Not important to anyone here but me...
 

Happy Birthday little Brazenette!! What are you doing for the birthday? One of those books on child rearing (What to Expect....) said don't throw a big party b/c it will scare them and only serve carrot cake. I did the opposite and had a big gooey cake, a petting zoo, ponies, magician and a balloon-making clown (who it turned out was really hot). It was a blast. One year old is a great age!!

Have a wonderful birthday weekend.

Vietmom.

Not important to anyone here but me...
 

Yah, screw that. The baltspawn had a great time at the giant combined party for them and their cousin, at least until four hours of total sensory overload and a bunch of sugar caused a meltdown of biblical proportions, followed by a three and a half hour nap.

Happy birthday, Brazenette!

Not important to anyone here but me...
 

Didn't do the rest of the stuff, but a gooey chocolate cake is a tradition in my family. Yeah, it was a while ago, but you can PM me if you want to see some truly spectacular pictures of Magnus completely coated in chocolate (if you were on the FB back then, you might have already seen one of the pics during an FB Foto Friday).

tm

More TV For Tots
 

A study discussed on Yahoo/Reuters claims that an increase in one hour of daily TV viewing between age 1 and 3 increases the risk of ADHD by up to 10%.

The frenetic nature of kids' TV lately makes me believe this.

More TV For Tots
 

Yeah, 'cause you grew up on H.R. Pufnstuf and turned out totally normal.

More TV For Tots
 

Dude. Witchypoo used to scare the crap out of me.

But I doubt that I ever watched TV before age 3.

Vitamins
 

I dread having to tackle the Babe with the dropper filled with brown stinky liquid. But she did not go for the chewable kiddie Centrums today. Before I go broke trying every brand, did anyone have success with the gummy bear vitamins (or any advice on a flavor of vitamins that fussbudgets find ok?).

Vitamins
 

Ruth Bader Ramone is older than the Viet Babe (3 1/2), but the gummy vitamins are a hit with her.

Vitamins
 

Chewable Flintstones have always worked for us.


Even my kid likes them.

vietmom, good call on doing the research. my 4 yr. old has happily chowed down chewable flintstones, rugrats, "zippy zoos" from rite aid, etc. etc. Naturally I assumed I was fine in picking up the 10,000 unit jar from Costco of "dino vitamins" and - surprise, surprise - he doesn't like them.

they are literally indistinguishable to my taste from any of the others and I'm now doomed to eating them myself for the next 17 years.

Heh.

Next jar of Flintstone vitamins you buy, mix in some of those dino vitamins and see what the reaction is. If there's a question, you can always say that Dino was just having a bad hair day or something.

(No) More TV For Tots
 

I saw this. Strangely enough, I had cut the Lexling off TV completely a day before it came out - with protests from Mr. Lex. Hubby then saw the news report and has been snapping at me if I even have the tv on with the baby in the same room (ie. turned away fromt he tv in his bouncy chair).

He's 21lbs and has 2 teeth now - and not on solids yet, though he has practiced chomping my hand a few times to try out the new choppers. My little sumo-baby!

-TL

p.s. anyone want to babysit while I'm in court next week? @#$%ing jury trial didn't settle out and now I have to do some work!

(No) More TV For Tots
 

Holy Moley TL! He weighs more than the Brazenette, who at her one year check up was 20 lbs and 30 inches.

We are up to six teeth. Sharp ones.

And I'll be happy to babysit, but the commute will be a bitch!

adhd
 

Speaking of adhd and add how are these being treated these days? Is the focus still on medications or are other efforts being made? If it is on medications what kind are being used?

Any thoughts?

L

adhd
 

There are many options other than medication -- but depending upon the specific manifestations of the adhd, they may or may not be effective. Some "alternative" therapies include talk therapy (which, in my opinion, is a joke for a kid under age 9 or 10), occupational therapy, special "shadow" teachers -- a teacher to follow a kid around his classroom, and group behavioral therapy.

As for medications, there are many of them too. Dexadrine, Ritalin, Concerta, and similar. This class of drugs has a long history of pediatric use; it is one of the oldest pediatrically prescribed class of drugs, and has been extensively studied in pediatric patients; the long-term effects are well documented.


PS re: baby size. My m-i-l told me over the weekend that the "average" is 21 lbs. for a baby at 12 months. My "baby" (almost 19 months now) was 28 pounds at his 18 month checkup, which works out to a 1-pound-per-month gain since birth. It seemed to me he had a mouthful of teeth really early (compared to my older boy), but I'm probably just misremembering.

Mothers in law
 

My mother in law told ME over the weekend that chocolate makes in-utero babies happy, and therefore I should be fed chocolate to my heart's content. She said it's been "medically proven."

I adore my mother in law. And that advice, so I thought I'd pass it along.

Mothers in law
 

Excellent. (I should have noted that my m-i-l is a physician -- so she does have some experience with this sort of thing.)

Funny
 

This may be more appropriate for the FB, but . . .

