Re: Fugee Mom on current events
 

See, this is why people avoid the midwest.

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

I do not have children with an ex, but am related to people who do and know several people who do.

Here is my $0.02: the anger and the issues arising from the child-rearing are two separate things. The anger is at your ex for a whole host of reasons -- the most immediate reason has to do with child-sharing, but that's not the whole story. The anger has to be addressed through whatever resources you have to address your anger (I have many ways I use to address my anger issues (which are legion) -- I go to a therapist, I work out, I meditate, sometimes I eat ice cream sandwiches)).

If you are dealing with your anger, you can get on with your life and enjoy your life, and then work out how you are going to deal with child-sharing without the anger getting in the way -- without the anger, you will probably notice a whole bunch of ways to work with the situation that you are stuck with, and you'll just be focused on what is best for your kid, and not focused on the reasons you are pissed off.

Re: Fugee Mom on current events
 

Also, why most potential newberries remain longtime lurkers, no time posters.

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

It's not the optimal way to raise a child, but parents work to make it the best they can for their kids and you can learn to do that as well, even with McDouche.

But it won't be OK if you don't find a way to let go of your anger. Please, for your own sake as well as for your darling little girl, see a counselor about this.

ETA: And a big 2 to what Gwink said.

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

2. Also, remember that you can still be the Mom you wanted to be, i.e. a great mother to your child, even if the mechanics of daily life haven't turned out like you had hoped.

S_A_M

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

FWIW, the ice cream sandwich was borne in Blue Earth, Minnesota. Also the home to a life sized Jolly Green Giant memorial statute. For obvious reasons, I have been there.

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

The Statute of Frauds is also life-sized, I am told.

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

Maybe I'm not making myself clear. It is the fact that I have to share my child and cannot just be a mother to her 100% of the time that is killing me. I would not have conceived a child if I would have known she would not be in a stable loving home with me and her father 100% of the time. I would rather have all or nothing, but now it is too late. I have no desire to be with him anymore, but now I just want him gone. I am so angry that she and I have to live with his deception and selfishness. It is NOT in her best interests to be shuffled around.

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

This post is kind of amorphous. Can you give us examples of how you're having to "share" your child? Does it have to do with decisions you have to make jointly about schools, camp, lessons, doctors, etc.? Or is it the fact that you have to give her up at regular intervals so she can see her father? It's hard to respond when you give no specifics.

I see my daughter every weekend and we switch off holidays. I agreed to allow my ex-wife to move to the suburbs (retch). And it's very hard not being as involved in her day-to-day life. I enjoyed taking her to school and picking her up. I can no longer do this because of where my ex-wife lives.

Also, it annoys me that there is another father figure in her life who can be more involved with day-to-day stuff. That was very hard to get over, but her stepfather is very good to her and if you have that, you're ahead of the game.

I would love to see her more, but I am very happy to see my daughter when I do and she is a very happy kid. I have a very good relationship with my ex and we discuss almost every decision (major and minor) when it comes to my daughter.

It sounds like your problems spring from your relationship with your ex. If that's the case, the goal should be to figure out how to fix that relationship so that you're in a place where working out issues when it comes to your daughter are easy. That takes sacrifice and real effort. A real turn-the-other-cheek approach. Of course I don't know how douchey your ex is, but that's my advice. Once you repair the relationship with your ex so that it's clear you two have moved on and can be around each other without any tension hanging over from your old relationship -- once you can redefine your relationship that way -- things will improved markedly.

TM

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

Are you simply angry because she has to split her time? Because if that's it, then tough shit. Or are you more upset because the guy is not stable and when she's with him, you're worried about her? What types of deception are you talking about? I can't imagine he does things to deceive her. I can see him being selfish and not following through with his daughter, but once again, you sound like you just don't want to deal with him. How do his crappy actions toward you affect your daughter? I'm sure you can give me many examples.

TM

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

I think you're getting good advice from both Gwinky and TM. I'm not in the situation of dealing with an ex-, so I don't have to do what you're doing, but I saw the other side of the thing growing up, as a kid whose parents divorced and could not deal with each other (and my father may well match your ex for douchiness). My parents' inability to deal with their anger was by far and away the biggest problem all of us kids had to deal with, though we were lucky that we had each other. Even if Mom was more often in the right, and we knew it, she still didn't deal with it well and we stayed in the middle.

Kids grow up well in all kinds of settings, and love (and often need) their parents despite all kinds of craziness, even parents who are douches and even parents they might be better off without. We all know what Mom went through, and we all are closer to her, but, you know, there was still some distance created from her by the fact that she didn't handle the douche very well and let a lot of her anger out.

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

It is bigger than life.

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

Yes, that was my subtle point. You get me, you really get me!!! :):):D:D

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

Did the Jolly Green Giant die?

<sniff>

Re: The thread where Spring has sprung, and Penske has risen from the law. Word!
 

are you angry as you planned to be with mc douche and he flamed out by being a liar and selfish?

I hear you. Just make sure that she knows that you are there for 200% even when she's passing time with him. It is clear you are the better parent. Kids know very young. the deal.

Sometimes, when bad things are done to us by people's selfish needs being more important than ours, or the family's we become enraged.

I think what is good is to shield your child from all this and work thru sytematically your anger.

Sorry you have to go thru this. we can't control other's selfish deeds best to let go of anger and concentrate 500% on the kid. I like to make sure they have everything they need school, activity and lesson and sports wise in addition to my love to make sure that they are fully engaged and well rounded. we all do but especially in this sitch forces him to adhere to a structure and then when he can't you pull his rights. one by one.