The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

I'm in that sort of a mood I guess.

You'll please pardon my language as I explain.

I am surprised you have not heard it before. The first time I ever heard it was from a drag queen, and she was saying it to another drag queen. And basically it meant, don't be a stupid, silly queer.

It did tickle my funny bone when ABBA used it, it really is the perfect way to tell someone he or she is an utter moron, but in a loving kind of way. Sort of like when I tell another lesbian not to be such a dyke. Or a gay man not to be such a silly fag. It is also a phrase straight people can use though without being accused of using language inappropriately (since as we all know as a lesbian it is ok for me to say things to another lesbian or about myself that you cannot say, unless you are Slave who gets to call me a Dyke.)

And yes, you need to use the comma. It has to be

Bitch, please.

So no, no one will think you know me if you use it, even though you do know me...how strange...but they might think you are a fag hag.

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

Or that you know black people.

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

We need straight talk like this. You never hear anyone saying "Don't be such a hetero", but you should. Many people need to stop being such damned heteros.

For the cat people, from OddTodd
 

"The best time to shave a cat's nose is immediately after bathing. With the cat wrapped in a towel and happy to be over the ordeal of a bath, the nose shaving is usually an anticlimax and can be done very quickly with the cat raising no objection."

Um, right.

"Hibitane - in case the nose is nicked while shaving. Of course, it also comes in useful if dealing with an unpredictable cat who bites the hand that shaves him, then the Hibitane would be applied to the bitten hand."

Personally, I would not say that a just-bathed cat being held immobile enough to shave its teeny shoved-in nose with a bic razor would be "unpredictable" for biting the hand that was shaving it.

http://www.missionhillpersians.com/shaving.htm

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

That too.

Or maybe that she sees dead people.

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

Sarcasm. It's not on the LSAT.

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

I say it, but for some reason, the straight people never laugh.

No sense of humor.

Damn breeders.

And cause I am posting way too much and don't want to make yet another post, in regard to TM's post below, excellent point.

pointless
 

Except that the people who are pirating songs off of the web by file sharing don't burn those songs onto cds (or won't in the very near future). IPOD.

TM

Last Comic Standing
 

Final five last night

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Didn't it seem like they pulled the crowd out of the street again?

It was spotty. I got bored during Ralphie's rant, and I've seen him do better. Repeating the same thing over and over and over lost it's funniness at the third over. There was definite funniness in there, but it got lost in the rant.

I've seen Dat too many times and I've also seen him do better. He spent too much time on the Vietnam War, and his mom is losing her appeal. Had he not had to go up twice already, he probably would have done better if he had been able to use more of the material that he had used during the challenges.

Tess was great. She was consistant, her routine flowed well, and she made me laugh. The thong joke had me rolling, and she's a natural. I'm not surprised that she's been so calm throughout this whole thing.

Rich Vos was also a bit spotty. I'd never seen him perform before, and he seemed to be all over the place. Someone last week was talking about not wanting him to go up because he was rusty, and I can see why they were concerned. He's a funny guy, and i liked most of his act, but I wasn't overwhelmed with the total package.

Cory did well. I didn't realize that I liked her as a comic, but I think she was very strong, and very funny. She's fairly typical, but she pulls it together well, and she was very well packaged.

If I had to guess, I'd say that Tess and Cory will be getting the top votes, but I wouldn't count Ralphie out of the running. He's extraordinarily popular. Dat may get some sympathy votes, because the people voting have seen the crap he's gone through, but his annoyingness IRL will counter the sympathy votes. I'm not seeing Rich as having much of a chance here.

Metrosexuality, again
 

Now even frickin' Microsoft has jumped on the bandwagon:

http://content.health.msn.com/conten...e/71/81366.htm

Now all that needs to happen is for Madonna to do a song about it, and the misery will be complete.

There has *got* to be another way to describe gentlemen who assiduously attend to their back-and-ear thatch....

