Festive Holiday Gift Recap
 

This happens all of the time in bars. "Guys, my shifts up. If it's okay, I'm going to close out your tab. You can open a new one with Susie." Close out. Tip current waitress. Open new tab. Drink. Close tab with Susie. Hit on Susie b/c you are drunk. Get rejected. Tip Susie.

Generic Winter Gift-Giving Holiday Parties
 

Translation: I guess I need to suck more ....


You know, I just can't bring myself to do it. I thought it would be a mildly amusing twist on the "you suck a lot of cock" line that was flying around earlier like a toddler on Red Bull. But I got there, and suddenly I had this little voice in the back of my head saying "If you do it, you'll just feel like Norm McDonald, and where's he these days?" So I stopped myself.

Indeed. Carry on.

Festive Holiday Gift Recap
 

Didn't you retire or something?

Odd Weather
 

It's a little baffling that you can get into a protracted discussion distinguishing between Christmas and Bastille Day parties but then are so easily confused when it comes to screen names (or cookies).

That said, I'm doing Christmas baking this weekend and am considering trying my hand at Snickerdoodles.

Paging PLF
 

I'm more of a TGI Fridays kind of guy. I'm a sucker for ncs and her flair.

Odd Weather
 

"Christmas" and "Bastille Day" look TOTALLY different.

Odd Weather
 

No doubt. Even more baffling - she's an ERISA attorney. If she can keep that shit straight, no idea why she can't devote a bit of mental energy to knowing the difference between a former-spinster-squirrel-feeder-turned-internet-dater and a ragaholic-Ohian-turned-internet-dater. Wait a minute here...

Generic Winter Gift-Giving Holiday Parties
 

1. I'm a full-blooded MOT; I just don't buy into all the ritual and shit.

2. The only thing I'm conflicted over is why you're responding for PLF and Hankster. I thought you didn't much care for the blowjob?

3. The He Lied/Kerry's Brain is Fried debate is on the PB; this is the FB, dumbass.

4. Suck it.

5. Hard.

6. Happy fucking Friday.

Paging PLF
 

This is a surprising admission from a MOT.

Odd
 

I have never felt close to you.*


*Not only because I get it.

Odd
 

Oh. You're back. Pussy.

Festive Holiday Gift Recap
 

It's a July 1st cut-off. If you start after, then you can go with the half-gift.

Paging PLF
 

Wait a little bit. Either Sebby or Hank will explain it's because I'm a self-hating Applebees diner.

Festive Holiday Gift Recap
 

I once had a waitress (at a casual Italian place) insist that we had to pay before we were done because she was leaving. She got a nice crisp George Washington as a tip.

Festive Holiday Gift Recap
 

that's a dollar more than she would have gotten if she had just left.

Festive Holiday Gift Recap
 

most people have that sock on ignore. When you quote its posts you force us to read them. Please do not quote that sock's posts unless you have a very good reason.

Odd Weather
 

Ummm, no. That would be a (second rate poster trying to do Hank fringey slam)-like Reply.

Odd Weather
 

I've been wrong before, but is there any difference between snickerdoodles and round sugar cookie dough balls rolled in cinnamon and sugar and baked?

Question: Since I am no longer my own secretary, do I get to give myself an Xmas gift anyway? What do you think would be appropriate. I'm not much into Starbucks.

Prezzies!
 

If you are your own boss, you may give yourself a gift. Alcohol or spa day. If you don't have a secretary, you are your own secretary even though you don't have one, and can get an additional alcoholic or spa-type gift for that. And don't forget to pick up a gift for yourself while you are shopping for your boss and your secretary.

Prezzies!
 

In addition to no longer being my own secretary, legal assistant, administrative professional, whatever-the-hell, I am also no longer my own boss, but I'm pretty sure I deserve some alcohol anyway. Alas, I am reluctantly dry right now, so a spa-day it is. Or three.

Odd Weather
 

Yes. My Cook's Illustrated baking book says:

Traditionally a snickerdoodle has a subtle tang or sour undertone that contrasts with the cinnamon sugar coating. Most recipes rely on baking soda and cream of tartar as the leavening agents for two reasons. First, the cream of tartar provides the characteristic tang. Second, the cream of tartar and baking soda cause the cookie to rise very quickly and then collapse somewhat. The result is the characteristic crinkly top.

Odd Weather
 

Thank you. Hmmm...my favorite sugar cookie recipe requires cream of tartar and a little lemon juice. Perhaps it is not a full-blooded sugar cookie recipe afterall, but the lovechild product of an illiicit affair with a snickerdoodle recipe? How tawdry. But yummy nonetheless.

Prezzies!
 

Three. Or, a spa day with three treatments (nice long ones), if you are not feeling profligate.

Prezzies!
 

Are you working out a special to-do list for your outside counsel over Christmas weekend?

Hank's Hat
 

We dig it.

Prezzies!
 

Indeed I am. Good call! There are some things I really need to have on the 26th that I am planning to tell them about on the 23rd.

At least one of them does not celebrate Christmas, if that helps.

Prezzies!
 

Jewish lawyer? Is this Thurgreed's firm?

Festive Holiday Gift Recap
 

No. Starting so close to the end of the year, the secretary won't get shit from em's new firm, so you'd better pony up with the generic holiday gift in order to avoid bad juju.

Prezzies!
 

Doesn't matter. The Jews were the only ones smart enough to tell everyone God forbids them to work on particular days. It's almost as if Moses anticipated Title VII. Meanwhile, the Catholics ran civilization for 2,000 years but Christians still can't point to anything that says they don't have to work on Christmas, and now we can't even put a fucking crèche in the lobby at the law firm of Mick, Mick, Dago & Pole.

Islam, a lifestyle religion
 

Fuck that. The Muslims sussed it out best. They take a whole month where they don't eat. Do you think heavy construction firms in Kandahar get much done from a bunch of guys who've been fasting all day? Assuming they're union, those guys still get paid just for showing up. Anyone know if they get double time because they're working on a holiday?

Prezzies!
 

Well, it was a virgin birth, Aloysius. Duh.

Prezzies!
 

So make that one do all the work.

Prezzies!
 

Yeah but we get eternal salvation. Small price.

Prezzies!
 

Unless you fuck up. We have a covenant with God. Another way we got it all over the goyim. We got it in writing and we lack the foreskins to prove it.

Prezzies!
 

I have not enquired as to her religion. I don't think she is Jewish.

Prezzies!
 

What I'm saying is you can make us Xtians work on Xmas, and we're pretty much without a legal remedy. It burdens neither our free exercise (if you are a government employer) nor our religious observations (if you are a private employer). What it really burdens is our "family time," and if you think a law employer can be stopped from doing that, you just failed the California Bar Exam and should go back to teaching at Stanford.

Merry fucking Xmas.

Prezzies!
 

Um, my point was that I'm not (quite) *that* mean. I could give a shit* about what you are saying.

*see how nice I am? I referenced your favorite substance.

Prezzies!
 

"could give a shit" means you care, at least somewhat. The proper explitive is "couldn't give a shit."

It's a common mistake that pampered raised-rich people will often make, when trying to sound tough.

Prezzies!
 

Whiff. See, I included the word "shit" to make him happy, which means that I do give a shit.

God, Hank.

Prezzies!
 

Him? isn't Atticus the sock that is pretending to be a girl, and is pretensious about cars and thinks airline security paws at his shorts?

edit: oh, and W-A-T-E-R