NEW POLL
 

The people on the internet who claim to be the most attractive are always the least attractive.

The more pure a person pretends to be on the internet, the more likely they are to fuck you when you meet them in person. (this rule only applies to women -- all the men are sluts ;) )

The posters most likely to make lecherous comments towards female posters are always married (but the converse is not true).

Sometime people on the internet lie (I'm not kidding -- they do!)

The more a poster brags about dumping somebody, the greater the liklihood they were dumped.

If a poster has to tell you they are joking, they probably aren't.

The more times a poster states "I don't care what you think of me" the more they care what you think of them.

Seeking hotel recs for Vegas
 

I like the Aladdin and the Venetian. Rates fluctuate a lot, but these will generally be cheaper than Bellagio or the Four Seasons @ Mandalay Bay.

Of course, you could take a page from my fiancee, who claims that her $4,000 wedding dress is "mid-priced" because there are dresses upwards of $10,000 in every store she goes in. Based on that logic, I'd suggest the Four Seasons. After all, it's not as if you're staying at those $1,000/night rooms in the Mirage that give you access to Steve Winn's golf course.


str8.

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More board-related things:

People who use the word classy as less classy than people who don’t. People who point this out every time someone uses the word classy are the least classy of all.

Stories about getting drunk are not that interesting to people who weren’t there.

People who choose not to have kids are exactly the right people who should not have kids.

People who have sex on a regular basis talk about it far less than people who don’t.

NEW POLL
 

I don't buy this one. Not for a second.

Seeking hotel recs for Vegas
 

The main thing about Strip hotel rates is that they depend on the week. If there is a big convention in town the price can double, so if the schedule is flexible, check out different dates.

Mid-level Strip hotels I would recommend are Harrah's, the Flamingo, and Treasure Island (soon to be stupidly renamed "TI"). Sometimes the Monte Carlo has great deals. The Aladdin is cutting prices. That's what comes to mind.

NEW POLL
 

To quote the most lecherous poster ever, Taltos (although Gattigap is apparently trying to steal away the title in Taltos' absence): Got pics?

New Poll
 

Real life observations:

1. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but that's exactly what they are, flies - buzzing and annoying.

2. Never marry your highschool sweetheart. (unless your name is Cletus)

3. Love is not blind.

4. Women are dirty (sorry - that is David Brent's observation, not mine - just threw it in because it makes me laugh).

NEW POLL
 

16. Any man/woman still in a bar at 3am is neither worth fighting over nor fucking.

17. While your best friend will do nothing to stop your stupid drunk ass from fucking a fat/ugly person at a party, he will be sure to mercilessly ride you about it for the rest of your life.




ThrashersFan

1. The internet will create an explosion in work efficiency in the same way that television made our home lives more productive.

2. If you find yourself getting really pissed, chances are you're talking to a sock.

3. You can find out who your real friends are by skipping your shower for a few days. They'll tell you that you stink.

4. The day is coming when all cellphones will have TV's built in. On that day, civilization will technically end.

5. Always cross the sewer grate with your bike tires perpendicular to the opening slots.

NEW POLL
 

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I see you two have met.

TM

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I can only add one to your astonishingly comprehensive list:

12. When people say, "I don't mean this rudely....", they're lying.

I'm just inept
 

Yes it does. You just have to take your cursor and select the text and drag your cursor down. Then you can copy and paste it.

NEW POLL
 

My conference call is inspiring a new round of observations:

1. It takes about five minutes of conversation with a person to discover the most annoying thing about him or her. Then you can choose to leave or continue. Resist the urge to stay just to be polite.

2. People's personalities resemble those of their pets.

3. Vegetarian men are unattractive. Vegans are worse. (Vegetarian women, however, are smokin')

4. Yoda has most, if not all, of the answers.

5. Brides should not smoke. It looks dreadful.

NEW POLL
 

And the corollary (but I may be the first to have come up with this particular bit of wit and witticism):

11. There is NO such thing as a free lunch.

NEW POLL
 

This is a corollary of:

Everything before the word "but" is bullshit,

and a parallel to:

"I don't mean this personally" - yes, you do.

Another one occurred to me,

Whenever someone (generally a rapper) says "You know what I mean" or "You know what I'm talking about" a lot, I generally don't.

NEW POLL
 

People who describe themselves as "happily married" are most likely to have spouses who aren't.

The person who always volunteers to put the dinner bill on his/her credit card while everyone else chips in the cash will usually leave a lousy tip.

NEW POLL
 

Amen, sister. When I was a server in a "fun!" restaurant (think of that place in the fine movie Office Space where Jennifer Anniston's character doesn't have enough voluntary flair), I learned this the hard way.

