For Halloween
 

Here's how you can tell if your trailer house is haunted:

1. Your can of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air.

2. Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling.

3. The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.

4. The room is spinning, and you're not even drunk yet.

5. That car in your front yard isn't on blocks -- it's levitating by itself.

6. Your dog, Bo, gets sucked into the TV set, and he's blocking your view of rasslin'.

7. That mysterious scratching below the floorboards? The Telltale Raccoon.

8. The chain the ghost rattles is attached to his wallet.

9. You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio.

10. The trailer is shaking, but there's no tornado in sight.

11. Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them.

12. The ghost is completely invisible except for the tobacco juice running down his chin.

13. Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out "Achy Breaky Heart."

14. There's a funny howlin' noise comin' from the corn crib -- no wait, that's just Jimmy.

15. You hear strange moaning - but only during Shania Twain videos.

16. You're missing four PBR's, and the missus only drinks Old Milwaukee.

17. The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.

18. You hear blood-curdling screams, but both neighbors are still in jail.

19. You get a mysterious phone call that says, "I know what you did last NASCAR race."

20. Instead of saying "Boo," the ghost says "Boo-ya'll!"

21. The veneer of window grime looks just like Calvin ... and he's peeing on YOU!

22. Instead of naked women, your playing cards, all of a sudden, have pictures of covered bridges on them.

23. The folks on Jenny Jones discuss domestic problems that eerily resemble your own.

24. You get a creepy feelin' and it ain't because that Richard Simmons is on TV.

25. You come home one day and it's ... clean!

Okay. I have an actual fashion question, and it has nothing to do with socks.
 

Yeah, "inspiration" is not how I would put it. ;)

Close call
 

not from them. something about them seemed untrustworthy. but the next day we got some the next day we got some the next day we got some the next day we got some

Paging TF
 

Or just in time for Breasticle Day.

Close call
 

All's well that ends well. Bonus points for going to Amsterdam on your honeymoon. Did you go to a sex show? More importantly, did you participate in one? If so, please describe.

trick or treat
 

Beats the hell out of me, as I have eleven bags of candy and not a single trick or treater has shown up.

I am going to be on the world's biggest sugar high for weeks to come.

For Halloween
 

That forwarded e-mail joke is so fucking hysterical it should have been posted by Dat Phan.

trick or treat
 

You should come to my neighborhood. Last year I handed out 9 bags of candy. At 9:00 I stopped answering the door - and who the hell rings the doorbell at 11:00?

As for the sugar high - too late here, I've been sampling the work candy to get a head start.

Hooking in the 303
 

Sorry I can't just post a link, but all I got on email was the text.

DPS truant officers play hooky
By News 4 Reporter Brian Maass, Special to the News
October 31, 2003
Denver Public Schools truant officers, who were supposed to be helping keep kids in school, were instead spending their days exercising, eating, visiting family and friends, running errands and going home, according to a three-month News 4 investigation.

The investigation found that some truant officers not only squandered their work days but also filled out daily log sheets with bogus information about where they had been and what they were doing.

"It looked to me like some of these truancy officers were treating their jobs as a publicly paid holiday," said state Rep. Andrew Romanoff, D-Denver, after viewing the News 4 report. Romanoff has sponsored anti-truancy legislation.

"Obviously, it's a painful irony that people whose job it is to keep kids in school can't keep themselves at work," he said.

The News 4 investigation covered 17 week days during June, July, August and September. For much of the summer, schools were not in session, but Denver's "Truancy Reduction Team" of six officers works year-round and should have plenty to do during the summer, according to Jerry Wartgow, the DPS superintendent.

"These officers are supposed to be working with individual students on referral from social workers," he said. "They should have a full plate or we shouldn't have them employed during the summer."

DPS truant officers earn annual salaries in the mid-$30,000 range. The annual budget for the truancy reduction team is $227,029, coming from the DPS general fund.

News 4 cameras videotaped truant officers starting their workday picking up their DPS vehicles between 7 a.m. and 7:30 a.m., then driving to Sloans Lake and exercising for one to two hours. DPS administrators say the officers are allowed to substitute their lunch and break time and use it for an hour of exercise instead.

But News 4 routinely found the truant officers exercising, then stopping for an hour break at a nearby restaurant. In many cases, log sheets filled out by the officers omitted the time spent in restaurants or contained no details of what they did all day long.

[lengthy examples deleted]

For Halloween
 

I found out that Vos and Mordall went on tour together, but I didn't learn that until after the tour ended.

