QE / Freaky Tuesday Poll
 

No, but thanks for playing.

Polls
 

Steve Buscemi. I would rule. I'd be the coolest creepy-looking guy since Peter Lorre. I'd be famous without being mobbed. I'd have plenty of money without the need for a fabulous lifestyle. I'd have supercool friends. More than enough women would find me "strangely attractive." Given the right situation, strangely attractive works about as well as conventionally attractive.

Plus, I'd be in all of these great movies...

• Miller's Crossing
• Barton Fink
• Reservoir Dogs
• Pulp Fiction
• Desperado
• Fargo
• The Big Lebowski
• Ghost World
• Monsters, Inc.

First Place: Betty Page
Second Place: Rita Hayowrth
Third Place: Marilyn Monroe
Honorable Biblical Mention: Salome


edited to add second poll answer

QE / Freaky Tuesday Poll
 

Nevada brothels traditionally are trailers/portables. Back in the day, the proprietor would simply move the ranch to another county if the local gentry threatened legal action. I believe most (if not all) of the current working brothels in Nevada are trailers.

...and no, I haven't...

QE / Freaky Tuesday Poll
 

I smell a reality show. Someone set up meetings with Burnett, Bruckheimer, and de Mol.

Edited to add: Jebus I got beat to the punch on this one by like a million posts. However, I think we can package this with my "Race to the bottom" idea (for those of you who missed the earlier post, reality show to see who can convince their gf/bf to submit to anal sex.

QE / Freaky Tuesday Poll
 

I would like to propose the title "Hope and Glory Hole." And someone needs to venture to the PB to get the Self Employed Fluffer involved. Perhaps a "Creative Consultant" credit.

:)

Of the six links appearing in the ad box, I'm responsible for only two: Cwazy Wabbits! and Donate Blood!, which are links to charities (the ASPCA and the Red Cross, respectively).

The other four links are "Network Ads" that can generate revenue for LawTalkers each time you click on them (we get about 15 cents per click). My links, in contrast, do not generate per-click revenue because I paid a flat fee to have them appear for a month.

Leagl provides a good explanation of the ad box and its mysteries: http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...8482#post18482
(read the Market Bankers section)

Raging Insomniac's Club
 

You misremember. The trailer home reportedly is the sunnybunny ranch . . .

Howdy all. Lost access during the day (new job has a rigorous internet policy and, ironically, I handle ethics and policy training, among other things). Night access is superceded by Kafka_ette and _tot (both of whom say hi), infomercials for Girls Gone Wild, and repeats of Wild On, so my posting is/will be sporadic.

My email address remains kafka_esquire@yahoo.com

KE

Kobe Charged
 

If you are into Tina Yothers, that is. Prototypical Colorado trash.

Edited to add that I saw the gal on Dateline last night or whatever news show it was, not this internet photo.

Katy Johnson
 

The website's "hot/not hot" section is kind of amusing, particularly if Tucker Max's stories of her ability to handle alcohol are to be believed. (And what's not to be believed on his website?)

QE
 

Saw my first episode last night, think it was actually a repeat, but

s

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It was the episode with the long-brown-haired hard-rock-fan guy and his bleached 10-cent hooker girlfriend. WTF? He was friendly, sweet and easy-going; she was a horrid insulting bitch the entire time (except to classily compliment "you look fuckin' hot") and threw out his teddy bear from a prior relationship. Now that he's glammed himself up, I give him 2 weeks before he boots her unpleasant tacky ass out of his house and moves up in the world.

And the chef guy is my new crush. Not the best-looking, but definitely the best sense of style.

Katy Johnson
 

Mr. Max has created a place for his fans to parody Ms. Johnson's poetry.

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/sh...?threadid=2035

(Spree: careful at work - it's about what you'd expect)

QE
 

That was a new one.

M
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The guy did seem like a good guy, but his place should have been condemned before they redid it. It was a disaster.

Carson (the fashion guy) was appropriately catty at the bitch girlfriend. When he saw her he said something like "There's a hooker in Trenton who wants her shoes back..." and suggested that the guy's next project in getting his life together was to dump her...

Handy tip for the week was that 10 minutes at 400 degrees works for pretty much any 6 ounce piece of fish.

Next week it looks like a guy is being prepared to propose to his girlfriend. The clips showed Carson saying to the guy "If she says no, you can marry one of us"...

FYI, NBC (Bravo's parent) is going to begin running 30-minute condensed versions of the shows shortly in prime time.

