The Bachelor
 

During the Salt Lympics, media types popularized the phrase "Kiss N Cry Zone" to refer to the spot where figure skaters go to await their scores with their coaches/loved ones. I think the term is equally applicable to the spot where the limos come to pick up the Bachelor's rejects. I look forward to seeing Kirsten's performance in the Kiss N Cry Zone on Sunday.

Nobody is as livid about the choice of Bob as the next Bachelor as the str8 fiancee. Livid. Did I mention that she's livid? And in case it hasn't been mentioned here already, ABC is going to saturate us with Trista/Ryan wedding specials, with four hours of programming planned re the wedding. Oprah had previously offered to pay for the wedding if she could televise it, but Trista and Ryan refused.

In honor of the foregoing, I have composed a Ryan-esque poem to my favorite network.

Oh ABC, thank heaven for you
For giving us a program that we love true
Without the Bachelor my week would be lousy
But now I needn't worry about my week being lousy

Really Cool Ad
 

That is fantastic! I wonder how many times they were prepared to try it before they just gave up or used CGI.

What? She didn't like Bob? I thought he was the only one with ANY personality at all. Of course I also liked the "pony chow" guy who had panic attacks, but really loosened up with the proper amount of tequila.
:dance2:

Requium
 

No kisses for you tonite. NTTAWWT.

Another sign of the impending apocalypse
 

Miami, Syracuse and BC invited to ACC; Hokies not so much. {Spree: Wash. Post}

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed. Apparently, the ACC views the "Atlantic Coast" part of its name to be some kind of mandate. As in manifest destiny, only vertical this time instead of horizontal. Watch out, Princeton --- you're next!

Set yourself apart
 

It's been a proven fact since the '50s that neither champagne nor Will & Grace cause pants to fall down. Celery does. {Spree: online gallery of rather tame, but weirdly sexual, "art" from the '50s.}

Really Cool Ad
 

Did anyone else get flashbacks to Real Genius?


C(a girl'd gotta have her standards)deuced

Speaking of Great TV
 

I am so embarassed to admit this (though, frankly, I could begin every FB post thist way):

The show is "Surfer Girls" and it should be required FB watching (though I am willing to provide the "Bilmore 'My Life is too Fulfilling for Crap TV' Exemption").

Recently, I was recorded a show on MTV and I let the tape run. Obviously lazy, after I watched the program I was supposed to see, I kept the tape running. After 15 minutes or so, I glanced up and saw nubile young women in bikinis . . . running, surfing, and whining.

In short, the perfect reality tv show.

Plus, they're not really bimbettes. They're surfers competing for a spot in the Women's pro surfing something or other.

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

SUCKS!

aV

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

Order yourself a whore.

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

What if there are other people in the office?

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

Look, if you want in on the action, just ask.

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

I'm intrigued by the idea, but I can't seem to find an appropriate billing code.

a(TITS!)V

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

Have you considered "Firm Function"? Not exactly billable, but ....

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

How about "CLE?"

Touch of Class
 

If that is indeed her husband, she needs the plastic covers.

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

You haven't been paying attention. It's "Deposition Prep." We've discussed this before.

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

If you have given up your entire spring weekend to your employer in exchange for bigbucks, I suggest you look up the definition first.

(Hey, TM, is this judgmental enough for ya?)

I read this wonderful complaint at the smoking gun. Apparently the person in question broke a tooth and is suing red baron pizza because there was a piece of bone in the pizza. Red baron basically told him to get lost.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/redbaron1.shtml

He is suing for 126k.

This includes:
100k for the loss of the tooth
10k for mental anguish
10k "for handleing of suit"

you mean the "complaintiff"?

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

Abba: MR: AV:
For a client or potential client, business development.

For a attorney at another firm or a law student, recruitment.

For a judge or regulator, relevant department.

For yourself, if someone else is there, bill one of the prior categories if possible; if not, professional development.

Wouldn't it be great if this show didn't suck?
 

This sounds like a great idea to me, so why am I convinced that ABC will screw it up somehow?

"Karen Sisco" stars Carla Gugino as the Elmore Leonard character popularized by Jennifer Lopez in the film "Out of Sight."

If I was a network VP, in the opening credit sequence, she'd be brandishing a shotgun and wearing that dress . (If you haven't seen Out of Sight, you'll just have to trust me on this.)

