Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

OK, Pretty Little Flamer, if you really want fresh, cutting edge, not the same old stuff, I'd suggest "new music", e.g., classical music of the last few decades. Try George Rochberg, Akio Yashiro, or even, if this stuff is too much for you, more accessible stuff like Kronos Quartet. Or try some of the jazz that's happened in that time frame. Your drugged out garage bands just don't reach the same level of creativity; may not be hipper-that-thou, but that's where you'll find what you mistakenly think you're listening to.

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

What you write is a fair and well-taken. But by agreeing with Less' post, I was not trying to make the point that, by eschewing 80s revivalism and classic rock stations, you will find music that is so fresh and original that it cannot be traced in any way back to any prior music. I was making a different point. Something about peaches.

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

Oh thanks, that's great advice. Jazz, you say? You think I might enjoy this musical form? Wow, that's really thinking outside the box. Yes, this whole "listening to jazz" idea seems a little bit out there, but maybe I will give it a try.

Music haters
 

As an alternative to music I recommend audio books because a lot of times I can be such a fucking geek. As the geeks out there know, you will find some cool "reader" choices that make the book a notch more interesting sometimes. When not listening to audio books, I listen to Eminem and only Eminem. All Em all the time. And none of that censored "you can buy it at Walmart" crap for me. Why? Because I like cruising with the rag-top down and sitting at stoplights bellowing lyrics like "God damnit you little mother-fucker if you ain't got nothing nice to say then don't say nothing. Ahhh Fuck that shit bitch." That is why. And if you don't want your kids to hear the fucking righteous tunes blaring from my system I suggest rolling up your windows cuz I ain't resting until the whole world gets Em's message.

WORD. :cool:

Now, you'll need another excuse
 

Wellll, this is not entirely accurate. Pot is unpredicatble. I sometimes get baked late at night and feel like a totally happy sn of abitch the next day - bright eyed, sharp and relaxed as hell. Other times (this wednesday for example), the indulgence of the night before makes me feel kinda slow in the morning.

I've sworn for tears that pot is harmless, and it is, but that said, there have been times when I've forgotten my train of thought in front of a judge for no good reason, and those times tned to follow evenings where I decided one bowl wasn't enough.

S(Sure, maybe over the long term dope won't affect you, but I don't recommend getting to high the night before oral argument on anything)D

Music haters
 

Ohmigod! I do exactly the same thing with the Sound of Music soundtrack. It's like we're two sides of the same coin.

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

Since it sounds like you're a little too caught up in the hipper than thou scene for new music, yeah, some recent jazz is kind of new music lite. Of course, some of it is also elevator music. We'll see what you're drawn to.

POLL
 

All this music talk has got me thinking. What is the stupidest song you've ever heard?

I have to go with R. Kelly's "You Remind Me Of Something." I mean, talk about objectification.

I generally hate contemporary R&B, but this is on another level. Check out the lyrics, as I'm sure most of you haven't heard it, even though it was a pretty big hit.

You Remind Me Of Something

You remind me of something
I just can’t think of what it is, uh

You remind me of my jeep (I wanna ride it)
Somethin’ like my sound (I wanna pump it, baby)
Girl, you look just like my cars (I wanna wax it)
And somethin’ like my bank account (I wanna spend it, baby)

It’s somethin’ about your love that’s got me goin’ crazy
(Baby, you know I want you real bad)
And girl, I really like your freaky style, oh, babe
(How can I be down with you)

So get a little closer to my ride, baby
(Oh, I, I wanna get to know you, lady)
And hip me up on how to get inside you
Listen, pretty baby

(I wanna roll) I wanna roll it, roll it, roll it, roll it (Yeah)
Is all I wanna do for you, baby
Girl, it’s somethin’ kinda sexy
Goin’ on about you, babe

[Dumbass chorus 2x]

Now I would like to take you on a ride tonight, yeah
(Girl, you know we’ll have so much fun)
And give you everything your body needs, mmm
(Satisfaction guaranteed)

