You suck.
 

Nothing says "Don't talk to me" on a plane better than a deposition transcript.

You suck.
 

Except a cache of porn and Victoria's Secret catalogues. For a man, at least.

You suck.
 

It's the anti "Hi-I'm-Katie-I'm-24-and-I-am-a-kindergarten-teacher."

Except I usually do talk to people on planes and show them photos of my kids. And by "kids" I mean "TITS."

You suck.
 

If this man were attractive and over six feet tall, I would say, "Hi! I'm Katie!........"

You suck.
 

Finally a good use for a laptop on vacation.

Movies
 

We were just talking about this lately. From the current ad campaign, you'd think Brokeback Mountain was about two very heterosexual cowboys and their wives.

And ICE HARVEST is also NOT A COMEDY, despite what the studio's marketing department wants you to believe.

Movies
 

That's "Wifeswap Mountain" - and I believe it is up for four awards.

We'll have to report back on whether it's victorious.

Movies
 

Ride 'em, cowboy.

You suck.
 

I'll buy you a drink tonight if you let me fondle your kids.

You suck.
 

Dignified.

You suck.
 

I ooze dignity. I reek of it.

You suck.
 

I was thinking "levee," but whatever.

You suck.
 

I will let you do this, but only because you are 6'4" on the internet and such a dignified recipient of unsolicited fellatio. However, I will have to meet you later on because I have parent-teacher conferences tonight.

You suck.
 

I have this theory that flying home early Monday morning is less of an intrusion on the weekend than flying late Sunday night. The theory works well on paper, but I usually have to explain the basic principles again to balt while we're racing to the airport at some ungodly hour of the morning on Monday and he's asking me why on earth we do this to ourselves, having had little or no sleep because [redacted for sensitive readers like Thurgreed].

Anyhow, on Tuesday's 6:15 am flight, which was even earlier than the usual unholy early flight that I take, I was nestled into my towards-the-back Southwest Airlines window seat, secure with the knowledge that my carry-on stuff fit in all the relative compartments, my checked bag had actually made it on the plane, and I could sleep all the way home. That was before the woman in front of me sat down. And way before the man in the aisle seat in her row sat down.

Because when he sat down, they started talking. And talking. And talking. And then the plane took off, and boy were they fascinating to one another. And he was waaaaaaay on the aisle seat, and she was waaaaaay on the window seat, and the engine was roaring, so of course they had to talk loudly to one another to ensure that neither missed one fascinating word that the other had to say. And hers was an annoying, annoying accented voice that grated on every single nerve that I possessed. And a half-hour into the flight, when I couldn't take it anymore, and I pulled out my iPod to drown out her voice, and maybe, possibly, go to sleep, even though the iPod was still at its highest volume, I could still hear her irritating, irritating voice, coyly flirting with the consultant next to her.

When we landed, she looked around at all the people glaring at her, and then waved at some poor guy six or seven rows back. "Oooh, look there's my colleague! Hi Kevin! I didn't see you get on the plane." Kevin pretended not to know her, so she persisted on waving and yelling.

Of course, consultant guy had to help her with her baggage, and they delayed the getting-off-the-plane process by another thirty seconds, further irritating me and everyone else behind them.

Unfortunartely, thanks to her endless chatter, I wasn't at my most alert so I missed my opportunity to accidently swing my briefcase into her face as I brought it out from the overhead compartment.

So ABBA, when you show him the pictures of your kids, move to the goddamned seat next to him.

Kiper on Young
 

(I hate Kiper, but I can't argue with him here.)

"What are the negatives about Vince Young?
He has an unorthodox delivery. You don't know if he can drop back with a five- or seven-step drop, plant his foot and throw the ball because Young doesn't have to do that at Texas. He has all day to throw and when he is pressured, he can slide side to side. With Leinart we know about his drop-back passing skills, but we're not sure if Young can be precise, accurate and make the right reads and decisions.


With that said, he has a quick release and stronger arm than Leinart. He's the next Michael Vick running with the football. His decision-making improved greatly this year and I thought he made only one questionable throw in the Rose Bowl.


Any questions that were out there about Young have been put on the back burner because he was so spectacular against USC. He was calm, cool and poised.


Assuming he turns pro, where was Vince Young in the draft process before the Rose Bowl and where is he now?
Before the game, Young would have been anywhere from third to seventh and now he is possibly No. 1. If Young comes out, he will now be one of the top three picks, more likely No. 2 and maybe the first pick in the draft.


Assuming he comes out, Young made himself a lot of money with his performance in the Rose Bowl."

And here's Mortensen, who I respect a helluva lot more (granted, he's quoting others):

'What a tremendous game played Wednesday night between the Texas Longhorns and USC Trojans.

As much as it was a dream game for fans, it was a dream game for NFL personnel men.

And after checking in with a few of them who carry some pretty impressive credentials, you may be surprised that a great performance by Texas quarterback Vince Young does not necessarily leave NFL teams drooling over his eventual arrival into the NFL. The same goes for USC quarterback Matt Leinart.

Samplings:

• "I'd still take Leinart over Young as an NFL quarterback, but Leinart is not a franchise guy in the traditional sense. He's not John Elway, Dan Marino, Peyton Manning or Carson Palmer. Now, really, there aren't a lot of those guys anyway. Alex Smith sure wasn't. When [Texas] blanketed the USC receivers, especially early in the game, you got a glimpse of what the NFL is like. The windows are a lot tighter. Leinart struggled with those. But give the USC coaches credit -- they adjusted and managed to put up, what, over 500 yards against a pretty talented Texas defense?"


• "Young is a great competitor, that's the thing you have to like about him. But be careful about his athleticism. It's a great attribute but he doesn't have Michael Vick's suddenness. He's got real good speed, but it's not world-class speed, and you see what eventually happens to the guys in this league -- they get beat up and they slow down. He is strong for a fairly lean guy. And you have to like his size. But if you do the film cut-ups on just his throws from last night's game, you're going to be fairly unimpressed."

• "Leinart's clearly a bright guy. He's got better feet than most people talk about. His arm strength is average. He doesn't throw as many pure spirals as you would like. But he's a big guy, he's played a lot of football in a pro-style offense and he's had a lot of success. He's not going to carry a franchise on his back, but if you put talent around him, he's going to be a good quarterback in the NFL. And let's face it, we need more good quarterbacks."

• "If Young's performance did anything, it made a case that he should have won the Heisman, not [Reggie] Bush. But that was splitting hairs. That's not a very good USC defense he faced -- didn't Fresno State put up 40 on them? What I like about Young is that he's gotten better every year as far as throwing the football. He does spin it a lot better than he did before. Arm strength, like Leinart, pretty marginal. He won't have the same success running the ball in the NFL, not even close. But he's a leader, he'll generate some excitement, and then he'll get ripped [by the media and fans] when he doesn't dazzle in the NFL like people think. Still, if I were him, I'd probably come out. He needs a lot of work and he might as well start getting it now."

As for Bush, he still projects as the probable No. 1 pick in April's draft by the Houston Texans.

"He still did enough Superman stunts to make you say, 'Wow,'" said one personnel man. "There aren't many players who make you go, 'Wow,' so he's got tremendous value to a team. Maybe he's not a 4.2 guy [in the 40] but he's got plenty of juice."

Now, USC running back LenDale White had all these guys pretty excited.

"That's an NFL back," said one scout. "He's 220 pounds-plus and he will be a big-timer in our league. He won't dazzle, but he's the type of guy with the right team who can win a rushing title and score a lot of touchdowns."'

TM