Texas FB Orgy Day II
 

But I bet Paigow has some thoughts about how this would work.

The Married Life
 

Is Jessica Simpson the chick who claims to have remained a virgin until she married some cat from a really shitty band? If so, I have a huuuuge fuckin question... how in the fuck does she reconcile not fucking before getting hitched, but nevertheless getting implants? Putting implants into a virgin is like overhauling and upgrading the engine in a junked car. If you can't use those funbags, what's the fuckin point?

The whole virgin before marriage gig is rEdiculous. What if Nick and Jessica fucked for the first time on the wddding night and realized, "Hey, there's no fucking chemistry here! We suck in the sack." The last thing I would want on my wedding night is someone who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. You're supposed to get over the "awkward fumbling" stage in 10th grade. And its only worse for the ladies.... Imagine the premature ejaculation from a 25 year old virgin male. It'd make the kid in American Pie look like a porn star.

S(If I were president, everyone would have to offer proof of at least 7 sexual partner before qualifying for a marriage license)D

just wondering
 

The Simpsons already did a John Waters cameo and it was pretty fucking hysterical. That said, a QE cameo where QE does Homer would be fantastic.

Garrison.......... Keiller................... is........... hmmm............. fucking dull.

S("Wait God... lemme get this straight... you let the nazi hit the century mark but take a mensch like John Ritter from us with a heart condition only YOU could have known about???")D

just wondering
 

I can tell that you remember the episode, because that was its point, too.

Texas FB Orgy Day II
 

I'm not quite sure any still photo will quite capture the essence of what happened, though. Sure, the angle from the porta-potty was artistically interesting, and the inclusion of the hippie-with-i-pod in the background certainly set the scene properly, but can those last frenzied moments really be captured on film? Anyhow, bresticle day has come and gone.

Things I would not like to read today
 

Thurgreed has not yet sunk to your level.

In Thurgreed's defense, the closest thing he has to your boring ignore list diatribes is his incessant sniping with Bilmore, and today's version is actually relatively amusing.

The Married Life
 

I don't think Nick Lachey is all that bright - I think someone with half a brain would have seen what she is all about a long time ago. I have to say, I still don't really understand the whole "I look like a sexpot but don't fuck me" phenomenon. Who wants to marry someone who subscribes to that? I can see wanting to fuck her, because she looks good, but marriage - that is a whole different ball game.

The Married Life
 

Um, Sebby dear, I think that most of the board will mainly agree that I am mostly correct when I state that she got the funbags (if she did) for purposes of her own vanity, not to let some sweaty chimp handle em. And the board will mostly agree that this is maily correct and that people like you are just jealous.

but my question is, why do we need a Jessica Simpson if we already have a Britney Spears? More superfluous than Thurgreed.

just wondering
 

I think I would actually watch that one. Brilliant.

The Married Life
 

By no means is Nick a rocket surgeon, but at least he's relatively down-to-earth and independent enough to survive on his own.*

To quote Paul in "Beautiful Girls" [S]he's like a retarded kid who doesn't even know [s]he's retarded."


*I can't believe I'm defending this guy.**

**Said in a "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy" Dukakis voice.

Texas FB Orgy Day II
 

Zounds, you are correct. My head must still be in the industrial cloud of killer made by the high school freshmen sitting behind us. Before I drained them of their blood, which may be contributing to my altered state in more ways than one. I want Oreos. And grapes.

Texas FB Orgy Day II
 

I make it a point not to frequent musical festivals whose fans say "zounds,"* although this one sounded like lots of fun.


* As you might imagine, this has cost me my friends in the Society for Creative Anachronism.

The Married Life
 

I completely recognize the career reasons behind her decision to get the funbags. HOWEVER, if you're willing to make yourself that much of a sex symbol, why the fuck not just give it up?

I really hate these virgin/born again virgin preachers because they're just so goddamn stupid. Losing your virginity is probably the most anti-climactic event in your life. I recall thinking after I lost mine "That was the huge fucking deal I'd been waiting for?" Is it fun? Sure. Is it a sort of right of passage? Absolutely. Is it something amazingly revelatory that you'll recall until you die? Hardly. Its fuckin' - we all do it. Ain't no big deal. Jessica and the rest of the Jesus Brigade should get over themselves. What they're packin' between their thighs is not gold-plated. Get down off your high horse, dears, and start screwing like the rest of humanity for the past 100,000,000 years.

"My sexuality is special... its blessed and sacred and a gift from God." Yep, bumping uglies - a unique gift from God... given to every single animal that's ever lived. Last I checked, fucking worked pretty much the same for everyone, so if that's a sacred gift, you ought to take God to task for handing it out like mints at a hotel.

S(You need Jessica because Christina Aguillera will soon be a great big hookerish version of Cass Elliot if she keeps up that Ho-ho and Big Mac diet)D

The Married Life
 

I'm pretty sure those fun-bags are real. I recall some interview in CosmoGirl in which she discusses developing early and large.

If Nick gets bored or irritated tell him to contact me. I don't care if he's dumb. Most people are. He is at least 98 degrees of hot.

The Married Life
 

Bitch please. Keep with the program. Xtina lost a bit of the extra and looks hot again. She is on the list I keep in the protective folder that my faxes come to me in. Along with Nick.