Another sign of the impending apocalypse
 

Atticus, I fear you're a bit late to the party. The rise of the false Messiah was first seen 13 years ago with the addition to the Big "Now Really Eleven But for Nostalgia Purposes We'll Continue to Call It" Ten.

The ACC's sacriligious power grab, while disturbing, might qualifyas a sign, but only as an additional, somewhat minor, pestilence.

The Bachelor
 

I missed all but the last fifteen minutes of this bc far superior television was on (well, it should have been better but QUeer as FOlk is seriously going down the tubes and Six Feet Under was a little cheezy with the dream images or whatever). How was the trip home to Chez Firestone? Was the house on the vineyard one of those typically beautiful vineyard estates? How were the parents? Were they simply horrified that their boy was doing something so prole as looking for love on a tv show with a largely unimpressive assortment of women prepicked for him?

spoiler
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I dont have to eat MR's ass until they actually wed, but that was a little surprising. Especially given that these two appear to have no chemistry and no sparks whatsoever. That had to be the least inspired marriage proposal I have ever watched on television. And how does Andres go from being into several of the "ladies" , esp the italian nose job from Tampa to being in love with the other really bad ski jump nose job and otherwise bland chick from the land of Coltrane? How out of her league is that guy anyway and what was this business about looing forward to being "mrs firestone" like its some sort of royal title? What about poor Andrew? Does nobody care about him?

I figure he went through thse motions to either alienate or piss off his family (which is why I would love to hear about what they are like), or to set up further chances for fifteen minutes of fame (ie, you get to recur on television until the split- see Aaron, Trista, etc). It must get pretty boring out there on the vineyard when you have no real goals or aspirations or hurdles or challenges. It just does not seem feasible he is in love with this chick bc he could do much better and that proposal was just so blase and hard to believe. Maybe Andrew should go to acting school with Paris Hilton? Now taht would be a couple.

Matrix Reloaded
 

O.K., I saw it this weekend. I was very disappointed with it. Perhaps I am not well read enough to understand all of the meaning that the Wackowski brothers put into the movie. Perhaps that was because I think I dozed off during some of the reCOCKulously boring speeches about choice and free will.

Yes the special effects were cool. But holy crap! does every fight have to go on to the point of saying "Would you just fly away already NEO???"


Now for a discussion question. Possible spoiler. Don't read on if you haven't seen.





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So this is the 6th version of the Matrix and Neo. Fine. And the Wachowskis are supposed to have all this symbolism and religion and philosophy in the movie. But what struck me afterwards was that if Neo keeps getting reborn and fighting the same battle over again to save the human race and fulfill the prophecy, then he is like a never-ending eternal champion. O.k. that got me thinking about never-ending eternal champions in literature. I thought of the Michael Moorecock stories (Corwin and ELRIC)

Hmmmm. Elric? Eternal champion and, um, albino! Just like the twins? So we have a champion on a never ending eternal struggle and we've thrown in some albinos as well.

http://www.elric.net/old_site/images/elric.jpg

Now, this can't be that direct a rip, could it?

aV

Matrix Reloaded
 

I also saw it this weekend and I loved it.

Immediately beforehand, I watched the Matrix and the Animatrix, so it didn't seem any more shallow than those movies. (None of them are overwhelmingly deep.)

What I love about all of their movies is the visual style and the "lifted straight from a comic book" feel. The effects are truly remarkable and the fight scenes are much improved (better technique by everyone).

E/O

Job, Odd Job
 

aV's post reminded me of something.

One summer while working at a service station, I read a book left in the office by one of my co-workers. It was part of a series (much like the Matrix, Harry Potter, et al) and had an odd but interesting storyline that is somewhat hard to describe.

It evidently takes place in the distant future, long after civilization has regressed into another cycle of the dark ages (not quite a Ray Bradbury-esque, after-the-sun-sets dark ages, but similar), and no humans (except a few) know of the technology that we use today.

The few humans that know of and use the technology hold themselves out as some sort of King-Arthur's-Court Merlins. One such example of "wizardry" occurred when a bad guy/wizard pointed his staff at a person, made the staff thunder and flash, and the person at which it was pointed dies (in real terms, killing someone with a shotgun or rifle).

The good guy was named "Bili" or something like that. Any ideas what the series was called?