QE
 

I think it was actually a new one. But, yeah, she was a total skank-ho. What a bitch. And did anyone else think she was covering that she was pissed that he asked her to move in, not get engaged? He was pretty spineless, though - even just with the guys. His continual efforts to seek their approval by agreeing with anything they said made it the most colorless episode so far.

Also, I'm not really sure what they did to his clothes, other than buy him shoes. I understand, and really like, that they try to make stuff look good and still look like the victim-guy's own style, but ... the stuff Carson bought him just didn't look any different at all, other than looking clean.

And, though I am annoyed that 1/2 of the clothing makeover time is spent browsing denim washes ("those jeans look great on you!" Not), I guess I am glad it is in there because, as a subject I have 0 interest in, I'd never learn to negotiate the intimidating faux-expertise of the Diesel stores otherwise.

Katy Johnson
 

I see that he wasted to time to break out the cyber-bubbly.

QE
 

He was a complete squalid pig before the redo--ancient decaying food and oily containers under the furniture? Crap welded to his dishes? yeesh, messy as I am even I almost gacked as I don't do filth--and I can't believe he ever (1) scored a chick (gross as she was) or (2) didn't die of botulism or vermin infestation already. The Fab 5 must have hired an actual hard-core cleaning crew for that, no?

But at least he was amenable to change. For his sake, I hope he gets the spine to change girfriends!

QE / Freaky Tuesday Poll
 

So, in a few years, we'll be calling Ticketron for our Super Blow tickets?

Gobbler
 

I just wanted to say that I am still heartbroken that I will never be able to stay at the Gobbler. Seriously, this is very distressing. To discover such an oasis of delight and to have it taken away all in one moment is just too cruel. How did some historical preservationg roup not save that building? But now what is left for me - running off to Niagra falls or the Poconos to stay someplace with a rotating bed and champagne-saucer-jacuzzi?

At least the revolving bar survives.

BR(really, this kept me awake last night. Or maybe it was just flashbacks brought on by the colors)C

skeletor picture
 

http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Fashio...42,624,00.html

[photo of LFB in slip dress - do not click if collar bones frighten you]

Also there is a pic of Jennifer Garner in rubber boots in Fashion Police today. Don't get all hot and bothered til you see the pic.

skeletor picture
 

WTF is with Pink dressing like a blowzy angry short-skirted muu-muued housewife? Ugh.

I hope Lara Flynn Boyle gets help. And her breasts back someday.

I liked Jennifer Garner's boots! With a clean-lined monochromatic outfit on a dull rainy day, they'd be smashing!

skeletor picture
 

I read that she is pregnant -- and does not look as thin as usual in the rubber boots picture -- but cannot "go public" with the info until her divorce is final. Ooooh -- the intrigue!!!

On a different topic (but somewhat related to skeletor-hood) -- I was vaguely offended by my doctor the other day when I went for a checkup. She was giving me the usual rundown of questions, which included: ever have bouts with bulemia (is that spelled right? it doesn't look right...), do you use "street drugs" and, when was the last time you had sex with anyone other than your husband.

My answers were (respectively) no, no and [a long time ago -- ever since we started dating]. What offended me was that she seemed incredulous of my answers. In fact, to the bulemia (how the FUCK do you spell that?!?) question, she said, "Really? Not even once?" Uhhh...., NO!! (I hate throwing up -- even if I'm feeling sick, and know that I'll feel better if I puke, I can't do it -- blech.)

Is it really that common that my Dr. would think it strange that I never purposely have thrown up?

Polls
 

hmmm, betty page, the bondage queen, i had no idea that you were into that sort of thing

my pick for historical figure to have sex with:

elvis presley (the 50s one, much as i love the white rhinestone covered jumpsuits of the "fat elvis", the young elvis has to win out as a sex partner).

and as far as biblical figures - adam. because he was made in God's image, i figure he must be pretty good in bed.

ms. naughty diplomat

skeletor picture
 

I think Lara Flynn Boyle's friends need to do an intervnetino on her fast. She looks like she is about a week away from death.

Katy Johnson
 

isn't is a bit too obvious who the "stalking" cartoons are being directed at?

QE
 

Bad name update: Toni Braxton's kids are named Denim and Diezel.

Thurgreed(I guess she learned to negotiate the intimidating faux-expertise)Marshall

skeletor picture
 

How does it matter? It's not like you can explain away the timing of a pregnancy. "Oh, that? That just happened last week." Or does california have some bar on ever reopening divorce decrees such that she could "snooker" the court for now?


