Man Krush Groove
 

So you will not have a short imaginary friend? I think you're missing out. If the rumors are true, mini-me gets a lot of action. You would likely do well to hang out with him. even if only in your head.

Hey NotFromHere
 

Female. Why in the hell would I have a hot picture of Bret Boone otherwise?

edited to add, that my office neither recognizes nor sanctions the use of PM. Sorry.

Hey NotFromHere
 

Man-crush?

True Story
 

Yeah, the bar is the Persian Aub Zam Zam. The owner/bartender was a classic - an octogenarian who was only open when he wanted to be and who would kick people out if he didn't like the way they dressed or talked, but he made one of the best three martinis in the City. He died a couple years back and I don't know who owns the bar, but it is now open seven days a week.

Man Krush Groove
 

Concur completely. Except the part about Ben Affleck. Handsome but not crushworthy. He "sleeps" with J-Lo, for God's sake.

I simply do not man-crush on short men. I admit it; I'm prejudiced. I apologize to any short men on the board; there's an exception to every rule. Jon Stewart seems very nice, for example. But I worked far too long for a diminutive man who fulfilled every Napoleonic stereotype. Ever since, I've been lacking the admiration/want-to-be-him feeling for any short men. Sue me. Consider it a blemish on an otherwise sweet disposition. But don't try to change me, baby.

Man Krush Groove
 

I read this: I don't like being dominated by short men. I prefer to be dominated by taller men.

You don't have to change, hon, you can stay the way you are. I just think you need to come to terms with yourself.

Man Krush Groove
 

Seems fair enough. You can never wear heels when you're with a short guy.

-TL

Hey NotFromHere
 

Exactly what I was thinking. Ha ha, I win!

tm

True Story
 

I admit the man only threw me out once (my one and only attempt to get a drink there), but the lore was that the ritual was somewhat more elaborate than that. There was no wait staff; tables were always closed (why he even had them in the place, I'll never know); if there was no room at the bar (seats 15), you couldn't come in, even to wait. Order only a martini; ask for anything else and you're tossed. Sit quietly; pay with a $5 bill only. Do not engage bartender in chit-chat. Shit like that.

Back in 1996, the Marina singles and bohos both ate it up with a spoon.

Hey NotFromHere
 

So now you have to tell me what was the discussion? Why would a man have a glycolic peel? Or a hot picture of Bret Boone? Why would woman care so much about cars and baseball? Is that it?

True Story
 

That dude would be SOOOOOO fired from Bennigans.

Hey NotFromHere
 

I have never seen this dude before, and he is undoubtedly hot. However, I would STILL rather look at a picture of a hot chick than a picture of him (or any other hot guy). Do most straight women get off on seeing pictures of half naked men? I mean, being in the same bed/backseat/couch/coffin/etc. as a naked man is one thing, but just to look at? Doesn't do it for me.

Hey NotFromHere
 

No, I think it was just the "I'm the best DH in the world" and man pic that threw her off. Plus, she doesn't read all that closely.

tm

P.S. She also missed that DS is now posting as B_R_C until I clued her in--it's not just you.

Nekkid Dudes
 

Oh good - I thought I was the only one. TL

edited to add: coffin?

Hey NotFromHere
 

PM is not IM. Your office probably neither recognizes nor sanctions this entire board, but PMs are web-based, and probably are not more likely to get your noticed or in trouble. (Unless someone rescinds one, and you go postal when you can't delete from your box.)

Nekkid Dudes
 

That was added to test for reading comprehension. Much like a bathtub, a coffin is simply too small an area in which to do the sex to someone. Especially if that someone is not of Napoleonic dimensions.

Hey NotFromHere
 

It's still there, and no one is dead yet. It is still annoying me. No one else seems to have tried to add any phantom messages to my box (if they have tried, they've failed; there's still just the one).

So I think "postal" is a bit of an overstatement. And if you think I am postal, do you really want to taunt me?

Hey NotFromHere
 

Larry: "they all thought he was an effeminate heterosexual ..."
Jeff: (shaking his head knowingly) "there's no such thing!"
Larry: "exactly, there's no such thing!"

RP, you've convinced me. I've gotta get HBO, or I'll miss all of the in-jokes on the FB.

