Resume Mad Libs
 

Trust me. The first story was by far, the most entertaining thing I have read today. Perhaps my work is so dull that this is dispropottionately humorous, but it works. I like to hear about Young Douchebags. In fact, I imagine this inveterate and accomplished young douche could be a baby sebby, and instead of mocking the interests by rattling off improper ones for a resume, em chose to mock by using such words as inveterate and accomplished. Sort of O'Harian as Sebby often is. In fact, I think you should hire em, so you can tell me how it turns out.

As for the other story, that was never entertaining. Just something to bet on. Or for the more sensitive amongst us (RT?), a human interest story.

Resume Mad Libs
 

Why not just include a picture of a slice of cake on your resume?

Resume Mad Libs
 

How about "avid adipose collector"

Resume Mad Libs
 

I'm too cheap to do color copies. Plus someone might ask me about like fancy cake-baking or something, and I'd be up shit creek.

Resume Mad Libs
 

The worst is the person who talks about how many organizations they’re in and how much charity they perform. “I’m in the Junior League, the Masons and the Freemasons. I’m head of the PTA, I organize canned food drives and my family and I are serious outdoor enthusiasts. Last year, I took two terminally ill crippled children rafting through the Grand Canyon. Did I mention my Peace Corps work in Somalia.”

I’m thinking “You. Are. So. Nixed.”

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Besides "noirish sex"? Hmmm. How about competitive paintball, bonsai gardening, and adult literacy tutoring?

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Just curious, why does charity work make a person particularly nix-worthy? Is it because it goes too far against the Greedy creed or is it the self-righteous bragging?

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No, it would just be a daily reminder that Sebby is a little,little man, who hasnt returned the blessings he has been given, unless you count donating funbags to his wife

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The latter. I give to charity, and I do it anonymously. Talking about that shit and putting it on your resume means you're using it for mileage, which means its not really charity - its a business expense. Chucking that shit at me to impress me about how good a person you are is wasted breath and will sink you. I may have reading comp issues, but I can spot an asshole pretty quick.

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Because I don't do any of those things. I need something plausible.

Interviews
 

Fascinating.

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Ahem, Pot?

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We almost hired someone based entirely on the bakery he opened while he "took some time away from the law." That he knew absolutely nothing about research law was superceded by the possibility that he might bring us cake on a regular basis.

Resume Mad Libs
 

Yes please.

Regenerative noirish sex
 

Oh. Well, I guess that reading/posting on the FB qualifies as sociological and anthropological research and writing.