Guns Galore
 

I would like to celebrate the umpteenth thing that GWNC and I have agreed upon. :cheers:

Hell, I disagree with myself more than I do with GWNC. Either we were separated at birth or were lovers in a past life. :bow: I take back everything bad that I have ever said about the people of Canada, their air force (and its one plane), their army (who has the bullets and who has the gun), and that joke about storming over the Peace Bridge and taking over the place with a slingshot (like we want to inherit their socialistic problems).

I :love: GWNC.

edited to note that I have finally hit 100 posts. :mr:

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

I don't think he's all that pleased with himself. He made it big by having a pliable face and an over-the-top personality (following Jerry Lewis' footsteps, I guess). There really was no one like him when he hit Hollywood.

I think the comment you just made is the reason why he tried to do different things. These types of comments and the fact that I think Hollywood went to his head and he wanted to be taken seriously are behind our having to shun movies like The Majestic. The question is why the need for the fundamnetal change? Is it because he's now around serious actors at the parties and awards shows that make him feel like he's less talented because he doesn't do drama? I've never understood this. Not everyone can be Tom Hanks. Why is being able to make people cry such a rewarded and highly regarded ability, while making people laugh is not? Are you any less of an actor because you have the ability to act silly? I think everyone in Hollywood takes themselves too seriously, though. Shit, why should I kiss your ass because you're good at dressing up and playing pretend? But, I digress.

I'm actually glad he's going back to what people want from him. He should act the fool. They're paying him $20 mil a flick for it. He shouldn't care that he never gets nominated.

TM

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

I always thought the Daniels' character should have been played by Farley. Now THAT would have been something.

TM

Guns Galore
 

You're stupid.

TM

the tyranny of the positive
 

Cranky people of the FB, rise up against the tyranny of the positive!

Defending the Right Not to Have a Nice Day
By WARREN ST. JOHN

. . .

Indeed, these are tough times for America's cranks, complainers and curmudgeons. Maybe because there's so much that is genuinely wrong — with threats of terrorism and a rotten economy — Americans just aren't in the mood for pessimism. And anyway, in a culture dominated by the relentlessly cheery ethos of the self-help movement, grumps and contrarians are frequently dismissed as mildly delusional, or worse, viewed as malignancies that must be isolated and cut out.

If there were any doubt that cranks are under siege, consider that on Wednesday a group calling itself Smile Mania is putting on a national event called the Great American Grump Out, which aims to do for cantankerousness what the Great American Smoke-Out did for tobacco addiction. Janice Hathy, a 55-year-old stress management consultant from Venice, Fla., has been promoting the Grump Out with a series of happiness exercises; she recently headed a "drive-by smiling" in which she and some local students stood at an intersection and flashed cardboard smiley-faces at passing motorists. On the big day, she said, she and a "grump patrol" will don clown-noses, blow bubbles and hand out bananas. ("When you look at them sideways, they look like smiles," she explained.) They plan to establish "no grumping zones" in her hometown and to urge their fellow citizens toward positivity and optimism.

Full text: http://www.nytimes.com/2003/05/25/fashion/25GRUM.html

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

This is a huge sweeping generalization, but many Canadians have enormous inferiority complexes. There is this whole "in order to be successful you must not only be competitive with the Americans, you must do better than all of them as well" thing that is part of the Canadian psyche. He is a good example of this - he is not satisfied with being good at what Canadians think is a typical Canadian quality (being funny), he has to be good at what Americans are good at too (being serious).

Of course - this is not to say that Americans are not funny (they are!). - I am just trying to explain using vast generalizations why he may think the way he does.

the tyranny of the positive
 

Does Janice Hathy look anything like this?
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/L...nnonjchan2.jpg

Guns Galore
 

Here is your first non OJ, golf or Jim Carrey post in far too long and this is what you come up with? You only call me stupid as you realize that my comments could equally apply to you. I'd suggest you borrow one of the tiaras Barely is having leagl "resize" for her, o' princess of the lowest common denominator, but I recall that you have exercised wit and originality in the past.

the tyranny of the positive
 

These people are freaks. The world is a complex place, full of the great and the awful and everything in between. Why am I supposed to simper and giggle like a fucking Teletubby as if it's always sunshine and butterflies?

And a word to those senseless goons who helpfully tell strangers on the street to "smile a little"--it was probably not so helpful to say that to me when one of my parents was dying.

PJ

Potential tragic tying together of threads
 

Worry not, PJ. Think about it: the smile lady is standing on the side of the road in FLORIDA flashing distracting signs at motorists. What kind of drivers are there lots of in Florida? Geezers.* The smile lady's days are numbered.

the tyranny of the positive
 

I agree. Fucking freaks. Who in the hell are they to tell me to "be happy?" Fuck you, my mood will reflect my current circumstances and if that means being a grumpy bitch then so be it. All of this happy-go-lucky stuff is bullshit. It takes no real effort or emotional investment on their part and society makes it easy to shame grumps so what the hell is the point? Why not go to St. Judes with those clown noses and try to cheer-up some terminal kids? Why not use their time to help a single-mom prep for her first real job interview? Leave us grumpy people the fuck alone and go help somebody that actually needs help -- of course, that would take more effort than these feel-goodies are willing to invest. Stupid fuckers.

edited because this stupid happy bitch got me so grumpy I forgot how to spell for a minute.

