Exclusively for FBers
 

You need to stop obsessing over me. It would never work out.

Actual Fashion Question
 

Don't worry, they'll still get hired back. As secretaries or mailroom staff, not lawyers, but they'll get hired. And then serially reyed upon by the associates/partners with the innocent pickup line "do you have any other tattoos?"

Actual Fashion Question
 

I've just seen a lot of 20-something guys in golf shirts here. Thank god the season is wrapping up...

Actually, a fashion question
 

Von Dutch. Still in? For how much longer?

The big O
 

OK, here it is...orgasmicwashing machine.

Click on the "have an orgasm" button and see if you're successful.
orgasmicwashingmachine
Remember, fast is good for washing machines.
Edited to add, there is audio which may or may not be appropriate for work. Or, close the door, turn up the sound and let them wonder...

Boogie, Baby
 

I disagree. The Home Run Derby is not a popularity contest (although being able to participate in any All Star event is but we won't go into that). The Derby is supposed to be contest among sluggers, regardless of whether they are asses or not, to determine who is the best homerun hitter (at least on that day). Barry Bonds has the most homeruns right now (30) so any homerun contest should involve him. I don't give a fuck about anything except a guy's ability to play the sport -- what he does in his personal life just doesn't mean anything to me. That is why I remain pissed off at the shitstorm that covered John Rocker because of personal (ie non-baseball) opinions he held (and mistakenly uttered). Now, if a player does something dishonest involving the game (like use a corked bat), that player deserves a shitstorm and not to be honored (but that doesn't always happen, now does it?).

Actually, A Fashion Question
 

str8: "Von Dutch. Still in? For how much longer?"

No idea, but how much do you think the company paid this chick?

(Spree: US Open Streaker)
http://www.vondutch.com/html/default.../streaker.html

Boogie, Baby
 

But Barry's an ass because he doesn't want to participate in the home run contest because "I'm an adult now" in his own words.

Boogie, Baby
 

I agree that he is an ass -- I just don't care that he is. Personally, I think the Derby just needs to have the top homerun hitters from each league in order to have any sort of meaning.

Weekend stuff
 

So this weekend:

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean, which was great. Very silly, but very great. Actual applause at the end of the movie, with everyone waiting for the credits so they could applaud Johny Depp again.

This made me think on my laminated list. Frankly, mine isn't really full yet: there are some pretty much permanent entries, but most others sort of rotate depending on my mood at the moment. Anyhow, I was discussing the laminated list with the Mr. (who asked "do any men have a laminated list that isn't 95% porn stars or playboy pinups?" - gentlemen, do you?), and he decided my laminated list was very, very weird, and he didn't know if he (as my Mr.) considered that a good thing or a bad thing. I figured I'd ask you guys.

Laminated:
Ricardo Montalban
Lance Henriksen
Johny Depp
Charles Dance
Jurgen Prochnow

Potentials (reasonable likelihood of lamination, since all have floated on and off my list with some regularity, but are often subject to be swapped off for some new distraction):
Jet Li
Vin Diesel
Jason Stratham
Clint Eastwood
Michael Jai White
Viggo Mortensen (when he's not dirty)
Gary Oldman
Peter Cushing (OK, only if he weren't ancient and dead)
Keith Hamilton Cobb
Bruce Campbell
Chow Yun-Fat
James Marsters

I think what the Mr. found odd about my list is that only two of the guys (Cobb and Marsters) are on there just because of their hot-ness.

We also had a discussion on whether Angelina Jolie's hotness was diminished by her skankiness (the Mr. maintaining that she was hot, and me maintaining that she was skanky but believing that didn't necessarily reduce her hotness, and the Mr. being confused by that).

The forecast for today is hot and skanky
 

There are many (many many) girls for whom their skankiness is an ineffable part of their hotness. Angelina is an excellent example. See also Xtina, Tara Reid, and too many porn stars to name. That said, BRC, your laminated list is just goofy, but mad props to you for Chow Yun Fat. I think, however, you have the company of several hundred million women in the greater China/HK area.

