And now it's time
 

Interesting. Shouldn't you still be lurking then?

TM

When are you gonna die?
 

I found this troubling.

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/atplay/lifeline.jsp

ADMIN ALERT
 

Other than the head cheerleader part, this seems dangerously close to blatantly outable. You may want to delete it.

Things I would not like to read today
 

This smidge of self-awareness is a saving grace. As long as we're looking to improve, could you please delete your macros for the "life is short" rant, the "why I'm not having kids now" rant, the "being a laywer sucks" rant, and the "[overweight people] sicken me with their excuses" rant?

As for me, I'm working on making my life more exciting. I promise to share any perverted stories that come my way. (I have this "friend" ...)

And now it's time
 

did my lurking time. never claimed to be really freaking funny. that way I don't disappoint like those boasters among us.

When are you gonna die?
 

Did you look into this beyond just taking the test? There is a more information section which adds and subtracts years of life based upon other factors not covered in the questions, so I'm not sure how the program comes up with the number it does based upon the few questions it does ask. Relax. You're going to give yourself a heart attack.

For the record, I'm not supposed to break 80 (79) based on a few obvious bad habits.

s(get busy livin' or get busy dyin')fish

When are you gonna die?
 

it lies. no way I'm living to fucking 84.

Things I would not like to read today
 

Ok, just for you - this is one I pull out of the bank now and then because I think it is sort of funny and does not out me - I am afraid the best ones are kind of outable.

I used to walk to work past this store every day (this was when I was a waitress). One day, this guy (cute) came out of the store and said something like "you walk by here every day and I don't know who you are - we are having a bbq on Sunday, do you want to come by?" And I said no, but give me your number and come into my work sometime. This was when I was living with my boyfriend and I knew it was going to be over soon and was planning for the single life by collecting numbers (I was 19, sue me).

So six months later I called him. By then I had broken up with my boyfriend and moved out (with twin bed in tow, which by now, I desparately wanted to get rid of). We went out, got drunk and ended up at my place in the twin bed. It was kind of ho-hum, but anyway - I got up to get a drink of water or something and wander about, wondering whether he is going to stay over or not. I wander back to the bedroom and my bed is on fucking fire. On fire!! With him in it. So I grab this big saucepan and fill it with water, panicking sort of, and throw it on him. The fire still doesn't go out so I grab another big bucket and throw it on the bed, and another. And the fire goes out. I had no smoke detector at the time. (bad me).

Anyway, miraculously, he is not burned (except for some tiny burn on his leg), but my bed is ruined and it stinks to high heaven. I tell him that I think he should leave. So he does and I end up getting rid of that stupid bed and everything is fine.

But about three years later, I am working in a totally different place, part time now b/c I am in school, but who should walk in. And he sits down and I say "hello, how are you" knowing full well who it is, Mr. Pyro. And he doesn't fucking recognize me. I ask him if he has set any beds on fire lately and he looks at me with such a blank look that it is hard to believe he is acting. I think he had no idea who I was. Weird.

When are you gonna die?
 

That is fascinating.

I got 90.

Edited to add: the OM 82.

When are you gonna die?
 

From one of the best movies in the last 10 years (one of the few I actually own on DVD).

Another favorite that just popped into my head (but not from that movie):

Kid (feeling remorse after shooting dude who was taking a crap): "But he had it comin'!"

William Munny: Sigh. "We all have it comin' kid."

When are you gonna die?
 

I'll kill myself before I get to be the predicted 89. And my husband will only live to be 72. What kind of shit is that? No way am I spending my 80's alone...when he goes, I'm going too.

Things I would not like to read today
 

Moral: Sex with GWINKY makes men want to immolate themselves. :P

sf

Joey Pants -- YAY
 

Our long national suffering may at least be over. Joe Pantoliano could be headed for an Emmy Award on Sunday night.

"Joey Pants," as he is affectionately known, is up for Best Supporting Actor as Ralphie, the hot-headed, now no-headed sleazy mobster from "The Sopranos." God bless him.

Joey first came to national attention in 1983 as Rebecca DeMornay's pimp in "Risky Business." A huge career as a character actor followed, with memorable turns in "Memento" and "Bound."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,97531,00.html

The Case Against Rock and Roll Church
 

I think from now on, the way to go is to respond to religious ceremony invites with a "oh, I'm so sorry, I'm already booked that day!" and a nice gift from Tiffany's.

I suggest this because I was at a wedding last weekend where I almost punched the stupid priest (and the stupid self-hating bride) for saying that St Paul shit where the wife has to submit to her husband as to God, and the husband just has to love her like God does his flock. Misogynist impotent little-boy-baiting fuck.

Things I would not like to read today