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

I would happily give all of Jeff Daniels's roles to Chris Farley.

When Daniels got kneecapped in "Speed," I cheered. I finally knew true happiness when he got blowed up in the fourth reel.

[WARNING: PRECEDING PARAGRAPH CONTAINS 1994 SPOILERS.]

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

I'm trying to picture Chris Farley in Terms of Endearment. Flap, indeed.

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

Some of the drama of charging down Little Round Top in "Gettysburg" would be lost if Chris Farley were leading the charge.

but I know that a French-Canadian goalie and a guy named Niedermayer will win.
 

As much fun as it is to watch Jesus Somebody (the dude with the ZZ Top avatar) argue with barely and TM, the Cup finals are here.

I look back and realize that my pre-playoff predictions, well, sucked. Granted that I don't think that anyone would have predicted that the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim would storm thru the Red Wings like Emilio Estevez thru a mound of Bolivian powder circa 1985, but still.

Despite what should have been the humbling experience of picking teams for the finals that were gone so long ago that it seems hard to remember that they actually made the playoffs, here I am.

So, who does Not Bob like? Not Bob hates the Devils. He hates Pat Burns, both with and without a mustache. He hates Scott Stevens. He hates the NJ version of the Niedermayer. He hates Scott Gomez. He hates Puddy from Seinfeld with the stupid face paint and the "go Devils!" chant. He likes Martin "no, I didn't bang my wife's sister -- it was her brother's wife" Broduer. He likes John Madden and Joe "a groin injury by any other name still hurts like a sumbitch" Nieuwendyk. But he hates the Devils.

So, I will root for the Ducks. Despite the fact that they were created by some suit merely as a part of some bizarre Disney synergyistic marketing plan. Despite the fact that they play in the hockey Mecca that is Southern California. Despite the fact that I know that poor Jiggy is overdue for a bad game, and that the hated Devils will break my heart by skating the Cup yet again, with Puddy screaming "go Devils!" in the background.

but I know that a French-Canadian goalie and a guy named Niedermayer will win.
 

I too shall root for the Ducks. Among other reasons, seeing the Ducks in the Cup finals gives me strength to continue my "Thrashers win the Cup for the '03-'04 season" fantasy. Anyway, I only liked to Devils during that too brief period when Jim "the Sabres rawked when I played for 'em" Schoenfeld was coach in 1988, "when he took the reins of a New Jersey Devils team languishing in last place in January and led it not only to its first playoff berth, but an upset win over Washington and a heart-stopping seven-game loss to Boston in the Eastern Conference Finals."

excuse me while I take a moment to collect myself.

Various and sundry
 

Root canals suck. (Imagine this post with a numb right side of my mouth).

Three day weekends do not suck. For the first time in a long time, I saw no movies this holiday weekend. I did spend time in antique stores, restaurants, being filmed for a friend's documentary, on the road, and with hot gay male models who were stripped down and being painted.

My mild distaste towards H2 drivers has escalated to hatred on sight. While I, like everyone, have always made gross generalizations about people based on what they drive, I cannot recall feeling as much venom towards someone just because of their car. I fear that one day my not-so-latant road rage will turn into some sort of bezerker frenzy, and an H2 driver will be the victim. Perhaps I'll use a gun. Apologies to any H2 drivers on this board. Here's hoping we never meet on the road.

Speaking of guns, I rely on the Displaced Dog and my alarm system for home security. So far, so good.

My (Yankee) mother relates the story of the first time she snooped around my (Texan) dad's D.C. apartment when they were dating. She said she opened his closet and found two things she'd never thought she'd see. A pair of cowboy boots and a shotgun. My dad explained that you never know when an opportunty to go duck hunting may arise.

but I know that a French-Canadian goalie and a guy named Niedermayer will win.
 

As for the other playoffs, I have one thing to say:

Go Spurs!

Even(tonight, game 5)Odds

Guns Galore
 

Actually, I was playing off of this quote: "I only meant to point out the hypocrisy of calling someone "stupid" for being "ignorant' while crying that the community had become too judgmental." I was being judgmental, hypocritical and using your favorite word all at once. I'm surprised that someone as brilliant as you missed it.

And, good reply. I'm not sure the "what you post about sucks even though all my posts have consisted of roughly nothing" approach works that well, though.

But that's enough from you. I think you're JRUSS and don't really feel like bothering whether you are or aren't.

TM

Guns Galore
 

Gun safety classes are mandatory for the issuance of hunting licenses to minors and concealed weapon licenses in the state of Texas.

Potential tragic tying together of threads
 

Now I am smiling. :)

But lest you think I am a completely grumpy heartless bitch bent on the destruction of all who cross me, I am also damn near twirling around my office singing over today's arrival of Tangerine Sparkle Purse. :band:

but I know that a French-Canadian goalie and a guy named Niedermayer will win.
 

