Memo to str8/ paging less
 

Not a fair bet. Everyone in this town already knows that Gigli is unwatchable. It's been finished for months, but hasn't been released until now, because (rumor has it) it's so incredibly horrible. The expectations are so phenomenally low that the distributor will probably be saying "compared to what our tracking showed, it did phenomenally well, and we're thrilled." I'd expect about $7 million for the first weekend, dropping off very significantly after that. It won't affect the relationship at all. Ben and J-Lo know it's a dog with fleas.

Note to Self
 

Translation: So anyway, I was well into a three-day bender when I mouthed off to this lady cop. Anyway, after she knocked me to the ground and was kneeling on my neck slapping the cuffs on me, I thought to myself, "hey, this is really turning me on."

But then, while I was spitting teeth out in the back of the squad car, I started to sober up a little and realized it probably wouldn't have worked out. I mean, hell, the chick's got a fucking gun! If she ever finds out I'm married, she'll kill my ass.

At that point, I tried to apologize, but when I leaned forward, she maced me over the seat back. Then I puked all over myself and passed out.

Just for good measure
 

Damn. Walked into that one.

How many guys on this board know how big their dick actually is? I bet you all do. I can't wait to read the "I don't know and don't care," "whoever knows must be insecure or immature" posts.

TM

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

I think Andrew Blake has hotter women in his movies than anyone else, by far. It's more artsy and less hardcore then your usual fare, but the hotness of the women more than makes up for it. Though some of his movies are all female, so if that's not what you're looking for, check the credits on the outside of the box.

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

First, if there's someone else's tastes involved, some friends of mine wrote an article on buying porn for other people. I find it funny.
http://www.popgurls.com/article_show.php3?id=217 (These are the same friends that have the inside scoop on trading spaces' season premire, and the latest installment is up at http://www.popgurls.com/article_show.php3?id=371)

Second, Good Vibrations has a publication called The Good Vibration Guide to Adult Videos. They have a rating system, including symbols for a variety of features (women on women, female penetrating male, interracial, superior film making, independent production, etc.) Their website sells a few of the movies reviewed in the publication, and uses the same rating stystem. The website categorizes their videos into "Plot" "No Plot, just sex" and Instructional." A few years ago, they started their own production company because customers weren't happy with the quality of the porn out there. I wasn't overly impressed with their first production, and I'm not sure if they're still making their own porn.

Third, a friend who has a peripheral business assocated with DVD sales recommends Excalibur films (www.excaluburfilms.com), which has a starlet directory where you can search for movies by actress. They have reviews of the films, and a retail component. He warns that Vivid charges for the use of the site. He also gives the following warning: "The big problem is a lot of the artsy or soft touch (love) stuff these days is BORING so its hard to tell. They are great quality, hot women and men but the way they are shot leaves a lot to be desired for anything much more than background noise (Southern Comfort is a nice example)."

How do you measure?
 

Dan Savage tackled this question in his Savage Love column recently. He said (and I agree) that the only fair way to do it is from the spot a couple of inches below the navel where the penis starts. I agree. That's the "insertable" part, hence it's what should be counted.

Edited to add: Of course everybody knows their measurements, and checks it at least once a year to see if they've improved.

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

Family Suing Church Over Hell Prediction at Funeral

Excuse me, but if there's a cognizable IIED claim against organized religion, the plaintiff's bar will finally do what Darwin, Sade, Marx, and O'Hair could not.

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

Darwin's cool. But Sade was hot. I love her work. So sultry. The Marx brothers were good for a laugh. And I think because of its central location, O'Hair is one of those airports that is doomed to just always be clogged up.

I think I missed your point.

TM

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

LOL!

Who else?
 

Why? Pics?

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

Darwin is full of shit. Evolution? Maybe social evolution- that's how I got up here on top of the ladder. But thats it.

Sade is supermarket music that if listened to in bed, would induce sleep. What are you, TM, a girl?

Speaking of shitty music, I did not know Richard Marx had a brother.

Perhaps if O'Hair got a nice brazilian, em would not be so clogged.

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

Please woman, it's called a MOBY now.

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

Jacob's Ladder isn't what we were talking about, looney. I am not a girl and if you haven't smoked a bone and spent an afternoon having sex while listening to Sade, then you should spend more time outside of supermarkets. Karl was not as known for his musical brilliance as for his other work, but his album, "The Percussionist Manifesto" is highly regarded in many jazz circles. I hear she takes it anal, so I don't think it's that much of a problem.

TM

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

Oh, thank God. For a while I was afraid that the FB would spend the day debating whether LL Cool J is Canadian. This is more like it.

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

First off, it can definitely be a problem. You should revise your porno wish list to ensure bleached blondes with a dark brown or black ass muffin do not appear in your visual field. I saw this once and was simply horrified. Esp since there wasnt a disco mitt up front to give me fair warning. Just, ew.

Secondly, I am reminded of your classic "Ladies, wash your asses" post. I think you should repost it here in the event Thrasher ever gets the nerve to do it through the backdoor.

Unfortunately, the statute has run on my 3rd grade teacher, Sr. Assumpta
 

Please explain. I don't think I've ever matched and I've never seen anyone get "horrified". Surprised, maybe. But horrified? I don't think I understand what you are saying.

edited to say that perhaps all the meaning of what you are saying is contained in the word "ass muffin" and I am not sure what that is.

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

Why not just borrow one from Slave. Certainly there must be some in his vast collection that are good and that he doesn't watch on a daily basis.

Nu Wave Hookers? (the original-classique!)

