NEW POLL
 

The long and short of it is that:

.... nobody does anything for nothing
.... nobody REALLY likes you
.... you will always wonder what would have happened IF..
.... your pets only like you because you have thumbs
.... it is unlikely that your children will ever truly admire you
.... your spouse has probably already cheated on you
.... sex isn't much fun unless you are willing to embarrass yourself


In order to survive life:
.... always make sure that your blood alcohol level is somewhere above zero. ALWAYS.
.... don't ever let anyone, ANYONE, have any say in your self-worth
.... always remember that most of these fucking asswipes will be genetically cleansed by God/Mother Nature/whatever
.... keep a supply of peanuts, beer and smokes in the basement in case of bad weather
..... pretend that each sexual experience is your last and give it all you got, BABY!!!!


ThrashersFan

Tipping
 

Hehe. I had a couple of econ profs. who hypothesized about tipping. their query was why anyone ever tips in out-of-town restaurants. The service has already been given, so it's a sunk cost of the server. And there's no repeat play, since you'll never go back (or they won't remember you if you do).

I didn't go out to dinner with them after that.

NEW POLL
 

You are ahead of the curve!

New Poll
 

If a dog bites you, it's always your fault. If a dog bites your kid, it's always your fault.

If you honestly have to ask your friend if your ass looks fat in that [whatever], it does.

Whatever your friend responds to that question, she is lying.

Ordering your coffee black with dessert does not cancel out your large slice of chocolate mousse cake.

Any food item that has to proclaim "Contains genuine [whatever ingredient]!" is best avoided.

In a toss-up between doing what's fair to you and covering em's own ass, your boss will cover em's own ass.

NEW POLL
 

Not true.

Here are a few general observations:

Anything you need, you can get there.

The older you get, the hotter younger men (or women) look.

The easier a solution is, the harder it is for everyone to agree it's the right thing to do.

You never get credit for the truly valuable stuff you do, and you always get praise for the stuff that seems completely unimportant.

You can find your soulmate at closing time.

purse junkie
 

Oops, forgot:

Any food labeled "vegan" is utterly unpalatable.

Tipping
 

Your profs were on the mark. I waited tables in a college town that attracts a huge number of tourists, and tourists are the worst tippers of all. The second-worst (and please do not revoke my feminist card for this): ladies who lunch -- especially those who ask for separate checks.

It is also a rule that the parties that run your ass all over the restaurant will leave a lousy tip.



edited to fix code. e/o

purse junkie
 

AMEN!! After being a vegetarian for over 20 years I can attest to the fact that ANY food aimed at vegetarians sucks ass. That being said, I will add to the poll:

As a doctor once told me, you can get all of the sustenance you need to live by taking two vitamin pills and drinking 12 beers a day.

No matter what anyone tells me, I will go to my grave believing the statement above.

Don't tell people that you are a vegetarian because they will invariably do their best to cook you something vegetarian which means tofu and beans when everyone else is having pizza.

Pizza is nature's perfect food. Add a beer and you have completed the nutrition pyramid.

Finally, a vegetarian can get all the protein she needs from beer and......

ThrashersFan

suggestions for reality shows
 

Here in PA we have a lawyer who goes by the name S. Sponte, Esq for his monthly column in the PA Lawyer magazine. This month his column is on reality shows, and he suggests 5 new shows.

1. "I Don't." A hilarious combination of "Divorce Court" and "Beat the Clock" in which the contestants vie to establish the absolute quickest time between "I now pronounce you husband and wife" and the granting of a divorce decree. Extra points for spousal abuse, alienation of children, affairs, nondisclosure of marital assets, passage of recently acquired sexually transmitted disease.

2. "All Fall Down" The slip and fall show in which contestants com pete for prize money by strolling down the Walk of Pain, tossing themselves at various holes, construction sites, icy patches, dirt mounds and puddles the encounter along the way. Prizes awarded based on success and frequency with which contestants break various bodily parts with bonuses for repeat verdicts. Be careful though, one defense verdict and you're immediately dragged off the set, whether you've healed or not, and you have to give back all the complimentary meds.

3. "Who's Your Daddy" A family law game show in which the participants compete to win a DNA paternity test so they can pay child support for 18 years. Production will have to wait until producers can come up with a way to include female contestants.

4. "The Rear Enders" A raucous, noisy demolition derby show in which both rear enders and rear endees team up to cause as much vehicular damage and bodily injury to fellow team members in as short a time as possible. Winners share 65% of the damages. 60% if it goes to trial.

5. "Escape from Mandamus" Something a bit on the more cerebral side, designed primarily to appeal to the typical PBS viewer. The show takes the mundane, an elected official who abuses his or her office, ignoring both the laws and the commonwealth and combines it with, get this, an outraged electorate tired of being flamboozled and finally willing to do something about it. Ratings should be spectacular provided the show can get clearance from the office of homeland criticism.

Really!, The Pennsylvania Lawyer, May-June, 2003 (pp 56.)

NEW POLL
 

I am happy to place pictures on my boomspeed account for anyone who wants to have something up. Just tell me when to remove it and I will happily do that as well.

purse junkie
 

Ice cream, which contains lots of calcium and vitamin D, is a health food.

Water is not a beverage. It is what you have to drink sometimes to keep from dying.

There is nothing wrong with anyone that a little Irish whiskey won't cure. That, or kicking them out of your house.

Top Baby Names
 

Emily and Jacob Are Top Baby Names

According the Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names in 2002 are:

Girls:

Emily, Hannah, Madison, Ashley, Sarah, Alexis, Samantha, Jessica, Elizabeth and Taylor.

Boys:

Jacob, Michael, Matthew, Joshua, Christopher, Nicholas, Andrew, Joseph, Daniel and Tyler.

"Emily has been the No. 1 name for girls since replacing Jessica in 1996. Madison and Hannah have been in the top 10 since 1997.

Jacob has been the most popular name for boys since 1999, when it ended Michael's impressive 35-year run in the top spot. "

Full text: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp.../ap/baby_names

purse junkie
 

An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold onto a blade of grass to keep from falling off the face of the earth.

I love my Irish heritage if for no other reason I am generally expected to drink--A LOT


ThrashersFan

NEW POLL
 

be careful about remotely linking pics from boomspeed accounts. it's against their TOS and likely to get your account banned.

best thing to do is just upload it to our server via FTP and then delete it when the time comes.

NEW POLL
 

The flower delivery people handle uploads, too?