And not every guy's laminated list is all porn stars. Mine is almost exclusively Russian tennis players and Neko Case, and perhaps Meg White, and this woman I met in a Yahoo chat room yesterday.

str8.

Boogie, Baby
 

Yes, but if it had any meaning, then the top home run hitters would be there. It's like the NBA slam dunk contest. Entertaining for a couple of years, when the top guys were there -- Dr. J, Mike, Dominique -- but now it's a bunch of second tier guys hoping to make a name for themselves.

Barry's an ass whether he shows or not. But he's more of an ass for not helping a game that needs serious help with its image.

Weekend stuff
 

None on my list are like that. Icky.

Sock it up your Arse
 

stupid is as stupid does.

I try and suggest who might be doing something and you make a personal attack. I won't comment on your allegations other than to say I never once seen you be right about anything in the years you've been on this/prior boards.

as to my originality, i will let others speak:

"Thank you for that.

I would like to institute a new policy on this board that every morning, someone must post something funny so I can start my days snickering into my coffee. Usually you guys come through, particularly recently what with the recent blood drinking, "somebody set up us the bomb" stuff and then this. But let's continue making a concerted effort in this area. "

Mr. Debt Slave, 17 April 2003. having read my breakthough satire on anti-Israel posts that builds on the Passover story. that is, my post caused POLICY changes.


"This is the best post I have ever read on this board. I am going to bronze it and place it on exhibit for future generations to marvel at.

Carry on."

Mr. Penske Material 8 July 2003, commenting on my first person narrative of being in his moniker for a few brief moments.

I have no more time for you.

Weekend stuff
 

Uh, isn't the point of a laminated list that names don't "rotate" on and off?

Please explain how Vin Diesel is on your list other than for hotness. (And the fact that he was wearing the fur of seven animals in XXX does not count as an other qualification.)

Edited to note: Porn stars are generally too squicky; none would populate my laminated list if I sat down to write one out.

I think Angelina's hotness is negated by her goth like black hair on the no makeup pale face. Just, no. Otherwise, she is supreme. The straight woman's crush.

DS, your list is littered with people I never heard of. But in honor of your rennaissance list I feel compelled to review mine:

Mark Phillipoussis
Anthony Kiedis (the skanky issue can be fairly applied to this guy as well)
Bill Pullman
Chris Robinson
Shit, I cant remember who else so I will throw in Guga for his sunny personality, lanky body, Brazilianness and bc he smiled at me last summer. Swoon.


Off: John Corbett (burnt out on him), Matthew McConaughey- havent seen him in anything in a long time, and am stuck with picutres of him in a sleeveless shirt yelling redneckisms at a Dallas football game, thanks to EO.

Exclusively for FBers
 

I would never be so presumptuous as to say LFM is diluting my look-and-feel. Not only do I merely aspire to that degree of pithiness --- I'm a piker by comparison --- but I've heard of a little doctrine called prior use.

However, if the FB is a continuum between asses and lesbians, I hereby declare that I will occupy the field on the ass-end, no matter how many socks it takes. The wails of "Oh, the humanity" from my fellow asses will blot out the sun itself. Gattigap might want to ask his firm to set up a dedicated e-mail server to handle the volume.

Actual Fashion Question
 

I have indeed. I've seen halter tops, tube tops, platform sandals and miniskirts. I've noticed only one bare midriff (possibly due to a "hitch up" of the shirt, but maybe not), but it didn't involve navel piercing.

The guys seem to have done OK, but I may just not be paying attention.

FWIW, summers, on women appropriateness = covered skin. Rules on covering skin:

cover your shoulders entirely.
cover your back entirely.
cover your middle entirely.
no visible cleavage (yes, that means if you are flat chested you can get away with lower cut tops; no one ever said life was fair).
wear a bra.
skirts should end not more than 2 inches above the top of your knee cap, and less if your legs are short.
slits in skirts should end no higher than mid-thigh while sitting down with your legs crossed at the knee.
do not wear anything you HAVE to wear a thong under.

