Leave of absence
 

Of course it is. As for the economics....there's only one salary (mine) in this household (AND I only work part time so it's a part time salary, AND I live in a high-cost-of-living place). Yet we live in a comfortable (rented) place, we ALWAYS have enough money for everything we need and want (realistically), have great health insurance, zero debt (despite 40K in adoption costs, paid in cash) and a fully-paid-for car. It CAN be done. (But we don't have a fur sink. Drats.)

I question whether you really want or need a leave of absence. Is it the hours at your job (or stress there) that is killing you? If so, you might want to consider a new job elsewhere OR a part time position either at your current firm, or a new place. I have a hard time imagining going back to a place I left for one year. Things may change on both sides of the equation (or one). Also, after a year you may not want to go back to the same thing (or people or files) and want something fresh.

Anyhow, if you are stressed enough to up and leave, why not first approach your firm with a part time option? If they say no, then you can simply leave; if part time doesn't work you can then leave for good or for a year (though regardless of whether you first requested part time before taking a sabbatical, the job may not be open after a year no matter what they say). Part time at your firm may not work - for a number of reasons. Maybe your firm says yes to part time but the people you work with (or clients) can't in actual practice handle the part time element when it comes to expectations about work load and such. My friend went part time and and the partner she worked with assured her em would be hip to the part time thing but then em would forward so many voice mails from clients with the intro message, "Please handle this....do this or that...etc." and by 7 am the next morning she'd have her plate full such that even Wonderwoman couldn't complete the tasks without having to work full time (and then some). She hated getting frantic voice and emails from clients and the partner asking where such and such project was. She left and went in house.

BUT....it MIGHT work. It works for me. Been doing it 4 years. If it doesn't work, at least you will have tried it. Going from full time to part time is an INCREDIBLY big change. Depending on the day, or hour, or how busy your practice group is at a given time, there is usually the chance to do the following in the middle of the day during a workweek: a long bath, working out, cooking a special meal, lingering to chat at the supermarket, and dawdling around with your baby - both of you in pajamas -- till all hours of the morning/afternoon without watching the clock. You can now schedule a doctor's appointment during a work day. You can make a hair appointment for 2 pm in the afternoon. YOU CAN HAVE A NAP. If you have flex time, you can work a 12 hour day on an important project and HAVE THE STAMINA to do a great job because the day before you spent the day at the park, albeit with your cell phone in case the office needs to contact you.

Bottom line: don't underestimate the level of stress that can potentially be lifted by going from full to part time. You suggest you need a year to work on your mental health. You'd be surprised how quick you'll bounce back after experiencing the joys of watching commuters rush to make their trains as you knoodle around town with your coffee and kiddie on a Tuesday morning trying to decide whether to have the chocolate or the apple croissant.

Please keep us posted.

Thanks
 

If that was insulting, then I was unclear.

What I meant was, when a high-performing person chooses to step out for the sake of raising kids instead of the personally satisfying achievement track, and then the kids grow up to the point where the attention isn't needed as much, the high-performing person is still gonna need some focus. If they don't substitute for the kids with some other focus when that stage occurs, it's not gonna be pretty, because suddenly that high-performing person is gonna be without focus. Recipe for disaster, I think.

Thanks
 

I still have two in elementary, dear. Course, I started having kids in my seventies, so maybe I'm atypical.

Choices, choices
 

I did part-time for a while after I had the second one, when the first one was 2 1/2 to 3. It was just what I needed at the time. It's not really an option now. I know for sure that I want to take time off, at least a year, if not longer, much much longer.

Unfortunately, I still don't have the courage to bring it up with my husband. I know I need to just bite the bullet and talk to him, but I'm nervous about it.

Yackety Yack, the Milk Came Back.
 

How long is a baby supposed to spit up for? The Lexling is a puking champ and at 5mos, shows no signs of stopping. I feed him at an incline and try not to jiggle him afterward other than burping him, but it's clearly not enough. I tried adding a cereal meal in the afternoons, thinking something more solid would stay down, but nope - right back up.

It doesn't bother him at all and it doesn't shoot more than a few inches, so the ped says it's not reflux and needs no treatment. He only eats 6oz/ feeding or less, but the volume of spit up is pretty substantial - I usually see between .5 and 3oz per feeding again - occasionally more.

I figure this is just something he will grow out of, but any suggestions are welcome - I'm on my 3rd shirt of the day and have resorted to stripping him down to his diapers and a bib!

On the plus side, the tummy pain he had been having for the last few months seems to have gone - not that he can't fart with the best of them, but it just doesn't seem to bother him much anymore.

-T(soggy)L

Yackety Yack, the Milk Came Back.
 