I had heard it through Jay Mohr, who was pushing something or other on one of the local morning drive radio shows. The best part is that Jay made it clear that he thinks that Dat Phan was an overrated one-trick pony.

trick or treat
 

Just had the first group show up. Whoo hoo!

For Halloween
 

What the fuck?
How dare he say that after all that money I paid him to win that fucking stupid game that wasn't really a game?
I'm gonna kick his ass!

Mordall was funny, but Vos sucked. I'll bet it was a good show though.

For Halloween
 

It's what she does. It's quite soothing once you get used to it. And you sure turned quickly once she mentioned the h-word.

For Halloween
 

Witty and whimsical.

For Halloween
 

You suck.

For Halloween
 

Your avatar makes me think of the time I was a pirate for Halloween. Not a sexy pirate, I was only 4 or 5 or so, but a very cute pirate with pig tails, an eye patch, burnt cork smeared on my face and a pillow case full of goodies. I ate lots of candy corn that night. It later ended up in the toilet bowl, looking very similar to the substance that your pumpkin is expelling. Haven't been able to eat candy corn to this day.



Edited to add avatar

For Halloween
 

Mordall rocked. Vos was too mellow for what I expected, but I guess that was something that he learned -- play to the audience, which is why Dat Phan won, IMHO.

Jay kept making cracks about his (Jay's Asian mother).

Pay ... Or the market will
 

By me to a GP on the old board.


-------

[lawbuzz recruiting 2L corporate star]

lawbuzz: It's widely known that my firm pays hourly -- er, performance -- based boni. Short of that what do we got to talk about?

Superstar 2L: Boni. Fair boni. And that ain't whatever you say it is; fair boni is what the market'l bear. Now there are firms, mind you, there are firms in this city, who'll pay a lot more'n a boni of zero to corporate juniors during recessions.

[lawbuzz looks at him stonily.]

lawbuzz: What're you after?

Superstar 2L: Give you an idea, a corporate 1st year first year fetched 17, 18 thousand boni last year at firms in the market for top tier talent. And them's 2002 dollars. I'm sayin, fair boni. For a commitment to boni that are market for top tier firms, I'll join up, reject offers from the firms you purport to be your peers-

[Quick as a flash the heretofore languid Superstar 2L bolts forward,
his fist stopped an inch short of lawbuzz's nose.]

[His index finger and thumb are pinched together-holding
the leg of a struggling fly that he has just plucked from the
air.]

Superstar 2L: ... and hires at your purported peer firms . . .

[Superstar 2L flicks the fly away.]

... I'll kick their butts.

[Superstar 2L sits back down.]

... No extra charge.

[lawbuzz stares grimly at Superstar 2L.]

lawbuzz: And if I don't pay?

Superstar 2L: Oh I'll get hired regardless. Cause if you
don't pay, the market will.

But We Already Knew This
 

College chicks dig their vibrators - http://www.dailynorthwestern.com/vne.../3fa0aebf4e39d :

"The most interesting aspect of the vibrator phenomenon is that women are so proud to display their vibrator of choice. There was a time not so long ago when just the word "masturbation" turned cheeks red. Every girl I talked to was excited to tell me all about her vibrator and why it was the best one out there. Be it the Rabbit, the Silver Bullet, the Pocket Rocket or some other cleverly-named toy, each apparently has its own special benefits."

For Halloween
 

You swallow.

For Halloween
 

Funny you should say that. I had my choice of this or the one I picked for today.
http://images.google.com/images?q=tb...unkpumpkin.jpg

Want to hear something scary?
 

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall

You want to find an outlaw; hire an outlaw. You want to find a dunkin donuts; call a cop.

Death penalty
 

Until the attack I had always been anti-gun. After the attack, I had dreams where I just blasted him with a gun - any gun. The bigger the better. I was so angry at him. Apparently, this guy was a serious sexual offender even as a juvenile but, of course, his juvy record was expunged so we'll never know. I am all for the death penalty for offenders like him. I believe that sexual predators cannot be rehabilitated, even with chemical or surgical castration.

I have to admit that I was very pleased to see that at the preliminary he had been badly beaten around the face and head, one of his eyes was swollen shut and it appeared as if he had had the top of one of his ears bitten off. Jailhouse justice can be swift and painful.

But We Already Knew This
 

Apparently? Don't you think the reporter could have done a little more research?

Speaking of cell phones..
 

Originally posted by robustpuppy

You learn by doing?