FLoM II
 

Watched it on Tivo last night. Erin and her trials and tribulations don't seem to hold the interest as well as cardboard-cutout Rob did. I think it isn't as interesting b/c she knows the secret. So all of her thoughts are about "I think he would pick me over the $ because..."

Str8, in response to your Wade=Ben Affleck statement yesterday, I give you Wade=Chris Isaak.

Who cares about any of these guys?

Last Comic Standing
 

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I was disappointed in all of their acts. Tess and Cory were the funniest of the bunch -- but that isn't saying much. Ralphie was bad -- there were very uncomfortably unfunny moments in his act. Disappointing from someone who is usually, rofl funny.

Shockingly, Rich had some funny bits --I don't like his stuff, but he made me laugh a couple of times last night. I think Rich is definitely the frontrunner because the show conditioned people to think he is the proto-typical stand-up. (Plus, I am sure other people recognized him from earlier performances, as I did.)

I haven't voted yet online, but I think I'll cast my votes for Tess or Cory.

Last Comic Standing
 

FUCK! I forgot this was on last night. I am not reading your post bc they rerun it on bravo or com central. was it the finale?

And congrats on your personal K.

Last Comic Standing
 

Thank you.

I'd like to thank all the people who made this possible . . . our mods, SD and his misogyny; Thurgreed and his porn needs; Atticus and his motto issues; you and your classy rants; our own indie rockers NCS, Jack, Str8 and the Flower; and PJ, Burger, AdL and the rest of the bike junkies.

I'd also like to give big ups to the kids from the Poker table, for holding it down.

Even(peace out)Odds

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Truth Takes a Holiday)
 

I just know I'm going to regret this, but I just can't help it....

Are you saying that the LFB body is "perfect"? Ugh. That IS bullshit. She is seriously sick. Anorexia is not a joke, my friend. Lest you think I am speaking out of insecurity -- ask someone who has seen me in real life if they think I have any reason to be "insecure" about my looks (not that it should matter -- but it seems to matter to you). "Ripping" on the altered is not the same thing as "ripping" on people with trainers; and not all rippings on the altered are created equal.

Not all motivations for cosmetic surgery are the same. There are plenty of people (not just women) who just can't stop with the plastic surgery and do it because they think that "just one more" will finally make them "perfect" and they will finally be happy. That is indeed sad. Then again, there are people who are just really unhappy about their nose (or whatever) and they get it altered, are happy with the results, and don't think about it again, and get on with their lives. To them, I say -- good on 'ya! But to pretend that people get cosmetic surgery only for that reason is foolish -- but I'm not sure anyone is saying that.

While surely some people criticize [fake boobs -- insert cosmetic surgery of choice here] out of insecurity/anxiety/frustration at the unfairness of the perception (reality?) that the ideal is one that can be reached only by cosmetic enhancement, I doubt MOST people (your words -- see above) criticize on those bases.

My personal view? Implants of the Anna-Nicole variety are really icky. Do I think this because I have some insecurity and a secret desire to have freakishly large boobs? Uh, no. Do I think Anna-Nicole should be prohibited from altering herself however she wants? No indeed. But to suggest that MOST people who think that those kinds of freakish alterations (or serial plastic surgery patients) are kind of gross and/or sad think so out of insecurity is wishful thinking (or projection).

Sure, I can admit, I wish I had all day to devote to making my body like Madonna's, but I don't -- whatever. Doesn't mean I'm insecure because... [I don't even know what you would say here to twist this into 'dtb is really insecure', but imagine it here.]

Physician, heal thyself.

I think you would find consensus on the question of your not being 100% correct -- but just how far below 100%, I think you would find a lot of disagreement. And you are correct, sir [Ed McMahon voice]!! You can't include me in the "you all know" -- I certainly don't concede that you are even close to 100% correct (more like 20% maybe -- nothing close to "pretty much correct").

