Post About French Lingerie Article
 

Way back in the dark ages when I first started going to the gyno I had a strong preference that said gyno be male. Looking back it was probably for homophobe reasons. I was very uncomfortable having another women examining my privates.

That changed very quickly one evening. Due to certain problems I was referred to another doctor, also male. Well imagine my shock when the doctor walks in (I'm already draped and prepped) and he is the long lost twin to my then BF's dad!! Having just returned from a weekend of great sex with the BF, I was grossed out at having his Dad's twin take a look at the privates. I swear if the two of them were in the same room, you wouldn't be able to tell them apart. Even down to the white coat (BF's dad was a dentist). Could never look either one in the eye again.

Anne
Now I don't care. Current one is female.

A bad case of loving you
 

I completely don't get this. What's wrong with getting a yearly checkup and having them run your blood and urine and make sure that you don't have any hernias? When you're bleeding from the nipple, are you ust going to shrug it off? There's so much that can be caught with a few very simple tests. An expert testicular and prostate exam should be done every year once you hit thirty or so, and a heart stress test isn't a bad idea. Why drop dead from something completely preventable just to be macho? I know that you have this whole self-reliance thing going on, but give me a break.

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

When it comes to gynos, I want a woman because I want someone who has to have the exams herself and knows what it feels like. When my doctor became the admin partner of her practice, she ordered examining tables with warming drawers for the speculae (OK Timmies, what is the plural of speculum anyway?) so they wouldn't be ice cold.

Thrasher, didn't you get used to being naked in front of other women in the showers after gym class in junior high, in the dorm showers at college or at the athletic club?

For massages, either a man or woman is generally fine.

Sebby and the other doctor-phobics: Get in for annual checkups!!! This is just stupid behavior -- it's once a fricken' year, how bad can that be? A good diet and exercise doesn't mean you couldn't have dangerously high cholesteral -- sometimes it is a genetic thing that can't be controlled other than with meds. Don't be all macho and invincible acting -- worse things could happen than you suddenly dropping dead. You could end up chronically, but not fatally, ill and not be able to do all the things you want when you could have avoided it with a little preventative medical care.

The Proper Way to Insult Canadians
 

Earlier today on the Board, posters tried and generally failed to insult the Canadians. Here's how it's properly done:

Kicker Troy Westwood of the Winnepeg Blue Bombers was about to face Saskatchewan in a Canadian Football League game earlier this season when he called residents of Saskatchewan "a bunch of banjo-picking inbreds." The teams met in the playoffs on Sunday, and this time Westwood told the Winnipeg Sun, "I had referred to the people of Saskatchewan as a bunch of banjo-picking inbreds. I was wrong to make such a statement, and I'd like to apologize. The vast majority of the people of Saskatchewan have no idea how to play the banjo."

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

Originally posted by Fugee

I could also use an excuse to buy a lethal does of morphine.

The people in my family are long lived, even though a good share of them are alcoholics. Good teeth too, more than one opens a bottle with their teeth, and hasn't been the worse for it.

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

Specula? (2d decl. n.)

up to snuff
 

How much more of your act have you simply stolen off the net?

http://www.newsmax.com/archives/ic/2...9/172338.shtml(spree just news)

A bad case of loving you
 

1. I had a stress test a few years ago. My sitting heart rate is 60 and I could run on the treadmill like a motherfucker. Doc said I had an iron ticker.

2. In 00' I had bloodwork for a life insurance policy. Again, results came back as spectacular.

3. Bleeding from the nipple?

4. A friend who I party with a lot had some work done last year. came back with highly elevated liver enzymes. His wife doesn't let him go out and he can't drink anymore. Frankly, I can't live without booze. I've been a regular binge drinker since the age of 16 and I've no intention of stopping my weekend antics until the day I die. The last thing I need is to get into an argument with my wife about it.

S(If I dropped dead today, I could honestly say its been a good ride... I have no intention of having anyone tell me to curb anything)D

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

1. I have almost zero cholestrol and I eat a low fat diet.

2. No one in my family as far back as anyone can trace has ever had a heart problem or high cholestrol.

3. I hit the gym 6X a week and am at the perfect healthy weight for my height.

4. Everyone in my family dies of cancer around 80. If I had any brains I'd try to eat as much fat as I could and smoke butts to get a heart attack before then so I don't have to endure the hellish demise from cancer, but that probably won't work... my grandfather smoked for 50 years and had low blood pressure at the time he died - at 89 - of old age.

5. My father lives on a diet not unlike Jerry Garcia's. He has a physical each year for a life insurance policy. Each time they tell him he has low cholestrol and is in fine cardiac health. He's smoked cigars for 20 years and other than golf engages in zero physical activities.