Matrix Reloaded
 

The thing about the Matrix is some people live to go wandering around discussing its depth ad nauseum. The problem is, it doesn't really have any depth.

Oooh the machines took over the world. Wow, Neo represents a Christ Figure who died (repeatedly) for us...revolutionary! And maaaaan we are in someone else's dream wooooah dude wild.

These are pot smoking epiphanies people. They aren't even acid level for goodness sake. At least there the walls melt in groovy colours.

The concept that our world is simply the dream of someone else is hardly a new one. Nor is the concept that machines will take us over and enslave us. Both are borne from common nightmares we all have. Unless of course we really are just living in someone's dream in which case I wish the dream would get better. And you know, have more sex. Cause there's never enough sex. And also, I bet the person in the dream has to go to the bathroom a lot. Cause it is always raining lately.

The Matrix, if taken as what it is, a good sci fi with some kick ass special affects, is a fun movie. Get into the pseudointellectual bullshit though, and you just ruin it.

Oh, happy Monday. I think in the person's dream, he should get rid of Monday. I fucking hate Monday.

Golf Update
 

No worries about Vijay being paired with Annika --

IRVING, Texas (AP) -- Vijay Singh won't have to worry about Annika Sorenstam next week -- not because he's playing great, but because he won't be playing.

Moments after winning the Byron Nelson Championship on Sunday, Singh withdrew from the Colonial, where Sorenstam will make history by becoming the first woman in 58 years to play in a PGA Tour event.

It averted what might have been a dicey situation for Singh in the wake of comments he made earlier about Sorenstam having no business playing there.

But Singh insisted he did not withdraw because of that. He was, he said, merely tired.

"It has nothing to do with the controversy," Singh said. "I've played in four straight tournaments, and I need a break."

A contentious week for Singh ended with an unlikely win, considering the media frenzy he found himself caught in after saying that Sorenstam shouldn't be allowed to play in the Colonial, and that if he was paired with her he wouldn't play.

n(who would have thought that Golf would be an acceptable subject for the FB?)cs

being in the office on a nice sunny weekend day
 

Close. But for it to qualify as one of your classics, you would have told us how you were posting from your kayak. You would follow up by wondering why anyone would be interested in watching the finale of anything, especially a reality tv show when you could be actually enjoying your life, like you.

Thurgreed(hey, bilmore, does that answer your question?)Marshall

Matrix Reloaded
 

Count me as a concurrence. I saw it this weekend, too. 'Twas good looking. Not disappointing, but not dazzling. (Not as dazzling as the original, but I recognized that the dazzle there was simply that the jump in FX was much greater & surprising and therefore more impressive.)

s
p
o
i
l
e
r

Actually, the idea that all "supernatural" phenomena is just the program assymilating glitches was a fun extension of the "deja vu" and "alien abduction" ideas of the first flick. As was the idea of predictably self-replicating chaos. The ghost-things moving up through the floor & stuff, with all their snakey hair preceding them, was SUCH an obvious crib from the Final Fantasy movie, though, that it was a bit distracting (though it did give a feeling of dread (heh, heh) to the effect that it wouldn't have had on its own).

edited because my grammar sucks as well as my spelling

Quick Giro Update
 

For those who care and are not taping at home:




Today's stage has just ended.

Cipo broke the record with his 42nd Giro stage win. He's had two amazing back-to-back wins, where it appears he defeated the stress and anxiety of the record.

Also, there were punches thrown by the Polsat sprinter and Petacchi in the final kilometer. I will never understand how they can ride at 30-40 kph and have the balance to punch the guy next to them without crashing.

Overall, another excellent sprint finish . . . and Garzelli stays in the maglia rosa.

AI Lawsuit
 

For all you AI fans out there:

Harry T. Keane Jr., I.D.-ed in reports as a Lone Star state entertainment producer, has filed a federal lawsuit against Fox and producers of American Idol, claiming the idea, and even the set design, for the mega-watched crooning contest was ripped off from him.

His suit seeks unspecified damages--the Houston Chronicle says Keane's attorney has suggested $300 million would do for a settlement--and a temporary restraining order that would bar the show from airing ASAP.


Link to the full story here.

For those interested in Annika
 

Should be fun to watch this week.