On shoes:
If you are wearing a shoe with a heel over 2 inches, it really should cover your toes and, preferably, have at least a strap over your heel. Slut potential for strappy heels varies on the height and width of the heel, the width of strappiness and on the rest of the costume (you can get away with flimsier shoes with trousers than with a skirt).
If you do not cover your toes, do not wear hose and do get a pedicure.
Do not wear anything that wraps around your ankle, it is too bondage.
Do not wear anything that could be called a "flip-flop," either based on style or sound.

On jewelry:
No dangley earrings.
Don't wear anything that suggests you don't need the job.

Actual Fashion Question
 

other than slovenliness (i.e., unironed), what can guys do/wear that's inapppropriate? I've never seen a guy wear a muscle shirt or mesh club shirt to work. I'm trying to visualize male attire that was objectionable in the way of a tube top. Thoughts?

On the other hand, feel free to wear the thong anyway.

But well done. I hope some partner at a firm picks this up for circulation next year. Without attribution of course.

Weekend stuff
 

exactly, hence why I said my list isn't entirely full yet.
Because I find D&D players really hot. Really. (Particularly D&D players that are really big.) Also because I think he's a really good actor, XXX notwithstanding, and appears to have the intelligence to have a sense of humor about how he looks.

I almost forgot Giovanni Ribisi on the "rotating" portion of my list (off, at the moment, but he shows up there periodically).

Actual Fashion Question
 

I thought there was some edict for conservative fields like banking and law that slingbacks are borderline whorish. Seems stupid, as it's not exactly the same thing as showing one's rack at work, but I never see them around here.

Mules should just be goddamned banned from the street during business hours. They make women mince along incredibly slowly, which means I want to just knock them into the gutter when I'm trying to go anywhere via the sidewalk.

Actual Fashion Question
 

I would be in big trouble if my firm instituted this rule. I used to be a fan of sleeves, but more and more and more I have grown to dislike them.

Actual Fashion Question
 

Is your firm hiring?

Flinty

Actual Fashion Question
 

I need clarification on this. Is this a ban on something that goes around the ankle more than once, or anything that straps around the ankle? I'd hate to have to banish my fantastic three inch mary janes to the back of the closet.

You must have missed her Barbara Walters interview on Friday. She is flat out crazy. And not in a good way. The self mutilation (which she claims to have outgrown now that she's "a mother" is being manifested by the multiple multiple tats that she sports. And her relationship with her father is weird - but I don't know Jon Voight that well.

All we could say as we sat and watched the train wreck that is her life is...she's psycho.

Actual Fashion Question
 

I have seen sleeveless Nike t-shirts, baseball jerseys, football jerseys (which also counts as meshware) and ghetto baggies so low and so big that you would swear they're coming off.

She always looks like she mates then kills. That, and I would take that make-out session with her brother (not to mention her voluntarily having had sex with Billy Bob) as a serious, serious warning sign.

They say Heywood Jablomi is running a word-of-mouth campaign
 

So you're running for Sheriff of Aiken County, S.C. And you want to run on the platform that politicians should be responsive --- nay, accessible --- to their constituents. Only problem: your campaign slogan is "Mike Hunt/Accessible for You."

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Our weekend plans involved a discussion over dinner and coffee (coffee?!!!) about how much of your sexual history you disclose to a new partner.

Our friend is dating a wonderful woman who he sees as rather sexually inexperienced, almost virginal. He told her his number, and she freaked. (He's 37, so his number is naturally on the high-end.)

So at the start of a relationship, do you reveal the number -- and do you tell the truth?

