Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

It's downright fucking cruel when you consider it. We've only got so much time on this planet, and everyone wants a dalliance or two here and there, and yet we're involved in this draconian construct that tells us it's an all or nothing proposition. We could just has easily evolved toward a society of open marriages which I have no doubt would lead to much healthier society.

But we're irrational, asinine primates who instead trended toward Puritanism and religion. Hell, we deserve monogamy. Goes along with every other fundamentally defective system our species has created.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

I agree with you. Why not have an open relationship then?

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

Yes.

TM

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

Because he is INSANELY jealous. He drives past my house patrolling and cockblocks and harrasses men who date me. In his world, he gets to fuck around; I do not. FUCK THAT.

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

Dude, I'm not cheating anymore. Stop fucking with my resolve.

http://www.team1200.com/images/tgor/blog/Josefine.jpg

Josefin and Elin.

TM

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

Needs to be negotiated up front though, doesn't it?

But as to your question, is your marriage open? If not, how would you feel about your wife stepping out?

Which isn't to say that I don't agree with you. But I think a lot of people share your view in theory but not in practice.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

One of the things that Thurgreed mentioned as a factor in his change was that he got older. As I recall, the douche is way younger than you. It may take a while before he has the maturity to want to make the change. Once he gets there, fine, you could consider making him a bigger part of your life, but unless and until, no way.

tm

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

This is much more important than his cheating. Clearly you should not take him back, and instead should consider a restraining order.

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

That doesn't exist. You and your spouse will always desire to sleep with someone else. I understand you're in the honeymoon phase right now, but you surely recall those instance where you've found yourself randomly talking to someone attractive, and there's a sexual tension and you're thinking, "Damn. I'd like to sleep with this person, and it feels like they're thinking what I'm thinking." We simply aren't built for lifelong coupling within a single relationship.

That said, my wife and I accept the rules as they are and don't cheat for the same reasons TM noted (don't want to hurt each other and fuck things up). But never, ever, confuse that with the notion we wouldn't love a fling with someone else here and there. Everybody, in every relationship, wants to fuck somebody else. The only curative therapy I'm aware of for that is death.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

print this out and read it if you ever think about giving him another chance. that is creepy.

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

The desire to do this is not the same as the action of doing this. I desired to fuck a lot of people during my relationship with [insert name here - I forget what he is called on this board, if anything]. However, I did not. Acting on every desire - especially when it fucks up your long term goals - is so fucking stupid and immature.

The problem is not the desire - that cannot be helped. The problem is the action - that is a matter of character.

Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
 

Agreed. It's making a choice - the wrong and selfish one in instances such as yours.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

I don't think I'd dig it, but the quid pro quo might ease that lack of comfort.

There is nothing like sleeping with someone for the first time. Unwrapping a Christmas present, etc... Even if it sucks, there's an exploration high. You're like Pizarro stumbling into the Incan palaces.

Well, maybe not that impressive, but you get the picture.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

I know quite a number of people in open relationships of various degrees and for various reasons. Some work, some fail. The failures, in my experience, are generally due to either one party being more into the idea than the other or inadequately laid out/followed ground rules. The successes generally are due to very good communication and trust between the partners.

I know that I can't be in one, and fortunately for me, my boyfriend is on the same page.

ETA: I know one couple where this is not the case. She is pretty sure that she cannot be in a monogamous relationship. He's pretty sure he needs to be in one. They're working it out as much as they can.

Re: On a "need to know" basis
 

This guy sounds less and less appealing all the time.

For your daughter's sake you need to be able to deal with each other in a non-toxic manner. But it doesn't mean you have to take him back.