Mullets and Beav Poll Newsletter
 

Dear Sebby,

I'm glad my ideas intrigued you, even if you're not into my aesthetics. NTTAWWT. Can't wait to send you my newsletter which describes the virtues of the bass fiddle position (not in a disgustingly clinical I-love-myself-like-JFF kinda way either).

AM(really not a man at all)M

Female Tennis Players
 

In guys, testicles shrink, breasts grow, they start to go bald, and, in general, they get weird emotionally (manic-d, irritable, etc.). In women, development of masculine characteristics, such as decreased body fat and breast size, deepening of the voice, excessive growth of body hair and loss of scalp hair, severe acne and stunting of bone growth, along with all the emotional stuff, too. Plus, in both, muscle mass increases much more quickly than one would expect, and to a greater extent.

(You get this lecture when your kids are in school sports these days.)

The effects of steroids on men
 

So women go after professional athletes why?

Female Tennis Players
 

I used to go to a gym frequented by hardcore juicing bodybuilders and it was fairly easy to tell who was on cycle and who was not. I remember one guy got so pissed he couldn't do enough reps or something with the weight he was using that he threw a dumbell through a mirror. Crazy shit. Also, he was in his late 30's and had acne like a 15 year old.

The effects of steroids on men
 

It's like this. All athletes take steriods. Male athletes grow boobs due to steriod use. All women need big boobs to be desirable to the opposite sex, which is all any woman should really care about. Women can achieve bigger boobs by being injected with the boob growth serum from the male athletes.

That's why women go after professional athletes.

The effects of steroids on men
 

Or you could just conscientiously do those exercises like in "Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret" and grow up to have your own, instead of having to go after a man-boobed jock. Worked for me.

:)

The effects of steroids on men
 

I actually tried this back in the day but I could never determine whether I was doing it right. They should have provided an instructional video.

The effects of steroids on men
 

"I must, I must, I must increase my bust..."

The effects of steroids on men
 

What a stupid question.

TM

The effects of steroids on men
 

You're right TM. An impotent man-boobed lunkhead whose career will be over and his life meaningless at 35 is exactly what I prefer over an actual man. Ass.

peaRl jam fans are stupid
 

Don't you mean "making me wish I were e/o," timmy?

r(timmy, schmimmy)p

The effects of steroids on men
 

"go after" does not mean "stay with"

House situation
 

So a friend (yes it really is a friend) has found out that there a spring has developed under em's house.

Em is getting all sorts of different advice from plumbers and the like, but wants to get a better handle on what this means for the future value of the house when em decides to sell it.

Has anyone heard of or dealt with such a thing?

The effects of steroids on men
 

Just ask Shawn Kemp...


Are you my... daddy?!?

peaRl jam fans are stupid
 

:cussing:

edited to replace the %*#@ing oops emoticon, which must be busted

The effects of steroids on men
 

1. You couldn't land one even if you did want one.

2. They're always on the road, so if by some act of God you actually held one's interest longer than the time it took you to explain to him your oh-so-meaningful love of purses, it wouldn't matter that he was impotent, man-boobed or lunkheaded. Just take your action on the side.

3. Good Lord, if you think because you no longer have a job at the age of 35 but are sufficiently financially secure to do anything and everything you want to do for the rest of your life, that your life is meaningless, you're dumber than I thought.

4. If all else fails, you'd be instantly rich upon divorce. And you could spend the rest of your "meaningful" life working and trying to dig yourself up an "actual" man.

TM

House situation
 

This is why I believe that when you buy a home you should try very hard not to find out what is wrong with it. Otherwise you have to disclose any defects that you have not fixed by the time you go to sell.

r("I can't hear you, Mr. Home Repair Professional who wants all of my money")p

House situation
 

That does lead to the other question. The seller did fail to disclose anything about this. The thought is the spring developed recently (we have had some crazy weather) but the plumbers all say they can see recent work, which was not disclosed, was done on the basement. Apparently the house inspector didn't catch it. I don't think these kids have been in this place a year yet.

But might not be worth going after even if possible, because the cost looks to be a couple of grand, assuming what the plumbers are suggesting is correct to deal with it.

The effects of steroids on men
 

I was too successful. I could put an eye out with these things.

Why do women go after professional athletes?
 

Joe DiMaggio, Wayne Gretzky and Jerry Rice, that's why.

House situation
 

I've heard of it. In theory, they can divert the spring so that it doesn't come up under the house. But in theory, communism works. Like communism, moving the spring is potentially very expensive. I believe it involves installing pipes under the foundation to capture the flow, and then installing some sort of water barrier over the top, and below the foundation, to keep any residual water from bubbling up. They're likely to recommend some waterproofing in the basement as well. Needless to say, don't install wall to wall carpet down there.

As for value, it depends on whether em discloses (which of course em must, or risk a fraud claim) and how good the remediation is. If it all works out, the decline in value should be fairly small. And maybe em can market "Em Springs Water" and make a buck or two.