So we're at a restaurant the other night, and each plate included as a garnish one of those pickled peppers. As the meal was wrapping up, Magnus handed his pepper to his dad, who put it on his plate. Just then, the waiter came and cleared away daddy's otherwise-empty plate. Magnus panicked, and said, "I need someone to eat my pickle!" "Don't we all," the waiter said, "Don't we all."

tm

adhd
 

Drugs are still the first recourse, but not the only one. We resisted them hard (after several diagnoses that were in agreement) and, instead, did an alt recommended heavy teach-him-to-concentrate approach, with lots and lots of one-on-one homework sessions over several years, including not only specific help with the work, but constant and general "look here - keep concentrating - what are you doing with your hands - put that gerbil down now and read the problem" badgering, combined with lots of "see? you finished it all - look at what you can do if you just work hard at keeping your attention on something until it's done." (This for a kid who was failing everything, who couldn't pay attention to anything for more than two minutes, and who was generally getting very down on himself. "I'm stupid, so why bother" was his credo by third grade.)

Now, we don't have to do that anymore, he consciously keeps himself focused until he finishes the task at hand (and tells us proudly that he's done, and can now go out and play early), and he gets a few C's, mostly B's, and a few A's. It's like he trained himself out of, or around, the ADHD. Not bad for a special ed kid. This approach is getting more and more popular for folks who don't want to zombie out their kid.

Mothers in law
 

my mom told my wife that drinking alcohol, liberally, is very important for sucessful breast feeding

Mothers in law
 

http://www.babywit.com/images/clip/ARF124.jpg

I have this onsie on order.

Mothers in law
 

It's also very important for teething. Just a q-tip dipped in Basil Hayden across baby's gums and em'll calm down a whole bunch. Repeat as necessary or until your spouse or parents catch you.

adhd
 

With out situation, drugs were not the first recourse, though a lot of schools push them because they make the kids easy to babysit. Our kids have been through extensive testing at a local teaching hospital that has specialists in the area, who determined that drugs were inappropriate for (and likely harmful to) the particular form of ADHD that they have. Instead, there has been special tutoring and a lot of interaction with their teachers on proper learning methods. The Masons actually have a dirt cheap to free program focused on the tutoring needed, and centers all over the country that are very good.

Of course, I am proud to say that ADHD and the associated learning disabilities that often accompany it are generally associated with high levels of intelligence, so changes to learning methods can be very effective among some types of ADHD because these are kids that are good at learning. But there are other types of ADHD where you need to calm them down so that they can focus and learn, and those are the types where drugs are usually appropriate. But, again, since there are many different types of ADHD and many different learning disorders associated with them, the key is finding someone who knows what they are talking about. Many of the schools, in particular, really don't have a clue and are doing damage with arm-chair diagnoses.

adhd
 

Interesting info, thanks guys.

Funny Friday Stories to End the Week
 

So, we're all in some hot beach-type vacation area, staying in a huge condo on a high floor. We're burned and sandy, and we all pack into the elevator to go up and eat lunch, along with four blue-haired old beach ladies, who are discussing how they all hate and fear bugs and creatures.

Medium-sized son has been out doing his normal nature-boy thing, and he has a big plastic bag in his hand, full of his finds. I have no idea what's in it, but then I hear it make a noise.

He hears it, too, and his reaction is to sort of jump and drop the bag.

Well, he's been catching crabs in the dunes. Ten or fifteen crabs scuttle out of the bag, and start running around the elevator floor, to the screaming and jumping of the blue-hairs. It was like a very loud and frantic scene from a Three Stooges movie.

We never did make friends with those people after that.

Leave of absence
 

Have any of you, or anyone you know, ever taken some time off? Frankly, I need a break. I need to a spend more time with my family. I'm stressed out and miserable.

Is it realistic to take off a year and work on my mental health?

Leave of absence
 

I've known people who have done it, for a variety of reasons, including ones similar to yours (based on the limited info you've provided).

It's realistic to do it, but you have to define your goals a bit to figure out whether you can/should.

First, financial issues. Can it be done

Second, employer issues. Will they let you do it and guarantee a job if you come back (do you care, anyway).

Third future employability issues. Will your employer set you back for , e.g. partnership. Also, can you "hide" the gap on your resume (stop listing months, or explain the gap (you had kids).

The people I've known to have done it have often "found" themselves, and realized that being a lawyer wasn't what they wanted. If it will help you decide that, obviously you should do it. But be aware that coming back after a year may not be hte exact same place you left off, either because you don't want it to be or your employer isn't in a position to let it be.

Leave of absence
 

I've read your posts. I'd think more in terms of five years.

(Yuk yuk yuk . . .)

I do know people who have done this. My wife did it, and her year has now lasted for seven years. She's happier, I'm happier, the kids are happier - pretty much a win-win. Except for the fact that we're poorer, but, looking back, that was a small price to pay. Unhappy rich people suck to be around.

Of the people I know who did it for the year, the ones who made the best use of it were the ones who were pretty sure of finding a spot to come back to in the profession, or didn't care. The ones who didn't really plan that part out, even though it was important to them, spent a good part of their sabattical worrying about getting back in, which is not good for mental health.

