What ARE you people? On DOPE?
 

Because nobody's watching Boomtown, NBC is bumping it for the next three weeks. They say it will return somewhere on its prime time schedule, but they don't know where yet.

What the hell is wrong with everybody? Seriously? You can't get better scripted TV than Boomtown. Even the mistake of replacing Andrea Little with Vanessa Williams' character didn't seem to hurt the show too much - the first two episodes were great stuff.

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

str8

Pulling a Jessica
 

She became famous for being the person most mistaken to be Britney until she opens her mouth.

another announcement
 

That will be part of the pleasure of the toasts. You toast your Flower, I toast my Flower, let a thousand Flowers.... well, you know?

So what do you say, folks, do we give Flower a retirement party this Friday afternoon?

another announcement
 

As opposed to you with your announcement of your retirement (if he retired), prompting some gullible sad-sacks here to plea with you not to go. <insert hurling vomit smiley here>

On another note, I would bang you before Maria Shriver. She looked like she was exhumed last night -

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?g=e...s=&l=1&e=1&a=0 (news pic) and

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?g=e...=&l=1&e=32&a=0 (news pic)

<insert shudder with disgust smiley here>.

RSVP
 

You send out the invitations and here's the RSVP.

I will/will not be able to attend the Flower retirement party.

RSVP
 

I will not be able to attend the Flower retirement party as I will be too busy growing a skin (your own fault).

another announcement
 

Speaking of flowers, I would imagine that the bubbles in Britney's tummy smell like roses. As Jessica Simpson's tummy bubbles have no smell, this is how I've always told them apart.

http://www.esquire.com/women/gallery...ney_frame.html

(Britney pics and amusing quote; safe for work, although the picture is somewhat revealing)

Edited to add poll: Poll: would you rather fuck Britney or Jessica during PLF's retirement party?

Not Amused by Poll! Poll
 

Not if you live in New York City. Lots of hispanic kids named Angel. Many of whom never had to fight about it.

The name I don't understand is "Junior." And I don't mean Jr., as in JFK, jr. I mean the given name, Junior. I know I'm Wonking, but, anyone?

TM

Not Amused by Poll! Poll
 

WANKING.

Not Amused by Poll! Poll
 

Whiff.

It's a I-missed-the-joke-initially whiff, but a whiff all the same.

TM

another announcement
 

What's your favorite Flower post?

As I contemplated Irony, spinning hippie chicks and prancey kittys, really, too many jewels to count:

But what I am really here to talk about is our new war. Is it true that we are calling it "Operation Infinite Justice"? I hope so. I love that name! It has such a nice absurdist ring to it. I don't even know what it means for there to be infinite justice. Presumably, there are only a finite number of things that can be either just or unjust. So, the concept of infinite justice strikes me as fundamentally absurd - more justice than it is logically possible to have or achieve. For that, I send my kudos to the military. Besides, "Whole Lotta Justice" would have just sounded silly.

Infinite Flower


http://www.infirmation.com/bboard/cl...?msg_id=001BIB

[Other faves include his random "I hate you" flames and his whole "Yay!" period.]

Edited ot add: Hi! Flower!!! And in homage, tonight I will drink a secret toast to you.

another announcement
 

Most of us work in big law firms. We know that "retiring" doesn't necessarily mean a clean break. It doesn't necessarily mean that we won't see you regularly. No, it merely means that you move out of the big office and, for the most part, stop making others' lives miserable. It means rolling in around 10:30, only to grab the lobby copy of the Wall Street Journal and disappear into a men's room stall for an hour or so. Before you head into your new, smaller office, where you work on god-knows-what until it is time to go home and take a nap around 3. On occassion, you will be brought out to regale the summers with stories of the old days, when Yahoo sucked but Plate was funny.