S(I do believe I'll be ok, barring getting hit by a bus)D

up to snuff
 

From this article:

"According to the Denver Post today, 'metrosexual' is 'the buzz phrase for straight men in touch with their feminine sides.' Numerous Web postings and magazine articles have dubbed Bill Clinton the king of the metrosexuals."

Um . . . Penske . . . Penske?????


:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Streptococcal Muppeteers
 

You might actually want to get that checked out.

Will the Real Rosie O'Donnell Please Shut Up?
 

What's with her? She's on the verge of settling a $125m lawsuit, but won't agree because of the confidentiality restrictions? I.e., she actually has to shut up and stop bad mouthing the magazine publisher she screwed/was screwed by. Are her attorneys pulling out their hair at this point.

Will the Real Rosie O'Donnell Please Shut Up?
 

I've had idiots pull shit like this. I threaten to withdraw. Her lawyers should do that. Threaten to let the bitch swing... that should shut her up.

S(unless of course she's savvy enough to recognize that no judge would allow counsel to withdraw at this point)D

A bad case of loving you
 

Dude, on the off-chance* that your schtick is in any way related to your real life, you are a fucking moron.

Very few people "drop dead" from stuff that is quick and painless. You may remember from the other board that one of our mutual imaginary friends was in even better shape than you, but had a heart thing that she (or "he")** had to have surgically fixed. I imagine that if she didn't get it taken care of, at a minimum her quality of life would have gone down. And maybe if she were born 100 years ago and this sort of surgical repair was not possible, she would die from it.

I imagine many of us know someone who died from something that could have been prevented. Most of these ways of dying aren't all that fun.***

* Uh, is this proper hyphenation, dtb?

**I really dislike the (alleged) word "em."

***Yes, Nelson Rockefeller's death was fun, and I suppose it was preventable (he could have not banged his hot secretary on that day), but the rich are different, and get special privileges. I knew Nelson Rockefeller. Nelson was a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Nelson Rockefeller.

Post About French Lingerie Article
 

He left his Philly at home. Do you have another?

TM

Will the Real Rosie O'Donnell Please Shut Up?
 

This confirms my well-publicized* hypothesis that there is no amount of money in the world that could make that fat sow shut her cake hole.



*further dtb hypenation

A bad case of loving you
 

Bob... did you read anything I wrote? I had an battery of cardiac tests a few years back and at the conclusion of all of them, the docs said I was fine. So I guess we can rule out heart issues. Your funny bit about Nelson, my friend, is misplaced.

Yeh, I'd be willing to bet my liver enzymes are off the chart depending on what time of year it is. I don't need that info. What am I going to do about it? Stop going out? Deprive myself of a social life, which is effectively my entire life? I'd rather dance with the cirrhosis faery.

I've coughed up some really impressive shit over the years and been told several times to take antibiotics by docs. I threw them all away because they come with the "You can't drink on these" caveat, and I can't miss a weekend get-together. All the alleged lung infections and sinus infections went a away in good time with rest, fluids and vitamins. Years later I read about just how bad for you antibiotics are...

I party with a few docs. They treat themselves like shit and indulge in some really bad shit. One doctor in my family who lives on heavy fuel told me "You'd be utterly amazed what the human body can endure."

up to snuff
 

You tell me. Cites please (other than the ice wine post).

Matrix Revolutions
 

Matrix = Amazing. Raised the bar, set a new standard in sci-fi.

Matrix II = Pretty cool. Some great scenes. Not such a great storyline.

Matrix III = Crap.

Saw it last night and it was LOL funny. I'm amazed that people cheer at the cheesiest moments. People really are cattle. The creators push a button and the audience reacts. The movie was horrible. A complete let down. Agent Smith (and Jada Pinkett Smith to a certain extent) was the only thing worth watching.

Don't go see it.

TM

A bad case of loving you
 

I haven't had a check-up since HS. I'm not really in to preemption...

A bad case of loving you
 

then watch out for any job change. After my last job switch the life insurance test popped elevated liver whatevers, not high enough to prevent coverage but enough to get a CYA letter from the company. I think someday I'll reduce drinking, but geez, I want it on my timetable
I met my favorite Doc at a neighbor's bat mitzvah. as a comment to pouring wine at our table, I was telling the table about how there was this report, 2 glasses of red wine is great for the heart, as proven in France.

he said "its not just red wine, it looks like ANY alcohol is good, and frankly the 2 glasses is a baseline to achieve the benefit!"
good times*.


*he just had to get a pacemaker at a very young age though

Matrix Revolutions
 

Agent Smith was good in the first one--gotta love the way he says "MISSS-ter AND-erson".