Actual Fashion Question
 

Oh my. Actual offenses observed in my office:

1) Pants that "used to fit" and are now worn UNDER the belly that can no longer be contained inside the waistband;

2) Shirt with too many buttons open and disco medallions peeping through the exposed chest hair (actually seen on both a GA and and an SA);

3) An overabundance of silver jewelry - 2 or more big bracelets and several rings on each hand;

4) Doc Martens with a suit; and

5) A tongue piercing (apparently acquired after fall interviews).

Note: edited for spelling.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

SO and I were talking about this over the weekend too. We have never exchanged numbers. I never knew about people keeping up with that until I moved to Dallas. Lots of women here do that. SInce I was married by 24, the number became sort of irrelevant. Anyway I figured out my number while I was getting ready this morning.

I'm opposed to number exchange unless it is necessary information (i.e. "I've never done this before"). What purpose does it serve other than giving people something to obsess over?

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

No good can come of this.

I never tell the truth. Most people can't handle the truth, regardless of what the truth is.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Never reveal the real number. Your bf/gf doesn't really want to know. It will come back to haunt you. The number is either higher or lower and can be used out of context in a future argument about nothing (e.g. well you're the ho who slept with 20 guys or how would you know, you've only been with 2 guys).

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

The OM and I exchanged numbers. He was a man-ho.

As for activities, we don't really discuss what we have done. From time to time, I have asked him specific questions (like 3some). He answers and tells me he doesn't want to know what I have done or with whom.

Actual Fashion Question
 

Mary Janes technically strap over the instep, not the ankle, even if they do so high up. Something wrapping even once around the ankle is iffy, even if the shoe has a real back to it, when the strap comes from the back of the heel rather than the sides of the shoe (though sometimes a wider, lower heel, a lot of coverage and/or a T-strap can take the curse off).

I've heard of the "slingbacks = slut" thing, too, but I have to admit I've never seen it in action. But then I'm not in midtown; midtown is notoriously frumpy, and half of my suits would probably be considered slutty there just because the jackets are not cut straight from shoulders to hips but instead go in at the waist. I've definitely heard of "open toes/mules/no hose = slut" edicts, but I've never heard of anyone actually getting nabbed on the hose thing, if only because that would involve a partner commenting on a female associate's undergarments, which most of them are too smart to do.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Agreed. I would never ask. In my current relationship, I was asked, and feeling that it was none of her business, I told her so. Then, when pressed, I decided to lie. Much later, I copped to the lie, and came up with a number that, while closer to the truth, was still too low to be accurate. The real number is hazy (do you count just oral, or no -- and how to count those group situations?) and would take too much work to calculate, and it's really nobody's business but mine anyway. Hence the lie is justified.

str8.

Exclusively for FBers
 

The over-the-top nature led me to believe you were pulling the old flim flam. The shim sham. Another one of those "bate" and switch tactics, trickster. At first, I thought, too many Penske references. Can't be Penske. Then I thought, he's doing that on purpose because he's an evil sock genius. Now I don't know. But I do know that either way, you're full of shit.

TM

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Why is this such a big deal? I've always revealed/requested the number. There's never been any repercussions. To have your number thrown at you with any effect implies that there's something wrong with your number, and how can that be? To be elusive about divulging it would imply to me that you are ashamed of something. Shame is not attractive.

In a way, maybe divulging the number is a good thing because the other person's reaction to it lets you know up front if the other person is insecure or not.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

I'd be kind of general about it, so it's not that huge of a deal if it looks like I've been around the block. Specifics? Only if it's necessary. "Yes, honey, I'm sure I've tried pretty much everything that can be done with ice and I'm pretty sure that it's lost its novelty."

At any rate, due to a variety of substances and a series of weekends that sort of run together, I'm not exactly sure what the number is. There are a few names that I wouldn't be able to recall at gunpoint.

Worth Noting
 

Anyone else remember the L&O episode about a college girl who got gang-raped while other guys watched through a peephole? She was wearing a Catholic schoolgirl outfit. I think that ruined it for me.