Well, DUH!

Last Comic Standing
 

Wow, the very first person to reach 1000 posts. Damn woman. I don't know whether to be awed or frightened.

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Truth Takes a Holiday)
 

In the spirit of dtb's most excellent post (Word!) I will offer up someone who I think could be radically improved by some plastic work. Allison the bulldog from BB4. Her nose looks like Rocky Marciano's and this is not character serving, it is a deformity. When something is so awful on you that it is beyond subjectively bad looking, but objectively deformed, by all means, correct it. That aint vanity or insecurity, its a deformity. Many people with large noses are beautfiul= not this girl. Hers looks like its been bashed in on many occasions.

Last Comic Standing
 

It will be on again on Comedy Central on Saturday. Voting today at www.votenbc.com.

Last night was the finals, but the final finale is next week, and I think it's a two hour deal.

(edited to clear up the final/finale thing)

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

It is similar in the black community (and other minority communities as well I'm sure). It's an internalization of the racism and sexism people are inundated with in our society. Some of the most racist people against dark skinned blacks in the world are light skinned blacks. And vice versa. It's sad. Comments can range from, "That high yella nigga thinks he's better than the rest of us," to "Don't be such a nigger." It's an unhealthy manifestation of the value put on being lighter skinned by society.

I think women have the same problem. Since a woman's value is quite often viewed solely on a superficial basis, a woman who "improves" her looks through plastic surgery, excercise, whatever, is clearly trying to be "better" than the women who have not. This causes insecurities and jealousy to come out in the form of cattiness, in my opinion.

Or maybe it's because women are just meaner to each other than men.

Thurgreed(had more, but that's enough)Marshall

You were confusing me with SD? You were suggesting I have gender issues on his scale?

Bitch, please.

btw, does the Apple site let you download to a PC? Alternately, do any of the sites that do let you download to a PC let you transfer from there to an iPod?

Sidd(technologically disparate)Finch

Don't be such a hetero.

On the first, not yet. There's no PC software (well, there probably is now . . ) that can play on the encoding format used by the apple music store. Apple plans to introduce a windows version of itunes this fall/winter, that will allow you to download to a pc, and then put it on your ipod.

Gigli
 

Bitch, please. It's the Onion. It's a joke.

The 12th Step, by Stuart Smally
 

Why is that everyone feels compelled to affirm and proclaim their own sense of security? Seems a bit insecure.

The 12th Step, by Stuart Smally
 

It seems to me you have quite a need to question others' senses of security. Is this to make yourself feel less insecure? Or at least less alone in your insecurity? Hmmmm.

Gigli
 

Already covered -- along with my apparent inability to be either sarcastic or funny. In other words, I know what The Onion is, I tried to be funny and stunk worse than a J-Lo and Benny movie. Moving on.

QE (no significant spoilers)
 

Best episode ever. I had my doubts that the SG was in fact S, what with the sensitivity and the love of chocolate and amaretto and the crying and the Asian GF. (Bitch, please. Armenia is in Asia.)

But what had me in stitches was all the stuff in the bedroom before the makeover. Carson handling the SG's clearly shit-stained tighty-whiteys ("Somebody had Mexican!"), but gingerly holding up the GF's panties like they contained a tarantula. Asking whether the dark spot on the mattress was DNA, and sticking his nose in it. The Ellen DeGeneris reference. Oh, and Carson asking "What does she have that I don't --- I mean other than a working vagina." What possible purpose does the word "working" serve in that sentence?

And Ted during the reveal --- "Ah, the DiSarrrrrrronnnnno . . . ." As if amaretto is classy. He should have made Pisco Sours.

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

"Bitch, please" and its brother, "Nigga, please" are so fucking old that no one will be able to give you a source.

Thurgreed(but they are timeless)Marshall

Gigli
 

For what it's worth, I thought you knew it was from the Onion and you were just going with it and adding to it. It did not make me "LOL!", but that doesn't mean anything. I don't think you stink.

