Worse than wearing shorts (huh?)
 

is the fact that right now, even as we type, Hewitt and Schrichipan (an Asian man) are playing, on court fucking 11. Thats like watching your friends play on your hgh school's tennis court. and it shoud be a classic. If i lived in new york, i owuled just bail for the afternoon. you guys are so lucky.

Just Because
 

Go here for a good time.

(Sound turned very low first. But sound you must have.)

Just Because
 

Bilmore is an adolescent Yoda?

You've apparently missed every episode and teaser for Springer, Jenny Jones, et al. for the past 5 years (each episode entitled, my daughter dresses like a ho). I think they're more disgusted with the HO wear, and I do mean HO wear. We're not talking low rider jeans and peasant tops. We're talking push up bras, thongs, short shorts etc. on 12 year old girls. Picture any rap video ho wear on a junior high aged girl. And don't forget the makeup and the gold spangle pants. We're not talking Daisy Dukes, which are cute enough in their own slutty way. We're talking street corner standing, lounge lizard dancin ho wear.

I would like to take a moment to thank every single higher power that exists for blessing me with a son. Carry on.

Sure. Keep telling yourself that. And then when he's 14 and brings one of those little ho bags home to meet mommy and he asks you for some condoms since the first one broke and she hasn't had a period in 4 months so what does that mean?

Ditto x 2. Seeing the stuff our teenage babysitters wear, I have to admit I'm pretty appalled. If I was a teenage guy on the other hand...

Why, oh why, was I cursed to spend my formative years in a time when puritanism was in and oversized sweatshirts were as racy as things got?? The humanity!!

Ho-wear
 

Granted, the Springer/Jones genre of teen does indeed wear ho-wear. But the equivalent of past generations always did, too, that's no change. As someone pointed out, in 1986, there was at least an order of ho-magnitude difference between me in my acid washed jeans and someone in a see-through white lace top showing a black bra with "boy toy" belt a la Madonna. The whole "Teen Shock Horror Disaster!" tone of the NYT article is based on the notion that these were "nice" middle-class kids looking slutty, and the kind of slutty they were describing is not Jerry Springer slutty.

Dick Size
 

Oh dear lord another Clamato fan. I've had a glass or two with a couple who loves it. It's advertised on billboards on the south side of Chicago...


The Olsen Twins are taking over. First, they will buy Starbucks Inc. Then, they will become the king and queen of the world.

Ashley will be the king. She's taller.

Dick Size
 

I will make room for them in my lair. But only if they dress slutty.

Dick Size
 

Blech. Must be an East Coast thing... You folks will eat or drink anything out of the ocean, won't you??

Ho-wear
 

The problem is that they are now dressing like actual Jerry Springer career sluts, not Future Stepford Wives of America dilettante sluts whose husbands will have actual Jerry Springer career sluts.

Ho-wear
 

No doubt there were teen girls who dressed like Madonna in 1986. But I think the difference is that in 1986, a larger percentage of suburban parents were in the "You're not going outside wearing that!" school of thought. The parents who tut-tutted about the sexualization of prepubescent girls weren't pitied as prudes, as they are today.

Right now, I look upon the very rare 12-year-old who isn't showing her navel and bare shoulders, and I say a quiet fertility prayer for her parents, who obviously deserve to breed more.

Dick Size
 

Ditto. My only experience with Clamato is when a few of my friends and I were drinking in a frat house all night and decided to take a road trip at 4 in the morning. We stopped to get gas at 7-11 and one of the guys (a guy who never hung with us again after that) insisted on getting a Clamato. Not a good idea after you've been drinking all night. The minute he opened up that bottle, the car immediately smelled like the wharf. Comments ranged from "rancid tuna" to "cat food" to other rancid "tuna" items I shall not repeat here, but begins with "skanky."

Ho-wear
 

But kids could wear those strappy tanks when I was little precisely because it was widely understood there was nothing sexual about it. Now the message is definitely tartier.

Recently, I saw a barely-pubescent middle schooler wearing a "Playboy" tank top, and badly wanted to beat the shit out of the stupid subservient little tool and her stupid subservient tool of a mom. Why not just drop her out of school and sell her to a pimp right now?