Hey NotFromHere
 

Let me know if it is gone now.

just curious
 

Has anyone actually seen a Segway? Not on TV, but in person?

just curious
 

I've seen four in person. Two at the art car parade in May, one at an antique festival in April and one at the gay pride parade two weeks ago. They look like fun.

just curious
 

A couple of times, Ty: Saw one in the Loop that an apparently wealthy gentleman was riding to work. I was waiting at a red light and heard this whirring noise. Came to a stop 5 feet from me. Told another pedestrian he bought it on Amazon and rides it 2 miles each way to work.

Second time was two weeks ago when I took Mrs. Hand to see Peter Gabriel (can't imagine a big FB following, so here's all the spoiler space you get if you're going to see him), but he and his daughter Melanie performed "Games Without Frontiers" on Segways, going back and forth across the stage and rotating in place. Seem very maneuverable and look like fun, but I'm not sure about their utility yet...

just curious
 

The USPS was trying them out in San Francisco because of the hills. However, a group of very concerned senior citizens complained to the Board of Supervisors about the Segways sharing the sidewalk with people, and how they had the potential to scare people when approaching from behind because of their lack of noise. Segways haven't been seen in Pacific Heights for a while.

True Story
 

Speaking of "don't make me do this again," today's thread 'Dilemma' has me singing to myself: "Nelly I love you, Nelly I need you . . ." It has to stop. It has to.

Str(really, it has to stop. Really.)8

just curious
 

Yes. Twice here in Manhattan, both times on the sidewalk (fuckers). The first rider was wearing casual clothes and had a big 'ol grin on his face - he was probably paid to ride it around for promotional purposes. The second one was a guy in his late 40's or early '50's wearing an expensive suit, carefully coiffed silver hair, etc., unsmiling - he looked a little like the mayor character on Spin City. The type of guy who's a "look at me, look how rich/important I am type," who in reality has a micropenis and three mortgages on the mansion he inherited from daddy.

The machines themselves are spooky. Utterly quiet, fast, and self-balancing. They put the rider up at least 6-8 inches and are wider than they look on TV; you feel small standing next to one that has somebody on board.

I respect Kamen's genius....but I really hate his multi-city campaign to allow these things on crowded sidewalks.

CDF (as if bicyclists going 30 mph the wrong way on one-way streets weren't enough for us pedestrians to worry about...I've almost been run down and killed twice. If I ever see one of them coming in time, I swear to God I'm gonna knock him off his bike and beat him to a pulp.)

just curious
 

Tommy Lee was riding around on one in the VIP area at Coachella. He looked like he was having big fun tormenting Pat O'Brien.

just curious
 

I was gonna say hi, and ask how your month has been going, but that would be sort of superfluous now, wouldn't it?

just curious
 

Naaah, it hasn't been that bad. Thanks for asking, though. Family's great, I get along fine with my co-workers, I don't mind SUV drivers, and I don't even mind the Segway people that much. I just get really riled every time I think of having almost been killed in a crosswalk -- TWICE -- by speeding wrong-way bike bozos. And those are just the REALLY near misses. If I ever have a baseball bat and two seconds' warning, you'll be seeing me on the evening news. In handcuffs and smiling....even though I'm fully clothed.

So, how've you been?

CDF :D

just curious
 

Ya know, you tell me - what? - like, five times - DAMMIT, BILMORE, DON'T MENTION THAT NIGHT ON THE BOARDS, and now you go and allude to it like this?

It makes me think you regret what happened. It makes me feel . . . I don't know . . . cheap.

just curious
 

C'mon, I showed SOME discretion. I didn't mention the zipper mask, or the greased farm animals, or the country music tapes we played backwards after tonguing those little bits of paper with the Donald Duck heads on them.

You actually think that I remember what happened? All I know is what I saw on that videotape afterwards. I'm not even sure it was me in that get-up.

Well, you paid in 1972 dollars. It's only now that it seems cheap.

I truly hope that this makes you feel better.

just curious
 

I had completely forgotten the greased farm animals.

Ah, those days o' auld lang syne.

Man Krush Groove
 

I'd consider sleeping with Colbert - he's that fucking funny.

Why Mo Rocca gets all the outside press over Colbert amazes me. I'd rank the correspondents as follows:

1. Colbert
2. The Bald Guy who's name escapes me at the moment
and Ed Helms (tie)
3. Rocca
4. Everyone else

Lewis Black is of course my favorite person on the show because of the rants. I have yet to see a bad "Back in Black" segment.

