Theater Etiquette
 

Humming along at the Met should be a capital crime. I'd like to be able to produce actual physical pain while giving my death ray glare to rude concert/theater/opera patrons.

As for standing ovations, I thought it was just Minnesotans who gave them for just showing up. It's become so trite I think we should borrow a page from European audiences and show enthusiasm by rhythmic clapping or foot stamping and save standing ovations for the kind of performance that leaves you with goose bumps.

sunless tanning update
 

Well, the action IS much better at St. Jude's....

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

I was meeting with a former pro football player who ran a very successful financial company.

Since he spent most of the meeting checking out my legs, I wasn't clear if he was the brains behind the operation or just the name.

As i was leaving, he asked what the JD on my card stood for.

I sized him up, assumed he was kidding, and answered him accordingly ("junior debutante").

Even(he was kidding)Odds

Theater Etiquette
 

Let he without sin cast the first death ray glare! Turn the other cheek sir and make it snappy!

Jesus

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

Yes, but what is the JD on your card for?

Do they let non-lawyers practice in Texas?

MmmmBurger, Esq., J.D.

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

Once upon a time, I represented a wee TechCo.

In April of 2000, TechCo issued $250M in notes in exchange for $250M of investors' hard-earned cash.

In March of 2001 (yes, less than one year later) TechCo was hurting, like every other company, and the ratings on their notes were downgraded. This downgrade allowed them to re-purchase $184.7M of their issued notes for a paltry $58.4M.

On the lucite deal toy on my desk, some fucking investment banker had the nerve to characterize the foregoing transaction in a balance-sheet style. At the bottom of the balance sheet is the following entry, circled and in bold:


Net Gain = $125.8M


Seven

Theater Etiquette
 

May I likewise cattle-prod the gentleman doing an almost violent note-for-note "air piano" in front of me at a concert to make him stop?

P(Thank God he didn't get up and bow at the end)J

for love or money
 

Wrong-o. That is not a particularly flattering picture of her (hence ABBA's comment about the mustache). She is gorgeous and oozes poise. She was so far out of that doofus's league it isn't funny.

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

Someone I work with decided em wanted to bend my ear over discrimination in the workplace, and when I pointed out that em was mistaken about my religion, em actually said, "Oh, I assumed that you were X, because you grew up in Y."

I wrote a little note that said "have brain filter installed" and pinned it to em's shirt.

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

Funny, no.

The company I worked for included it on my card, to prove I had a graduate degree I suppose.

Since many of my colleagues had Ph.Ds, to my horror, I was often referred to as Dr. Odds.

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

Tell that to the executives at Freddie Mac

not7y(new members of the 405 club)S

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

This is the reason I don't do deals. I have no idea what you are talking about and why it is dumb (math error?). Maybe I'm dumb, wait, don't answer that.

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

Jewish/Long Island. What do I win, Johnny?

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

"Can I sue this bank for not hiring me as a security guard?"

They'd turned down his application because of his repeated convictions for armed robbery.

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

Listed here:

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/arts...ongs-List.html

s

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Some of us may perhaps take issue with the inclusion of Hanson's "MmmBop." :)

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

Sooooo...not much has happened in the past 25 years in music according to VH1 huh?

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

There are so many things wrong with that list I don't even know where to begin. Time After Time? Nasty? I Will Always Love You? WTF?!

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

As usual, VH1 manages to make the strangest choices.

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

Plaintiff's counsel in case: "You can't make that argument--you're collaterally estopped from doing so"

Me: "Well, we're not, but since you've already filed your briefs, how do you plan to raise that before the judge?"

Counsel: "I'm not sure. But you are estopped."


----------------------
Me: "Why didn't you FedEx this out last night, as I asked?"

Sec'y: "I put it in the FedEx envelope and left it on my desk for you to bring to the couriers."

Me: "Guh."

When you kidnap a child
 

Don't order a pizza to the house where you kept her.

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/nati...-Abducted.html

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

How many frickin' Top 100 lists is VH1 going to have?

Top 100 gayest MTV/VH1 video-jockeys. NTTAWWT

Top 100 overplayed songs.

Top 100 guitar smashes.

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

My personal favorite to date -- Top 25 Fugliest Rock Stars

The list included Tom Petty, Steven Tyler (?), Michael Stipe (I disagree, but I may be unduly biased in favor of my favorite band from ages 16-20)...

Didn't tune in long enough to see the top of the list.

n(need I mention that it was sponsored by Stuff magazine?)cs

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

And at least those have some sort of objective criteria. There's just no comparing Beat It and Sweet Child O' Mine. The two genres are just too different.

For those who love Risky Business, VH1 has in heavy rotation a "behind the scenes" thing on the movie. The hot off-screen relationship between Tom and Rebecca; the controversy over the ending; Bronson Pinchot expounding. Good stuff, and not dragged out for an hour (30 mins only).

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

Any such list that doesn't include King Missile's "Detachable Penis" is just incomplete.

not7yS

Hatin' the Haight
 

It's been there for years, probably at least a decade. Take comfort in the fact that no one shops there, and it is vandalized often.