Speaking of cell phones..
 

I already switched. I just moved to T-Moble and the picture phone thingy. Good deal on amazon and I'm not wedded to my old number

Speaking of cell phones..
 

I've been on Verizon since 1998. Coverage on the eastern seaboard is outstanding, and yes, it works in the tunnels on the metro here.

But We Already Knew This
 

Even weirder is the fact that a college newspaper is reporting things like:

"It's good for us because I need a lot of clit action at the beginning, so we use it together."

For Halloween
 

Clever.

tasteless jokes
 

Hopefully it was clear that I wasn't really joking about your actual mother or trying to upset you. I don't remember the actual joke, but I seem to recall that's the way it was (in my mind at least -- hopefully in yours too).

TM

tasteless jokes
 

I LOL'd!!!!

Edited to add, that should really be L'd OL, but whatever.

And for the record, it was clear -- it wasn't offensive or upsetting, it was funny. You said, if I recall correctly, "Noted, no yo' momma jokes for you."

Notes for Hipsters
 

on the politics board someone I respect is saying you shouldn't say bitch, please (and not based on Clinton "," or order distinctions). I take no position, I'm just saying.

this week I had lunch next to Richard Lewis. piece of work, like his character, but maybe intentionally.

2 things to report

1 he walks with the same preying mantis gait as does Larry King,

2 new hip (at least for middle age guys) lingo.
"I went with Larry to the AFI to get the award for "curb", 2nd season, and I....."
so anyway from now on, I'm saying Curb........since its Halloween, a night of sharing, I won't claim exclusive rights to "saw Curb last night".

For Halloween
 

Thanks for giving me justification to ban this sock.

Post as it again and I will flip you.

Even(smooches!)Odds

Death penalty
 

A M E N.

For Halloween
 

Damn you!

Dat sock begone. Indeed.

Death penalty
 

Agree to the first sentence. Sorta to the second. I swear I'd read that the chemical impulses that lead the sexual drives of men emanate from whatever it is thats removed by castration. So (perhaps) no sex drive.

[End of direct relevance to the Fashion Board]

However, I think the Boston violence reduction studies and plans of the last 10 or 15 years have shown great statistical success in predicting who is most likely to commit violent crimes.

Sexual assaults are, IMHO, a result of drives for sex and violence, or at least the result of a tolerance for violence in the latter.

So, I'm not sure we'd really call castration "rehabilitation". However. castration certainly seems like a good start for serial predators and probably even those that fall slightly below the threshold (spree predators?).

That said, once you've committed an aggravated violent criminal attack in America, or perhaps after you've committed two aggravated violent criminal attacks in America, its time to snip your particular leaf on the family tree. While the result is general agreement with your statement, I guess I'd just expand it to anyone who has a drive (or great tolerance) for committing violent crimes.

[End of direct relevance to the Politics Board]


Hello

For Halloween
 

Halloween, in 10000 pixels or less.

edited b/c i'm way too slow.

Dualit
 

check this avatar:

http://www.furnation.com/humor/comicslogos/weer.gif

Close call
 

I'm late to this discussion, but in the spirit of sharing, I'll tell you about a very similar experience I had. When I told some of my friends about it later, they said it sounded like something out of that movie After hours, and when I think about it, the string of circumstances seems so weird to me that it almost seems made up. I swear to you it is not.

First of all, I'd like to say that I feel for anyone on this board who has been victimized at one time or another, especially the women who have been victims of sexual attacks. That's a horrible thing to have to experience. My experience was rather mundane in comparison.

I was 21 years old when this incident occured. I was still living with my parents, because I was paying my own way through college. Every night, it was my custom to go out jogging or for a walk either as a break from or after finishing studying. One night I decided to go out for a walk. It was probably around 10:00 or 10:30 or so and it was snowing rather heavily. I didn't jog because the ground was covered and it was rather slippery.

It was the kind of snow that seemed to deaden the sound of people and cars going by, etc. Anyway, I was only 5 blocks from my parent's house when I decided to cut through the parking lot of a small shopping plaza nearby to get to the neighborhood behind it. It was located on a busy street, but the lot was in an area that was below street level, so people going down the street couldn't really see what was going on there.