I would say, based on my experience, that the best route, if you can afford it, would be to simply stop working in your field, and plan on re-examining that decision in a year. That way, you're not pressuring yourself all year to stay current, or keep in contact, or . . . whatever ways we can come up with that can transform a mental health year into a year of worry.

Leave of absence
 

Can you afford to?

And can you afford not to?

If you've felt this way for awhile (like more than a few months), and if it's largely job-related, then you should do it if at all possible.

And give yourself at least six months before you even start thinking about what to do next, whether to practice law again or where, etc.

Sorry for the fragmented response, but gotta go....

Leave of absence
 

I concur with the advice given, but would add that many lawyers are notorious control freaks, and don't necessarily get the mileage out of a sabbatical that more laid-back people do. Clergy do sabbaticals with the specific purpose of revitalizing their personal spiritual lives; if you live and die by your to-do list, leaving it behind won't necessarily work and you'll need an "agenda" or goals for your sabbatical. If you wind up obsessing about the "consequences" to your career in making this decision, chances are you're not in a frame of mind where TRG* is going to be therapeutic.

I guess what I'm saying is that you gotta get your mind right on why you're doing a sabbatical; if you just assume things will fall into place magically when you stop working, you may wind up disappointed. Getting to know what you want is actually hard work.

*Temporary Removal from the Group. In-vogue 1970s term in correctional facilities. We use it with our kids.

Leave of absence
 

I know a couple of people who did this - one for "family" reasons (not sure what, but my impression was it wasn't her direct problem), and one for "if I don't get out of here for a while I'm going to snap and buy an uzi and shoot the place up" reasons.

The first was at my firm. They did tell her they would have a place for her (she was in a small, specialist department and had good relations with the partners, but wasn't a star and didn't possess any uniquely vital, irreplaceable skills that I know of). She ate the year she was off, and I think they may have technically frozen her seniority/pay when she came back to be sure she was really able to pick up where she left off (instead of using the first year back to catch up to where she should have been), but in practice they raised her seniority levels and pay on schedule upon her return. I do know that she was quite pro-active on her return about confronting people she felt were making an assumption about her having gone soft due to the time off, and hassled her department to formally acknowledge that her skills hadn't "backslid" during the year she was gone, other than losing the year itself. She ended up leaving because she didn't feel the department had enough work for her to develop, and they were sincerely sad to see her go but didn't object strenuously or make a counter offer.

The second was at a super-prestigious top 5 NYC firm that shall go unnamed, but which is not known for being a particularly humane place to be. He characterized the year off (which grew to 18 months) as a sabbaticle, I believe to write a book. There was no book, but he returned to work with no problems after the time was up and, to my knowledge, is still on partnership track (probably for the same reasons he nearly snapped - he is a highly strung perfectionist with something to prove).

Thanks
 

for the advice. I'm going to give it some more thought. We can afford it, if we tighten our belts a little. I'm not all that concerned about coming back.

Thanks
 

my wife stayed home and doesn't regret it. our kids are out of elementary now. it happens really fast- she has way better memories of them than I do. The work is boring, thats why people have high post numbers- give the kids a chance- shoot if you don't like it you can always go back.

Thanks
 

Tighten away. We base our "needs" too much on what we're used to, and what we see that we don't already have. I was amazed when we cut our income down to about 40% of what it was, and (after some initial pain) did just fine.

You really don't NEED that fur sink.

Thanks
 

Concur. The fur bidet is another story.

Thanks
 

We're getting there (damn, you must be old) and the issue that we see looming is, what does the staying-at-home one do when the kids are at home less and less? In our case, so far, the volunteer opportunities are there, but, four or six years down the road, there's going to be a need to get back into an outside occupation. The hardest part is for the former overachiever to be looking at starter spots again, not so much for money, but because the need to be at home will be gone, and minds wither if you don't use them.

Thanks
 

this explains a LOT. sure, you haven't changed.

Thanks
 

The change occurred about seven years ago.

Thanks
 

Um...I'm not sure I like what you're implying here.

Another idea is doing work from home - for yourself or doing a little contract work after - or instead of - taking some time off. When you count commute time, tolls, daycare, maid, car expenses, etc., it doesn't take that much income to equal your old salary anyway, or at least enough to live on without buying Ramen in bulk. You can limit the hours to whatever you are comfortable with - I don't ever put in more than 15/wk and have surpassed my (admittedly puny) salary from last year. (just - don't neglect to pay your quarterlies to the IRS or you get a nasty surprise in April.)

Of course, it depends what type of work you do, but for the most part it can definitely be done. And there's no better feeling than billing in your P.J.'s because you just didn't get around to changing because you were busy playing with the baby - and realizing the client probably thinks you are wearing a suit.

-TL

Thanks
 

I said out of elementary honey, I'm younger than you, i think. My wife has been doing some things like computer video work/ framing/ on her own.
She could be a para-legal got burnt out a job ago.