Let me offer you the PacNW board as your new, smaller office. I'll even invest in one of those two-sided "partner's desks," so that you can share with Paigow. I can't stop Penske from popping in from time to time, but I can generally offer solitude and a place to escape the pressure that comes with the corner office we call the Fashion Board. So please, let me show you to your new office: http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/for...?s=&forumid=32

alright I'll post a submission before someone steals my song
 

(unlikely)

Board Damage
(adapted from Brain Damage, Pink Floyd)

the lunatics all want her ass
the lunatics want e/o’s ass
tm plays games and daisy chains get laughs
got to keep on topic or risk her wrath

a lunatic shops at the mall
the lunatics buy clothes for fall
paigow points their wretched faces towards the door
but everyday the suburbs get one more

and if coltrane’s knees break down many years too soon
and if there is no lizard with a pill
and if PB explodes with Ahnold’s sex life too
I’ll see you on the FB with some ‘shrooms

the fashion board is in my head
fucking fashion board is in my head
leagl had it made, she made the change
she’ll re-arrange us or go insane

we mock some more
and socks pop up you’ll see
theres and thats may even bother dear RP

and if reality tv shows, moral relativism cause you fear
you’ll shout but no one seems to care
and if the board you’re on starts kayaking to different tunes
I’ll see you on the FB, get there soon…


[you'll have to do the whoas that accompany in your head, if it isn't already too 'shroom-addled]

another announcement
 

Have you been living under a pile of due diligence documents and wedding dress patterns? It was only "Operation Infinite Justice" for TWO WEEKS. And those two weeks were over TWO YEARS AGO. Now it is Operation Enduring Freedom. http://www.globalsecurity.org/milita...te-justice.htm

another announcement
 

Edited to add: I am an idiot for hitting reply instead of edit.

another announcement
 

Which is why it was appropriate on September 21, 2001 which is the original date of the quote. Or didn't you notice that this was a PLiFfy quote from the old board? Which would explain the link to the old board right under the quote....and the fact that it was signed "Infinite Flower"....and the fact the SEC Chick said 'hey, this is one of my favorite PLF posts, anyone else got one?'

Consider this one on the house, fringey.

Or maybe you were being ironic or joking -- in which case your jokes are worse than mine cuz at least I get mine and laugh a little before I hit "submit."

another announcement
 

Why would I pay attention to anything like that? And Flower in his Infinite Wisdom should have foreseen that "Operation Infinite Justice" would never last.

Is that "on the house" comment meant to imply something about where exactly you want the deflowering of your ass by TM to occur? On the roof? Is there flooding in your area?

another announcement
 

I am sure that the Fleur knows that his underpants are showing on that one -- retirement is the PLiFfy reaction. Assuming no wars in the near future for him to mess up on he will certainly establish his emperor's pedestal on a new board where his inadequacies will remain hidden for some time.

Has TM's fixation on my ass become contagious? My aren't we touchy when faced with our own errors. I will make note of that in my Spy Kids notebook. Don't the shingles hurt your knees?

another announcement
 

Now I am recalling that you ended up on ignore not because you are odious but because you are dull.

Edited to say I wish I'd said "tedious" rather than "dull," but I guess things can't be perfect all the time.

My song
 

Sung to Pat Benatar's Hit me with your best shot...

Fringy's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Greedy's O.K., lets see how you do it
Put up your dukes, lets get down to it!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!

Come on Pliffy come on, you don't fight fair
But that's O.K., see if I care!
Knock me down, it's all in vain
I'll get right back on my feet again!


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!


NCS's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case
Penske better make sure I sit on your face


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Come On, Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!

parody suggestions
 

So, with the Generic Winter Gift Giving Holidays rapidly approaching, I'm thinking to myself that I could really use a Good Vibr...uh, I mean Amazon (dammit!) gift certificate. But I am wondering which way to go with my song.

Should I go with Paigow as Evita Peron, singing "Don't Cry for Me, Fashionistas"? (sample line: "And as for Lester, and as for Slave/I never invited them in/though it seemed to the Boards that they were all I desired")

Or the Three Dog Night classic hit from before all y'all were born, "Black and White"? (sample line: "thurgreed is black/bilmore is white/together they rant, and rave, and fight")

Or PLF's favorite Elvis Costello song, as sung by one of Mr. Grinch's many chick groupies? (sample line: "Atticus, I know this board is mocking you/Oh, Atticus, my aim is true")

um, hi.
 

