" relating to size etc. That was omitted, and shouldn't be. Unfortunately, the "properties" box on windows doesn't show the entire url if it's very long.

Decisions have consequences
 

Just make sure you report him to the cops before he reports you.

Decisions have consequences
 

Yeah, and make sure you do the separate DMV report for accidents involving injury or >$500 damage. They will put your license on administrative suspension if you don't report within five days, even if the damage was to your car and the other guy was a hit-and-run. Heartless bastards.

Get well soon. In solidarity, I promise not to do any work for clients named Arturo today.

NEW POLL
 

My contribution:

Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

Some, however, are everyone else's weirdo.

:boots:

The Bachelor
 

I know that now that Tina Fabulous (22 is too young to get married anyway) is gone, no one cares, but Andrew Firestone says that he is "in love."

http://archives.seattletimes.nwsourc...drew+firestone

The Bachelor
 

I hope he gets his watch back.

Anyway, doesn't he have to make it sound like he found true love until at least the final episode airs? I mean, it would be pretty poor for the show if it was publicly acknowedged that the couple had broken up before he made his final selection. At least Aaron was classy enough to wait to dump Helene after the final show was aired and all his Podunk, MO, buddies won their off-shore bets.

Nude Tennis, Anyone?
 

Where are they going to keep the spare tennis balls?

Spree: link to harmless CNN story about webcast of naked tennis

http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/interne...eut/index.html[URL=http://]

NEW POLL
 

11. There is NO such thing as a cheap date.

12. Never bet on your favorite team.

13. A drug dealer that says "I'll be there in Five Minutes" is lying.

14. Find me the most beautiful woman on the planet and I'll find you some dude who's tired of sleeping with her.

15. The last stragglers of the evening that close out the bar tab ALWAYS get fucked.

NEW POLL
 

Mine:

RE: the boards (any boards, really, not just greedy boards)

1.) Inevitably, someone will start talking about the "good old days" be it six weeks ago, two years ago, or at the start of the board.

2.) Newbies always have and always will have a way of pissing people off.

3.) The person who states that em is leaving the board forever generally comes back within two months.

4.) Every conversation generally boils down to porn and politics. (This observation is stolen from my friend Amanda who drunkenly asserted the theory during a dive crawl along San Pedro from Oakland to El Cerrito in 2001).

5.) Eventually, anonymity on the internet is a myth.

6.) Internet interactions resemble high school in a very scary way.

Real life:

I'll get to those later.

Seeking hotel recs for Vegas
 

I have been asked to post the following question:

Would anyone be able to suggest mid-priced hotels on the Strip? Firm is paying, don't have an exact rate, but it needs to be "reasonable."

It is a business trip (the person promises however that em will not be taking depositions.)

I'm just inept
 

Thanks - I'm just retarded times two, I guess.

Nude Tennis, Anyone?
 

Tucked under their boobs, which will sag quickly and ferociously because of their stupid decision not to wear a sports bra.

I'm just inept
 

If you want to im me or email me the info, I'll be happy to post it for you.

I'm just inept
 

You're very kind. I actually made up my mind over lunch, so it's moot.

Pillsbury Dough Boyz in da Hood
 

http://www.insanepictures.com/pic.shtml?1073.jpg
[spree: California woman shot in head, holds brains in until help arrives]

edited (twice) because I am a coding moron