JPS was a waste in the second one. It seems like she wanted to be in it and they wrote her a part that has nothing to do with the script. WTF does Morphius' past love-live have to do with NEO/Smith and the matrix? This isn't tolstoy, I don't need to know everyone's life history.

And in no. 2, WTF was that techo-party scene all about? That came outta' nowhere and was probably some exec's idea because he heard that techno is popular with the 18-24 demographic this year.

I think the only way I would watch 3 in the theaters is if JPS, Morphius and Trinity all die (well, if two of them die, I would see it in the regular theatre, I would pay extra for IMAX to see all 3 of them get it, or I would go twice and buy the DVD if Canoo Reaves dies).

I hope this is not too morbid for a Friday.
 

Sebastian, this post is not a warning to you, because I think you have evaluated the risks of what your are doing, and that is fine. If you do not want to go to the doctor for whatever reason, I am certainly not going to preach to you about it. And I know that you understand that an iron ticker does not make you invincible. I had a colleague who I am pretty sure had an iron ticker. He was a triathlete, a sailboarder, a snowboarder, and many other things. He died last week after a battle with melanoma. He was 31. I know this is outable, but I don't care.

Because I am doing something that I did not think that I was going to do, which is to raise this issue here, let me first just say a little bit about him. I know there is a tendency to lionize the dead, but in the few years that I knew this guy, I found him to be one of the more charismatic people I have met. He loved life, loved sushi, loved all the things I mentioned above. He had so many different interests and so many friends. When I heard he was sick, it was like getting kicked in the stomach. So, for whatever tiny value this has on an anonymous internet lawyer chat board, let me just say that he was way way too young for what happened to him and that we all really miss him here.

I understand that the instinct of many will be to write to say something about how they are sorry about what happened, but PLEASE do not feel the need to do that because 1) I assume you are sorry - it is an incredibly sad thing, and 2) for once this is not actually about me. If you want to respond, tell me this instead: Have you ever thought about your funeral and what it will be like? Has anyone actually planned it? After this guy's funeral, I exchanged some e-mails with a co-worker about funerals in general. She decided that she wanted to be cremated, and now wants to start shopping antique stores to find the perfect urn. She gave it some thought after the funeral, and her vision of her own funeral involves a beautiful table in the middle of a big room with the perfect urn on it. Tom Waits will be played and, once everyone has assembled, waiters will enter the room with trays of martinis. I told her that this could come off as either 1) a hip, bohemian celebration of her life, or 2) a macabre David Lynch-ian nightmare. She said she is shooting for 2. I have never given too much thought about my own funeral, due in part to my strong denial of my own mortality. But, when I do occasionally think about it, in the funeral in my mind I have died while relatively young and popular. In fact, I am probably wildly more popular in my imagined funeral than I could ever hope to be. But I have never thought too much about the details. Because, at least for now, I do not really care.

A bad case of loving you
 

I think that Bob's point was that you want to keep checking these things because they change. Our mutual imaginary friend was very athletic and passed prior physicals. Things change. Spending an hour at the doctor every 2 years isn't that big a burden to possibly catch something that could kill you. I'm not advocating telling the doctor that you drink a 5th of whisky a night and snort coke off the breasts of IV drug-using prositutes every weekend, but you could at least have the objective stuff measured.

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

I was excused from phys ed in junior high and high school because of a joint problem discovered when I ran on the cross country team -- before that I showered in a bathing suit if I had to be in front of other girls.

I did not live in a dorm during college and would have rather lived on the street than shared a bathroom or shower with other people. Also, I was lucky enough to get hit by a car mid-way through college but before I had taken my phys ed requirements (what the fuck was up with that anyway?) and got excused from needing those credits.

I have never belonged to an athletic club.

I won't even go into my weird going-potty issues but suffice it to say that my own husband is of the belief that I have never used the toilet and thus must be some sort of alien life form.

A bad case of loving you
 

You are talking to the wrong docs. All the antibiotics handed over by my doctor friend come with the assertation that it is okay to drink while taking them. I don't take antibiotics often because I think they should only be taken when needed, but I've had a sinus infection or two that would not have gone away but for the meds.

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

Fugee opened the door for a wonderful co-ed dorm shower story and you ruined it. Ruined it!

Matrix Revolutions
 

I'm going to see it tonight on an Imax screen with a bunch of techno-geeky-sci-fi* freaks. Should be an interesting evening, especially if we go for drinks afterwards. I'll be the one drinking beer and playing circular logic games while they earnestly discourse on the deeper meanings of the film while stirring their black coffee. I'm giddy in anticipation.:rolleyes:

Just saw Matrix 2 last night. There were some very funny bits (1 Adam-12), but the fight scenes were too long. Cool special effects, but I wanted the story to move along. Neo is getting annoying and what's up with Morpheus and his purple pimp suit?