I was about to jump in with the suggestion that it could be reflux, but your doc has ruled that out. Soupette1 had reflux which we treated with meds until she grew out of it around 7 or 8 months. Maybe your baby will also grow out of it around that time.

Yackety Yack, the Milk Came Back.
 

A cousin was telling me recently about something he had, like pyretic stinosis, or something close to that, which caused projectile vomiting. It has something to do with the esophageal sphincter essentially squeezing food back out of the throat, rather than keeping it sealed in teh stomach. Since I'm not a doc, I have no idea how one goes about diagnosing this, but the fix, although requiring minor surgery, was relatively simple and riskless, and that was 30 years ago.

Yackety Yack, the Milk Came Back.
 

Until he's done.

Seriously, that seems to have been our answer. One kept this up longer than your has. We juggled times, amounts, temperatures, formulas, positions, we even juggled the baby while feeding. Nothing much worked (although sort of stretching him out, vertically, after eating tended to release at least one good-sized low-liquid-volume bubble and lower the eventual liquid production.) Finally, one day, it ended.

If he's not losing weight, and you can stand the permanent spoiled-milk smell, no great problem. Get a feeding apron for your shoulder.

Yackety Yack, the Milk Came Back.
 

Magnus was a proficient urper as well, and I found that this helped. Also--this is key--no back-patting. After finishing a side, I would just pick him up under the arms and turn him the other way and keep him sitting up. Usually the burp, and no urp, would emerge within 30 seconds or so. This would work even if he was mostly asleep.

tm

Later this season, Salvatore "Baby Bear" Ursino will whack a snitch.
 

Later this season, Salvatore "Baby Bear" Ursino will whack a snitch.
 

Very cool. But did you notice the accompanying pictures? Gina's looking weathered. I'm not saying she's not hot, but she's definitely been on the show for almost 20 years.

Have you ever noticed how adults on Seseme Street never seem to really age? Gordon's got to be, what, 80 by now? Clearly they've got some killer makeup people.

Later this season, Salvatore "Baby Bear" Ursino will whack a snitch.
 

Look closely next time you watch. Both Bert and Ernie have those little "pull me tight" scars down by their ears, and if that's Big Bird's original feather coloring, I'll eat my hat.

Later this season, Salvatore "Baby Bear" Ursino will whack a snitch.
 

Double post. Ooops. Etc.

Later this season, Salvatore "Baby Bear" Ursino will whack a snitch.
 

Yes, but they look mahhhhhvelous.

Leftover Shrek Cereal
 

Am I the only one whose diet has become "whatever the kid doesn't finish"? For so long now, I've been eating scraps of mac&cheese, chicken nuggets, mini pancakes and such. There's no hope of getting Vietbabe to eat better so I'll need to stop being the human dustbuster if I want to lose 10 lbs over the course of the next few months.

I just added an exercise/strength-training routine, but I feel lost with the simple task of preparing a meal b/c I can't remember what is "normal" or "good" to eat (especially when family and friends are chowing down greasy sausage as "diet food" ala Adkins). I firmly reject the Adkins diet and really really need a diet with a high level carbs. Today I had pasta, tomatoes, and oranges for the first time in months and I have so much energy I was able to have a good workout. Is there ANY way to lose weight by increasing carbs and lowering fatty foods without having to exercise excessively? By carbs I mean whole wheat pasta with homeade tomato sauce, cous cous with carrots, rice dishes, and carb heavy things like Florida oranges and tomatoes. Is there some anti-Adkins diet I can explore?

Thanks to everyone. PS to Lawyer Princess: how are you doing?

Vietmom

www.peterthottam. com -- photos of 6 GIs & Iraqis
 

Wow. Peter's found the photos and has placed them on his site. Geez, no wonder why the entire Arab world is going ballistic.

What were these idiots thinking? White trash or something more sinister?

www.peterthottam. com -- photos of 6 GIs & Iraqis
 

Why would they be PO'ed at Peter?

And who's Peter?

www.peterthottam. com -- photos of 6 GIs & Iraqis
 

And what is he doing on the Mom & Dad board?
Oh wait, I know, Spam in reply to Vietmom's post re: greasy sausage = diet food ala Adkins.

www.peterthottam. com -- photos of 6 GIs & Iraqis
 

Eggsactly!!
http://www.rit.edu/~jho8344/409/inclass/spam.jpg

Leftover Shrek Cereal
 

I just bought this It allows healthy (whole wheat/veggie) carbs.