The fake chuckle
 

PP:

The fake Chuckle is tricky because if you fuck it up you look like a patronizing asshole. The Fake Chuckle is best used with people who are bubbly and positive, but not very funny. You know the type - the ones who say something like "And then I realized we'd purchased fuschia rather than watermelon linoleum for the countertops" and then burst into hysterics. These people tend to grab you by the shirt and tell you about how they tripped getting off the subway and nearly fell down while guffawing as though they'd just stumbled across a gaggle of midget clowns re-enacting the battle of Gettysburg against a mime troupe in a public park on the way to work.

Laughing at the banal is a studied art. When these drones regale you with their wild stories, the trick is to laugh at the very same moment they start laughing. This way, they have no idea exactly how fake your laugh was because they were too busy wiping their eyes from the hilarity of their story about how their lab got loose and ran all about the backyard while they were leaving to go to work. As soon as they're done laughing, you muct stop laughing and make some sort of facial expression that makes it seem like your facial muscles are recovering from a serious bit of chuckling. You might also want to throw in some generic comment like "Wow, that's not a good start to the day." I often go with a drawn out "Shiiiit... that's pretty nuts." That makes them feel not only like their story was funny, but also pretty damn unique - enough to bring me to mild swearing and a reference to craziness.

If you feel as much like an idiot faking laughter at god-awfully dull stories as I do, you may want to turn your head and pretend you're doing something else while faking the laugh. If you happen to be at the water cooler, lean over and start filling a cup with water as you fake the laugh. This will allow you to not have to make eye contact with the stand up comedian, thus avoiding him or her discovering that you're totally patronizing him/her.

I've faked the laugh for so long I can do it directly in a person's face and throw in one of over 500 random generic strings of words which makes the comedian feel like I really thought the joke/story was interesting. Very often, I find myself blurting non-sequiturs and no one notices. Starting off any response with "Wow" usually does the trick. Next time Mary from HR stops by and regales you with a wild ditty about how her husband called little Billy's soccer coach a "ninny," smile and say "Woww... I have swiss cheese toaster skateboard." Mary won't notice a goddamn thing and walk away thinking she's just made your morning. You can then get back to researching online how to cut the brake lines on Mary's minivan.

S(Your Heloise for the modern office)D

Marriage = Death (of creativity)
 

Marriage tames geniuses and criminals

PARIS (AFP) - Creative genius and crime express themselves early in men but both are turned off almost like a tap if a man gets married and has children, a study says.

Satoshi Kanazawa, a psychologist at the University of Canterbury in New Zealand, compiled a database of the biographies of 280 great scientists, noting their age at the time when they made their greatest work.

The data remarkably concur with the brutal observation made by Albert Einstein, who wrote in 1942: "A person who has not made his great contribution to science before the age of 30 will never do so."

"Scientific productivity indeed fades with age," Kanazawa says. "Two-thirds (of all scientists) will have made their most significant contributions before their midthirties."

But, regardless of age, the great minds who married virtually kissed goodbye to making any further glorious additions to their CV.

Within five years of making their nuptial vows, nearly a quarter of married scientists had made their last significant contribution to history's Hall of Fame.

"Scientists rather quickly desist (from their careers) after their marriage, while unmarried scientists continue to make great scientific contributions later in their lives," says Kanazawa.

full text: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...ychology_crime

just curious
 

I have ridden one. Briefly.

just curious
 

Yep, I've seen at least one on four different occasions. The strangest one being two young adults flying down Belmont at 11 PM on a Thursday night...they're all over the place here.

Man Krush Groove
 

That's why I said it was OK if you had one on him in the mid '90s, but not now. He was pretty cool back then (it was a LONG time ago)...he is the complete polar opposite of cool now.

I...am speechless on this one
 

http://slate.msn.com/id/2085402/

spree: amputee wannabes

"Baz remembers first seeing an amputee when he was a 4-year old boy in Liverpool. By the time he was 7 he had begun to think, "This is the way I should be." It was not until Baz was in his 50s, however, that he actually had his leg amputated. Baz froze his leg in dry ice until it was irreversibly damaged, then persuaded a surgeon to complete the job. When he awoke from the anesthetic and his left leg was gone, he says, "All my torment had disappeared."

Who the...what the....I don't..... oh fuck it

:wtf??:

just curious
 

One passed me on the sidewalk while I was in a car stuck in traffic.

Speaking of segway, around ABBAland there is a troop of what I like to call "tall bike people" that freak me out. They are not particularly tall people, but they ride bikes that are at least ten feet tall. And they ride them all Tokyo, weaving in and out of the car traffic. Totally creepy. I think there are about fifteen troop members and they have collectively showered 73 times since 1997.

The fake chuckle
 

I must now assume that you have met me. Indeed.