Should be an interesting series, hopefully Martin can keep his mind on the task at hand and not get side-tracked by the divorce proceedings. No, heart-wrenching shots of the wife and kids cheering on Dad this series.

I'm torn. I like the Devils, but have an uncontrollable urge to root for the underdog in situations like this. Either way, I'll be watching tonight.

the tyranny of the positive
 

.... etc.

This reminds me of a classic from my uncle. When cashiers and the like said "Have a nice day!" his reply was "Thanks, but I have other plans."

Playoffs
 

Yeah baby! Can there be a more hateful man than Mark Cuban?
:mr:

statistics
 

I like the part of the stat that indicates that the murder rate has been going down for the last eight years or so. It looks like the murder rate was going down before the first cocealed weapon law was passed. (We were the first, right?)

Various and sundry
 

Men who drive H2's and/or own guns have small penises or are insecure in some other way.

Women who drive H2s have penis envy.

Guns Galore
 

I got it. That is why I called you the princess of the lcd. I am suprised someone as brilliant as you missed it.



Hey, you ain't a member of the party until someone has accused you of being JRUSS. Now I feel I truly belong. Thank you, Tim.

Missing "Idol" votes
 

For those who care

Missing "Idol" votes

the tyranny of the positive
 

Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Guns Galore
 

Bullshit. You missed it. Now you're covering your ass.

You don't. But keep posting, maybe you'll get lucky and something you post will end up being unintentionally interesting or funny somehow. But if you don't become interesting soon, you're gonna get fufu'd.

Use of this term doesn't mean you've been accepted either. Maybe your next post will contain a "chai latte all over the keyboard" reference?

What's sad is that you're clearly a sock. I still think you're JRUSS, but either way, you've got nothing to say. Socks sometimes do.

TM

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

Apparently they use this woman's cell phone number in the movie and people actually call for god.
god's phone number
In the film, Carrey stars as a mortal who receives the powers of God. The character of God tries to reach Carrey’s character by repeatedly leaving a phone number on his pager.

But instead of the usual 555 prefix used by most television shows and films, God’s number is a common exchange — one too common for Jenkins’ liking. It’s her cell phone number.

She’s been getting about 20 calls per hour, with callers asking for God before hanging up.

“What am I to do?” Jenkins wrote on an Internet forum. Reached by telephone by the St. Petersburg Times, Jenkins declined further comment, saying only she wants to hire an attorney.


Anyone interested?

Various and sundry
 

It would be kewl if you would use that line on the next gun-owning cop who pulls you over for a traffic violation and report back to us on the response.:eek:

Various and sundry
 

You're not really answering the penis size question, though.

Guns Galore
 

When did socking become sad? It is a source of joy to some, Personally, I think it is sad when a former great continues to forge on at a subpar level when he is way past his peak. I would throw in a Michael Jordan analogy, but do not want you to go off on a three day sports tangent. (Yawn).

Various and sundry
 

Not fair. I married a cop so if I said most cops have small pricks everyone would assume I was including the hubby but if I said cops are hung like fucking donkeys you would think I was lying to protect the hubby's feelings (or my reputation) or else there would suddenly be some competition facing us chicks willing to marry fascist pigs. I can't win with either answer so I will plead the fifth (and perhaps drink one too).

Guns Galore
 

I thought this was settled on the Stalin Board. The word we settled on was "ridicule." Link to suck.com article (remember them?) entitled "How to Judge A Man By His CD Collection."

Of course, John Mayer obviates Dave Matthews.

Guns Galore
 

Fufu'd? Please explain.

Guns Galore
 

Kewl. If they are mandatory in Texas, I can safely assume they are mandatory everywhere.
Having a dog is the single most effective thing you can do to deter break-ins. Better than bars on the windows, better than alarms and security systems, better than paid security in your neighborhood, better than a big sign saying "shoot to kill policy in effect" emblazoned on your door. Because dogs are totally unpredictable and therefore can't be controlled for or worked around.

For everyone's amusement, I found some US mortality stats: one's chance of being killed in a car accident each year are about 1 in 7,000. Chances of being killed with a gun (all causes: accident, crime, etc.) are about 1 in 8,600. (There are .8 cars and .82 guns per capita in the US.) Chance of being in an auto accident this year: 8 in 100. Chance of being a victim of violent crime: 1 in 3. Chance that a child will accidentally shoot themselves or someone else with a gun that is stored in a locked location: nearly 0 (though I'm not sure if "child" in that instance includes "curious teenager who intentionally picks the lock to impress friends" or not).

but I know that a French-Canadian goalie and a guy named Niedermayer will win.
 

I'm rooting for the Ducks too. It really hurts. But I like Steve (Stumpy) Thomas and Paul Kariya way better than any of the fucking Devils.

Guns Galore
 

Even if your dog is a Lab?

Interestingly, certain insurers might not cover you if you get a certain breed (Rottweiler or Doberman, for example, which is a travesty, IMHO). They must think the potential increase in liability due to a bite outweighs the reduced risk of loss from a burglary.

I don't like those stats. Put me on a plane!