| robustpuppy |
12-03-2009 06:46 PM |
Re: Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a ro
Quote:
Originally Posted by dtb
(Post 409164)
So far, I have just said things that are true without spilling everything (which I don't plan to do). I have said stuff like, "I think maybe your mother isn't ready to tell you the real reason, but someday she probably will" and things of that nature. I don't feel right covering for her mother, but I realize that doesn't mean I need to make full disclosure -- though my SD asks a lot of questions, which will only get more pointed as time goes on.
She will find out eventually, and I don't want her to think I was in on the lie. The dynamic had always been to pretend nothing was wrong with a woman walking out on her kids and her life, and that there was nothing unusual about that. But of course my SD knows and feels that it isn't normal and I think she's relieved to have someone to talk about it with. Her parents just change the subject. My view is when she's ready to hear the answer, she will ask a direct question.
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What a heartbreaker. Your position is so incredibly fraught. This girl really needs you and yet your relationship is, naturally, the most tenuous. Have you and your husband gotten any professional advice on this? Obviously you need to build trust so that when she is old enough to face the extremely painful fact that she can't completely trust her own mother (good god), she knows that it is not the norm, and that it's not because of her. But I wouldn't know for sure how to do that, first, because the situation is so hard for me to understand (having always had total faith in my mother), and second, because I'm not up on all the details of the emotional development of 2nd grade girls.
And ABBA, if you think this story is sad, think about your own daughter's story. What do you want it to be? What do you want yours to be? |