So pull up to my bumper and let the system sound
(Girl, I bet ya I can drive you crazy)
And let me be the one to drop you off
Babe, listen to me

(I wanna roll) I wanna roll it, roll it, roll it, roll it
Is all I wanna do for you, baby
Girl, it’s somethin’ kinda sexy
Goin’ on about you, babe

[Dumbass chorus 2x]

Don’t be alone (Don’t be alone)
I’m comin’ through your door (I’m comin’ through your door)
I’m here tonight (Turn off the lights, baby)
It’s somethin’ about this moment

[Dumbass chorus 2x]

Thurgreed(beat that)Marshall

Music haters
 

Now you are hip. Blast those audio books, too. I suggest a little Gravity's Rainbow, since it will have some of the same words as the Eminem.

POLL
 

Hey, give the man a break. He had to make the connection between sex and his car to impress all the 15 year old honeys looking forward to their first ride.

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

You need a lesson in sarcasm. PLF is making you look foolish because he most likely already has a huge jazz collection.

Don't go toe-to-toe with him on music. That guy has a huge wealth of knowledge from which to draw, to pummel you over the head with.

TM

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

"I Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison. It was perfectly accurately parodied by Weird Al in a song called "This Song Is Just Six Words Long."

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

That's weird. Because I count seven in each of those songs.

TM

Doe, a deer
 

GO.

POLL
 

Off the top of my head I would say --

I'm Too Sexy -- Right Said Fred

or

These Boots Are Made for Walking - Nancy Sinatra

or

My Dingaling - Chuck Berry

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

I assume you are kidding. Perhaps I am being generous, but that is my assumption.

The problem with setting up straw men and knocking them down is that you begin to look a little silly because everybody knows that it is not very difficult to defeat straw, given that straw is inanimate and generally innocuous.

Of course some bands are in small clubs because they suck. And some are there because they have little commercial potential, but are still quite good. And some are there because, even though they have comercial potential, this comercial potential has not been tapped yet. Some of these latter bands suck and some do not. I am not saying that you should only go to small clubs to see bands. I'm not saying that no commercially-accepted bands are worthwhile. I am making a different point. A point about actually LISTENING to music instead of just wading into the tepid and stagnant waters of all the music you remember from when you were thirteen. Your soul will drown in those waters. I am also making a point about peaches.

Now, I would love to write here all day, providing tips about how you all can lead happier and more fulfilling lives by being more like me, but I am an extremly busy and important attorney, so you are going to have to take the advice I have given you so far and fend for yourselves. Good luck.

POLL
 

I can beat that easily:

Anything by Limp Bizkit.

Alternatively, Mr. Roboto or Stairway to Heaven

Oh, and lets not forget everything by Creed.

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

My reply has nothing to do with your post and everything to do with your title - I don't think Jesus is happy.

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

Is listening to weird stuff that no one was ever really into an option? I mean like, the kind of jazz that's so dissonant it causes people to run screaming from the room.

Sidd(help me TM, I don't wanna be old)Finch

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

Right. Which supports my nomination anyway.

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

Disco Duck by Rick Dees.

:rock:

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

Iron Butterfly, In a Gadda da-Vida. Or however that's spelled.

I can't imagine how fucked up they must have been when they recorded that song.

Sidd(whoa, let's go for another 15 minutes!)Finch

stupid song poll
 

There is a Rod Stewart song - my sister and I were watching videos way back when - I think it's called Some Guys Have all the Luck - and we both agreed when we saw it that it was the stupidest song ever. Way to go Rod!

I would also nominate any song from Rent and Sound of Music and come to think of it, Saturday Night Fever.

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

Yeh, sarcasm, right, I wonder what that is. Lot of music knowledge. Yup, I can see that.

stupid song poll
 

This one is going to piss everyone off b/c it will stick in your head ALL DAY LONG...

"The Rythym is Gonna Get You" by Gloria Estefan

National Do Not Call List
 

I've been on the Texas Do Not Call list for about six months and the number of calls from "unknown caller" on my caller ID has dropped considerably in that time. I think maybe I get one or two a month these days, and they all claim that I used one of their services in the past.