And I think it's interesting that Vijay withdrew, although it's not uncommon for a player to withdraw from the next tournament after a win (unless the next is a major). He has nothing to prove, golf wise and if anyone thinks he was scared of losing to her, they're drunk. I think he withdrew because he didn't want to be bothered by the press. Pretty shitty. If you're going to make the comment, don't run from it.

Here is an interesting breakdown of Annika.

(And Less, that 14 year old is a freak. With her skills, strength and attitude, I would expect her to win on the PGA tour. She won't, though, because she will make so much more money on the LPGA.)

And here's a link to an ESPN article about Sorenstam and other female atheletes who've tried to cross over in other sports.
http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/story?id=1556014
___________________________

In the Crosshairs: Annika Sorenstam
By Ivan Maisel
Monday, May 12
Updated: May 18
6:16 PM ET

Born: Oct. 9, 1970 (Stockholm)
Size: 5'6", 139 pounds
Key Stats: Missed only four cuts since 1995 -- all in majors

She's the best (woman) golfer in the world. She tops the (LPGA) money list. She's the highest-profile (female) competitor in her sport. Annika Sorenstam rules (women's) golf. But on May 22, she'll leave the paren-theses in her locker and tee it up against the best (men) in the world at the Colonial, one of the oldest, most prestigious stops on the PGA Tour. The only question is: Why? With 43 victories and nearly $12 mil in career winnings, she's got nothing to prove -- except to herself. Unlike Billie Jean King taking down a mouthy Bobby Riggs on behalf of women everywhere, Annika's only cause is Annika. "I want to be a better player," Sorenstam says. "I love the way the guys play. They hit farther. They're stronger. I want to learn from that." Juli Inkster, the defending U.S. Women's Open champ, says it's simple: "She wants to see how good she is." But however pure her motives might be, the fallout from her success -- or failure -- will be felt far beyond the course.

MARQUEE PLAYER: If Sorenstam plays well -- doesn't get rattled, makes the cut, competes -- it could boost ticket sales for the LPGA along with appreciation for its best player. Stodgy male golf fans might even tune in to watch the women play. But if she shoots 72-72 (the cut last year was 143) and has to throw the sticks in the trunk on Friday afternoon, there'll be knowing nods about the deficiencies of the women's game, whispers that "their" best can't even keep up with "our" middle of the pack. And don't think the middle of the PGA Tour pack won't be busting their butts to make sure that's exactly what happens.

PERFECT FIT: A casual remark in January about testing herself against the opposite sex netted nine invitations to PGA Tour events. She chose Colonial for the same reason local hero Ben Hogan won the Fort Worth tourney five times: The tight, 7,098-yard, par-70 track favors laser precision over pure power. "It's a great shotmaker's course," says Meg Mallon, who won the U.S. Women's Open at Colonial in 1991. Distance-challenged Corey Pavin is a two-time champ; defending champion Nick Price, also a two-timer, ranks 134th in driving distance on the PGA Tour. Off the tee, Price (278.7) is a little longer, Pavin (269) a little shorter than Sorenstam. But while most of her fellow competitors will pull a lofted club for approach shots, Annika will be trying to hold Colonial's hard, postage-stamp greens with a middle iron.

FOR SHOW: Annika started building a power game two years ago, and has added nearly 25 yards off the tee. She's currently averaging 275.4 yards. Tops in the LPGA, that would be only 158th on the PGA Tour. She's become a devoted iron pumper, and she's been playing from the tips at Lake Nona, her 7,011-yard home course in Orlando. (That's 700 yards longer than the typical LPGA tourney track.) On the range before an LPGA event, caddie Terry McNamara stations himself at 100 yards and catches Sorenstam's wedges with a baseball glove. To prepare for Colonial, he moved out to 160 to shag her 7-irons.

FOR DOUGH: Sorenstam's never been a great putter. She hits it straight enough and close enough that she hasn't had to be a master of the flatstick. Right now she ranks 62nd in putting; last year, she finished 39th; the year before, 100th. Not surprisingly, she regularly switches from a conventional grip to cross-handed and back again. (Currently, she's left-hand low). "Judging by how she's putting lately," Mallon says, "I wish she'd played Colonial last year." Despite her struggles, putts per greens in regulation remains her favorite stat. "When I'm better than 1.7, I win," Sorenstam says. "I'm at 1.74 right now. It sounds like such a little number, but it adds up." Proof? This time a year ago, she had three wins. This year, just one.