For those interested in what's now at the corners of Haight & Ashbury, there stands:
(1) a Gap
(2) a Ben & Jerry's (no one seems to complain about that)
(3) Aardvarks, one of the many overpriced thrift shops on Haight.
(4) a T-shirt shop, where you can get a "Highway 420" T-shirt. Get it? 420, Man! It's like totally subversive and shit.

There's nothing worth seeing in the Haight, and I lived there.

Visiting San Francisco always brings back conflicting feelings...

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

My wife has a strange fixation for Steve Tyler. I can't explain it.

The lead dude from Green Day frightens me.

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

Doesn't really compete with their more seminarial work, "Jesus Was Way Cool."

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

Or a song that many on this board will relate to when thinking about Paigow - "Turning Japanese."

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

She's not the only one. I'm pretty sure I'm not your wife and I also have a strange, unexplainable thing for Steven Tyler. Maybe his face is very symmetrical?

I also think Liv Tyler is very attractive; if I see her in a movie or a magazine I can't take my eyes off of her face.

Afternoon Dumb Poll
 

So that's how you met the oddman. How cute. This one's for you e/o, courtesy of The Onion:

Man In Bar Makes General Inquiry About The Ladies

"SAN ANTONIO, TX—Sitting on a barstool at the Stone Werks Tavern, Barry Todd, 39, made a general inquiry regarding the status of the ladies Monday. "So, what's the deal with the ladies tonight?" asked Todd, speaking to no one in particular. "Are they alone, or are they here with somebody? I hope they're not all uptight and stuck-up." After receiving no definitive answer, Todd spent the remainder of the evening flipping through the CDs on the jukebox and nursing his warm Michelob Light."

Danish Man Convicted of Discrimination
 

It's hard to know where to begin with this story:

Danish Man Convicted of Discrimination
By JAN M. OLSEN, Associated Press Writer

COPENHAGEN, Denmark - A Danish pizzeria owner who refused service to French and German tourists because their governments didn't back the U.S.-led war in Iraq was convicted of discrimination Tuesday.

Aage Bjerre, who owns a pizzeria on western Denmark's Fanoe island, was investigated by police after he wouldn't serve Germans and French. He called them "anti-American."

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp..._pizza_protest

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

Steve Tyler's lips and tongue fascinate me.:yum:

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

Not that I can explain it, but I've heard several women opine that Steve Tyler (and Mick Jagger) are so ugly that they're hot. They couldn't explain it either, but given that I've heard the statement on more than one occasion, it must be something of a phenomenon.

I'll note that, in contrast, I've never felt that way about an unattractive woman. Including Kathy Bates.

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

She is the babe of babes. Especially in that hot-assed love scene in About Schmidt. Yummy yummy.

Anybody got a .jpg???

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

I can't wait for the Top 25 "VH1 List Specials" Special. That one should be awesome. I think Power Ballads will totally be top 10. Albums is probably number one though, don't you think?

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

... or Best Hair Band from the 80's. For me it's a tie between Cinderella and Bon Jovi.

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

I don't feel the love for Mick -- I can't get past the ugly -- but I understand it. It's the strutting confident sexual bad-bad-bad boy thing, and the singing.

Kathy Bates is not a fitting analogue. I haven't seen her latest movie, but in general she's not very sexy/sexual (I'm thinking Fried Green Tomatoes). What about Joan Jett? I wouldn't describe her as ugly, but she wasn't pretty, either. Chrissy Hynde? She was prettier than Joan Jett, but not a typical "babe," but she had a sexy rock star vibe (which she surely had before she became famous). Did you find either of them hot?

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

Actually "Time After Time" is quite a good song. It's easy to debate Cyndi Lauper's vocal talents, but Miles Davis liked the song enough to record it.

"Welcome to the Jungle" is a better G'nR song than "Sweet Child 'o Mine."

"Every Breath You Take" should be top 5.

The Goo Goo Dolls must have a relative at VH1.

Some of the songs are just in there because they wanted to have something from an artist. "(Just Like) Starting Over") from John Lennon? "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith? "ay of Light" by Madonna?

For some reason, this list reminds me of a scene from High Fidelity
Jack Black: "You wouldn't be familiar with our immediate influences. They're mostly German."
John Cusack: "What? Kraftwerk, Falco, Hasselhoff?"

Oh, and Diane Warren should be shot like a dog in a dirty street for musical crimes against humanity.

VH1's top 100 top 100 lists
 

You couldn't explain it because it was a lie, not a phenomemon. Either that or they're kidding themselves.

Translation: She's not the only one. I'm pretty sure I'm not your wife and I also have a [typical], [shallow] thing for [extraordinarily rich, exceedingly ugly guys -- specifically, rock stars -- whose faces I would laugh in if they were nobody and approached me with lovin' on their minds].

TM

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the Last 25 Years
 

WHY would you shoot a DOG?!!