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

Um, how can I put this so that you will understand?

Think: Costanza's experience trying to return the book he had to buy because he brought it into the bathroom with him. A certain something just attaches.

TM

Not about porn - Test
 

Been there, done that.

No betting on Gigli at my site, don't know why. Only Bad Boys II, How to Deal, and Johhny English.

I do have a quiz for you, though. Who is this author?

Speaking as a Southern Baptist, I think Catholics have the right idea. If you want to join their management team, you have to sleep alone (more or less). I pray those misguided reformers agitating against priestly celibacy never succeed. The whole point is to prevent priests from having children, thus sparing their offspring the acute anguish of listening to Dad sermonize ever Sunday. It's so embarassing. Whatever the topic, the message always boils down to "I'm OK, you're a rotten sinner." So we're all bound for hell - could it be any worse than suburban Ohio on a grey Sunday morning?

Assmuffin
 

Not talking rug/drapes matching- has there been a matched set in the history of porn? Its about the ass muffin which I once saw in a porno. I was gonna go with "ass pubes" to describe this, but felt that ass muffin sounded less horrific. Muffin is from muff btw.

Not about porn - Test
 

Jimmy Carter? :D

Oh, my!
 

I am praying that IT doesn't pick this particular day to Big-Brother me.

Mr. Lex's college pornos were ripped off by the maintenance guy at the last apartment he lived in. For obvious reasons, he did not file a complaint with management.

-TL

Just Don't Unplug the Machine
 

Man sets new Donkey Kong record. Article (from CNN, not the Onion).

I'll let Paigow figure out what year that is "So". My memory doesn't go back that far.

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

I'm with you TF. I've heard pieces (the SO downloads clips all the time) but I've never seen any. I have no interest in ever seeing it even though the SO keeps telling me what a good movie Dinner Party is. Dinner Party 2 apparently is not a good movie.

Anne

TM on hygiene
 

Well, I went to find the helpful hints from Thurgreed post on the SB. The SB is stil a library of treasures. While scanning for the post, which was 2001, I found a nice thread entitled "My Secretary Smells" (and even got to read the description which involved an ashtray and moldy meat). Sadly, the most recent post is from one "Moist Panties" (Coltraine?) and was on July 4 (how pathetic).

Anyway, here is TM on hygiene:

JRUSS: Why would doggie-style be out

(TM) Back when TM was in play for ladies other than Mrs. TM (okay, that would be last week ; ) (Editor's note <---- is that an emoticon from Thurgreed? and to illuminate such a terrible joke, jesus), there were times when doggie-style was definitely OUT.

I remember a couple of times (with different girls) when I would flip a partner over for some puppy lovin' and that ass would spread when I was doing my box-work, and the faintest smell of ass wafted up. THAT kills doggy style.

So, if your man wants you on all fours and then quickly changes his mind for another position, it may be time to wash your ass.

Thurgreed(Lots of jokes -- yo momma or otherwise -- to be seized upon in this post)Marshall

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

Good call. Way too much dialog. And at the end of it, who wants to see Wallace Shawn naked?

I do like to reenact some of the hotter scenes with my action figures, which I keep in my Remains of the Day lunchbox.

Just Don't Unplug the Machine
 

Well the math is easy. This guy's been hooked since college and he's 37.

Otherwise my only other comment is...typical. This geek is from Redmond. Land of the computer game geeks.

TM on hygiene
 

If your search criteria included "Thurgreed" and "ass," I'm guessing that took a long time to find.

And I feel like I'm in another dimension because the emoticon in my own post just made me TUMMLB*.

T(uao)M

*Throw Up in My Mouth a Little Bit

TM on hygiene
 

Keyword was "wash". Apparently somewhere along the way, Sebastian was telling a story about anal and you had this to say

SD: I didn't feel my most "fresh" at that moment.

(TM)See people? Wash your ass!

TM

Let me say, TM, that I now compulsively wash my ass. MR could eat off of it. And I dont want to go anywhere near SD's ass.

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

I take it then, that you don't want the one that appalled LadyG and Multo - you know, the one with the all-girl soccer team and the electric drills with dildos attached.

not7y(you cannot make this shit up)S

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

I gotta see whatever it was that could appall Multo.

TM

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

So that is your secret to getting people to do a threeway with you?

Freak.

Smokin' Down with Mike
 

http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/show...hreadid=390791

Message Board with pics of dudes with Iron Mike.

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

Let's not neglect the creampie genre.

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

That's a damn lie. It was the Rod McKuen poetry that sealed the deal for me.

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

Liar.

You know it was his spot-on meatwad impression.

Second clue
 

What a revelation to discover this huge unsuspected population of elderly people. There seem to be institutions full of them in every town. I hope old age is not as dreary as it looks. Toni says she prefers to think of these homes as sedate fraternaties and sororities. "It's like being in college," she says. "You have your own room, you eat in the cafeteria, you take some classes, read a few books, and go to a concert now and then. In a few years you'll be graduating. It's all very collegiate, except there are no tests, football games, or sex.

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

Because "It doen't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love."

--Rod McKuen

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

They're called "drilldos", and I've seen them used in person. Twice.

Both times were for bachelor parties featuring "two lesbian girls with toys". These are not just strippers.

They also brought out two dildos titled "Mighty Joe Young" and "Mighty Joe Young's Father", which prompted a buddy of mine to say: "Jesus, you could put two of me in her and she wouldn't even know I stopped by..."

Only place to ask this would be the FB
 

Is this a turn-on? Anyone?