*Over use of hyphens?

Matrix Revolutions
 

Hugo Weaving has a pretty good agent (no pun intended) to get him prominent roles in both the Matrix and LOTR trilogies. I had barely heard of him before, but he owns his roles in both and will probably be able to parlay them into choice character roles in the future (strikes me as a Bill Macy type role player, only tougher)...

Having just seen Reloaded for the first time on DVD, I'm still trying to figure the "rave scene" out as well... What the fuck was that?

Morpheus: "Hey guys, I got some bad news... There's a quarter of a million sentinels coming to kill us all, and they'll be here pretty soon. Now, we can either start getting ready to defend the existence of the human race, or we can party our asses off! I say we party!"

Huh?

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

I would have gladly lived and showered in the men's dorm.

The good thing about my "phobia" is that it keeps me from doing (or at least getting caught doing) things bad enough to land me in jail/prison. Now, if they said I could go to a men's prison instead of living with the "ladies behind bars" I would not be so scared and would probably be in jail like that <snap>.

First Mtv and then The World!
 

Looks like Jessica fans have something to look forward to...

Jessica Simpson has "signed a secret deal with ABC to star in her own sitcom," Page Six reports. That's separate from the second season of Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica, which is now taping. Jessica's also apparently being considered for the lead in an I Dream of Jeannie film. Page Six says that "with the TV shows, the movie and planned lines of clothing, perfume and makeup, Simpson should be reeling in close to $20 million this year." [realityblurred]


Which phase of the lizard's plan is this?

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

Um, in men's prison they seem to enjoy something that you want no part of. Something to consider.

Drinking
 

And WTF is up with this talk of "elevated liver enzymes"?

This is why I hate going to the doctor -- they always bring up shit that I then go around worrying about which increases my stress level which in turn probably fucks up my health.

I am secure in my drinking and then you people bring up this liver enzyme crap and now I have to worry about it. If you don't say it or write it where I can see it then it can't possibly get me. Shut up already. Next thing I know you will say the fucking "C" word and -bam- I get a tumor. Stop It!

Matrix Revolutions
 

He certainly has range. Have you seen him in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?

The music at the rave was pretty good. Maybe they were partying like it was 1999.

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

But they prefer that because there is no option. I present the option. Anyway, I would rather take it in the ass from some dude than be naked in a shower with other women.

I hope this is not too morbid for a Friday.
 

I actually have it in my will. Music must include Green Day's "Good Riddance" and Warren Zevon's last dic in its entirety. The only reason I have giveen Mrs. Wonk my gumbo recipe is so that she will be able to prepare a big ole pot for the funeral.

Children's laughter will, in fact, be encouraged.

Drinking
 

The enzyme test is a fucking unecessary insurance company pushed test to determine who's a high risk person. Some actuarial sitting ina cubicle made the determination that alcohol consumption is a good indicator of other high risk behaviors. They use impossible behavior baselines. Then the AMA puts out these ridiculous baselines like "If you have more than 15 drinks a week, you're in grave health danger." Ridiculous. Its amazing people live to be 80 these days, considering that these wonderful baselines did not exist when these old folks started swilling booze and smokin butts in the 50s. Hell, you couldn't eat eggs for a while because of some shit some asshole scientist said.

We get too much nancy-boy the-sky-is-falling infor about our health these days, and most of its contradictory and fucked up by the press. Life's terminal. Enjoy what you want within reason and take care of yourself as best you can and you'll live as long as your genes permit. Quality, not quantity. I don't want to see 80 because I know I'll be arthritic - its in my genes. Pass me the fucking bourbon.

Get Thee to a Doctor
 

Okay, deal! PM me with your contact information.

I hope this is not too morbid for a Friday.
 

That seems like a good approach. As with weddings, there is the whole "Is this thing for me or is it for others (family, etc.)" dilemma. But, there are so many ways to do it without having it to be a completely somber affair - although if that is what you want, I suppose that works too. I have been meaning to do a little internet research on funereal traditions of different cultures.

I hope this is not too morbid for a Friday.
 

While I haven't planned my funeral, my best friend did prior to her death from cancer. She left explicit instructions. SHe wanted her obituary to read that she had died from cancer, because she didn't want anyone to think that after 4 years of chemo she had been hit by a bus. She threatened to come back and haunt us all if Amazing Grace was played, especially on bagpipes. And she said, "you know how they always say 'in lieu of flowers"? Fuck that. I want flowers. loads and loads of flowers."

In retrospect, having her let us know these things made it easier for us to handle the details of her funeral. Also, having her voice in our heads telling us what to do was reassuring.

man, this subject sucks. can we talk about something more fun now?