Why Long Island should be nuked
 

I'll tell her tonight after our mother-daughter act. If you are as generous with your singles as you've been every other Thursday night for the past few years, I might be able to afford my very own C cups soon!

psa
 

At the OM's company, it's called the "wine flu."

Your Daily Affleck
 

http://www.cnn.com/2003/SHOWBIZ/Movi...eut/index.html

[Disney is scrapping current Affleck vehicle. Ben still gets paid.]

I need to figure out how to work a pay or play attorney gig.

What a stupid subject line
 

You should know I wear a tuxedo to the gym before you place me on your mental turnip truck.

psa
 

Why would anyone want to feel good at work? It just gets wasted on work. You're going to be miserable anyway, why not shoot the moon?

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

What I found most disturbing about the article (besides the 16 year old) was the woman who had lipo to go from a 10 to a 2(!). This just seems wrong somehow (much worse than the woman who went from a 20 to a 12, even though that's the same number of dress sizes). I just never would have figured a woman who was a 10 could get down to a 2 without some seriously wacky alterations, although I suppose if she were naturally very small, it could happen.

It just somehow seems different to me to go from "fat" to "normal" (20 to 12) than from "normal" to "freaky thin."*




*Not that any of our denizens who are currently or formerly size 2s are or were "freaky," NTTAWWT, but size 2 is pretty far on the small end of the spectrum, especially when starting from size 10.

psa
 

That's what I call it too.

I think most drunken ideas are pretty good at the time.

Your Daily Affleck
 

Here's a tip: Jack up those retainers.

psa
 

This is outable but WTF:

I have a group of friends who go out on Sunday nights, get completely liquored up, and go home after close.

Their logic: Monday is going to suck anyway, why ruin a perfectly good other day with a hangover.

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

Sixteen year olds aside, I think this is ridiculous. Everyone wants to be more desirable and better looking. Everyone. Women with nice breasts are more desirable than women without nice breasts. Women get breast implants for many reasons. Among them, yes, having power over men. But also included in that list is looking nicer in clothes (and this is as much for themselves as it is for the people who look at them) or having more self confidence or fixing something that is flawed (and yes, it could be flawed in their eyes or society's and sometimes the two can't be separated).

But jesus. It's not always a commentary on sexism in society. People want a quick fix. Breast augmentation is a quick fix. Men want quick fixes too. But the things that make men look better aren't the same. But damn, if steroids and other muscle growing substances aren't more popular than ever, I'll be a flinty's uncle. And I wonder how much money gets spent on hair regrowth formulas and wigs and shit. Same thing.

TM

What a stupid subject line
 

Well, that does change everything. An Armani tuxedo jacket with huge 'pit stains from OD'ing on the Stairmaster is always tres chic.

South Park
 

Last night's episode - how the Queer Eye guys caused the entire town to turn metrosexual - was the funniest episode ever.

Featuring:

1) The "straight" bashing of Kyle
2) The origin of "hisizzle dizzle" and the new "flippity floppity flu"
3) the chant "We're Here/We're not Queer/But we're close/Get used to us!!!"
4) That the Queer Eye guys are really Crab People - out to feminize all the men of the world so it will be easier to take over the planet.

What a fucking hoot.

The Return of World Series Haiku
 

Rough first for Rocket
but loss goes to Jeff Weaver.
He's Not Rivera

Series now tied, but
dark side of the Force is strong.
Can Fish resist it?

Like Dick's "you won't have Nixon to kick around anymore" speech in 1962, my pledge to end posting baseball haiku was overcome by the pleas of The People.

Your Daily Affleck
 

And yet no one asks you if you read the paper out loud to everyone around you, or if you have an obsession with the Affleck?

Your Daily Affleck
 

don't be a playa hater.*




*please credit $0.00001 to the Penske account