Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

What if Coltrane goes first? If he tells me 15 and I reverse the equation I get 6 1/2.

And I really don't want to explain the 1/2.

Ah, this reminds me of the time I was going down on this guy in college (back in the days before metrosexuals came out and shaved their balls). Being a classy lady, I was chewing gum and it got stuck in his pubes.

He is one of the guys I did. I should try and remember all of them or maybe just take a guess, like ten in my freshman year of college and go from there.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

This makes a guy sound like a liar, someone who could never get a date, or a nutjob Jesus freak.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Honestly, it doesn't bother me that you slept with a midget.

Who hasn't?

(I won't make the obligatory "I was nuts over her" comment)

Actual Fashion Question
 

Not true. Just the other day, you looked quite lovely, except for that sweater tied so purposefully around your neck. Transformed your look from elegant to piss poor.

TM

You were chewing gum while you were giving a blow job? Did you forget that you had gum in your mouth when you started to do it? That sounds like a world of trouble.

I'm just glad I have never been on the receiving end of gummilingus.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

I was advised of* a much simpler formula --- The Rule of Threes. Take whatever number a male tells you; divide by three. Take whatever number a female tells you; multiply by three. However, I think this rule was intended to apply to prudish and sexually repressed people between 15 and 23.

*"Advised of" in the sense that it was in one of the American Pie movies.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Wait--robustpuppy fucked Bilmore?

Weekend stuff -- the Number... Get Over It
 

I know exactly how many people my wife has fucked and she knows exactly how many I've fucked.

She's fucked or hooked up with more than a handful my fraternity brothers whom I consider close friends and were at our wedding and I've fucked and hooked up with a lot of friends from her sorority (we went to a small school and our social circles were intertwined). I've often busted one of my friends' balls by saying "So is this before or after you were fucking my wife." Hell, I just had drinks with a close friend who married a chick I dated for years. You think it bothers him that she and I used to fuck? Hardly. I've spent the weekend with he and his wife at their shorehouse, having drinks with members of her family whom I've known since I dated her.

There are waaaaay too many things in life to get hung up about to sit around getting mad about who your SO slept with before you.

S(This one cat at my wedding nailed nearly all the bridesmaids and my wife in high school - Rather than be insecure around the guy, I fucking dig him - he's funny as hell... if I was a chick I'd probably fuck him)D

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Gets the guy laid, too. No downside.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

The OM is cute, but not that cute.

TM

I once heard a gross story of cherry-lifesaverilingus. If any of you are thinking of trying this trick at home, just remember less is more**.


** Note: the list of sexual experiences for which this rule holds true is quite short. It is the exception that proves the more is more rule.

I've had this happen to me. Except that the gum was, for some reason, put in my boxers...so I guess she was chewing pre-BJ and decided to dispose of it in my drawers...

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Good point, except your hypo is so exaggerated that I can't get my mind around it.

But the 1/2 could be oral, except who counts oral? Do people really list out who they had sex with and add all the people they've given head to? I don't think so.

I've met some upper east side girls who have only had sex with one or two guys, but have blown a whole fleet of yuppies. They certainly don't count head.

TM

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

This just seems disingenuous (e.g. have blown 15 people but only had intercourse with 2 so therefore # is 2). Are they preferring oral because they like it better or because it's a way to keep the numbers down? I probably don't want to know.

Edited to say: Fraudulent accounting (massaging numbers), rape . . . people suck.

Good grief. The man does get around, doesn't he? How* did paigow resist his charms?

*assuming for the purposes of this post that the paigow perspective on their legendary, nay mythic FB encounter** is accurate.

**a/k/a Rashomon II.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

I feel like I am in a Seinfeld episode.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

These women must be the obnoxious shrieking high-maintenance Bridezillas on that horrible reality TV show set in NYC. No one else could get obsessed with such petty-ass hysterical control-freak insecure shallow poseur bullshit.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

To keep their numbers down and because they think it's not nearly as big a deal as sex sex.

Come on. You can't consider handjobs to be sex for purposes of counting.

TM

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

They could keep their numbers down further by adopting a "didn't pay for dinner" rule.

(Yes, I realized it is a joke. I just don't believe that people who say things like that are completely joking, and I don't want that shit ascribed to me (as a single female)).

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

That rule makes it possible for many men to claim they have never had sex.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Hmmmmm . . . maybe the differential in numbers between males and females is based on a rule that a person has had sex if another person intentionally induced orgasm through physical contact. So, if I give you a handjob you have had sex, but I have not (selfish bastard).