You mean, like the background investigation guys who refuse to believe any lawyer who claims never to have used illegal drugs?

Newsflash
 

I just got dumped for not being a practicing Christian. Jesus Christ. What was it David Cross said? I was willing to respect my SO's superstitions.

faux shizzle
 

What? Don't drag me into some socking debate.

skeletor picture
 

Eh, who knows? Those celebrity gossip sites are full of holes (Freudian typo - hoes!! :) ).

But you know what they say -- first-born children often arrive early! (But a six-month early, 8 pound baby might be difficult to explain away...)

Katy Johnson
 

My fave was "A scary guy is threatening me with his blaspheme... And I don't know what to do about him."

Somehow, the rest of her poetry makes me think that this wasn't intended to be a Dickinson tribute slant rhyme.

Gobbler
 

Maybe, in its memory, this could be the name for our SD fellatio show?

I'm in for $250 as well, for a piece of the distribution rights...

Gobbler
 

How would this thing work exactly? ANd I think Bravo might be interested since they are all gay all the time now. SD can tell a man's hand from a woman's,so would it have to be an all mouth blowjob? Would there need to be thick gloves on ? And would his wife be amongst the contestants bc I wanna see the woman who married this guy.

skeletor picture
 

She was faking the incredulity to make it more comfortable for you to admit you have a problem. Doctors get lied to all the time; she probably thinks this is a clever cross-x technique to get you to spill. "You're not addicted to injectable drugs, are you? Ant-twat."

Newsflash
 

Shut up, you fucking baby.

(If you don't get the Cross ref, this is gonna sound SOOO cold.)

Newsflash
 

What? What the hell is a "practicing" Christian? Someone who hasn't gotten it right yet? Does practicing mean you attend church? Or does it mean you still believe in organized religion? What was his definition of this? Because, you know, you can still be a believer and just not go to the "house" every Sunday.

QE
 

I think it became obvious that the guy was a couple of enchiladas short of a combo plate. (Was it this episode in which Carson found something in his closet and asked the camera, "Is he retarded?" Prescient.) And his GF wasn't any smarter, that's for sure --- she thought she was playing to the cameras, but it was like an awkward episode of "Blind Date" or "Dismissed." It was all very Joisey (no offense), right down to the unfortunate need for a discount rhinoplasty.

That said, as great as the League is, I think they've got some misogyny issues. They crapped all over the JAP's house, and didn't seem to blame the husband very much for the squalor there. Then they completely tore apart the blonde. The only episode thus far without woman issues was Butch, b/c he didn't have a GF. I wonder whether hating the women is going to be the schtick.

You touch him and I will end you. Ted (who is an editor at Esquire, BTW) is my mancrush, surpassing momentarily even Stephen Colbert.

Newsflash
 

I said "practicing" so as to emphasize that it was more the religion than the cultural aspect of it. Like if Fugee says she is a Christian, she probably means Wingnut, whereas if you say you are, you could mean that your parents raised you cathoic but you havent gone to church in years.

He was a practicing CHristian in that he did church every sunday, liked the orgainziation of the religion and wanted the kids to be Christian. To that I told him that part of waht a belief system is is actually believing. I would not deign to tell my kids who God is or isn't. They have their own brains, let em figure it out.

It was not known whether this guy thought Jesus was an only child, had brothers, half brothers, step broethers, or thought brothers were men of the black persuasion.

Newsflash
 

I am sorry to hear you are not conversion-worthy.

The Osbornes
 

So I'm flipping channels between innings last night, and I land on the Osbornes. This week...annoyance with tennis players. So anyway for some reason Jack was spending time with Courtney (Hole) Love. Why? I don't know. Anyway we turn to a shot of Kelly and babysitter/nanny/whatever her job description is, in the car and Kelly says..."I think Courtney Love is the smartest person I ever met. I really mean it."

At that point I was ROFLMAO and could barely turn the channel away from the carnage. I know the Osbornes jumped the shark a long time ago, but that was the very end.

Newsflash
 

You mean he wasn't.

Newsflash
 

Well then, you're way better off now. Whew - you dodged a bullet. Can you imagine finding this out after you've invested a substantial amount of time in the relationship? Of course, his type are usually pretty clear up front. It's borderline "I'm the man and what I say goes" mentality.