Anyway, I'm walking along and this young guy, probably my age or a bit younger, steps out of the shadows and asked me if I had a cigarette. It was the way he approached me that gave me a weird feeling, so I looked at him, said, "Sorry, no", and continued on my way. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move in the treeline behind the parking lot. Out of the shadows, three other dudes come running full tilt in my direction. I'm already past the first guy, and before I realize it, the first (and biggest) running guy reaches me, and not breaking stride, busts me right in the mouth. I have no idea how I kept my feet when this guy hit me. I'm a pretty big guy, but this dude was linebacker big.

Anyway, the other two hadn't reached me yet, so I turned around and started hauling ass, which means I had to get past the first dude I encountered. I just started screaming for help as I ran the other way. The first guy tried to step in front of me, and I knocked him over as I passed him. I was shouting and trying to head toward the parking lot in front when I hit a patch of ice and wiped out.

The next thing I knew, all four of these fucking guys are kicking me and punching me when I'm on the ground. I tried to stagger to my feet, and I'm just covering up and these guys are just wailing away on me calling me every name in the book, and trying to kick me in the nuts and everything else.

I have no idea how long these guys were pounding on me, because if this kind of stuff ever happens to you, five minutes seems like half an hour. The four of them are circled around me just pounding away. These guys and I were making quite a bit of noise, but nobody was able to hear because of the distance from the street and the snow.

I'm figuring I'm fucked if I keep trying to cover up, because no one is hearing what is going on, so after the last attempt to kick me in the groin, I got pissed, straightened up and swing as hard as I could at the guy who was facing me. It was the first guy that hit me, and luckily, I connected with an uppercut, which stunned him enough, that I was able to turn and get away. This time, I ran the remaining distance towards the street. There was a lot of traffic, so these guys stopped following me.

I couldn't figure out how I was going to get home without going back the way I came. The closest place where there were people I knew was an apartment close by. There was a girl who lived there that I had dated for a while. I knocked on her door and she answered. She freaked out when she saw me. The first thing I did was tell her I was jumped. She let me in, and I walked right past her into her kitchen and asked her where she kept her knives. She locks the door behind her and told me that I wasn't going anywhere. She leads me into the bathroom to clean some of the blood off of me, and I get the first look at myself in the mirror. I looked like some kind of fucked-up Picasso. When I first saw myself, I started shaking like crazy and got sick. She went and called the cops. In the time it took them to get there, I'm just sitting on the floor of her bathroom crying like a fucking baby.

So, the cops show up and take a report. I told them that I had no idea why these guys jumped me without provocation. They never demanded money, because I didn't have any. All I was carrying in my sweatpants was my keys. Anyway, I guess there was some racial crap going on among the high school kids in the area, and the cops figured it had something to do with that. Then, I had to sit and listen to these fucking cops sit there and tell me stories about how they got their asses kicked when they were younger, which, if it was meant to make me feel better, didn't. I don't remember whether the cops offered me a ride home or the hospital or not, but I didn't go with them for some reason. After the cops left, I was determined that I was going to get home by myself, but my friend insisted that I shouldn't walk home. By the time all of this stuff happens, it's like 1:30 in the morning.

Here's the part I wouldn't have believed if it didn't happen. She calls some guy that she knows to give me a lift, because she didn't have a car. He's a real scruffy, hard-looking dude, smaller than me. He walks into her apartment carrying a gym bag. He hangs around a bit talking to her and me, and then he and I walk out to the car so he can drive me home. He and I get into the car, and he places the bag on the floor at my feet. He starts asking me about what happened, but I don't say much, because I'm not in much of a talking mood after talking to the cops. We ride past the lot where these guys beat me, and that's about the only time I look out the window. The rest of the time, I'm just looking down. The reason I'm looking down, is because when I looked at the gym bag, it's unzipped, and there's a sawed-off shotgun laying inside.

So the guy gets to my street, and I'm thinking, "Oh fuck, I'm not sure I want this dude knowing where I live -- he's probably a drug dealer." So, I have him pull up to an apartment two doors down from my parents house, and he drops me off there and leaves. I walk back to my house, let myself in, and didn't sleep the whole night. When my parents woke up the next day, my mother starts freaking out and takes me to the hospital to get checked out.

I never told my parents the whole story about what happened, and I never saw my friend or the guy that gave me the ride after that.

surfer loses arm in shark attack
 

The story is on cnn.com. a 13 year old girl (aspiring pro surfer) was just lying on her board on the north shore of Kauai when a shark bit her once and disappeared... So, here's a photo of the board -

http://i.cnn.net/cnn/2003/US/West/11...rfboard.ap.jpg

and link to story - http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/West/11/0....ap/index.html


Anyone else working today?