More Cracker
 

And the caloric count can be dramtaically decreased if you remember to ask them to rinse the lard off.

Thanks. I love cookies.

When every couple brings a bottle of wine and every single male brings a bottle of whiskey or vodka, parties are a great booze investment.

Denigrate me, baby
 

That's why I've begun referring to them as "Coltrane," and then immediately denying it.

Just Chillin' at the Ole Folks Home
 

Yes, be we got the regift. I didn't think anyone actually did this, but it's true. We ended up with a gift that was a gift and since we had gotten 4 or 5 crystal vases (which were not on the list), it was impossible to tell which one came from who when we were at the department store. Apparently the pattern was too old to trace in the system, and was worth nothing. Then we went home (embarrassed to have tried to return something so old) and checked the list of "crystal vase givers." There was only 1 obvious suspect (a former co-worker). None of the relatives would have done that. Obvious because this is the guy who would say, hey, I have a 2 for 1 coupon at Fred's Fancy restaurant want to go? And then proceed to tell you that since it was his coupon, you pay and his was free. Needless to say, no one went to lunch with him a second time.

Horror Flicks
 

And I was going to guess that you went to Rushmore.

Gift Help
 

Gifts for new dog owners! Jeez - guess that's my excuse to register - think I can score some crystal and new Manolo Blahniks? - As SATC aptly demonstrated, I've ponied up thousands for showers/weddings etc. The new dog is my turn to recoup! I may even throw a shower with goofy dog games just to torture those whose showers I have attended.

I've used that strategy. Unfortunately, my cellar is now brimming with 486 unopened bottles of Charles Shaw cab, representing a total appraised value of $972 and leaving no room for the Châteauneuf du Pape and Brunello di Montalcino I'm hoping my new, classier friends will bring me.

This Christmas, everybody on the FB is getting a bottle of Charles Shaw from me. From the heart.

Just Chillin' at the Ole Folks Home
 

And yet this guy managed to get himself invited to at least one co-worker's wedding.

Gift Help
 

While amusing, that was non-responsive. However, I think that you should require all guests to come as their favorite breed of dog. Or, even better (and crueler) you could assign them breeds. That bitchy sister-in-law? Mexican hairless.

I'm much in favor of my friends having pets rather than children.

Yeah, but if you cellar 'em for a few years, you'll be drinking wine fit for a king and/or sitting on a gold mine.

The Restaurant
 

I couldn't figure out why the waitress and Rocco thought he was so cute. He's going to grow up to be the guy who sits at the bar throwing out lame lines but never gets laid.

Was Jason Giambi at that table too or was he at another one?

The table of black ladies cracked me up but I was surprised Rocco or Laurent didn't get upset they were monopolizing the waiter for so long.

Considering how long people were waiting for food there, I'd be pissed if I were waiting for food and my waitron was sitting at another table.

Denigrate me, baby
 

Eli: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
Royal: Me too, me too.

Let's shag ass.

Gift Help
 

As they are friends of yours, I'm inclined to agree.

Just Chillin' at the Ole Folks Home
 

Yeah, well it was a small enough place that we thought it would be rude to invite some people and not everyone, so he was on the list of everyone else. And there was no way he was going to pass up on free food and booze. I knew he was tacky, but had no idea how tacky. Turns out as I find out later that he had been giving old wedding presents out as Christmas/birthday presents to people. How he got anyone to marry him is still a mystery.