The Real Reason Women Hate Plastic Surgery (Goddamnit, Say What You Really Mean)
 

Cite please?

Gigli
 

FWIW, I laughed at this post.

Thanks TM for the new avatar! I hope that Paigow likes it too!

:rofl: :rofl:

QE (no significant spoilers)
 

Clearly Carson has a broken vagina due to botched cosmetic surgery performed because Carson is/was insecure and was trying to make up for it by getting a vagina.

QE (no significant spoilers)
 

OK, so, if I mock/disparage him in any way for going thru wacko surgery, does that reveal gaping insecurities because in a way I'm disparaging another female (he's got a vagina, even if it doesn't work)? Did we decide what it means if a woman disparages a man for getting calf/pec/butt implants? Does this reveal more or less insecurity on the part of the woman?

It's all so confusing.

I am going to call this post "Testing Francis"
 

Bravo, Attimuffin. I just hope you are using "classy" in the ironic way.

Why is the man's undies "tighty whtieies " and the woman's "panties"? From now on the term "tighty whities" is dead. They will be referred to as "man panties" as that is what they are. If a woman's non-thong underwear is panties, then so is a man's non-thong (and non boxer) underwear. Both are ass and genital hammocking, with elastic around the legs and both are equally unpreferred by the opposite sex. Man panties it is.

Coltraine, I trust you are a boxers man. I sense this bc you seem inherently cool, despite the short shorts (and I dont want to know what's underneath those- a white jock strap like my dad wears? ew).

ANd speaking of generalizations, I was reading the just posted Salon article on Boy On Boy. The writier feels taht the show is "sick" bc of all the gaydar stereotypes it encourages. Liek chiropractors are straight and men who make eye contact are gay (note that those two observations were previously made here by NCS and myself). BUt isnt it true that the stereotypes are not being applied to gay people, but rather are the vacuum left by straight men who have to act a certain way in order to not be seen as gay? Like its straight people affecting behavior, not gay men. So everyone should just lightne up on Brave and enjoyu the shows. I am sure that if Lester was not worried people thought he was gay, he would be prancing around in a pink tuxedo carrying a box of chocolatges and a bottle of Di Sarano waxing about true old fashioned romance and Casablanca.

Gigli
 

Go get yourself some big fake tits. You'll feel better.

Gigli
 

Wow -- looks like it's gonna be one of those "come feel the love" days on the FB.

The 12th Step, by Stuart Smally
 

It is so obviously a cry for help.

But, instead of empathy, I get your derisory disparagement.

"Nor shall derision prove powerful against those who listen to humanity or those who follow in the footsteps of divinity, for they shall live forever. Forever."

I am a good person.

I am going to call this post "Testing Francis"
 

Why not consolidate to the studly-sounding "manties"? B/c I still like the idea of "mandbags" for those sturdy squarish ballistic nylon things in manly dark colors that men cannot handle admitting are purses.

Gigli
 

I will count that as one vote against my getting the reduction I was considering.

edited to say that just as the world is full of people who pick their noses when they're alone in their cars, as if no one can see them through their windows, there is you.
Leave my Gwinky alone you jealous hater bitch.

I am going to call this post "Testing Francis"
 

Which is stereotypically straight man behavior and thus offensive to the starigh man community.

I considered manties and figured it will be the next step once man panties has become the de factor term. otherwise these clueless straight men wont know what we are bitching about.

And speaking of manpanties, here is anothe argument against them. Skidmarks. QE was the second time tv has portrayed skidmarks on manpanties (SATC being the first time)> Boxers have neverf been shown with skidmarks on the tube. So now, ladies not only think "caldor ad" when they see a man in manpanties, they think skidmarks. niggas please, throw them out (Am I allowed to use this one or just bitch please? )

And PJ, is your SO known as Manpurse junkie?