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

Beach Boys: 409

Enjoyable 60s fluff in the tradition of Chuck Berry, but apparently they used all their pennies and dimes on the car, not words for the lyrics.

She's real fine my 409
She's real fine my 409
My 409
Well I saved my pennies and I saved my dimes
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
For I knew there would be a time
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
When I would buy a brand new 409
(409, 409)
Giddy up giddy up giddy up 409
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
Giddy up 409
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
Giddy up 409
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
Giddy up 40...
Nothing can catch her
Nothing can touch my 409
409 ooooo
(Giddy up giddy up oooo)
(Giddy up giddy up oooo)
(Giddy up giddy up oooo)
(Giddy up giddy up)
When I take her to the track she really shines
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
She always turns in the fastest times
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
My four speed dual quad posi-traction 409
(409, 409, 409, 409)
Giddy up giddy up giddy up 409
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
Giddy up 409
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
Giddy up 409
(Giddy up giddy up 409)
Giddy up 40...
Nothing can catch her
Nothing can touch my 409
(409 409 409 409)
Giddy up 409
(409 409 409 409)
Giddy up 409
(409 409 409 409)

Music haters
 

Oh my god, you love the Sound of Music soundtrack? I love it, too! It reminds me of my childhood, when my mother, a former governess, used to make clothes for me and my brother out of old but perfectly good curtains and my father used to call us to dinner with a whistle.

"Brown paper packages tied up with string ...."

Get off the rag
 

Geez did someone pee in your Cheerios today? Why is everyone so bitchy. Do you people know that it's FRIDAY?
I'm reposting this in hopes of brightening up the place. Maybe some of you should look deeper into why you're in such a bad mood. Remembering that I'm NOT little Mary Sunshine, this is my advice to you people....
stop yer bitchin

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

Hallelujah! Amen! Praise be PLF!

I've been bitching at my wife for years about how all she and her friends want to listen to is campy 80s shit. Instead of listening to music for music's sake, I think these chicks use tunes as a sort of time machine to rewind to high school memories of getting cracked on shnapps stolen from dad's liquor cabinet, skinny dipping at (insert friend who's folks were in Europe for two weeks)'s home and then losing their virginity to (insert random guy who happened to be staying at house) before puking all over themselves. All I can do when I hear Rio by Duran Duran is flashback to trying to get in my then girlfriend's pants. Those memories, while amusing, do not make Rio a better song. I think the folks who love the 80s shit don't listen to the music at all.

HOWEVER, I would rather listen to 80s tunes than the flaccid product-rock of the last few years. MTV2 is polluted with awful bands either trying the rap/metal thing or the Creed thing. Its like there are 50 Limp Bizkits and 50 Stone Temple Pilots that make up modern rock. I guess that's an improvement from horrible sackless drivel like the Gin Blossoms and Matchbox 20, but its still crap. What kind of mind buys a Creed cd? I mean, really, what the hell is the matter with you? Do you not know just how utterly atrocious and comically bad that stuff is? If you want to hear real rock, turn off your fucking radio, drive to Tower and pick up the following:

Queens of the Stone Age
Kyuss
Sublime
White Stripes
MC5
Bad Brains
Libertines
Hell, even buy the Pearl Jam stuff

Just please, please stop listening to these idiot bands like POD, AFI, Train and all these other prepackaged STP/Pearl jam/Limp Bizkit soundalikes.

POLL
 

I second this one. Domo.

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

I think we have a winner.

stupid song poll
 

Thank you - fortunately the following song is actually the one in my head right now, and is not soon to be dislodged.

Baby on Board -by the B-Sharps

Baby on Board,
How I've adored,
That sign on my car's windowpane.
Bounce in my step,
Loaded with pep,
'Cause I'm drivin' in the carpool lane.
Call me a square,
Friend, I don't care,
'Cause that little yellow sign can't be ignored.
I'm tellin' you it's mighty nice.
Each trip's a trip to paradise,
With my baby on board


My favorite Simpsons song after Happy Birthday Burnsie by the Ramones. I am glad Paigow is not around so I can be unoriginal.