The additional factor that I learned as a lawyer is that the person who does this is also planning on submitting the receipt for reimbursement. And getting frequent flier miles on the card. And doing it to avoid having to get cash out of the ATM in the account that the person shares with a spouse/SO who frowns on lunches at places that have table service.

Not (witty parenthetical inserted merely to annoy MR) (note to Susan in estate planning on the 34th floor -- yes, I *am* talking about you) Bob

New Poll
 

Which, for you Newsradio fans, reminds me of this:

Dave: Bill, have you ever heard the expression "It's easier to catch flies with honey instead of vinegar"?

Bill: Dave, have you ever heard the expression "Only a hillbilly sits around and tries to figure out the best way to catch flies"?

NEW POLL
 

some more:

The friend who urges you to break up with your boyfriend b/c he's not good enough for you usually ends up fucking him within a month of your breakup.

Guys who complain that their male friends are "whipped" are always either single and not getting any or married and not getting any.

Fallout from casual sex rises in proportion to its blandness (tm: tm)

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Wait. Do you mean to say that something that I do is now fashionable? In? Holy shit. I always say that if you do something for over 20 years it is bound to come into fashion at some point. People used to think I was just a cheap date because I only ate the veggies -- of course, then I started drinking heavily and turns out that the alcohol can be more 'spensive than the dead fleshy stuff. WOOHOO

Thrashers(doing a little "I am finally cool" dance which reinforces the fact that I am not cool)Fan

NEW POLL
 

No one really has a clue what they're doing. We're all making it up as we go along.

She who makes the suggestion usually ends up with the project.

People are friendlier to animals than they are to each other.

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This reminds me of one of the dumbest-and-yet-very-true things that I've ever heard. Someone was promoting his book about how to win at casino-gambling, and revealed that one of his secrets is to never tip. "One of the biggest mistakes people make is tipping the dealers. Even when playing my system to perfection, your edge is very small, and over time, this will completely erode any chance you have of winning." Or words to that effect.

In that vein, I'm thinking of writing a book called, "how to save money when eating out at restaurants." Chapter 1 will be entitled "Never tip," followed by:

Chapter 2: Share those entrees
Chapter 3: Don't ever order booze
Chapter 4: Water with sweetner makes a great dessert
Chapter 5: Dining and Dashing -- Free Meals and a work-out
Chapter 6: Pretending to be a bus-boy is a great way to steal left-overs
Chapter 7: Ramen noodles at home+tablecloth=5 star asian meal.

I really think I'm onto something here.

NEW POLL
 

Yup. And today is Friday, too. But, I can find no place on this board to post it.

NEW POLL
 

You had casual sex with TM? It was bland? Or not, because the fallout was high?

Oh, (to paraphrase Lili Von Schtupp), is it twue what they say about those people?

TM and b-l --- wow. The more I learn about the FB the more I realize how little I know about it.

NEW POLL
 

The long and short of it is that:

.... nobody does anything for nothing
.... nobody REALLY likes you
.... you will always wonder what would have happened IF..
.... your pets only like you because you have thumbs
.... it is unlikely that your children will ever truly admire you
.... your spouse has probably already cheated on you
.... sex isn't much fun unless you are willing to embarrass yourself


In order to survive life:
.... always make sure that your blood alcohol level is somewhere above zero. ALWAYS.
.... don't ever let anyone, ANYONE, have any say in your self-worth
.... always remember that most of these fucking asswipes will be genetically cleansed by God/Mother Nature/whatever
.... keep a supply of peanuts, beer and smokes in the basement in case of bad weather
..... pretend that each sexual experience is your last and give it all you got, BABY!!!!


ThrashersFan

Tipping
 

Hehe. I had a couple of econ profs. who hypothesized about tipping. their query was why anyone ever tips in out-of-town restaurants. The service has already been given, so it's a sunk cost of the server. And there's no repeat play, since you'll never go back (or they won't remember you if you do).

I didn't go out to dinner with them after that.

NEW POLL
 

You are ahead of the curve!

New Poll
 

If a dog bites you, it's always your fault. If a dog bites your kid, it's always your fault.

If you honestly have to ask your friend if your ass looks fat in that [whatever], it does.

Whatever your friend responds to that question, she is lying.

Ordering your coffee black with dessert does not cancel out your large slice of chocolate mousse cake.

Any food item that has to proclaim "Contains genuine [whatever ingredient]!" is best avoided.

In a toss-up between doing what's fair to you and covering em's own ass, your boss will cover em's own ass.

NEW POLL
 

Not true.

Here are a few general observations:

Anything you need, you can get there.

The older you get, the hotter younger men (or women) look.