ONE AND DONE: Let's say she brings her A-game to Fort Worth. Let's say she feeds off the pressure and the hype. Let's say she makes the cut. No, let's say she tops the mark set by Phil Mickelson, who said off-the-cuff earlier this year that she could finish 20th. What then? That's easy: back to the LPGA Tour. In February, Sorenstam said she was open to playing more than once against the guys. After four months in the media maelstrom, she called herself "naïve" and said Colonial would be her last venture onto the men's tour. One reason: her competitive edge. "I want to win tournaments," she says. "That's why I play on the LPGA."
___________________________

TM

Edited to add second link.

Setting yourself apart.
 

Heh heh heh...

Reminds me of the line from Bridget Jones's Diary, where, after confessing to her 4th interviewer that the real reason she's leaving her job is because she has to, 'cause she was shagging her boss, the interviewer's reply (with a cheezy wink) is, "No one ever gets sacked at [Company name here] for shagging the boss!"

Set yourself apart
 

Isn't that one of Dave Barry's (or some such person's) [x] Rules about Life:

A person who is nice to you and nasty to the wait staff is not a nice person.

Chickenshit of the week award...and the Bachelor
 

Originally posted by Thurgreed

I agree - chickenshit of the week award goes to Vijay.


As for the Bachelor - I was really surprised to see how OLD Andrew's parents were. Husband said they looked like they were in their 70's. My best guess is mid 60's - they've been married for 45 years. So he was a very late baby. Yes, they had a nice vineyard house - but not what I'd call fabulous. When his brother expressed concerns about Kirsten still having a boyfriend on top of everything every other woman at the house had told him, I thought geez if he picks her after all this - he's in denial and deserves her. Needless to say, finally one of these guys got it right. First Bachelor went for fake boobs and the one who let him tongue her on the floor of a Japanese restaurant. 2nd idiot picked the shrew over Trista - a move I'm sure he still regrets. And now this guy - at least he didn't pick the golddigger (Kirsten had made a comment about what it would be like to live in "this family" to which the sister commented that "it's not all houses and cars - we work and we work damn hard." I think she was offended that Kirsten thought that living on the vineyard would be all fun and games and cavorting with the rich and famous.
But Paigow was right - there seemed to be very little chemistry between them (except for all the kissing). But her family really liked her (as did most of America - voting was 86% to 10%). And she did get a really nice looking ring.
:cool:

BAchelor
 

Here's my concept question: Why is it even remotely realistic for these idiots to propose after 3 dates, some "alone time" and one nookie session? And why is it sensible to accept?

Given the timing of the show, why not have one final rose ceremony. Both "amazing" ladies in the room, only one gets the rose. Then, do like survivor, fast forward to a live "final" show, where after 4 months of actually dating, talking, things most people do before a marriage proposal, the bachelor can make the proposal. Or not. That's drama. Kind of like "Love Connection" except that the bachelor/ette is in the room, rather than in a little inset box backstage. Maybe even bring back the wench from Missing Link to do her "goodbye" line if the answer is no.

Holes
 

Speaking of movies, I highly recommend Holes for anyone looking for a family film. I didn't know much about it except it was about a bunch of boys digging a bunch of holes, but it is actually a well-written story with terrific acting from the kids.

BAchelor
 

Good idea - if you think its realistic that people would stay together in the real life situation after all the amazing trips with the amazing ladies (that cracks me up), then you should pitch your idea to a network.

I simply do not see what was in it for Andrew or even how his parents could have been cool with this (I cant believe thsee zillionaires agreed to have their home filmed in the first place- maybe it was some kind of promotion for their wine?????) Thats gotta be it- it was to increase business at the vineyard, Andrew just doenst seem like a huge troublemaker (but who knows with the editing- I bet he could have gotten thrown out of several prep schools for dealing). Or perhaps there is some kind of Aaron Spelling type clause in his trsut fund that he has to be married to inherit. Whatever it is, I aint buying that he is in love with this gal, esp given that he was having oh such a tough time choosing. She aint all that- marcia brady with bad plastic surgery. ho hum.

as for why she said yes, thats a no brainer. she's got nowhere to go but up and that was a pretty swell looking ring.