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

Did anybody else laugh when they saw this?

I know, I know, laughing at puns, even unintentional (?) ones, is so unoriginal.

Speaking of good music
 

Some of you east-coasters will soon have the opportunity so catch a great band in an arena setting. I've never been much of a Pearl Jam fan, but they tend to hire great opening acts; either one of their heros (e.g., X, Buzzcocks) or a good band that usually plays clubs. This time around it's Sleater-Kinney (a band that happens to call my fair city home). You should go see them. NYC on July 9; Boston on July 11; Hershey PA on July 12; Holmdel, NJ (wherever the fuck that is) on July 14.

Sleater-Kinney rawks.

stupid song poll
 

My favorite:

Mr. Plow jingle:

Call Mr. Plow,

That's my name,

That name again

Is Mr. Plow


Mr. Plow rap:

Boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-boom

I'm Mr. Plow, and I'm here to say,

I'm the plowin'est guy in the USA.

I got a big plow and I'll move a lot of things,

Like your cow if you have one...


Mr. Plow jingle in Spanish:

Linda Ronstadt: Senor Plow no es macho,

Es solamente un borracho...

POLL
 

While Gloria Estefan's "Rhythym Is Gonna Get You" is a tempting choice (At night while you're lying in your bed/Hear the music in your head/Wishing you were dead), I'll go back to the 70s for the David Geddes hit, "Run, Joey, Run."

(Chorus- woman's voice)

Daddy please don't
It wasn't his fault
He means so much to me
Daddy please don't
We're gonna get married
Just you wait and see

Every night, the same old dream
I hate to close my eyes
I can't erase the memory
The sound of Julie's cry

She called me up, late that night
She said, "Joe, don't come over,
My Dad and I just had a fight
And he stormed out the door!

I've never seen him act this way,
My God, he's goin' crazy
He said he's gonna make you pay
For what we done-- he's got a GUN
so run, Joey run, Joey run!"

(Chorus- woman's voice)

Daddy please don't
It wasn't his fault
He means so much to me
Daddy please don't
We're gonna get married
Just you wait and see

I got in my car, and drove like mad
Til I reached Julie's place
She ran to me, with tear-filled eyes
And bruises on her face!

All at once I saw him there,
Sneaking up the driveway (Woman's voice: Watch out!)
Julie yelled, "He's got a gun!"
And she stepped in front of me

Then suddenly, a shot rang out
And I saw Julie falling
I ran to her, I held her close
When I looked down, my hands were red
And here's the last words Julie said

(Woman's voice)

Daddy please don't
It wasn't his fault
He means so much to me
Daddy please don't
We're gon...na get... mar...ried......

Run, Joey run, Joey run, Joey run, Joey run, Joey run, Joey ruuuuuunn!!!

Most Stupid Song Poll
 

Noooooo. You cannot give the dumbest song award to a touching ode to the Chevy 409 engine -- perhaps one of the greatest engines ever built (can anyone say 4:56 gears ... woohoo). I have dreams about the 1964 Impala SS with 409...SCHWEET...dual four barrel monster offering 425 bhp...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh :drool:

music
 

Speaking of the record industry spooning stuff, has anyone heard the president of the RIAA spouting off about how they're suing the evil file sharers? I heard an interview with this guy yesterday, and I think that the Spanish Inquisition (and not the musical Mel Brooks version) wouldn't have been good enough at torturing and seeking out file sharers.

Puffy Nipples, Porn Stars, Etc...
 

You shouldn't be worried. You travel in different packs. And the people you'll find listening to your music will either be your age or younger, but as weird as you. You won't have to worry about killing their buzz, because chances are, they aren't cute and so it wouldn't matter if you did, or they're as nuts as you and suffer from permabuzz.

TM