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

I'm pretty sure that the definitive treatise on this subject is Clerks.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

The only excuse I can offer for the god-awful phrasing of that post is that I've been reading a god-awful passive voice long (and Latin!) words memo written by a young pup. Internal memos should not use Latin. Especially not Latin I don't ever, EVER recall seeing before. And if you do use the Latin, explain what it means.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

No, it's because women lie:

Study (Ohio St. researchers learned that, when hooked up to a (non-functioning) lie detector, women admitted to having more sexual partners than when asked to write number on questionaire).

Anyway, maybe we need multiple numbers, in order to smoke out the UES pipe-smokers: Number of sexual partners; number of blow jobs/cunnilingus; number of other hookups. You know, just for completeness.:rolleyes:

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

I am embarrassed by my sex.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Blow jobs are simply not sex.

Bill Clinton was correct in differentiating oral sex from sex. They are worlds apart for two very obvious logical reasons.

One, you can get pregnant or diseased from one, but not the other.

Two, you cannot in good conscience say "I slept with [x]" if all you did was go down on him/her.

S(the simple rule is that penetration of the vagina or anus by a penis must occur for any act to qualify as sex*)D

* Unless you're a gay male, you cannot count anal sex as regular sex. You must call it "anal sex."

** Gay women have a much more open definition for obvious reasons.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Wow if having an orgasm is a requirement for it to be considered sex, my number just dropped significantly.

who were you?
 

So here is how to figure who you were in your past life.

past life
I guess I was an Indian man.


I do not know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around the territory of modern North India approximately in 1425.
Your profession was builder of houses, temples, cathedrals.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in that past life:
You had mind of a scientist, always seeking new explanations. Environment often misunderstood him, but respected his knowledge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson, that your last past life brought to present:
Your lesson -- to study, to practice and to use wisdom, enclosed in psychological sciences, and in ancient manuscripts. With strong faith and hard work you will reach your real destiny in present life.

Edited to add - oral sex is not sex. No matter whose rules you use.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

One, do you honestly think it's not possible to get STDs from oral sex? That would explain all those "cold sores."

Two, under my system, if I went down on someone and s/he didn't reciprocate, s/he had sex but I did not. If someone goes down on me, and I don't reciprocate, I had sex and s/he didn't.

Not that I'm saying my system should be used. It's pointless in any event because apparently everyone lies.

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

You sure about that?

More Stuff I learned this weekend
 

Also whilst in Philly [with my MIA pal Primafacie], I reluctantly watched the MTV film "The Real Cancun". It is funny as balls.

Don't drop a 64oz Mega Big Gulp of Diet Coke on a cream-colored carpet.

not7yS

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

See? This explains why the numbers are so different. That, and the wackadoo rules some females use to filter out the majority of their sexual activity.

More Stuff I learned this weekend
 

Why not? Doesn't hilarity ensue?

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

Whores.

The whole lot of you.

More Stuff I learned this weekend
 

Do you ever get invited to the same place twice?

who were you?
 

Cool, I was an Auzzie chick.

I do not know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around the territory of modern North Australia approximately in 1675.
Your profession was leader, major, captain.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in that past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, waited till that life to be liberated. Sometimes environment considered you strange.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson, that your last past life brought to present:
Your main lesson in present -- to develop magnanimity and feeling of brotherhood. Try to become less adhered to material property and learn to have only as many, as you may give back.

Papa was rolling stone, wherever he laid his hat...
 

Not usually, no.

not7yS

Weekend stuff -- the Number
 

If men had to list every encounter during which another induced them to orgasm, we'd all have lists of sexual partners that would be enormous. Are you seriously insinuating that I should count all of my high school handjobs as sex? Do all the blow jobs I got from girls before they were willing to have actual intercourse count as sex? Well, hell, I wish I knew that. I would have stood up as soon as those girls were finished and said "Hey, you might as well fuck me - we've already had sex!"

I doubt anyone could even attempt to recall each of the people with whom they've had orgasms. In closing, I'll add this... I hardly consider it fair to assume to myself that I had sex with a girl because she stroekd my cock after a high school football game.

S(and what about those drunken hook ups where you actually have intercourse, but were too fucked up to cum? I guess that would be... not sex?)D

who were you?
 

Wow, that is so you.