-TL

I got home late last night and was greeted by Mr. Lex who says, "How do you feel about moving to [Out of state city not remotely close to here]." Apparently a job opened up that is pretty much his dream job and would pay roughly what we are both making right now (maybe a little less). Of course I am not licensed in this new state and would have to give up my niche business as it would not translate well to out-of-state (given his qualifications, he is probably a shoo-in). Too soon to worry as he has not actually gotten the job, but eeek! Also my parents are here and they are the only family I have (OK, and one mildly flakey brother) - not sure I could take the baby away from them. Has anyone moved in a similar situation and survived?

-T(panicking!!!)L

Not the first part, but the second. Depite the moniker, I am not a mid-Atlantic native; the baltspouse is. While we didn't move, just about her entire family did over the last couple of years (retirement), and my nearest family is in Ohio. So we spend a lot of time travelling, and so do our parents. It works out. The biggest thing we envy of our friend who have local grandparents is the "free" babysitting. But we manage.

As to your moving, unless your specialty is local-tied litigation, don't underestimate your ability to transport clients. When I was in private practice, over half my clients were from outside the immediate area (saying "out of state" doesn't mean much here). Now that I'm inhouse, I work with outside counsel from all over the country. Except for matters of local litigation, we really don't care where someone is.

If his income is going to be such that (adjusted for COL differences) you are in the same place, this may be a great chance to reduce your workload a little and maybe exploring other options.

On the other hand, if you really don't see bringing along your clients and you really love you specialty, I don't envy your choices. I know from personal experience and the experience of my parents that this can be a wrenching series of choices. I give you one caution, though: my parents, who were both professionals in industries where each finding a job where the other transfered would be difficult, let that difficulty act an inertia constraining both their careers. Neither got to the top of their potential becasue each kept turning down jobs where it would be difficult for the other to find employment. I think they're okay with that fact, looking back, but they realize what they gave up for certainty and stability.

Removal of Spam
 

I told you to put your canned posts on the most relevant board and not to Spam the rest of the site.

If anyone wants to read this post, it will remain on politics.

RT

That and the Lexling is my parents' only grandbaby - it seems rather cruel to take him away (and them from him). Hubby has some friends in the new area (his home state, though not home city), but I don't know anyone.

Very local. I don't think I could transport at all. I would probably train a good friend of mine to handle my clients and give him the business. I also don't think the sort of work I do even exists in the new place, so I would have to do something else (which is fine - I have done other work before) even if I had to resort to doing Ch7s, though this state does have reciprocity w/ TX.

This would really be an awesome opportunity for Mr Lex. I guess we'll see... I'm supposed to be updating his resume. Is it that wrong to misspell a few words?

-TL

Instead of screwing him, can you work out a deal with him if it comes through? Like, he'll look for other similar opportunities back in Texas in five years or something? Or, you have to get a big enough house to have the grandparents be able to stay?

Sorry the armadillo stew thing doesn't have a clientele outside texas.

If we leave, we probably won't be back - he doesn't like it here - never has. Mmmm, armadillo stew.

-TL

Sounds like more than just a job issue here. He probably sees it as a good excuse to get out of Texas as well. And if you block it/object, you're stifling more than just his job opportunities. Vexing.

Exactly. And this is why I am so glad I never have to make these kinds of decisions.

Oh....shit...wait....

Never mind.

Good luck, TL.

Anyone know what age handedness emerges?

If you haven't developed hands by age 7, it probably isn't going to happen.

BPOTD!

My ped told me no earlier than 2. Magnus is 3 1/2 and still ambidextrous for some things (throwing, eating), but has developed definite handedness in others (bats left, writes right).

tm

Hand dominance -- when
 

It may depend on how much you do to encourage it (e.g., always putting the spoon in kid's dominant hand when s/he is learning to eat, etc.). I don't really know what the current learning is on whether it's beneficial to cultivate hand-dominance, but we did, and our kids had a clearly dominant hand by 9 or 10 months.

Hand dominance -- when
 

Our doctor said it was much later than that. Nutty.

(Iniquity = Not Flinty = Ty.)

that means he's ambidextrous. we still choose a dominant hand for skill tasks, its just that it could be either.

I'm poison on this board. a piece of voice of experience and i kill the board. sorry.

I've been told elsewhere not to challenge your knowledge of all things, or I will regret it, so I just let it drop.

More substantively, the baltspouse wants to go back to work. Which I am all in favor of. But it raises a question of how to deal.

I'd be interested in hearing some thoughts on managing daycare with two professionals (or in particular, two lawyers). How does one meet the (5:30? 6:00) pick up deadline? Do we have to go with a nanny?

Two words: Live-in au-pair.

I haven't confronted the issue, but several friends seem to do the early/late approach. That is, one goes in and leaves work early. The other goes in/returns late. The late morning drops off; the early in the evening picks up. Not ideal, because it means less overlap of family, but what is ideal?

Yummy Nanny
 

One more word: Sweden.