Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

I'm Juan the Marine on the other board, so don't confuse my mindless drivel with his here, please. If only my hands were clean I'd complain about sock stealing etc.

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

Well, really, there's a little bit of Juan in all of us.

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

i don't do not appreciate being stalked.

Male Guide For the Femme Side
 

I thought I'd share this bit of spam that's making the rounds:

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please
note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving
it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also
a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches , it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just
not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men
really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

but you don't understand, my JuANthe marine sock did great things- i actually did more to disrupt the practice of law in Canada last month than the power failure, as an example- I was looking forward to bringing juan here- ah wel, i'l live

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

i have socks aND MY SOCKS have socks andmy sock's socks have friens- you will not find respite here, this i wil promise you

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

why would yuo orr your supposed socks become hateful towards hispanic marine turned laywer? do you dislike all hispanics? all laywers? all i want is to share in the comrodery of this borde and get a free cup of coffee at my firm, por favor.

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

el norte is tough, amigo, this is why i have hesitiated to bring juan here earlier, but now you have stolen my chance, so i say to you, do not cause me to have to challenge this

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

p.s., my avatar is cool!!!!!

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

ps my typos were not intentional, I'd appreciate if you don't force typos while you are existing under my umbrella

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

where do i get done a picture like this?

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

Yes, I will be over all him just like on Infirm.

Holy Shit, Viper's 70!
 

Notable Birthdays today:
Tom Skerritt turns 70
Sean Connery is 73.

I remember watching the Emmys years back, when Skerritt was nominated for Picket Fences. (Remember when people watched shows by David E. Kelley?) If I had been the presenter and Skerritt had won, I would have been unable to prevent myself from opening the envelope and yelling, "Holy shit it's Viper!" to the Shrine Auditorium, even if I was bleeped nationwide. I can't believe this has never happened before.

In other fantasy Emmy news, Michael Ian Black should win an Emmy for outstanding droll comedy in a time-suck, basic cable clip show for his deadpan commentary on VH-1's I Love the 70's. Sample line: "The Warriors was like West Side Story, only for heterosexuals."

WTF???
 

What's with everybody posting at 11:00 p.m. on a Sunday???? You people can't possibly be that bored.

If so, go outside and stare at Mars for a couple hours. Its as bright as its been for the past 60,000 years.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...2003Aug24.html

Helpful Tips For the Happy Couple
 

Certain songs and things were explicitly banned from my wedding. Among them were the dollar dance, the funky chicken, the electric slide, and any other activity that reaked of West Virginia weddings.

On the other hand, the groomsmen did play "another one bites the dust" for your's truly...