You shouldn't count the voices in your head as friends unless other people can hear them too.

another announcement
 

Everyone else was phoning it in today so I thought why not be trendy for once.

http://img.coxnewsweb.com/B/04/68/24/image_124684.gif

um, hi.
 

Other people can hear them. My secretary frequently shuts my door, explaining that hearing me argue with myself using two different voices is "creepy."

parody suggestions
 

If my peon vote has any meaning to you, the first two made me laugh. The third, not so much.

Not Amused by Poll! Poll
 

As did everyone.

parody suggestions
 

These are wonderful ideas. You should submit one, and have other socks submit two for you. But if you don't watch out, another sock may now beat you to it.

Policing rights in intangibles is touch when your existence cannot be verified.

parody suggestions
 

Pretty much explains Mormonism.

Not Amused by Poll! Poll
 

Wait, just so I'm clear on this...

Are you saying that we all missed the joke that you were joking about not really getting chick's rule and that we should have known that you got it and your questions regarding the same were meant to be witty? Cause if so, even on reread with that idea in mind they seem at best completely unfunny.

Or are you saying that no one on the board bothered to call you out on not getting the joke behind chick's rule when you posted your questions and that somehow bothered you? Cause if so, you get the paigow of the day award.

Or is there some other alternative?

parody suggestions
 

That's because you loooooooove Atticus!*

*I love Atticus, too. In the kind of way that one straight male loves another straight male, not that there is anything wrong with the kind of way a woman (gay or straight) or a gay male loves Atticus. It's just that I heard that song on the radio the other day, and I realized that "Al-lis-on" and "At-ti-cus" sounded a lot alike when sung loudly in my imitation Elvis Costello voice. Which kinda scared the old lady in the Geo Metro next to me at the light (the weather has been delightful here lately, so my windows were open). She gave me a funny look. But she would love Atticus if she knew him, too. Really.

Not Amused by Poll! Poll
 

Yes.

You are getting to be (what was fringey's word?) tedious. Or odious. Both work. Pick one.

Pulling a Jessica
 

She also has much bigger cans.

Which is perhaps the only reason Nick is still around.

s4e

Not Amused by Poll! Poll
 

great deflection. well, perhaps great is an overstatement.

deflection.

My song
 

This is better than Cats.

parody suggestions
 

Get writing Not Buster. I want to see the rest of this one.

My song
 

The longest running show on Broadway? Cool.
The drawback is - now I've got that damn song stuck in my head.

Poll Answers
 

Arnold.

Garanimals, from Sears.

Both Britney and Jessica at the same time. (Admitted that I initially thought that 'pulling a Jessica' referred to Jessica Biel - remember her great acting career?)

Other than the tedious crap about illegals and driving, good stuff.

radio days
 

Very few of the hepcat stylin' kids these days would be interested in hearing pre-Internet war stories. Hell, most of 'em never even heard of the Prodigy.Net Greedy newsgroups.

Parody Parody
 

I found this so inspiring, I was able to write 2 songs.

1. (Sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday")

Happy Birthday to you
That was the stupidest fucking song parody I've ever heard in my life.

2. (Sung to Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker")

Your song is like a dentist’s drill, sinking deep in my teeth
No nitrous or novocaine, and certainly no pith
You're the right kind of whiner, to release such infantilacy
A real Jessica stinker, and you know that you were born to be
You're a boardbreaker
Humor hater, a mistake
Don't you NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Fischbacher, big faker
Don't you NFH - no no no!

Your song is like a giant turd, spinning down in the bowl
A self parody, so absurd, suffocating my soul
I’m glad you’re a West Coaster, so we won’t accidentally meet in a bar
You’re a miserable poster, and you like had a gay avatar (nttawwt)

You're a boardbreaker
Crap maker, faith shaker
Don't you me NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Wiseacre, headacher
Don't you NFH - no no no!

You're a boardbreaker
Humor hater, a mistake
Don't you NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Wiseacre, headacher
Boardbreaker!

Meeting people
 

I just have the women show me their tits. I can always associate the tits with the name.