Damn coal mines.

The effects of steroids on men
 

Amen. Damn my parents for not giving me a trust fund. That's all I've ever wanted.

The effects of steroids on men
 

This is absolutely ridiculous.

First, most professional athletes do not use steroids. Of course, it depends on the sport (baseball) and the position.

Second, what makes you think they are lunkheads? Because they do something physical? This makes me think you don't watch sports (other than the country club games of golf, tennis, sailing).

Third, the retired athletes I know do something now that they are retired. They run their foundations or start businesses and they have whole other careers.

Even(of course, they play a lot of golf)Odds

The effects of steroids on men
 

Instantly rich? Financially secure for the rest of your life? I dunno about this. Maybe if you're talking about, say MJ or Tiger, that's true.

In my oh so vast experience in dealing with athletes, I have seen that they tend to spend (or get screwed out of) much of their money, or get locked into expensive lifetyles. Heck, even if you pay cash for the mansion, the taxes and electric bill is gonna seem huge after you stop making $2 million a year.

Darren Daulten? He made big bucks before he retired, yet ended up in bankruptcy. And what about all those current players who lost their "investments" managed by Tank. For every Tiki Barber who -- according to a NYT article -- budgets and plans *everything*, there are probably 4 or 5 who spend it all as fast as it comes in.

The effects of steroids on men
 

You're getting too bossy when you start telling anonymous posters what position to use.

House situation
 

Sometimes, it's actually cheaper to jack up the foundation and move the house over.

House situation
 

Home ownership is a pain in the ass because of just this type of thing. You think you're doing all the right things when you buy, and then you find out there was something that should have been caught by you or the inspector or disclosed by the sellers or whathaveyou. A house is a perpetual guilt trip/ to-do list / money vacuum.
But I do like not having a landlord and the dogs enjoy the yard.

Anyhoo, your friends should just pay for the repair and put it out of their minds. It doesn't sound like a cover up; more likely a good faith attempt to repair. (Now, painting a ceiling and using Killz to cover up water stains to hide the fact the roof leaked . . . that's a %$#@!!*** cover up.)

They might consider calling the sellers and asking sweetly whether they had any similar problem, not to detect malfeasance, of course, but to figure out what they (the new owners) should do about it. If the prior repair was meant to get at the same problem and didn't do the trick that would be pretty valuable information.

The effects of steroids on men
 

That gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "it's all fun and games until somebody gets an eye put out."

The effects of steroids on men
 

Funny, where I come from we say "it's not fun and games unless somebody gets an eye poked out."

The effects of steroids on men
 

Good point. I think a much higher number than just MJ and Tiger are extremely well-off, though. Hell, Chris Dudley was making $5 mil a couple years back.

And who do you think (half the time) screws them out of this money and locks them into expensive lifestyles where any and all purses are fair game to be purchased?

No question. But if you're a gold-digger, you gotta be smart. You need to milk him for what he's worth when you can and get out with your cut before he wastes it all.

TM


edited to fix code. e/o

Unintentional Humour
 

As I read this quote, and stare at your avatar of Thelma, I cannot stop laughing.

not7y(help)S

Home repair
 

On the issue of whether sellers were fraudulent (or whatever) in not disclosing, the laws on what sellers do and don't have to disclose vary WIDELY. Based on the two (diametrically opposed) states in which I've bought/sold houses.

f(why can't we just have federal laws?)b

House situation
 

Our basement had water issues, and the previous owners had French drains installed all around the unfinished basement, to the tune of a couple grand. As it turned out, almost all the water in the basement was coming in around a (very badly) clogged downspout pipe and under the basement's exterior door. So, instead of a couple grand, they could have just spent $75 to unclog the drain and a little more to cover the basement door stairwell.

Moral of this story: check out the cheap solutions before hauling in the heavy equipment.

tm

The effects of steroids on men
 

Jesus. Who knew that I was doing it wrong?

House situation
 

You have to call them "Freedom drains" now.

House situation
 

Is this a sign that you are becoming more relaxed and fun again?

FYI
 

Thanks for the link. A pair of boots that I liked but neglected to buy during the winter were there and on sale.

The effects of steroids on men
 

It's all about context.

Obviously, if the fun and games involve former govt's courtesy-of-Judy-Blume boobies, my version makes sense. If, however, you're talking about fun and games in the basement with your chemistry set (you had one, I know you did) then you should go with your version.

Also, you probably had a normal upbringing. I probably did not.

r (wishing she had joined a sorority; that secretive, decadent, anti-intellectual thing sounds pretty good) p

House situation
 

No. It's Friday. I'm drunk.

(Well, not really, but . . . When was I NOT relaxed and fun?)

House situation
 

Actually, I'd just been thinking the same thing (that whole NOW/Clinton/Lewinsky thing was NOT relaxed and fun), but you've said a couple of things today that have made me chuckle out loud. Drunk, whatever, I like you better this way.

tm