The easier a solution is, the harder it is for everyone to agree it's the right thing to do.

You never get credit for the truly valuable stuff you do, and you always get praise for the stuff that seems completely unimportant.

You can find your soulmate at closing time.

purse junkie
 

Oops, forgot:

Any food labeled "vegan" is utterly unpalatable.

Tipping
 

Your profs were on the mark. I waited tables in a college town that attracts a huge number of tourists, and tourists are the worst tippers of all. The second-worst (and please do not revoke my feminist card for this): ladies who lunch -- especially those who ask for separate checks.

It is also a rule that the parties that run your ass all over the restaurant will leave a lousy tip.



edited to fix code. e/o

purse junkie
 

AMEN!! After being a vegetarian for over 20 years I can attest to the fact that ANY food aimed at vegetarians sucks ass. That being said, I will add to the poll:

As a doctor once told me, you can get all of the sustenance you need to live by taking two vitamin pills and drinking 12 beers a day.

No matter what anyone tells me, I will go to my grave believing the statement above.

Don't tell people that you are a vegetarian because they will invariably do their best to cook you something vegetarian which means tofu and beans when everyone else is having pizza.

Pizza is nature's perfect food. Add a beer and you have completed the nutrition pyramid.

Finally, a vegetarian can get all the protein she needs from beer and......

ThrashersFan

suggestions for reality shows
 

Here in PA we have a lawyer who goes by the name S. Sponte, Esq for his monthly column in the PA Lawyer magazine. This month his column is on reality shows, and he suggests 5 new shows.

1. "I Don't." A hilarious combination of "Divorce Court" and "Beat the Clock" in which the contestants vie to establish the absolute quickest time between "I now pronounce you husband and wife" and the granting of a divorce decree. Extra points for spousal abuse, alienation of children, affairs, nondisclosure of marital assets, passage of recently acquired sexually transmitted disease.

2. "All Fall Down" The slip and fall show in which contestants com pete for prize money by strolling down the Walk of Pain, tossing themselves at various holes, construction sites, icy patches, dirt mounds and puddles the encounter along the way. Prizes awarded based on success and frequency with which contestants break various bodily parts with bonuses for repeat verdicts. Be careful though, one defense verdict and you're immediately dragged off the set, whether you've healed or not, and you have to give back all the complimentary meds.

3. "Who's Your Daddy" A family law game show in which the participants compete to win a DNA paternity test so they can pay child support for 18 years. Production will have to wait until producers can come up with a way to include female contestants.

4. "The Rear Enders" A raucous, noisy demolition derby show in which both rear enders and rear endees team up to cause as much vehicular damage and bodily injury to fellow team members in as short a time as possible. Winners share 65% of the damages. 60% if it goes to trial.

5. "Escape from Mandamus" Something a bit on the more cerebral side, designed primarily to appeal to the typical PBS viewer. The show takes the mundane, an elected official who abuses his or her office, ignoring both the laws and the commonwealth and combines it with, get this, an outraged electorate tired of being flamboozled and finally willing to do something about it. Ratings should be spectacular provided the show can get clearance from the office of homeland criticism.

Really!, The Pennsylvania Lawyer, May-June, 2003 (pp 56.)

NEW POLL
 

I am happy to place pictures on my boomspeed account for anyone who wants to have something up. Just tell me when to remove it and I will happily do that as well.

purse junkie
 

Ice cream, which contains lots of calcium and vitamin D, is a health food.

Water is not a beverage. It is what you have to drink sometimes to keep from dying.

There is nothing wrong with anyone that a little Irish whiskey won't cure. That, or kicking them out of your house.

Top Baby Names
 

Emily and Jacob Are Top Baby Names

According the Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names in 2002 are:

Girls:

Emily, Hannah, Madison, Ashley, Sarah, Alexis, Samantha, Jessica, Elizabeth and Taylor.

Boys:

Jacob, Michael, Matthew, Joshua, Christopher, Nicholas, Andrew, Joseph, Daniel and Tyler.

"Emily has been the No. 1 name for girls since replacing Jessica in 1996. Madison and Hannah have been in the top 10 since 1997.

Jacob has been the most popular name for boys since 1999, when it ended Michael's impressive 35-year run in the top spot. "

Full text: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp.../ap/baby_names

purse junkie
 

An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold onto a blade of grass to keep from falling off the face of the earth.

I love my Irish heritage if for no other reason I am generally expected to drink--A LOT


ThrashersFan

NEW POLL
 

be careful about remotely linking pics from boomspeed accounts. it's against their TOS and likely to get your account banned.

best thing to do is just upload it to our server via FTP and then delete it when the time comes.

NEW POLL
 

The flower delivery people handle uploads, too?